End of Week 19--We have a little Mango!

It's a baby mango this week! This is actually the first summer I have discovered mangoes, I'd never bought one, or really even eaten one before, but when mangoes appeared on EVERY list of foods you're supposed to eat while pregnant I figured I'd give them a chance! They probably aren't my new favorite, but they're pretty good, and for the sake of this little munchkin inside me I can eat them just fine (and all the vitamins that come inside them!) Baby is 6 inches long so far and weighing in at about 8 1/2 ounces this week--getting bigger & bigger!

Oh my word I am feeling fully pregnant this week! Those of you who have had kids are going to laugh but I look at myself and think "my stomach already feels stretched super tight, how the heck does it get any bigger??" I realize I am only half way there, so I'm quite apprehensive about how this whole "growing" thing is going to go over the next 20 weeks! I'm getting kicked randomly throughout the day which I adore, seriously, it is one of the coolest things I've ever felt & makes me love this little one all the more. (I realize this could change when the kicks turn into slugs in the rib cage!) Every so often the kicks are strong enough that I can feel them with my hand on my stomach which is very cool since that means when Chuck is done with his month away he'll be able to feel his baby move :)

Week 19 found me headed out on yet another trip (my last one of the summer!) Last Sunday I flew to Spokane, WA (a lengthy 45 min flight) for a meeting of my Company of New Pastors group. It's a group of 9 seminary grads from the west coast who gather every 9-12 months or so for support, theological reflection, and continuing education with 2 mentor pastors. This time our group met at one of our member's family cabin 2 hours north of Spokane for 3 nights and 2 days of great food, fellowship, worship, prayer, conversation and reflection on preaching and many many conversations about the drama going on in our denomination right now. Our setting was incredible, right on the bluff over looking the Pend Orielle River, so we got to go out in a ski boat and explore the river which was also delightful. Here are a few photos from our trip.

Seriously, can you get any more beautiful?? This would be the view from the back porch.

Not a bad backyard!Brenna brought her one year old daughter, Anna, with her for the three days and she was such a delight to have around! SUCH a cutie!On Wednesday I flew to Minneapolis and I'll be here for a full 2 weeks--heading home Sept. 7th. Charles is done next Friday, one week from today! I'm going to head up to camp on Wednesday and spend the last 2 days of their training with him, he said the group has been dying to meet me and "how soon can you come??" He's done Friday morning and then he doesn't know this yet but I have a room booked for us at the bed and breakfast we went for our honeymoon for Friday night, so that should be quite relaxing and enjoyable after not seeing each other for 4 weeks! We'll come back to my parents house on Saturday and have from Saturday until Wednesday with them before flying out Wed. afternoon. For labor day weekend we're going to the Carrie Underwood concert with my parents for my mom's birthday and then on Sunday of labor day weekend we are going to the wedding of friends of ours from Fuller here in St. Paul. So we should have a great two weeks and then we'll head back to Seattle (finally!). More next week when baby is going to be the length of a cantaloupe!

The Mommy Wars

One of my favorite bloggers, Rachel Held Evans, commented in a post one day that it's not really the kids themselves that make her the most nervous about parenting some day, it's the moms. I've felt this way for awhile as over the years I've spent much time browsing the web, reading blogs, seeing facebook comments, and even engaging in conversations with people, but now that I am about to be a mom myself, I find myself downright terrified of being subjected to the "mommy wars" that rage viciously around our society.

It used to be that the main battle women seem to face off over is working moms vs. stay at home moms. Turn on any Oprah re-runs or Dr. Phil episode and you can probably see remnants of this debate still echoing. Now though, thanks to the invention of the internet and the blogosphere, Mommy Wars are raging all over the place over birth plans/methods (hospitals vs. home, epidurals vs. natural), breast feeding vs. bottle feeding, cloth vs. disposable diapering, to vaccinate kids vs. to not vaccinate kids. You name it, women are talking about it. Oftentimes rather viciously. Men tend to (wisely) stay out of these conversations, but oh my word! Women, we can be so vicious to one another! Even on Christian sites I've seen conversations and comments that lean in the direction of "this is the right choice, if you choose differently you're endangering your child, hindering their chances in life, and are thus a bad parent."

I'm not that pregnant, I'm not showing to the point of being randomly stopped by strangers to ask when I'm due (although I am told that is coming!) But already I have been the recipient of the following comments--both from people I know, and a few from strangers (who boldly asked if I was pregnant!):

*"Are you planning on cloth diapering?"

*"I can't believe you're following all these rules from your doctor--in my day we drank caffeine, ate lunch meat, drank wine, and our kids are fine!"

*"Do you guys have a birth plan yet? Are you going to get an epidural?"

*"You are planning on breast feeding right?"

*"Have you decided what you're going to do about vaccinating your kids?"

*"I only let my toddler eat things that are organic, and I'm sure you'll want to do the same someday." (Really?? This person had known me for less than a month and was SURE I am going to make the same choice?)

*"You have a masters degree, I really hope you're planning on using it, it's such a waste of money if you just stay home with a baby."

*"You are planning on staying home right?"

Seriously. I am 19 weeks pregnant and already I have received ALL of these comments/questions. I can only imagine how much worse it gets when the sweet baby is finally out of me! I do understand, sometimes these questions are just conversation starters and well-intentioned people are curious--they aren't meant to be pushing an opinion on me. But honestly, for the most part, I struggle to understand how it is anyone's business if I choose to avoid lunch meat while pregnant, or if I plan on vaccinating my kiddos or not. To just about every question I have responded with "my husband and I are going to talk things over, and with the counsel of our doctor whom I trust completely, and our baby's pediatrician, we'll make a decision for our family and child together." I'm not making my decisions in a vacuum, but I also don't feel the need to consult every person I've ever met who has had kids, or the blogosphere of Mommy Bloggers to figure out what total strangers did for their kids in order to decide what I want to do for mine.

I have decided that being a mom these days must be to live in a constant state of feeling inadequate or inferior to other moms. Never before in history have we had so many avenues to critique one another's choices, or so much information (and, I would argue, sometimes misinformation) at our fingertips--constantly causing us to question the choices we've made for our kids. Where the church used to be a place of support for parents, because most families did things similar ways, it has now become another place of competition among moms, competition that gets intensely personal. I've personally seen friendships disintegrate because people's parenting choices were so drastically different they no longer had anything to really talk about that didn't result in intense conversation/conflict. That makes me sad. Especially because I think we have lost sight of some of the "bigger issues."

We live in a country where some moms have the luxury to debate the pros and cons of feeding a child only organic food but many many moms (right here in our own cities!) still literally have to scrounge each day for any kind of food for their kids. We live in a world where some of us can debate whether or not preschool is helpful, or whether to send our kids to public schools vs. homeschooling them, but millions of moms have to decide which child they are going to educate because they literally can't afford to send both kids to school. We live in a world where some of us have the "luxury" to argue about the pros and cons of vaccinations while other moms watch their children die each day from preventable diseases or contaminated water--moms who would probably kill to have access to some of the vaccinations and medications we have here in our country. Moms discuss, argue, debate, and fight with one another (in person, in the blogosphere, and on talk shows) over hundreds of topics but I think we forget that around the world there are millions of moms literally fighting for the survival of their families.  I wonder what would happen if we were able to approach one another with bigger questions. Instead of "oh my gosh! You're getting an epidural??" what would happen if we said "Okay, we made different child birth choices and both had healthy babies. Now, how can we join together to help those in our community who are pregnant and haven't had access to prenatal vitamins, or proper nutrition or calcium or ultra sounds or any health care choices?" Why do we have to fight with one another instead of banding together to make sure all the kids in our neighborhoods have the privileges our own children have?  As we continue in our parenting journeys how can we use our words to encourage other moms in their choices, even when those choices are different than our own?  We have enough battles to fight, it's time we stopped fighting one another. 

Week 18--Baby Bump Meets Grandma & Papa, family friends, and lots of cousins!

This munchkin is gettin bigger and moving all over the place! I don't always feel him in there, but more and more now I'm feeling the tiny flutters and bumps that make me believe something is living in there! There's still no way anyone could feel anything from the outside of my stomach but there's a little somebody practicing her gymnastics and using her little umbilical cord as a trapeze or something like that!

Baby K is now the size of a bell pepper and getting bigger every day. It's crazy to see how much bigger my belly has gotten even in the past 2 weeks--by the time my husband sees me again in another 15 days or so I'm guessing it will be even bigger! Maternity clothes are pretty much a necessity now, especially for comfort's sake, and I am grateful my parents came into town and took me shopping yesterday for a bunch of new pairs of pants and tops that I can wear while growing these next few months.

It's been fun having Mom and Dad in town--I wish my husband were here to hang out with us as well, but it's been great having them here! Here's a bit of what we've been up to this week:

Monday was Dad's birthday & we celebrated by heading over to visit friends of ours on Bainbridge Island for the day. We took the West Seattle water taxi across to downtown so we didn't have to park, and caught the ferry over to Bainbridge from there.These are our friends, Bob and Debbie. They used to be our neighbors in Granite Bay growing up, but this summer they bought an incredible house on the water out on Bainbridge Island and so of course we had to head over and check out their new stomping grounds! We enjoyed a delicious lunch on the porch overlooking the Puget Sound, Blake Island, and watching the ferries go in and out. It was clouded over, but just to the left of that island that you see is Mount Rainier--they have a FULL view of the mountain when he chooses to come out of the clouds!Okay, I will NOT take credit for this photo! The amazing Bob Towery took this the next morning after we left, that was when the Mountain decided to come out and say hi--so this is what their view is from their back yard. Check out more of Bob's photography at his website here.Yeah, not a shabby view!Part of their back yard garden Dessert on the upstairs porchMom and I on the ferry headed back to SeattleView from the ferryTuesday morning my cousin Jason (who lives in Colorado) was in town for a conference that his wife had so he came by with their adorable 11 month old daughter, Ellery. I was SO excited to finally meet this little cousin of mine--last time I saw her parents her mom was super pregnant with her! We enjoyed a breakfast of Oma's pancakes (a Hanson family favorite) before they had to head off to the airport. Hanging with her Great Aunt Sue
Chillin with her daddy!Such a sweetheart! I adore her already!Tuesday afternoon we went shopping for maternity clothes & then headed north up to Everett to meet my mom's side of the family for dinner. It had been 2 years since I've seen some of my cousins, and at least 8 months since I've seen the rest of my family so it was wonderful to catch up a bit!

My mom and her sister PattyUncle Bill, my cousin's husband Gil, my dad, and my cousin Jeff
Mom and her brother, BillRandom table shotMy cousin Cori and my cousin's girl friend MichelleToday we played tourists in downtown. Even though my parents both used to live here it's been awhile since they just came to Seattle to play. So today we explored Pike's Market, went on a tour of the city, and wandered around. We found this super cool fountain that you can walk behind, so dad bravely did for a photo op!I chose to stay a bit drier!Tomorrow we head to breakfast with one of my college friends & then are driving north again to spend more time with some of mom's family members before meeting up with more family friends for dinner. They take off Saturday morning and then I get to take off Sunday afternoon for my next adventure...so stay tuned!

Week 17--Onions Anyone?

I'm at 17 1/2 weeks now and this little munchkin is the size of an onion! That's a pretty solid sized vegetable if you ask me! The little guy is 5 inches long and weighs about 5 ounces, and is busy forming bones in these next weeks. She can move all her little limbs and joints, and the coolest part of this week is that I felt him move for the first time on Monday morning! It was brief, but distinctly something I'd never felt before. I am not sure I've felt anything since then, but I should start feeling her more and more as the next couple weeks pass. We're getting super excited to find out what we're having--our ultra sound is September 8--and start solidifying a name for this little one.

It's been a pretty good week so far! I miss my husband already but he's been able to call me twice so far, which is way more than I ever expected to hear from him. He is having a fantastic time, learning a lot already, and is so grateful for this opportunity to participate in this training. After a month of traveling it's great to be home, in my own bed, but it's been a little lonely here in the evenings without him home! My parents come on Sunday afternoon for the next week, so that will be great--we'll see family, probably go shopping (maternity clothes! Something I'm starting to need!), go exploring a bit & relax.

This is random, but have any of you ever tasted a pluot? A cross between a plum and an apricot, and if you haven't tried it, please...run....don't walk....to your nearest grocery store and try one. Best. Thing. Ever.

I've definitely been staying busy in my time here at home though. I've been catching up on all the "life stuff" that doesn't happen when you're on vacation--like paying bills, responding to emails, house cleaning and laundry. Yesterday I met my friend Jenn in Centralia, half way between Portland and Seattle, for a coffee date. Tuesday night I got to have dinner with 4 great girlfriends here in Seattle--I can't remember the last time I had laughed that hard! Tomorrow I get a hair cut, and hopefully am going to see The Help with a couple friends.

We had a great rest of our visit in Los Angeles with friends after Houseboats. Friday night Charles and Josh got to surf together for a bit and then we joined Jenn and Josh for dinner at a restaurant in Santa Monica that they love called True Food. It's a restaurant that serves all natural, super fresh, organic, and healthy dishes. Chuck left Saturday morning & I spent the rest of the weekend there with Alethia and Ryan at their home. We explored the Los Angeles Arboretum together, and went to an outdoor concert in a local park. Monday I got to enjoy a picnic in a park with a fantastic high school student who I miss dearly--it was delightful to catch up with her a bit more! Such a wonderful vacation! We are so blessed to have fantastic friends and miss them already!

Alright! I think that's about all that's new here in the Emerald City! Enjoy your weekend!

The Husband's Latest Adventures

My sweet husband left on Saturday morning to head to the wilds of northern Minnesota for the next month for a 4 week youth ministry leadership training camp that he's participating in. He's working with an organization called Tentmakers Ministry, participating in their Joshua Leadership Institute for youth ministers. After learning more about it and thinking about it quite a bit both of us decided that even though it means he's gone for a month, this is an incredible opportunity for him that we just couldn't pass up. He flew to Minneapolis on Saturday and spent an evening with my parents running errands and getting together all the stuff he'll need for 4 weeks. The camp is about 4 hours north of them, outside a town called Brimson, MN, so on Sunday morning they graciously drove him up there to drop him off and help him get a bit settled before driving home. I'll pick him up September 2nd and we'll relax in Minneapolis together for a couple days (celebrating my mom's birthday and a friend's wedding while we're there that weekend!) before heading back to Seattle. I'm SO excited for this time he has to be away--to be in nature, to be involved in intensive training with others who are passionate about youth ministry--I'm actually a bit jealous, I'd love to go! But apparently some of their activities aren't exactly suitable for pregnant women (and I had other August activities, visitors and trips already on the schedule that I'm equally as excited about!). I'd love to know how things are going up there but he has no cell service and no internet access for the next month. So until I get a letter in the mail, I'll just be waiting and praying that things are going well. (He does have a calling card and will try to use the office phone a couple times during the month to call, but I'm not sure what their rules are about that!) So when I do hear something I'll let you all know how he's doing! My dad took his camera up to camp and took some photos of Charles' new home for me so I could see where he'll be staying this next month--I thought I'd post these for other family who might want to see where he's at--it looks so beautiful, I'd love to go spend time here!

The lake--so gorgeous!

I think this is his cabin? Instead of bunk houses like normal camps have this camp has 18 separate small individual cabins that pastors and youth workers can stay in--giving them some solitude.

The inside of his cabin--a bed, a rocking chair, a table, a wood burning stove, a kerosene lamp

Mom testing out the rocking chair for him

The view out his window...I could come hang out here for a few days, that's for sure!

Week 16--Time for some guacamole!

These past two weeks baby has reached the size of my two favorite guacamole ingredients: an avocado and an onion. Week 16 (which began last Sunday while we were on Houseboats) found baby reaching about 4 1/2 inches in length and weighing about 3 1/2 ounces--about the length of an avocado--one of the best pieces of produce on the planet if you ask me! Apparently in the next couple weeks baby is going to be headed into a growth spurt--doubling his weight. His eyes and ears have moved pretty close to their final positions (did you know your eyes start on the side of your head??) and his little toenails are starting to grow. I saw my doctor again at the end of July and she moved my due date to January 15th (instead of the 13th) so now each new week starts on a Sunday. She did the doplar heart monitor again and immediately we heard the amazing "whooshing" of our baby's heart beat. It's strong and healthy sounding at 155 beats per minute. I love that little sound and wish I could hear it every day :)

We headed to LA last Wednesday (a week and a half ago) and have LOVED our time with friends here. It's been SO good for us to get away from Seattle and be in a place surrounded by people who know us both so well. Here's a little of what baby and I have been up to since getting here:

The night before we left for Houseboats Jenn & I threw a dinner party for our husbands and Ryan & Alethia. It was a blast cooking with her, and enjoying an evening of catching up with dear, dear friends whom we have missed like crazy! Both the Gunthers and the Whites traveled Europe this summer so we decided to serve the meal "French style" where you eat each thing as a separate course. Jenn and Josh eat a gluten free diet and also adhere to the Paleo diet (which you can read more about by clicking on the link above) so everything we served was fresh, healthy, and gluten free. Here are a few photos from our evening:

The coffee table became the dining room table as we set it for six.The chefs

In our French evening we served drinks and appetizers first (even guacamole in honor of baby's size this week!)Our second course was the salad course (which I didn't get a photo of but involved Jenn's homemade basil vinaigrette dressing that everyone absolutely raved about). You can find the recipe on her food blog here.

Our third course were the potatoes--oven roasted with fresh herbs and olive oil--delicious!The potatoes were followed by almond chicken and sauteed zucchini with a bit of Parmesan.

In France a cheese course always concludes the meal (before dessert) so we served three types of cheese.It was a delicious evening that we finished off by playing with Jenn's camera and taking some fun photos:
Some of our Soul MatesThe beautiful AlethiaMy sweet, adorable husbandMe!Our incredible hostessRyan, looking slightly like he has something he's schemingJosh, the photography instructor :)
Other than our dinner party and Houseboats, we've been enjoying time with friends--Chuck surfed two different times, we had several coffee/meal dates with others, and have relaxed a lot. It's been a fantastic vacation!

Healing Waters--Houseboats 2011

I adore the annual houseboat trip that Glendale Pres always does. I just do. It is so different from any other camp experience I've had. We are on the water all the time, jumping in and out of the refreshing lake and it's the only time of the year I get to be on boats--which I LOVE--houseboats, kayaks, ski boats--I love them all. Plus at most camps there's not quite as much down time where my main job as a youth leader is to simply float on an inner tube and have conversations with students. It's that intentional "unstructured relational" time that I adore. There's no where I have to be, just sitting there in the water asking girls how life is. The depth of ministry that is able to be done on a trip like this is always amazing to me. When we moved to Seattle we still would get the emails from the youth program at GPC, and as they began mentioning houseboats we found ourselves quite disappointed we wouldn't be able to join them on this incredible trip. When West Side fired us back in June, Chuck's best friend, George (the youth director at GPC) said "I'm really bummed to hear that--but uh--is there any way you want to come on houseboats now that you have free time? I need another male and female leader." We jumped at the chance, bought plane tickets, and found ourselves loaded up in 15 passenger vans surrounded by the students we've spent the past 2 years building relationships with. Walking into the parking lot that day to load up and being met with squeals, hugs, and students SO excited to see us (and the baby bump--baby got LOTS of pats and love this week!) was beyond healing for my broken heart--a heart that was doubting whether church youth ministry is even worth it after being so hurt by our experience in Seattle. Words cannot express how healing it was for both of us to be part of this trip. I shed a lot of tears, tears I hadn't really let myself cry, as I watched how differently this church approaches youth ministry. They aren't perfect, but serving here was SUCH a different experience than serving in Seattle. I found myself sobbing listening to our leaders pour out our hearts to God on behalf of these students. When we asked girls what the "high" of their week was one of them said "having you back." After literally being voted out of a church community & told you're not capable of working with students at a place, to hear a 15 year old say "I just want you back, life isn't the same without you here" was so humbling and so encouraging. So much healing. Chuck had the same experiences. We barely saw one another all week but when we did we always said "we needed this. Thank you, Lord, we needed this trip so badly."

It's funny that God really does put people right where he wants them. The last afternoon I was getting bored being "at camp" (back at the house boats while others were out on ski boats flying across the lake). It was hot, I was tired of being in the sun, and I wasn't feeling like I had had any significant conversations with girls that afternoon. I really wanted out on a ski boat at the 4:00 time slot. But the boats were full, too many students wanted out for the last boat run of the day, so I had to forfeit my spot. I found myself thinking "I have 2 1/2 hours til dinner, what the heck am I going to do with that time?" I was floating in the water with a small group of girls but they all drifted away to go play on the water trampoline (something I couldn't do cuz of baby). All of a sudden I'm alone with one of the girls who I had had such a difficult time connecting with all week. She was fairly new to the group, and was SUPER quiet. I honestly wasn't even sure she was having fun. But I figured I should try again and asked her something random like "how are you feeling going back to school in the fall?" She started talking. And talking. And talking. About some of the deepest, most painful things going on in her life. I simply asked a few questions here and there, and eventually suggested we get out of the water and go sit on the back of the staff boat where I knew we wouldn't be interrupted. This 2 1/2 hour conversation is probably the deepest, most intense conversation I have ever had with a student in my life. She let me speak into her life boldly and ask difficult questions even though she had only met me 4 days earlier. She opened up about her boyfriend and the way he treats her, and let me share with her what I thought. We talked about how she deserved to be treated, we talked about what I wanted for her in a relationship (to not be afraid of his anger, reactions, or control). We talked about the abusive cycle she is finding herself trapped in. We talked about marriage and what it's like to be fully free to be known by someone, without hiding parts of ourselves out of fear of them. We talked about her parents and how they're reacting. We talked about who she is, what I had seen in her that week that made me believe she had the courage deep inside to break free from him, and we brainstormed people in her life she could turn to for help with that. We talked about how God sees her, and what God wants for her in life. I watched a bit of hope and courage return to her eyes and posture. I heard her say "I want to be single, I want to know God more. I want to grow and be different." It was an incredible conversation, one I will carry with me for years. At the end she looked me in the eye and said "I know you've said you kind of want a baby boy, that you have a lot of nieces and think a boy would be a fun addition to the family, but Sarah, I really really hope you have a daughter. You would be such a good mom to a girl, and if I had a mom like you I might be in a really different place in life. I'm going to pray God gives you a girl. She'll be the luckiest girl ever." More tears. My heart aches for her. But I praise God for this divine appointment, for being in the right place at the right time. There were so many moments from this trip that brought joy, hope, and healing, but this conversation was probably the biggest one. I was reminded of what my husband tells me all the time--that we get to be pastors wherever we go, and we don't need a congregation to validate that calling with a paycheck to be an effective minister. It truly is an incredible calling, and this truly was an incredible week to be reminded of that.

Of course there were silly moments of the week--lots of games, dancing, singing, wake boarding, inner tubing, food, sun bathing, and general mayhem. But this year, I'll remember houseboats 2011 as the waters where my soul started to heal.