Dreaming Dreams

We all have them. From the time we are little most of us are asked "what do you want to be when you grow up?" Some of us didn't have parents that asked us this question or encouraged us to dream, but perhaps we had a teacher who stepped in and allowed us this freedom. My own parents made it clear that we could be absolutely anything we wanted to be when we grew up, that they would do what they could to support us in achieving whatever dreams we had--something I am incredibly grateful for. (Even if we choose careers that girls didn't typically pursue...like...um I don't know, a pastor? My dad says nothing converts a man to being a feminist quite like having a daughter that you want to see attain any thing her little heart desires to pursue!) Over the years I've had a lot of ideas and plans, things I thought I might want to pursue some day--from being an elementary school teacher, to a journalist, an English teacher, a brief stint of thinking I would be a social worker or a speech pathologist, to finally realizing I wanted to be in the ministry. It was the best fit, it actually perfectly allows me to combine all of these past career goals--as a pastor you have to teach, write, read, help with good communication, and often step in as a social worker. It's crazy how all these things that I am passionate about come together--I think God knew what He was doing when I began this journey.

I've always had another dream too, though. I've always dreamed of being a mom like my own incredible mom, of having a family of two or three little ones around, of getting to stay home with them in their early years like my mom did--shaping their early childhood development and laying a solid foundation for them. I've never really known how all these dreams would fit together, and I suppose I still don't exactly. But I do know that my husband and I are entering into a season of life where some answers might begin appearing. We both dream of doing ministry, and we're having many conversations these days of what that might mean for the two of us. Is it realistic to both be involved in full time ministry as our first jobs? Probably not, but possibly. Where do kids fit in? Do we both need pay checks from a church to "do" ministry? We're coming to the conclusion that no, we don't. Ministry for us isn't about receiving a paycheck, it's about a passion, and we realize that may mean one of us receives a paycheck from a church to "do" ministry and the other may act more as a professional volunteer. That's a humbling reality when we both have worked so hard for degrees that we'll be paying off for awhile!

We still don't know how everything is going to work out--but we have come to a few conclusions that we both firmly believe when it comes to seeing our dreams come true. First, we believe strongly that God cares more about who we are as a couple (and someday as a family) than what we do for a living. Our character, our obedience, submission to Him and one another, the way we shape and disciple our kids is so much more important to Him than who pays us to work. If we end up working at Starbucks but have a family that loves and serves deeply those around us, well, as I read scripture, I am convinced that's more important. And the second thing we are walking into this season of interviews and discernment fully grounded upon is the reality that no matter where we end up, no matter whose name is on a paycheck, both of us will do ministry wherever we go. It's who we are. God has called us, trained us, equipped us, and given us a passion for His people and His church and no matter where we end up, we'll be serving. Even after beginning a family we are committed to both of us serving our local church in some capacity. I don't say that to sound self-righteous in any way, I say that because we've been receiving so many questions of "what's next?" "how are you both going to use your degrees?" "will a church hire two of you?" "what about kids?" and it's been a struggle to answer people at times.

We still don't know where we will be. We don't know when we will move, or what positions we'll be moving into. And that's a little stressful, we like answers. But this past year and a half of uncertainty, of planning and dreaming and brainstorming and having the occasional tear-filled conversation with one another has been rich and fruitful. We feel confident that God does have something for us, that God does have a place in store for us to both use our gifts and our talents, and that God does desire for us to begin a family in the relatively near future--and in the mean time, we're going to keep dreaming, because my experience is that God loves it when his children think big about how they want to live in His world.