Joys and Pain

We sat down to dinner tonight and Chuck clasped his hands together, looked at me, and said "ok, time for what has quickly become my favorite time of the day...hospital highlights!" And every day I have some story for him of something random, or beautiful, or heart breaking, or just plain strange that happened today. The hospital is a strange place--I told him tonight I think that it is so full of so many stories because a hospital is one of the few great equalizers we have in our world. Every patient is dressed in the same gown, is served by the same staff, and it is one of the few places where a wealthy business man could be in a bed next door to a homeless person. The hospital is a cross section of humanity unlike almost anywhere else I can think of. Each day I come home with stories that make me laugh, and stories that break my heart. This week alone a patient's husband spent an hour and a half trying to convert me to become a Jehovah's Witness, a patient asked me to sign a power of attorney form that looked like a fake document which I had to give to a social worker, I met countless family members at bed sides, prayed with multiple people, called more than one priest in for anointing, and sat and listened to a few patients sob with fear and grief at being in the hospital, away from their children and families. Each day I come home exhausted, drained, yet somehow strangely fulfilled. Often I feel helpless, like I can do nothing for a person besides listen (which I know is really what most of them need), yet it feels good to be out of a classroom, attempting to bring my faith and theology to the real world, to a place where there is more hurt and pain than I have ever experienced. There is also moments of laughter and joy as strange thing happen in hospitals, but those are stories for another day...

Otherwise I come home from work, make and eat dinner with my husband on most nights, and then I read or try to relax a little while he does homework til 9. We are always in bed before 10:00, which both of us are loving--and makes it much easier to get up when our alarms go off at 6 and 6:20. That's pretty much life right now, not much variety in the schedule, but I think I am liking it--there is something about this routine that seems to be good for me. I clean or grocery shop occasionally in the evenings, usually Saturday afternoons, and well, that's about it. I think I am feeling somewhat guilty about not having energy to return phone calls very often to catch up with friends, but I'd been warned I'd feel this way--like I'd been talking and listening literally all day and just have zero relational energy left, so I am trying to give myself grace here (and ask those who I seem to be ignoring for grace as well--I am really NOT trying to ignore you!) but it's tough because my relationships and friendships mean so much to me. So that is life these days...the days are never the same, the evenings often are, and something feels good about this.