Just Be

Has anyone else received the quarterly catalog that Christian Book Distributors sends out? Maybe we get it because we occasionally order some of Charles' text books from them, but nonetheless, it arrived yesterday. I rarely flip through it, it generally ends up in my recycle bin almost immediately, but last night, I had some free time and thought I'd see what was new in the world of Christian literature. I saw page after page of books and resources designed to help us draw nearer to God and one another--bible studies, pop psychology books, Christian fiction (which I occasionally enjoy, but honestly all looks the same to me), commentaries, and hundreds of bibles. Then, I stumbled upon something I have probably flipped right past dozens of times before. Near the back of the catalog were several pages of books about marriage, family and relationships. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy books along these lines, and I think we all do stand to learn a few things about how we are in relationship with others and how we can improve in this area. But an interesting thought struck me as I perused the titles. I found myself thinking "I need this book, and then I should read this one, and I really think if I read this one I could be a better wife..." I found myself convinced that if I didn't read all these books, and constantly be in a state of studying relationships and marriage I was going to be a massive failure as a wife. It was fascinating the pull the advertisements had upon me, and all of a sudden I somehow snapped out of my train of thought and realized how untrue that statement was.

I certainly do believe we need to be students of ourselves and how we relate to others. Too many marriages fail too early because people don't want to put the time and energy into learning about their patterns of behavior that could be unhealthy. However, I also think we can land on the other extreme (where I tend to find myself)--the place of never relaxing enough to enjoy our relationships and just be in them. I found myself thinking "My husband tells me all the time he loves me, I am sure there are things he wishes I would do differently, but he isn't the one putting all this pressure on me to be the perfect wife--that's coming from me." I can be free to take a deep breath, say "It's okay, I am good enough, I need to learn and grow over time, but I don't have to be perfect. No book is going to make me perfect. I can just be." And friends, there's a lot of freedom in that.