"Mommy where are you? Mommy what are you doing? Mommy can you play with me?!" The demands never end. There's a baby crying to be fed, a husband who can't find his car keys, a three year old who NEVER. STOPS. TALKING. EVER. I look around at the mess I sit in the midst of, the kitchen floor that has seen much better days, the collection of toys and books that somehow never make it back onto their shelves, the three baskets of laundry--clean, but unfolded, sitting in the living room, and I sigh. The lack of hours in a day, the to do list that gets longer, not shorter, the sleep deprivation and diapers and meals to prepare--it seems to pile up around me faster than I can do anything about it. And then there is the inadequacy I feel as I stare down a very stubborn preschooler--battling over nap times and whether he is actually going to sit in his time out or his inability to STOP THROWING THINGS! I realize I am not trained. I don't have the answers to 100 million questions a day. I have no idea how to respond when I tell him "no" and he says "but I like to!" And I sit with my inadequacy and realize I actually AM inadequate. Not in a self-pitying way, but in an "I am desperate for help, I don't know how to do this" kind of way.
So I do the only thing I can in this moment on this Sunday morning before we head off to the 11:00 service. I pop another episode of Thomas onto the TV downstairs. I crank the baby swing up and let Asher drift off to sleep. I pour another cup of coffee, shove the crumbs off the table and onto the floor (really, what's a few more on an already crunchy floor?), move the Cheerios box over and I open my bible that has gathered way too much dust in the last couple months. I don't have a clue where I'm turning to or what I'm looking for, I just know I need help and Jesus promises to be near when we call on him. I confess my fears and frustrations. I tell him I'm not sure how to do this, I'm not sure I can do this. And the whisper comes "you can't. Not on your own. Will you stop relying on your own strength and knowledge? You don't have what it takes. But I do." Isn't that the truth? No matter what our calling or task in life, don't we always think we can do it on our own strength? When will I learn to turn to Him FIRST instead of to bail me out after I've dug too deep? He actually is enough, and he actually does know what he's doing. Jesus calls us to trust Him, to trust that whatever we face in life He is bigger and greater than our troubles. Whether we run a church, oversee a Fortune 500 company, or change diapers and tie little shoes all day we don't have to go it alone. May we invite him into our week this week, into the tiny and mundane tasks that are on our to do list, into the meals we prepare and the conversations we have and the time outs we administer. Jesus is calling us to walk with Him, are we willing to make the space to listen?
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