2 new favorites

I recently came across two blogs I absolutely adore, and wish I had become aware of them years ago! Allow me to introduce you :) (I'm aware, not all of you will appreciate this as much as I do, but that's okay, I know some of you will!)

First, check out Beauty Tips for Ministers. The tag line of the blog is "Because you're in the public eye, and God knows you need to look good." Before someone starts down the mental path of "wow, how superficial," let me explain. Here's what the author (known as "PeaceBang") writes about her blog:

"This blog is for the encouragement of self-care, the sharing of tips, and the celebration of shoes, lip gloss, fragranced shaving cream, and all of the other accoutrements of vanity which have hitherto been considered wholly unholy, and therefore generally discussed only in hushed whispers among the servants of the LORD.

In this space, we are free to remember that although we work from our hearts and our souls, we are also incarnate beings, and that our appearance does matter.

It is also written with the intention of bringing a little bit of joy and laughter into your life."

What I love is that it's tapping into something so untalked about. There aren't that many female clergy in the country, at least not compared to the percentage of male clergy. And lets be honest, girls, there are just some things a female pastor has to think and worry about that will never cross our male counterparts' mind. For instance, the latest post is a letter from a reader who is having to deal with male parishoners making inappropriate comments about her appearance. How do you respond to that, lovingly yet firmly? What looks are both cute and completely appropriate for preaching and home communion with the elderly? PeaceBang can help you out :) One of the things she says that I appreciate is why this matters. In some sense it's a bit of a theological issue. We can pretend our appearance doesn't matter, and dress as if we truly believe that. Or we can consider that: "our bodies are on display as an incarnation of our message and ministry, and for that reason, I am not offended by the fact that ministers’ bodies are a subject of conversation in the parish. We are embodied people, for heaven’s sake, and have only gotten ourselves into terrible trouble pretending to transcend our physicality." I like that, "we are embodied people." My theology says that's true. Therefore, way to go PeaceBang for helping some of us out when it comes to the fine line of the appearance of female clergy!

My second favorite new blog is called Dirty Sexy Ministry (if you're offended by the title, well I didn't come up with it, but I do happen to love it...) It's written by two young women who are both Episcopal Priests. Their tag line is: "two priests, with a feminine outlook on the world. After all, celebrating the Eucharist with a slipping bra strap adds perspective." I truly love it. They are great writers, for one. But even more, what I love is how much humanity they bring to reflecting on ministry. I know that when I was younger, and had never really known any pastors personally, I always had this sense that they were on some kind of pedestal. That the very basic human things, like working out, taking care of one's body, loosing sleep over problems, fighting with family members etc weren't an issue for them. They were the pastor. They were perfect. Or close to it. As someone preparing to be a pastor, this perception of ministers is one of the things that scares me most. Will people have the same expectations of me? What happens if my congregation finds out I enjoy a glass of red wine each night or, gasp, might even swear now and then if I'm really angry?? They write about what their minds often wander to while in worship, how hard it is for them to settle down and pray, how much more appealing mindless trashy TV is than preparing sermons sometimes etc. Stuff I already struggle with. I love that they point out that ministry is amazing, but it's more human than holy. I love that. Truly love it.

Running Forward

I've been saying for about two years now that I am going to move forward in the ordination process to the next step, which is called 'candidacy.' And until now, I hadn't. It's a long process (a good one, just a long one!) full of much paperwork, writing, essays, interviews, tests, psychological evaluations, and more writing, and I won't go into detail here about how it all works. (If you actually want to know, ask, but well, it's detailed enough that I find people's eyes begin to glaze over halfway through my explanation!) The week is finally here. I fly to Seattle this weekend to meet with the elders at my church on Sunday, a committee made up of elders and pastors around Seattle on Tuesday, and then two weeks later I go back to stand before all of Presbytery (all the ordained pastors in the entire Seattle area) to be questioned. One of the questions I had to answer in the essay I wrote this weekend is

What have you learned about the office of Minister of Word and Sacrament and how well suited are you to this office?

I'll be honest, this was a tough one, and allowed me to really pray and reflect. I've been thinking about this question for weeks now, and I finally had an answer. As I have been interviewing at churches for various positions, and even turning down a church that really wanted to pursue me further (the job description didn't fit me well) I have been able to start to articulate what it is I feel called to do. I'm still scared, being a pastor is a very tough job, but I am done running away from this call. I'm done trying to find excuses and talk God out of calling me to ministry. I'm ready to move forward. Writing the following paragraph in my candidacy essay finally feels like confirmation that I am ready to run towards this call. And that feels incredible!

Saying I want to be a minister of Word and Sacrament still sounds a bit strange to me. I want to be a minister and I feel called to this role. Each of my supervisors in my internships, the two congregations I’ve been part of here in Pasadena, and each of my close friends and family members all constantly affirm this call over and over again. Yet this title of “minister” or “pastor” still seems a bit daunting to me. To have the title ‘Pastor’ or ‘Minister’ still feels like one I’m not worthy of. I look at myself and see an imperfect person redeemed only by the cross and resurrection, exactly the same as everyone else. I fear the expectations that seem to come when people hear one is a pastor. Yet, at the same time, I cannot shake the desire I deeply have to serve in this capacity. To be present in the midst of the most sacred moments of a person’s life is a calling and an honor I don’t take lightly. Proclaiming week after week the forgiveness of sins through Jesus, looking deep into a person’s eyes and reminding them they are partaking of Christ’s body, marking an infant with the sign of the cross, sealing them into the covenant family of God, praying at bedsides of those taking their final breaths, these are the tasks my heart leaps at the thought of participating in. It’s as if I am constantly hearing God whisper, “this is what I have made you to do,” and no matter how intimidating the job description of a minister looks to me at times I simply can’t imagine anything else I desire to do.

1,000 Gifts

These past couple weeks I've been praising God for...

271. Our marriage group

274. Our homiletics weekly TA meetings--such fun conversations about preaching

276. My Thursday night women's small group--LOVE these ladies & the chance to share our lives while breaking bread together every week.

277. All the amazing Spring Retreat events that went so well!

283. A fabulous relaxing Sunday afternoon post-spring retreat: a long nap, dinner out, TV watching with my husband

284. Getting to teach youth group these past couple weeks

285. Bluegrass Sunday (the week after Easter worship is always led by a visiting blue grass band. It's fabulous!)

289. Seeing a friend I hadn't talked to in a long time last week, and seeing the incredible work God is doing in her, the amazing transformation that has happened in her life

290. Jodi Picoult's new novel

291. Re-reading The Great Divorce by CS Lewis with our college group of guys

295. Video chatting for quite awhile with baby Lily :)

296. Great girl talk conversations with the high school girls on the retreat--lots of questions/conversations about boys, sex, parents, God, and how they all go together....

7 Quick Takes Friday

It's been a bit of an up and down week around here, so here are the high and low-lights

**1**
For the last several years I've been following the story of a high school acquaintance of mine who was diagnosed with alveolar sarcoma, very rare form of cancer. She was a copy editor for the San Francisco Chronicle and when she was diagnosed they gave her the chance to write her story. The first part was published and the response was overwhelming. People from all over the country wrote in, connecting with Alicia's authenticity and frankness about doctors appointments, fear, grief, hope, faith and friendships. She ended up writing 17 more installments over the next couple years, having her story published on the front page of the Chronicle every time it came out, and even having it turned into a book. Alicia lost her battle with cancer yesterday morning, it had spread to her brain, her breasts, her hip, her lungs, and essentially caused her body to shut down. Her writing is truly remarkable, and if you'd like to read more, you can read an article that was published yesterday on the Chronicle's website about her, and there is a link at the bottom to her entire story that she wrote. NPR also did a story about her today and if you go to this link you can hear that, which includes soundbites of her reading her journal for an NPR interview she did a few years ago. We didn't know one another well, but we did spend a lot of time together starting a Christian club on campus, and in a drug/alcohol prevention club we were in together. I remember the day I met her as a sophomore, she was the only other Lutheran student in the christian club, and we bonded over sharing our relatively awful confirmation experiences with one another :)

**2**
My poor honey had a fever for part of the week, I think he's still recovering a bit, but it was definitely a bit of a lazy, lethargic week around here.

**3**
I had the chance to lead youth group again on Wednesday evening, continuing our series on relationships. This week I talked about listening, and how listening really is the foundation for a solid relationship with anyone in our lives. We talked about the things people do in conversation that drive us crazy, my husband and I did a couple skits to demonstrate several horrific things we have seen people do in conversation to us, and then we had them break up into pairs and practice different listening skills. They especially liked when I let them practice being bad listeners :) It's a topic I am very passionate about, and it was really fun getting the chance to help students think a little deeper about it.

**4**
On Tuesday as I was prepping my talk I had asked on my facebook status what people's pet peeves were in conversation--what people did to show they were bad listeners. The response was crazy, people went nuts sharing what drove them crazy in conversation. Among the top responses: texting while talking to someone in person and always immediately changing the subject back to yourself to tell your own story instead of asking follow up questions to allow the person talking to continue sharing.

**5**
Tonight is Messy Game night at our church. It's an annual event the junior high students throw for the 5th/6th graders (okay, jr. high students and their parents. and the high school leaders...) It's apparently impressive--by the end of the night most kids can't even be recognized they are so covered with chocolate, shaving cream, and other substances. I am supposed to be there, but oh darn, a high school student had a part in her school play tonight...so my husband is chaperoning the messy festivities and I enjoyed a play & am now home eating ice cream, drinking wine, and watching Gilmore Girls :)

**6**
I love being a preaching TA. I love hearing sermons, offering feedback, guiding a group of students in conversation about the sermons as they critique one another etc. But most of all, I love the other preaching TA's and our weekly time together. The 4 of us have worked together since September (a few of us go back to last year) and it's been so fun getting to know them and diving deeper into the world of homiletics together. The conversations we have each week are always so thought provoking, and remind me how much I love this particular field.

**7**
Last night my honey & I watched a GREAT movie from 1986, Children of a Lesser God, about a teacher at a deaf high school. It's intense, fabulously acted, and beautiful. It was nominated for best picture that year, and the main actress won best actress--add it to your netflix list :)

One Little Step

It's Earth Day, a 'holiday' I think I care about more this year than ever before. Oprah had a fascinating show today on the subject, and I'm still amazed at the number of families and people around the country that still don't ever think about the impact their choices have on our planet. It is astounding to me how many families still choose not to recycle or turn out lights or leave the air conditioning on while keeping the windows open. There's one HUGE thing though that if all of us stopped doing would make an enormous positive impact on our planet. Watch this short video on the true story of bottled water, I promise you will learn something and you will be surprised. We were. I know some people still think they want to buy bottled water that is flavored because of the taste, but I found last weekend a great solution. I cut up a lime and stuck a slice in my nalgene bottle with the water and for the whole weekend I had great flavored tap water :)

I think this is so much more than promoting another "soap box" idea, to me it truly is a deeply theological issue. In Genesis we were given the task of caring for our world, and I'm pretty sure if God showed up today he'd look at the piles of plastic bottles, the floating garbage islands in our oceans, and the pure amount of sheer waste we produce every week and tell us we haven't exactly lived up to the task he gave to us. I don't know, just an opinion. Seriously, watch this video, it's not long, and it does matter.

The Story of Bottled Water

Posted using ShareThis

Random Tips & Tidbits

This is probably going to be a bizarre collection of tidbits, but that's okay :) None of these really warranted their own post, but are all new things I've discovered that are making my life happier, so I thought I'd share.

I don't know about all of you, but even with only 2 people living here, I am amazed at how quickly the apartment becomes cluttered. I can spend hours one day a week really cleaning, and it lasts about 40 minutes. For a bit of a neat-freak like me, this drives me nuts. This past month, in one section of the latest Real Simple they asked readers their best trick to keeping control of household clutter--how to keep your living space from becoming unlivable so quickly. My favorite trick is one I've started implementing--the 25 Item Rule. Once a day, I run around the apartment and pick up 25 items that have somehow made it to a location other than the one in which it lives. Even after only a few days I am amazed at how much this helps!

Has anyone ever cooked with Quinoa before? (Pronounced Keen-Wa) It's a whole grain that is super high in protein, gluten free, cholesterol free, and provides all 9 essential amino acids :) I wasn't sure what exactly to do with it, but knew it was super healthy and kind of rice-like. Since white rice is my husband's favorite side dish, but has zero nutritional value (especially when doused with soy sauce) I thought I'd try to experiment to see if Quinoa would be a passable substitute. It's super versatile, you can throw it in soups, salads, use with chopped veggies and chicken as a stir fry etc. Tonight I'm cooking it with chopped peppers and asparagus and using it to put baked salmon over. You cook it just like rice, boiling water and letting it absorb until fluffy, and then do anything you want with it. Anyone have any favorite quinoa recipes for me? The one we tried last week was from the back of the Trader Joe's box of Quinoa and was delicious! You can find it here.

I'm attempting to make my own granola tomorrow, from a recipe I found in this month's Real Simple. Breakfast around here has become my husband's new obsession (he has never been a breakfast fan!) and granola has become a big part of it. But it's kind of pricey, so at whole foods today I bought the ingredients I need for homemade granola way cheaper than a box of premade stuff. We've been making fruit smoothies every morning and mixing it in a bowl with granola and eating it like cereal for our morning meal (really, Charles is obsessed, he has to have his morning smoothie now!). It is kind of nice to start the day knowing you already have eaten about 4 servings of fruit, yogurt, and whole grains! But it's not the cheapest meal either--frozen fruit gets expensive! Costco and I are getting to know one another well when it comes to their frozen fruit aisle!

My new favorite entertainment while cooking/cleaning is to listen to NPR's Wait Wait Don't Tell Me on podcast. For those who haven't become acquainted with this fabulous show, it's a weekly news quiz put on by NPR with famous panelists trying to figure out the week's headlines by filling in rhymes, picking the true story out of a list of several absurd tales, deciding who people are by hearing quotes from them etc. It's hard to describe but it is seriously amazing--hysterical, and informative! Go to itunes and enter Wait Wait Don't Tell Me and you can download past episodes for your listening pleasure.

Well my timer just beeped, which means the salmon and quinoa should be done. Happy Monday night to you all!

7 Quick Takes Friday

Hi friends! Here's the latest from the Kennedy household this week!

**1**
Last night we hosted 3 high school kids on our couches for the night. I'm tired. They stay up late. I get up early. Yeah...but really they are great kids and their parents were out of town so they hung out here with us last night. We taught them Ticket to Ride (a favorite board game) and watched Aladdin before telling them at 12:30 that it was bedtime. I'm not sure we're ready to parent teenagers yet :)

**2**
I was supposed to have another interview with a church this morning, but for some reason they never called. Not sure where the communication breakdown happened, but seeing as how I'm wiped out it might be a good thing there was miscommunication.

**3**
My husband preached a great sermon last night for his preaching class, I was so proud of him! It was a tough text and he worked hard but he was awesome :)

**4**
I am reading Jodi Picoult's new book House Rules right now and as usual, am loving it. Seriously, she writes incredible stories that constantly amaze me and keep me guessing. It wasn't originally on my list of books to read this year, but that's because I didn't know it was coming out this spring. It's now one of my 28 books for the year.

**5**
I'm so thankful for my husband. I have just been reflecting on things this week a little deeper and realize how amazing he is. Not that I didn't already know that, but we had some cool opportunities to serve together this week and I just love him. Yesterday I was helping him with his sermon and he stopped looked at me and said "I hope you know how much I appreciate your help. I have the most amazing wife ever, I love being married to you." Melt my heart...:)

**6**
Wednesday night I got the opportunity to speak to our teenagers about The 5 Love Languages, which was such a great lesson! Several of them told me they really enjoyed it and want to bring it up with their friends now. For those who aren't familiar with the Love Languages, the basic principle is that everyone has a different way they receive love from people, and when we are aware of this we are much more effective in demonstrating love to the people we're close to. So we gave them the inventory (30 questions to help you figure out which one of the 5 is yours) and talked about what that meant for them. I broke them into groups based on their love language and had them teach the rest of the group what showing love and affection to them looked like. The 5 main ways that people receive love are through Gifts, Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Physical Touch, and Acts of Service. I think this is really important to realize about ourselves, our spouses, our kids, our friends and family because it can solve all kinds of problems! For instance, to show my husband love, I know gifts is dead last on his list. He doesn't usually enjoy receiving them, he doesn't really love thinking about them and shopping for them, it's just now how he's wired. On the other hand, Acts of Service or Quality Time is huge for him. So for his birthday or our anniversary, we go away together, do something together, share an experience together and that is WAY more satisfying for him than me buying him a book or a movie. For me, I'm a Words of Affirmation person, which means my most prized possession is the book of letters my parents put together for me when I turned 18 from all my friends & family telling me what they loved, appreciated, and remembered about me. Talk about a gift that spoke directly to my deepest love language! If you are interested, spend 5 minutes & take the online inventory here at this link and then let me know what your results were! I'm compiling a list of my friends/family's love languages cuz I think they are fascinating!

**7**
Confirmation starts on Sunday! I am SO proud of my husband and all the hard work and hours he has put in to designing a confirmation experience for these students that will hopefully be a great seven weeks. This week's topic, understanding our own faith stories and learning how to write/share that with others in a way that isn't "preachy" or even all that "theological," but simply sharing who Jesus is to each of us and what He's done in our lives.

Living Admist the Question Marks

It's definitely been an interesting season for us, one we are still very much in the midst of (or really probably at the beginning of). For the last year or so we've been living and thinking a lot about all the question marks that exist in our lives, which, we'll be honest, is starting to get a little frustrating. Our faith is definitely being strengthened as we're constantly reminding one another that God does have something for us, that God will lead us to the place we are supposed to be investing in. There are just so many unknowns for us right now, and we're both planners. We'd love to know where we will be heading next in life, and when that might happen. And it seems like that's not for us to know right now. Which is okay, just a little scary at times. Will we be moving to Seattle? Texas? the Midwest? Somewhere we haven't even applied to yet? What will we be doing? When will we be called to go? What happens if I get a job offer before my husband is done with his work/internship here? Do I go without him for a few months? That doesn't sound all that appealing to me :) We have a family reunion with my family in Colorado in August to celebrate Grandma and Papa's 60th wedding anniversary that we'll be going to, but we don't exactly know what city to buy plane tickets from! I am assuming we'll be in LA still, I know my husband will, but if I got a job on a college campus I presume they'll want me in time for the fall semester to start. So many unknowns. We're seeking God a lot right now, I'm slowly interviewing at places, and Charles is working hard to finish his seminary career well. And we're waiting. That's all we can do. Wait together for God to move, and we trust He will, we're just praying for the faith to follow where He leads.

A Marriage Moment

Last night was week 2 of our marriage small group/class (in case you missed last week's post you can read about it here), and this week we ventured into the world of conflict. Yes, that dreaded "C" word that we all have to deal with. Some of you may say "I don't have conflict in my marriage," or "I know people who don't have conflict in their marriage," but as our therapist pointed out last night, that's only because one of the partners chooses to go along with what the other says without making their opinions known. When two different people from different backgrounds come together, it is not possible for them to agree on absolutely everything. Therefore, conflict is inevitable.

Instead of talking about how to get out of conflict though (that may be coming in future weeks) we talked last night about how we each tend to react in the midst of conflict and why--where those reactions and feelings come from in ourselves. Basically, anytime there is a conflict, each of us feels some sense of pain (we may not realize it's pain, but it is, there is a hurt there that well...hurts). Based on our own past stories and experiences, we each have a few dominant feelings (Fear Buttons) that immediately trigger a reaction from us (Coping Behaviors) because of pain experienced previously in life. Here's what I mean: (this is just an example, I'm not thinking of any particular family/couple as I write this) say your family experienced a great amount of loss while you were young--from death, divorce, abandonment or other ways. In an adult who experienced this amount of loss as a child, the buttons she has that cause an immediate reaction from her are probably pushed when she is made to feel alone or unsafe. Which means, that anytime her husband says or does anything that pushes that button (it could be incredibly minor, such as telling her he doesn't like the church she wants to plug into--if she's new in town and starting to make friends here, that's immediately going to trigger her feeling "alone" button) she reacts in order to cope with her feeling.

Just like we all have our "Fear Buttons," we also each have a few favorite Coping Behaviors that immediately come out of us. These are things we may have learned watching our parents cope (or not cope) with conflict and feelings, or they may just be innate traits in us that come out when we're afraid, hurt, or having our fear buttons pushed. For instance, common coping behaviors are: withdraw, control, attack, criticize, blame, shut down, use humor, pacify, escalate etc. So in this situation, the wife is feeling alone, and immediately attacks the husband for an innocent opinion based comment "I don't really like this church." Meanwhile, husband also has his own fear buttons from his own past--which means that when she attacks him out of her own coping strategy, she often will hit one of his buttons, which could be feeling worthless, feeling unloved etc. Of course, husband then has to cope with feeling worthless somehow, so he reacts with one of his favorite coping strategies--maybe he withdraws or explodes in anger. And, if husband explodes in anger, wife now feels unsafe and alone again which just perpetuates the cycle to the point that nothing gets resolved. And here we have...conflict!

I think her ultimate point was that in arguments we focus so much on the coping behaviors. "Why are you withdrawing, come back and talk to me!" "You can't control me!" "You always criticize everything I do!" "Don't shut down on me!" etc. Very rarely do we recognize what feelings in us are causing that behavior to be triggered. We can't control how our spouse responds, but we can become more aware of where our buttons are, why we have those particular buttons, and where they come from. There is hope! We were taught last night that those feelings and knee jerk reactions can be undone. Brain research has shown that with great intentionality, those emotional pathways that were developed early on can be erased and redrawn, but it won't happen on it's own. In the above example, if the wife had recognized that her husband's negative comment about the new church she was hoping to plug into had made her feel alone and isolated in a new town, she could have called a time out and said "I am feeling something really strongly. I don't know where it's coming from, but I really want to lash out and attack you for not liking this church and I know that's not rational." Together they could have explored why she was feeling what she was experiencing instead of getting caught in this cycle of attacking and getting angry with one another. It's about increasing our own self awareness so we can understand why we have our pain buttons, where they come from, and then ask ourselves "In reality, and in scripture, are these feelings true? Am I unlovable? Am I worthless? Am I alone?" We can't begin to undo these feelings unless we recognize them and explore their validity in light of what God says about us--we can't take off the old and put on our new selves if we don't realize where our old selves come from.

An Invitation to Community

This past weekend was a weekend we had been waiting for, planning for, and praying for since about October...and it was finally here! For his internship project at our church my husband had been tasked with creating a confirmation program for our students, something that had not been done in years at this particular church for a variety of reasons. He really was given a lot of freedom to brainstorm and dream about what this might look like and his first task was to form a committee. (Duh, we're Presbyterian, that's of course what we'd do first!) Being his favorite Presbyterian I immediately was recruited :) Which means the two of us have been talking about this and planning this for months now. We felt it was really important to start with a big event, we didn't want to just pitch this as "another program you can come to." We really view the confirmation process (when done well) as the opportunity for a young person to begin to really grab hold of their faith and make it their own, to go deeper in community, not just with the youth but with the church as a whole. So we wanted to create a weekend retreat to begin it all that would demonstrate to these students that the community is genuinely excited about welcoming them into their midst, and dearly loves them and cares for them. It was a TON of work, but I have to say, I am SO proud of how it turned out and I know he is too. We got each adult Sunday School class to adopt a meal, and serve it to the students restaurant style (no camp food for our kids!) at tables with candles and flowers. We had the congregation write letters of encouragement to the students which we surprised them with on Sunday morning (each kid had a giant envelope of letters just to them from members of the church, they were pretty impressed!), and Saturday night we had members of the church show up to surprise the kids with a candle light worship service. We took them on a hike Saturday afternoon and asked them to do the first half in silence, giving God space to speak to them, which I'm not sure they loved, but they at least obeyed :) It was a very fun weekend. I am definitely tired and have spent most of today trying to recover a bit, but it was totally worth it. Confirmation starts next Sunday, so we'll see who chooses to go through the next 7 weeks with us and who really wants to commit to this process. Here are some highlights from the weekend:

Part of our youth space, which we decorated with drapes, lights and crosses to change it up from the normal Sunday morning.

Friday night we had them nail their sins to the cross, which was so powerful. To hear the pounding of nails echoing in the silence is really moving.Every time we had to move from one room to another, our Pied Piper, Ben, led us with a song he wrote for our kids and this weekend. The kids didn't have a schedule, or watches/ipods/cell phones, so they had no idea what time it was or what was next which was a leap of faith for them to trust us (but worked well when we told them to go to bed, for all they knew it was 1 AM) :) Of course there was play time :)Our silent hikeThe 4 leaders--George, me, Ashley, CharlesOur whole groupAt every meal we ate with our assigned table teams and had trivia questions to answer. Our team lost miserably, but it was quite fun. Here is George, our master trivia creator, reading our questions.

7 Quick Takes Friday

Whew! It's been a busy week! Here's what was going on...

**1**
My husband was put in charge of getting a confirmation program off the ground at our church, and has been working on this since October. We launch this weekend with a very cool spring retreat for our students, which we view as an invitation to them to begin the confirmation process. He has done an incredible job casting a vision for a VERY unique and wonderful set of experiences for our kids and I am SO proud of him! People who are involved LOVE what he's got planned for this retreat, and while it has been a ton of work we're looking forward to how it plays out! So we'll be sleeping on the floor of the church basement for the next two nights :)

**2**
We've spent the week running around getting everything ready to go, trying to coordinate a ton of people who are doing all kinds of things to help, and getting all the pieces pulled together. It's a lot of work planning an event like this! And it's not just this event, next Sunday starts our actual 7 week confirmation program which we are also in charge of overseeing, so that's even more coordinating...

**3**
I made my sisters delicious butternut squash quesadillas last night for my small group for dinner and they loved them. I was very skeptical as to whether or not my husband would eat his, and he did well! His comment was "wow, I guess someone finally found a way to get me to eat a squash!" Try them, you'll love them, I promise!

**4**
Favorite comment of the week: I was attempting to cut the squash in half last night and apparently was using the wrong knife because it was quite difficult. Charles comes in to see what I am doing that is causing all the racket and asks "uhh what is that?" "That's a squash honey." "Well if you can't get it cut, what are the chances I am actually going to be able to chew it??" "Uhh you cook them sweetie, you don't eat this raw." "Oh." Loved it, made me laugh for quite awhile :)

**5**
I'm also busy planning our midweek youth group for the month of April, which I am super excited about! We are going to do a series on friendship. This week I'm teaching on the 5 love languages, then we'll do a week on listening and how to be a good listener/question asker to help go deeper in relationships, then a week on cross-gender friendships, conflict, boundary setting and a week on how many "best friends" can you have at once? (the idea that we're only designed for about 3-4 "best friends" at once and then we usually have a group of about 12 who are really good friends, and that it's okay that people ebb and flow in and out of those circles throughout life.) I'm excited to help lead our students through these conversations!

**6**
My baby niece is cracking me up these days. I have gotten to talk to Megan a couple times this week and Lily is learning and growing so quickly right now! Hearing some of Megan's stories about her are hysterical, and I am sure they will only continue to entertain me as she grows!**7**
and that's about it, I have a ton to do today to get ready for this retreat, so for now, have a great weekend!

A Marriage Moment

Last night my husband and I began our 8 week Strong Marriages, Successful Ministries small group at Fuller, and oh my goodness, it's going to be amazing! It's led by a professional marriage and family therapist, and is a group of 4 couples who will be walking through topics such as conflict, boundaries, decision making, how to balance family & church etc. It comes out of her lifelong work as a Christian therapist in a town where many of her clients were clergy or church staff whose families were falling apart. When her husband got a job at Fuller, she wrote a proposal for being able to run these groups on campus and of course it was approved. The information is relevant to any couple, no matter where they are in life, and since I have SO many friends getting married within the next year or so, and so many newly married friends, I thought I'd share a bit each week about what we learned. Last night was mostly introducing ourselves, talking a little about what we learned from our parent's relationship about marriage coming into our own marriages and why we wanted to be part of the group, but Sharon did about 10 minutes of teaching that my husband and I loved and have been talking about since. So for all you couples out there, here's your "Marriage Moment" (or two!) for this week :)

Our "Us"
When two people get married, there are still two individuals with ways of thinking, decision making, likes, dislikes etc. But now, there is also a third entity in the midst of them: the "us" that's been created. It doesn't get rid of the individuals, but it's like a new child. That "us" needs to be cared for, learned about, fed, nourished, and protected or it won't survive. And we do this by learning to think like "us" rather than as individuals who have our own ways of doing things. Here's kind of how this works, I'll give you the example she gave us because it applied to our marriage as well :) On Sundays after church, Sharon almost always wants to come home, not go out to lunch with friends. She wants to rest, be with her family, get away from people since she's been with them all week etc. Her husband on the other hand almost always wants to go out to eat. If they were to make the decision on their own, those are the decisions they would each make individually. When we get married though, we need to start making decisions for "us," and we need to start asking the question, "what is best for our 'us' today?" Because honestly, sometimes it is important and good for us to say no, come home, and enjoy a quiet day around the house. And sometimes it is important to say yes and fellowship with people we worship with. Both are good. So when we start to ask what does "us" need this week, we're helping make one another more whole people who are thinking beyond our own immediate desires, helping the other do something good that is outside what they think they want. So answering this question for "us" might mean asking 'how much money do we have in the bank? how much do we need to get done around the house? do we find the people who invited us enjoyable? how much have we eaten out this month?' This takes the question away from "what do you want and what do I want" (which can often end in a stalemate) and moves it towards "what is best for us as a couple this week?" We laughed because we have frequently had this discussion after church ourselves--and on weekend evenings when social plans come up :)

Compromise is a Bad Word
This was the other brief tidbit we loved last night, that we wish we'd known a year ago! We often think when two people are struggling with a decision (say, who to hang out with on Friday night) it's best to just compromise. "We hung out with my friends last Friday so this Friday we can hang out with your friends or do what you want." Sounds like an okay plan, it sounds fair, but what we were cautioned against is that often compromise is just a nice way of saying "competition." When we make our decisions based on compromise instead of based on what is best for our "us" we often end up (whether we are consciously aware of it or not) keeping score in our minds. I know we did this a lot at first trying to meld our two lives together, it felt like we were trying to just keep things fair rather than asking the question "what do we really need, what is best for our us?" It becomes a subtle competition where we're opponents and there's a score card to keep in mind. Rather, we are to think of our marriages as grounds for cooperation, where we begin to think like "us" and as we do we are transformed more into the image of Christ.

There you have it friends, this week's Marriage Moment :)

Protecting Love

If you have followed my blog or facebook status updates lately, you already know I'm thinking a lot about the idea of boundaries--what they are, how to use them, why they are important etc. In my conversations with people I am often amazed to hear that "boundaries aren't biblical," and I've seen people be convinced of this by the church. I really disagree with this, and think we do a lot of damage to people and families when we support this kind of rhetoric. I think boundaries are very biblical--Jesus set them all the time with people, he definitely did not give every person he encountered exactly what they thought they wanted from him. He withdrew to be alone many times. He chose three individuals to share special information with that others were not privy to. He rebuked behavior when people were acting outside the lines of their allocated sphere of power or responsibility.

In my reading on the topic I have found several things to be helpful as I think through why this is so important, and I thought I'd share just a couple of the things I'm chewing on these days. What I'm really learning is that we are never able to control another person's choices or behavior. I know, duh, right?! Sounds so simple, but how often do we attempt to manipulate, coerce, or bully others into changing something WE want them to change? A lot! This is what I am really really trying to hard to remember. I am in charge of me: my feelings, emotions, reactions, and behavior. I am not able to change or control anyone else no matter how badly I may want to. Therefore, since I can control what I do, I need boundaries in place because I cannot control what others do. It essentially works like this. Say I am in relationship with someone who does nothing but gossip or talk about others all day long and I'm tired of listening to it. We'll call her Terry because, well I don't know a Terry. Spending time with Terry listening to her gossip all the time is making me feel guilty, it's negatively influencing my opinion of the poor people Terry continues talking about, and I am generally feeling more and more negative as I spend time with her. I can't make Terry stop talking about others. I can't control what comes out of her mouth. But, what I can do is choose to not listen or engage in this gossiping behavior any longer. I can tell her, "Terry, I love you and value our friendship. I want to stay in relationship with you, but I'm not comfortable engaging in conversations with you about other people. If you would like to change the subject and talk about something else, that would be great, but if not, I'm afraid we can't meet for lunch each week any longer."

Some of you probably think that sounds pretty harsh, like I might hurt her feelings if I actually had this conversation with her. Well, that's the other big thing I am learning from studying boundaries: hurt is not always bad. Harm is bad, but hurt is not necessarily bad. When we set boundaries, we will probably hurt people's feelings. But more often than not, that hurt might inspire a person to look at the behavior they are engaging in that is causing damage in relationships, and can possibly inspire change. Harm is when we purposefully and maliciously try to hurt a person. This is wrong, but hurt isn't always wrong. We can't go through life never hurting a person's feelings, and I don't think that should be our goal. If we hurt someone's feelings by setting a limit with them, again, we can't control that--we can't control other people's choices or reactions, only our own. We can choose to live in a sober environment. So if we are living with an alcoholic, we can say "I choose to live in a sober home, you may join me and get help, or you may choose to drink, I can't control which choice you're going to make, but I can choose to live in a safe, sober environment." Sure, the alcoholic may have their feelings hurt, but are we harming them by protecting ourselves? I don't think so, not at all.

"Scripture is full of admonitions to separate ourselves from people who act in destructive ways. We are not being unloving. Separating ourselves protects love, because we are taking a stand against things that destroy love." (Boundaries, Henry Cloud & John Townsend page 46) I am coming to believe this strongly. I have experienced this week how hard this is to do, but I have also seen first hand the pain that can come from not telling people "you're out of line. We love you, but we can't continue to engage with you as long as this behavior is not changing." I'm curious though, what have you been taught about boundaries? What do you think?

1,000 Gifts

I am still really enjoying listing things each week I am thankful for, it's been such a fun discipline to get in the habit of! This Resurrection week I am thankful for:

245. A long-overdue phone date to catch up with two different friends this week

247. A great car ride to Simi Valley and back with my friend Tera, she listened to me vent and spoke truth, which I needed!

249. Breakfast burritos for dinner with my small group

251. A beautiful Maundy Thursday worship service that allowed me to enter into the pain of Holy Week, which was kind of where I was emotionally.

253. A great prayer time with my husband last week in the midst of a difficult situation.

254. The book Boundaries

255. Walks around Old Town Pasadena.

256. Seeing How to Train Your Dragon for the 2nd time!

257. Eating Pinkberry three times in one week.

258. An impromptu date night with Dave & Tera to Olvera Street

261. Decorating with Becca for Jenn's party

262. Delicious cheese fondue

263. Fun times with the girls for Jenn's party!

264. Playing the "lets encourage each other" game driving home from Beverly Hills with the girls

266. A beautiful Easter worship service

267. Great lunch with friends afterward.

268. Eating fondue and watching TV with my husband Easter evening.

270. Reading Love & Respect with my husband.

Happy Easter!

He is Risen! Easter is my very favorite holiday of the entire year, I never ever get tired of celebrating with amazing worship, Easter lilies, trumpet fanfares and of course the Easter hymns. It was a beautiful day today, with an incredible worship at Glendale Presbyterian, a church we have come to really love over the last year. It was a cool experience for me, seeing where I was a year ago (it was probably my 3rd week at Glendale Pres and I was not very happy to have had to switch churches) to today, where I was serving as the scripture reader in worship, in a place where I have come to know and love so many people. God is the God of change, of new life, and of surprises, and it has been a year full of those! And while we couldn't be with sweet Lily on her first Easter I got to experience it from afar with some photos Megan sent us this afternoon. She's pretty much the sweetest! Here are some photos from our day, at worship, at lunch, after an Earthquake (yes there was one!), and a few more of little Lily-girl.

GPC has an incredibly impressive sanctuary, I love it, I think it's gorgeous! All the masonry, the tall ceilings, the way the lights work--to me it is an awe-inspiring place and well, we're worshiping there, which should produce awe and wonder, shouldn't it? I know it's a bit dark. It's because the service started with the lights off actually. Someone sang Were You There to set the mood of the death of Christ, and as they reached the last verse about "were you there when he rose from the grave?" the lights slowly came on, the drums started, a sunrise showed on the projector screens and we stood for "Christ the Lord is Risen Today." A beautiful beginning to our worship.Look who became an official member of Glendale Presbyterian, and the Presbyterian Church (USA)! That's right, my hubby has officially come over to the "elected" side! :) The service always concludes with anyone who wishes to join the choir in the Hallelujah ChorusAfter church 8 of us (4 of us from our small group and "our men") enjoyed lunch together at Dave & Tera's. Dave made a delicious BBQ pulled pork sandwiches and a potato casserole, and we enjoyed salad and ice cream along with it. Yum! So we're sitting there, after eating, and Josh and Dave say "uhh...guys...earthquake!" The window blinds behind us were really swaying, and then we felt it, it wasn't the violent shake that I'm used to with earthquakes, this was a rolling quake, where it felt like the building was on rollers and swaying from side to side. It was really disorienting, it totally throws your equilibrium when you're sitting still but the room is moving around you. It lasted a long time, so we eventually moved to doorways because we all expected it to get really big all of a sudden, but it didn't. This is Tera, after the quake, toasting to an eventful Easter!Dave immediately jumped on line to find out where it was, and it was a 6.9 quake in Baja, we were just feeling the residual rolling shockwaves through the earth (they felt it as far away as Phoenix!). Nothing like a little ground moving to shake up a party!This little munchkin is a very real reminder to me of how amazing our God who brings new life is. She's perfect. Opinionated. Strong willed, even at 5 months, but an absolutely perfect addition to our family. AND we are so excited to announce that we are going to be aunt and uncle again in October! Charles' sister is going to have another little one this fall and we can't wait!Seriously, who doesn't think she's precious?! :)

Celebrating Jenn

We had a lovely time last night celebrating our beautiful bride Jennifer, the soon to be Mrs. Gunther! Becca and I planned a surprise evening for her which was a wonderful time for our small group to celebrate her. She knew the evening was for her, but she had no idea what we had planned! We started the evening with a nice fondue meal at our apartment and then headed out to continue the evening at a paint your own pottery place in Beverly Hills where we painted sets of coasters for her and Josh's new apartment. The night concluded with dessert at the famous Pinkberry frozen yogurt :) Here are some photos of our adventures together.

Becca in front of the beautiful table she decorated!

First course, cheese fondue--my favorite!Cheers to Jenn!Becca and Tera sharing a momentPresent time!Shrimp & Chicken cooked in a delicious broth and herbs based concoctionThe beautiful bachelorette ready to hit the town!Becca mixing drinks for us at Color Me Mine. I love that they encourage you to bring your own food and drinks for parties there!Pinkberry!Seriously, am SO obsessed with this yogurt! Pomegranate yogurt with granola, shaved chocolate and raspberries. SO yummy!

Do Not Remind Me

I know I've posted this in years past, but it's my very favorite piece of poetry. It's the story of the crucifixion, and how we've become numb to it over the years because we know the end. Allow these words to help you journey to the foot of the cross and sit there for awhile. Tomorrow there will be plenty of time for rejoicing. Today, may we pause in the agony of grief.


-->
do not remind me (steve stockman)
lord do not help me to remember

that which i have heard so often

because reminding me would soften the wonder.

instead help me see it afresh

like i have never seen it before

let me look at it for the first time

not forewarned about the next part

help me believe that he might not die

that the disciples might rescue him

that pilate might be strong

that the crowds might shout "crucify barabas".

let me hear the hammer come down

let me hear the sound of nail through flesh

let me hear the cry of pain

let me sense the distress

let me watch as they put the cross in the ground

let me look on his face contorted with pain

ugly with the agony and the torture

of suffocation one moment

and then the crippling ache of pushing himself up on those nails to breathe

let me see the sky go black

let me hear him cry

"father forgive them for they know not what they do"

"it is finished"

let me watch as they carry him off dead.

surely dead and without hope of recovery.

let me feel that despair, that loss, that tragedy.

let me weep and mourn

for hope that's murdered

and dreams that lie in a tomb.
then lord, without reminding me

without indication of the wonder

take me to that tomb

let me be surprised and confused

at the stone rolled away

let me be angry at the thought of his body stolen

let me go inside to look, to seek some clue

and then let me turn to see him

let me not believe it for a moment

and then give me the full hurricane force of belief

let me jump and shout and scream for joy

let my heart leap and my soul go running off to highest heaven

with a little glimpse of what blinds the saints

do not remind me but let me experience it for the first time

sin forgiven, redemption bought, freedom won

the amazing wonder of the gospel that calls me a child of god

no lord do not remind me

for that would be as dull as knowing the end of the movie

having read the last page of the book

show me for the first time and let it change my life

7 Quick Takes Friday

That weekly update thing...

**1**
We had a beautiful Maundy Thursday service last night, which is always one of my favorite services of the year. What's strange to me is that the Presbyterian Church doesn't often have Good Friday services, they celebrate both the Last Supper and the Crucifixion on Maundy Thursday. I think we miss something when we do this. Growing up we would find ourselves at church both Thursday and Friday, because really, the two days celebrate very different events, but that's just my opinion. It was still a meaningful worship service that I am thankful for.

**2**
I'll just say it, it's been a really tough week. I can't go into details, but there have been a couple really difficult ministry situations crop up in the two different places we do ministry (the church and a local college campus) that directly involved us. We have learned a LOT, but are still struggling, feeling a bit weighed down by the situations at hand. We are really trying to learn what it means to minister together as a couple without allowing our marriage to be impacted too much by outside events, but this is difficult. Our reading list for the year has now changed--the book Boundaries by Henry Cloud & John Townsend is now on the must-read list, and I'm about 50 pages into it, man I wish I'd read this a few months ago! Things are starting to look up, but it's just been a tough week. That's really all I can say.

**3**
That being said, we are both VERY thankful for the people God has placed in our lives to walk with us. We each received some powerful words of truth as we shared with a few folks what was going on. One thing they say in the Boundaries book is that setting boundaries is a communal event--you can't often do it alone. We have an amazing community here that is helping us set some boundaries and we are so thankful for their faithful journeying with us.

**4**
For Easter we are spending the afternoon with good friends having a potluck meal, which we are really looking forward to! Should be a relaxing time of good food, friendship, maybe a game or two? I'm excited!

**5**
In the midst of a crummy day the other day I got to video chat with my beautiful baby niece who was smiling, happy, staring straight at me on the computer screen and fascinated by what was going on. I LOVED it and needed that SO badly! Thanks Megs, for calling, and for letting your precious daughter brighten her aunt Sarah's otherwise crummy week! Visiting Pinkberry twice this week also brought great joy to me :)

**6**
Tuesday we start a group led by a Marriage and Family therapist from Fuller called Strong Marriages, Successful Ministries, for couples who are planning on going into ministry, either together or where one of the two is going into ministry (which as we have all learned means really the whole couple is going into ministry!) We have heard rave reviews about the group, and we tried doing it in the fall but scheduling conflicts cropped up. They take a small group of us through topics such as communication, discernment, boundaries, conflict etc. We are at a place where we are really excited to start learning more about these issues (especially after this past week!)

**7**
Sunday ends our Lenten vegetarian commitment...stay tuned for final reflections on how that went! (lets just say it wasn't what I expected!)