Putting myself first...and not feeling guilty about it...

I learned something the hard way yesterday. Sometimes, I need to escape, to run far away from the city streets of Pasadena and just be. I realized most of my life consists of remaining within a 1 mile radius. I go from my apartment to Chuck's to the grocery store, to a friends apartment to campus. And that's about it. My days consist of the same thing--some reading, maybe class, wedding stuff, running errands etc. And there really isn't much variety. Add to that extreme senioritis (I'm DONE with seminary in just a few weeks!! Except for the internship but that feels VERY different than library time) and anticipation about a big event coming up and I pretty much want to scream everytime I have to set foot back in the library. Yesterday I hit a wall. I just sat in front of my work in the library and felt like I was going to jump out of my skin. I just started crying and poor Chuck was like "um what in the world is going on??" My response? "I don't know!!!" Then I just looked around and was like "I have to get out of here, I can't be in my apartment anymore, I can't be on this campus right now, I have to leave." He immediately agreed that I deserved a break, a day away from wedding stuff, emails, books, classes, Pasadena. So he just hugged me, gave me his free beach parking pass, and told me which beach to go to. So I did something that some may frown upon, but I really couldn't have cared less. I turned in my homework that was due at 3 via email to my TA, ditched class, got in my car and drove up to the beach in Malibu and sat there for a good couple hours just watching the waves. I had grabbed some of my old journals from college to read while i was there (not sure where that idea came from, but I did). It was an incredible afternoon, just sitting there, enjoying the isolation of the beach I was on, and reading back over four years of my life where I wrestled HARD with God, with the idea of dating/singleness, growing in leadership, friendship drama, dating and breaking up with certain people etc. I realized a LOT about myself, where I have been, things God has taught me over the years, things I'm hopeful for about the future...it was a perfect day. I even feel a little like God gave me an idea for a book I'm supposed to be working on...I'm going to keep thinking, we'll see, I may actually start writing over the summer. It was kind of funny, I was sitting there reading 4 of my own journals and this guy walked by me and asked what I was reading, he could tell it wasn't a normal book because it was handwritten. He asked if I was a writer and I just kind of stared at him (I had JUST been thinking about the book I want to write) and said to him, "um, not yet, but I'd like to be someday..." It was rather interesting timing...

I also grabbed my camera and brought it with me....these are some images from my guilt free day of running away.