Month One! The month of tongue un-tying, lots of learning, and a little sleep!

Mister Aidan! You are one month old! Actually now you are 6 weeks old but you keep Mommy really busy, so she was not able to post this sooner. It has been a crazy month for all of us, and I can't say I am sorry it is behind us. I think month 2 will be a bit better for a lot of reasons! The biggest issue of your first month of life was figuring out why you screamed at us all the time! You would nurse for 45 minutes, and still scream and root for food--Mommy was exhausted and frustrated because all the books said you would stop eating and rooting when you were full but you literally NEVER stopped! Finally when you were 3.5 weeks old I took you to a lactation consultant to get you weighed and get help. Your weight was 7 lbs 14 oz, which is what you were when you were born. So you were not gaining weight very quickly. Our new friend Carole watched you eat and immediately said your jaw was not moving right. She looked in your mouth and saw the problem--you were tongue tied! I didn't even know such a thing existed! Your little tongue was attached too tightly to the floor of your mouth, so you could not suck properly. Which means you were not getting much milk from mommy at all! Luckily we were already supplementing you with formula to quiet the screaming, so you were getting some calories. We spent the next week pouring calories into you via a bottle and lots of nursing (they fixed your tongue which was a super simple procedure, so you were able to nurse much better, which helped mommy make more milk). You gained a pound in a week! You were so hungry and we kept feeding you, and you were a much happier baby! At your 1 month appointment you weighed 8 lbs 14 oz! Grow baby grow! You are in the 25th percentile for weight (but part of that is probably because you weren't getting enough to eat--we'll see where you are at month 2!), the 50th for height and the 75th percentile for head circumference. I'm not entirely sure what that last one means except I've decided it means you'll be a smart one :)

Your first month was a month of meeting lots of new friends and family members, your Grandma and Papa were here the first week of your life, and spent lots of time sitting up at night with you. They shared a room with you so mommy could get some sleep, so they were the first ones always up with you--changing your diapers, bouncing you on the yoga ball, and spending nights in the rocking chair letting you sleep on top of them (which was the only way you seemed to be able to sleep for the first couple weeks!) Papa left after a week and Grandma stayed two more doing all kinds of things to help me out around the house and with you. I was so so grateful for the help since you were a bit of a fussy one! (Now we know that's because you were hungry!)

Grandma left and then Papa came back a couple days later since we were still having a tough time figuring out why you were screaming so much and Mommy needed help with you since Daddy was so busy at church this month. After Papa left the second time your Grandmama, Granddaddy, and Uncle Teddy came out to meet you! We spent lots of time hanging out around the house and Grandmama loved getting to rock you (when you were quiet enough to let her!)

You started making a little better eye contact with people which is very fun, and thankfully after the first two weeks of your life you started sleeping in your crib which is where you've slept every night since then. This makes mommy and daddy very grateful! We watch you sleep on our video baby monitor and I think everyone rests better not having you sleep on top of one of us!

It was a big month for all of us, little bug, it's been a little exhausting but you are so so worth it! You are adorable, and we love getting to see a little bit more of you emerge each and every day. Happy 1 month baby boy!

Someday I'll Want to Tell You...

There is no way to adequately capture in words all the things I hope to remember about these first early weeks of your life, little boy. Being your Mommy for these first three weeks of your life has been the hardest, most amazing thing I have ever done. I don't think I really could prepare for what it would be like to be someone's Mom--you are learning about this world every day and I'm learning about how to be your Mommy right along with you. I won't lie, little one, it's been a little bit exhausting--you like to eat a lot, at all hours of the day and night, and you also like to scream when you think you need more food (even though I think you're telling me stories, because I will have just finished feeding you!). But it's been amazing too, as I've gotten to know a little bit more about you--about who you are, what you like, what kind of personality you have, and how to best care for you--every day. These are things I hope I always remember, and things I hope to tell you one day when you ask what you were like as a baby.

You have the longest, most delicate, most beautiful fingers I have ever seen. And the wrinkliest palms! We're not exactly sure where your long fingers came from, but I think they are your Auntie Megan's--she has long fingers, perfect for playing the piano. Will you use them to catch a football? Or make beautiful music on some instrument? They are perfect, and I can't get enough of watching them grasp my finger or rest gently on my chest as you eat. Ten perfect little fingers that I pray will one day be used to do so much good in this world.

Your facial expressions absolutely kill me, and I am the one who gets a front row seat to them because you make the best ones right after you finish eating. As you let go of me, and fall into your little milk coma, head flopped back, eyes closed in perfect contentment, your little mouth starts moving. Your lips will purse, they'll smack together, your little tongue will keep trying to suck. My other favorite is when you raise your eye brows, with your eyes still closed, and your normally perfectly smooth forehead wrinkles with little lines. It's amazing how expressive your little face is. When you're offered a pacifier and what you really want is Mommy, you suck a few times, and make this horribly offended look, as if "I can't believe you people thought this would be an acceptable substitution!" You're screaming, and I can't help but smile because it is so indicative of how you already know exactly what you want, and you realize you're being cheated. Sometimes in your sleep I catch a glimpse of what your smile will look like. It is beautiful, baby boy, absolutely takes your Mommy's breath away.

It's incredible to me that no matter how disoriented you are in this new world, no matter how agitated you get or frantic you are in your search for food, the second someone hands you to me screaming bloody murder and I put my face next to yours and say "hi baby bird!" (one of my many nicknames for you already) you immediately stop crying for a moment and turn to me. You know my voice, in a way that I'm not sure anyone has ever so clearly recognized, and it amazes me every time you react to me in this way.

Watching you root for food is almost comical because you are so intense about it. Even if I have just fed you two hours earlier, you act as if I have never fed you before in your life. Your little mouth will be open as wide as possible you are usually screaming, and your little head that you have no control over starts moving back and forth, eyes wide open, just like a baby bird--begging someone to put anything in that open mouth to satiate you. Those first few sucks when you latch onto me are frantic, intense, until you realize you're in your safe space--you're being held close to me, you're being fed, and you relax into a rhythm of eating that always catches me off guard--my body is feeding you, sustaining you, just as God designed it to. And I see you melt into me and eat your fill. And I fall a little bit more in love with you every time you do.

You are getting a little better with eye contact and looking at certain objects--your favorite right now is your Baby Einstein crib toy that plays music as fish swim past you. You can watch that for a good ten minutes when you're in a good mood--happily staring as the fish swim by and you kick your little legs and wiggle those arms that you don't even know are attached to you. My favorite moments are when you've made eye contact with me, staring as I've talked to or sung to you. It hasn't happened often, but it's pretty fantastic when it does.

There have been days and moments where it seems like nothing I do makes you stop fussing, and it breaks my heart. My own tears will baptize your little forehead as I hold you and we both cry together. But then you will eventually settle against me, head on my chest, as if there is no other place in this world that you belong and my heart melts all over again at the wonder of the weight of your tiny body pressed against mine. You realize you are safe, and you relax, and I plant numerous kisses on the forehead that rests just below my own chin.