Three Months!

Little Bug!  You are three months old!  You're past that "missing 4th trimester" that people talk about!  Woo hoo, we all made it!  You are growing into such a fun little boy, your mommy and daddy just love you to pieces!  We don't have a 3 month doctor's appointment, so we don't have any official weights and measurements of you, but by our best calculations you're about 12 pounds 10 ounces and I have no idea how long you are but I do know you've completely out grown all your 0-3 month sleepers.  We're definitely into 3 month clothing with you.  In the past month you have come so far working on your tummy time and lifting up your head--you no longer howl at us when we put you on your tummy, and you are doing quite a wonderful job at lifting your head up off the ground.  It's hard work, and you still get tired easily, but we are so excited to see you actually working on it!  

This past month you got to meet one of mommy's best friends, Missy, when she came down to spend a couple days with us, and you took another trip.  You're going to be quite the well traveled baby!  This time you and Mommy flew to Minneapolis to your Grandma and Papa's house while your daddy went on a mission trip with the church.  They went to build houses in Arizona and you and I went to play and take naps and spend time with Grandma and Papa. 

Another fun thing is that you have started figuring out that you have hands!  You like to suck on your hands sometimes and you are paying more and more attention when your hands accidentally whack one of your toys or stuffed animals.  You like to reach out and touch the stuffed animals that are propped up on your changing table.

Your smile is getting brighter and brighter and you're trying so hard to talk!  We can tell you have a lot to say, and you'll lock eyes with mommy when feeding and stop eating to smile and talk to her.  This morning you laid in Mommy and Daddy's bed and told us all kinds of things--I think you were telling us all about your night :)  You have no idea how much I adore these "conversations"--I could spend hours listening to you "talk" to me.  

Every day it seems you become a little bit more aware of what's going on around you, and more interested in looking at the world.  You have come to love your baths and kick and splash (even though I am not sure you realize it is your own arms and legs making the water splash!).  Mommy gives you a bath most nights because it helps quiet you when you're getting fussy in the evenings before bed.  It is so much more fun now that you can kind of sit up on your own in the tub instead of having to have Mommy hold you!  

We've spent this past month working on sleep with you--I realized about a month ago that babies are supposed to take naps after being awake only an hour and a half or two hours, and that has made a huge difference in our house!  You're only napping for 20-30 minutes each time but it seems to be enough to help you "reset" your little brain and body and makes you ready to be awake and play again for another 90 minutes or so.  This probably goes against every baby sleep book, but your afternoon nap is still almost always in Mommy's arms, laying on my chest.  We lay down together and that seems to help you get in a bit of a longer nap than 30 minutes (today you slept for an hour and a half!) and it lets Mommy get a much needed nap and some baby snuggle time.  You have no idea how much I adore the feeling of your little body snuggled up next to me.  Someday we'll probably have to stop these little naps of ours, but for now I will treasure every afternoon we get to snuggle together.  

Another exciting thing of the month is that you've started paying a little attention when we read to you! You will stare at the pages of a book and actually let us get through most of a short story, which absolutely makes me beyond excited!  Your favorite book this month is Chick a Chicka Boom Boom about all the alphabet letters that climb the coconut tree and then they all fall down!  Oh no!  We have read this book a LOT this month (well in the last two weeks, your Grandma gave it to you when we went to her house and we've read it every day since then).  Here you are with Papa, he's reading you Good Night Moon and you were pretty fixated on the pictures!

It was your first big holiday this month too!  Easter!  We went to church and then had a beautiful lunch at Jim and Chris' house.  You had fun for awhile but got awfully tired and couldn't settle down to take your nap with all the people around, so we finally brought you home to sleep (and you slept for 2 hours, woke up for an hour and then went to bed for the night!  Poor baby, Easter really took it out of you!)  Here's our little family at church on Easter.

Aidan, your Mommy and Daddy couldn't be more in love with you!  You are going to roll your eyes when you read this later in life but almost every day I look at you and I get teary just thinking about how perfect and amazing you are.  There are tough days, days when I can't seem to figure out what you need, but those are getting fewer and father between.  You crack me up all the time with silly expressions like this one in this photo and you melt my heart with your smiles, coos and attempts at laughter (which right now is more of a one syllable "ha!")  I love the way your eyes light up when I come into the room to get you from a nap, and I love the way you never ever stop kicking your feet if you're awake.  (Changing you is quite the challenge!)  Every night as you lay snuggled in my arms in the rocking chair as I rock you to sleep I  am overwhelmed at how God has blessed us with you.  I never knew that when I became a mom I'd know you better than I know any person on the planet.  I know what your perfectly round little cheek feels like against my lips.  I know your scent.  I know the temperature of your forehead and little ears and now I know how my mom always knew if I had a fever by kissing me.  It's because she spent an exorbitant amounts of time kissing my forehead so she knew if something changed.  

We love you so much baby boy!  Happy 3 months!

Parents Need to Eat Too!

If you have known me for awhile, you know that cooking is one of my loves. I love menu planning for the week, grocery shopping, and setting a fresh meal on the table. As you can imagine, since our little one was born I have not done much cooking and that has been frustrating. It's not the fact that I have not been able to cook that has bothered me, it's the fact that when I don't have a menu and plan set I am so much more likely to succumb to fast food, frozen pizza, and other unbalanced meals just to fill our bellies even if it is completely unhealthy. This drives me crazy and goes against everything I was raised to value about food and meal times! A few weeks ago my friend Karen, also a relatively new mom, told me about a cookbook she found and loved. It's called Parents Need to Eat Too by Debbie Koenig and is full of easy meals that are designed for tired new parents. Some are crock pot recipes, some are "one handed meals" that you can eat while holding a little one, some create larger amounts of food so that you can freeze a portion for later, some are "nap friendly" recipes so that she has them broken into stages that you can put together during your kid's various naps throughout the day, and some are designed to help increase milk supply for nursing mothers. I ordered a copy of the book and while I've been here at my parents house I actually read through the entire book cover to cover. It has great tips, and the recipes look SO yummy and balanced and healthy. I decided to take advantage of the extra help I have here and created my monthly menu for April, and then went through all the recipes and made my grocery lists for each week of the month. Debbie has a website that goes along with the book (www.debbiekoenig.com) with links to a ton of recipes not in her book. In order to get you to purchase the book she doesn't link to those recipes. So in case you need some inspiration, new ideas, or are just plain tired of your normal menu, feel free to try some of these along with us this month! To make things easier for planning I assigned a different food category to a different night of the week. So in our house this month Mondays are Mexican food night, Tuesdays are pasta nights, Wednesdays are left overs, Thursdays are some type of meat and/or potato night, Fridays are free nights--so something out of our freezer, or left overs, or going out, Saturdays are slow cooker days, and Sundays are soup and salad nights. So many bloggers I read use a system similar to this to help their planning out, so feel free to borrow the idea as well!

Here's what we're going to be testing out this month--all these are from this new cookbook.

Quick Black Beans & Rice

Beef Ravioli Lasagna

French Onion Chicken (you caramelize the onions overnight in a crock pot and then add chicken in the morning to let it cook all day--so easy and it looks amazing!)

Balsamic Beef Stew

Quesadillas with cheddar and mango chutney

Pasta with roasted cherry tomatoes and shrimp

Chipotle Sloppy Joes

Moroccan Red Lentil Stew

Butternut and Gruyere Stuffed Baked Potatoes

Roasted Vegetable Beef Barley Soup

Blue Cheese & Bacon Stuffed Baked Potatoes

Curried Lentil Soup

My mouth is watering! Anyone else ready to get cooking!? I'll let you know later how these things turn out and if I'd still really recommend the book after cooking from it, but for now I'm just super excited to have a month of meals planned out and the shopping lists to go with them!

Three Years

I have come to enjoy and appreciate anniversaries so much more than birthdays lately. Birthdays arrive and we turn another year older and it takes no work. They just show up. Anniversaries arrive too, but as I've talked to so many friends who are married and as I look at my own marriage, I realize that anniversaries are kind of "earned" in some way. Marriage is an amazing journey, full of ups and downs, but in order to make it work, it takes commitment and some hard work at times. Couples have to push through tough times to come out on the other side stronger, and I think that's something worth celebrating. Every time our anniversary rolls around I am reminded of the journey we have been on this past year, and I love looking back and celebrating the moments we didn't give up and the moments that were full of joy and the moments that drove us to our knees and the moments that we clung to each other because that's all it felt like we had. This past year was definitely the most difficult of our short marriage, and as we stand here today I look back at where we were a year ago on our anniversary. We had gone away to the Washington coast for 2 nights to try and escape a life that had come to feel so difficult and painful. Turns out, you can't really escape those things. We spent the weekend trying our hardest to put on our happy faces and enjoy each other, but in reality we were both so angry at the circumstance we'd found ourselves in with my husband's job. We would try and make a rule that we couldn't talk about the church but that pretty much left us with nothing, we were so consumed and hurt and frustrated that we didn't know what else to talk about. Here we are a year later and in such a different place in our marriage and family and work. I look back and I celebrate where God has brought us, how God has strengthened us, all the things God has taught us, and the amazing gifts God has given us.

I hear couples say they aren't doing anything to celebrate their wedding anniversary this year because "it's just another day," and that makes me so sad. Even if it's not elaborate, even if it's nothing spectacular, even if it's several days before or after your actual anniversary, take time to celebrate your marriage--you've worked for it, and in a culture where more and more couples are calling it quits, I think marriages are worth celebrating! My husband likes to say that our anniversary is the birthday of our family, and that today our family is 3 year's old. I think that's worth finding a baby sitter and making plans even though we're busy and we have other things we could be doing with our time. So this weekend that's what we're doing. We're setting aside time to go to dinner, and we're going to see the Hunger Games because I have been waiting for months for this movie to be released, and we're going to celebrate all that this past year has brought. Happy anniversary honey, I love our little 3 year old family!

Two months!

It's super hard for me to believe little dude, but you are two months old!! You look so much bigger to me compared to your one month photo, but that is probably because you ARE so much bigger! At your 2 month appointment today you weighed 11 pounds even, and were 23.5 inches long (2.5 inches longer than last month!). Mommy had to put all your newborn sleepers away because your little toes hit the ends and you can't move your arms very well in them! Time for the 0-3 month clothes! It's been a super busy month for you, you have been learning and growing a little each day. My favorite new trick of yours is that you learned how to smile at 6 weeks! Your Papa got your first real smile out of you, you just grinned at him while lying on your changing table, and it was pretty awesome. In the past month you have had lots of time with people who love you! Your Papa came out over President's Day weekend because your daddy had to go on a retreat with the kids from church and I wasn't quite ready to be a single mom for 4 days! You've been making friends with people from church and some amazing people have volunteered their time to come hang out with you so Mommy can have a break. Then when you were 7 weeks old you took your first airplane trip! I don't have any pictures from the occasion but you and I flew all the way back to Providence, RI to see your cousin Brooke be baptized! You did awesome on the airplane--you slept all the way there and most of the way home, only having melt downs when we had to get on and off the plane, but I think that was because I had to put you in my front carrier and you weren't a huge fan of that idea. You got to meet your Auntie Megan and Uncle Nathan, and your cousins Lily and Brooke, as well as your Oma and Great Papa. It was a pretty fun weekend and lots of people took turns helping take care of you. Your Oma spent a LOT of time holding you and rocking you and soothing you--we called her the Baby Whisperer. She was amazing at getting you to calm down and sleep soundly when no one else could! It turns out she used to be a nurse in the mother/baby unit at a hospital--I had no idea! No wonder she was so good with you! This is a picture of you in her arms. This is what you looked like pretty much the whole time she held you! Mommy told her she had to come live in LA for the next few months :)

When your Mommy was growing up, some of her very favorite people were her cousins--I got to see them a ton and we were such great friends. I was so excited for your cousins to meet you! You get to meet your other cousins in June, but you got to meet Lily and Brooke this month which was very fun. Lily loved you, she kept exclaiming over your "tiny hands! Tiny feet!" and saying "Hi Tiny Aidan!" She informed us that Brooke was the big baby and you were little, and then she told Brooke that she was not allowed to eat baby Aidan. See, she's already looking out for you! She helped give you a bath, and one night Mommy & Auntie Megan even bravely gave all three of you baths! At one point all three of you were screaming--you and Brooke weren't happy and Lily was screaming that she couldn't hear her music over all the baby crying! It was quite the first cousin bonding experience for all of you! (And next time it was bath time we enlisted all the grandmas to do the honors!)

You are becoming so much more alert--noticing some of your toys, making great eye contact with whoever is talking to you, and you even try to talk back which might be one of my favorite things. Your sweet little "ahh's!" are just adorable. You also like mirrors and every morning while I shower I put you in your bouncer in front of the closet mirrors and you talk to the little boy inside. Your little cheeks are rounding out, which is my very favorite part of your tiny body. When you snuggle up on my shoulder and we're cheek to cheek the feeling of those sweet, soft, smooth little baby cheeks is almost too much for me to handle! Almost every afternoon you and I nap together in Mommy and Daddy's bed--you sleeping on my chest--and I know those will be some of my favorite memories of these newborn days.

You are a pretty sweet little one, Mr. Aidan. We love you!

Month One! The month of tongue un-tying, lots of learning, and a little sleep!

Mister Aidan! You are one month old! Actually now you are 6 weeks old but you keep Mommy really busy, so she was not able to post this sooner. It has been a crazy month for all of us, and I can't say I am sorry it is behind us. I think month 2 will be a bit better for a lot of reasons! The biggest issue of your first month of life was figuring out why you screamed at us all the time! You would nurse for 45 minutes, and still scream and root for food--Mommy was exhausted and frustrated because all the books said you would stop eating and rooting when you were full but you literally NEVER stopped! Finally when you were 3.5 weeks old I took you to a lactation consultant to get you weighed and get help. Your weight was 7 lbs 14 oz, which is what you were when you were born. So you were not gaining weight very quickly. Our new friend Carole watched you eat and immediately said your jaw was not moving right. She looked in your mouth and saw the problem--you were tongue tied! I didn't even know such a thing existed! Your little tongue was attached too tightly to the floor of your mouth, so you could not suck properly. Which means you were not getting much milk from mommy at all! Luckily we were already supplementing you with formula to quiet the screaming, so you were getting some calories. We spent the next week pouring calories into you via a bottle and lots of nursing (they fixed your tongue which was a super simple procedure, so you were able to nurse much better, which helped mommy make more milk). You gained a pound in a week! You were so hungry and we kept feeding you, and you were a much happier baby! At your 1 month appointment you weighed 8 lbs 14 oz! Grow baby grow! You are in the 25th percentile for weight (but part of that is probably because you weren't getting enough to eat--we'll see where you are at month 2!), the 50th for height and the 75th percentile for head circumference. I'm not entirely sure what that last one means except I've decided it means you'll be a smart one :)

Your first month was a month of meeting lots of new friends and family members, your Grandma and Papa were here the first week of your life, and spent lots of time sitting up at night with you. They shared a room with you so mommy could get some sleep, so they were the first ones always up with you--changing your diapers, bouncing you on the yoga ball, and spending nights in the rocking chair letting you sleep on top of them (which was the only way you seemed to be able to sleep for the first couple weeks!) Papa left after a week and Grandma stayed two more doing all kinds of things to help me out around the house and with you. I was so so grateful for the help since you were a bit of a fussy one! (Now we know that's because you were hungry!)

Grandma left and then Papa came back a couple days later since we were still having a tough time figuring out why you were screaming so much and Mommy needed help with you since Daddy was so busy at church this month. After Papa left the second time your Grandmama, Granddaddy, and Uncle Teddy came out to meet you! We spent lots of time hanging out around the house and Grandmama loved getting to rock you (when you were quiet enough to let her!)

You started making a little better eye contact with people which is very fun, and thankfully after the first two weeks of your life you started sleeping in your crib which is where you've slept every night since then. This makes mommy and daddy very grateful! We watch you sleep on our video baby monitor and I think everyone rests better not having you sleep on top of one of us!

It was a big month for all of us, little bug, it's been a little exhausting but you are so so worth it! You are adorable, and we love getting to see a little bit more of you emerge each and every day. Happy 1 month baby boy!

Someday I'll Want to Tell You...

There is no way to adequately capture in words all the things I hope to remember about these first early weeks of your life, little boy. Being your Mommy for these first three weeks of your life has been the hardest, most amazing thing I have ever done. I don't think I really could prepare for what it would be like to be someone's Mom--you are learning about this world every day and I'm learning about how to be your Mommy right along with you. I won't lie, little one, it's been a little bit exhausting--you like to eat a lot, at all hours of the day and night, and you also like to scream when you think you need more food (even though I think you're telling me stories, because I will have just finished feeding you!). But it's been amazing too, as I've gotten to know a little bit more about you--about who you are, what you like, what kind of personality you have, and how to best care for you--every day. These are things I hope I always remember, and things I hope to tell you one day when you ask what you were like as a baby.

You have the longest, most delicate, most beautiful fingers I have ever seen. And the wrinkliest palms! We're not exactly sure where your long fingers came from, but I think they are your Auntie Megan's--she has long fingers, perfect for playing the piano. Will you use them to catch a football? Or make beautiful music on some instrument? They are perfect, and I can't get enough of watching them grasp my finger or rest gently on my chest as you eat. Ten perfect little fingers that I pray will one day be used to do so much good in this world.

Your facial expressions absolutely kill me, and I am the one who gets a front row seat to them because you make the best ones right after you finish eating. As you let go of me, and fall into your little milk coma, head flopped back, eyes closed in perfect contentment, your little mouth starts moving. Your lips will purse, they'll smack together, your little tongue will keep trying to suck. My other favorite is when you raise your eye brows, with your eyes still closed, and your normally perfectly smooth forehead wrinkles with little lines. It's amazing how expressive your little face is. When you're offered a pacifier and what you really want is Mommy, you suck a few times, and make this horribly offended look, as if "I can't believe you people thought this would be an acceptable substitution!" You're screaming, and I can't help but smile because it is so indicative of how you already know exactly what you want, and you realize you're being cheated. Sometimes in your sleep I catch a glimpse of what your smile will look like. It is beautiful, baby boy, absolutely takes your Mommy's breath away.

It's incredible to me that no matter how disoriented you are in this new world, no matter how agitated you get or frantic you are in your search for food, the second someone hands you to me screaming bloody murder and I put my face next to yours and say "hi baby bird!" (one of my many nicknames for you already) you immediately stop crying for a moment and turn to me. You know my voice, in a way that I'm not sure anyone has ever so clearly recognized, and it amazes me every time you react to me in this way.

Watching you root for food is almost comical because you are so intense about it. Even if I have just fed you two hours earlier, you act as if I have never fed you before in your life. Your little mouth will be open as wide as possible you are usually screaming, and your little head that you have no control over starts moving back and forth, eyes wide open, just like a baby bird--begging someone to put anything in that open mouth to satiate you. Those first few sucks when you latch onto me are frantic, intense, until you realize you're in your safe space--you're being held close to me, you're being fed, and you relax into a rhythm of eating that always catches me off guard--my body is feeding you, sustaining you, just as God designed it to. And I see you melt into me and eat your fill. And I fall a little bit more in love with you every time you do.

You are getting a little better with eye contact and looking at certain objects--your favorite right now is your Baby Einstein crib toy that plays music as fish swim past you. You can watch that for a good ten minutes when you're in a good mood--happily staring as the fish swim by and you kick your little legs and wiggle those arms that you don't even know are attached to you. My favorite moments are when you've made eye contact with me, staring as I've talked to or sung to you. It hasn't happened often, but it's pretty fantastic when it does.

There have been days and moments where it seems like nothing I do makes you stop fussing, and it breaks my heart. My own tears will baptize your little forehead as I hold you and we both cry together. But then you will eventually settle against me, head on my chest, as if there is no other place in this world that you belong and my heart melts all over again at the wonder of the weight of your tiny body pressed against mine. You realize you are safe, and you relax, and I plant numerous kisses on the forehead that rests just below my own chin.

Aidan's Birth Story

I'll be honest, this post really is more for me to have the story of our little guy's birth and his first week recorded somewhere, many of you won't want to read all this, and that's fine :) I just wanted to make sure that before I completely loose my mind to sleep deprivation I take time to write down some thoughts and memories of the days immediately surrounding Aidan's entrance into the world. There you go, that's your disclaimer :) Feel free to stop reading now if you so desire!

We had said all along that we didn't want our son to arrive too late, since my mom only had 3 weeks vacation and I wanted to take full advantage of her time on baby help! But we also didn't want him showing up too early since she didn't fly into town until Thursday Jan. 12. We all jokingly said that having the baby on Friday Jan. 13th sounded like a great day based on our family schedule, and wouldn't it be great if he cooperated? Well Friday rolled around and I was still very pregnant. On Friday evenings here in Granada Hills a ton of food trucks from around Los Angeles come and park on a street a few blocks from our apartment, and we thought it would be fun to introduce my mom to the LA food truck phenomenon. So Charles, mom and I walked up to the trucks (more like ran, for some reason the two of them set the pace and I did all I could to keep up--we later blame the race to the food trucks as the walk the sent me into labor!) and got dinner. We were joking about how on Sunday afternoon after church we were going to go visit a restaurant in Hollywood that has this famous salad known for inducing labor. It's been on national news and on the TV show The Doctor's. Something about the herbs in the dressing--it's literally known as "The Salad." Turns out we never got to go eat The Salad.

That night we climbed into bed around ten and my husband promptly fell asleep. It always takes me a little while to settle my mind down so about 20 minutes later I was just drifting off when a stomach cramp woke me up. It wasn't super painful, just different than what I'd been experiencing with Braxton Hicks contractions up until that point. It went away and I worked on going back to sleep. Soon enough another cramp woke me up, so I checked the clock and found that 20 minutes had passed since the first one. The next two hours found me dozing as these pains (which I knew by now were contractions) came and went every 15-20 minutes. At one point I got up and went out to the living room so as to not wake my husband yet, and went back through the paperwork from our childbirth class so I could remind myself what to expect and what signs meant "head to the hospital." We had downloaded a "contraction timer" app onto Charles' iPhone, so eventually I went back to bed and lay there timing them. Finally about 1:30 I woke Charles up, mostly with my tossing and turning. When he asked what I was doing and I said "timing contractions" he definitely woke up! We hung out together watching TV, timing contractions, and putting the last things into our hospital bags for a couple hours. As a side note, going into labor at night, as you're headed to sleep, is one of the worst times in my opinion. You've already been up all day and are just looking forward to a good night's sleep when you find yourself up all night again. And then in my case up all day the next day and half the next night too. That's a lot of days/nights with no sleep.

But I digress. We finally woke my mom up around 3 to ask her what she thought we should do. They tell you to labor at home as long as you can, and head to the hospital when either A) you can't handle the pain anymore and want drugs, or B) you are at a 5-1-1 stage--your contractions are 5 minutes apart, they last for 1 minute, and this pattern continues for an hour. My contractions were 4-6 minutes apart, lasting for about 45 seconds, but weren't really increasing in intensity (something else they tell you to look for). Finally at 5 we decided to head in just to get checked to see what was going on. Both my mom and sister had fast labors, so we were assuming genetics would play a part here and mine would be too, and already I'd been laboring longer than it took for my mom to have me. The world's nicest nurse met us at admitting and got me all checked out, and said she'd call my doctor and ask what the doctor wanted me to do. I was only at about 2 centimeters, so I still had a long way to go, so there was a chance I'd be sent home to continue laboring there for awhile. They decided to admit me and let me walk the halls of the hospital for a couple hours seeing if that would help things progress. So that's what we did, only it didn't really cause anything exciting to happen. I was still at a 2, maybe 3 centimeters after a couple hours of walking around. I was starving and so since we still had so far to go they let me eat jello and a banana for a little energy, and about 30 minutes later the pain increased and my breakfast promptly came back up in response to my contractions. Yup, not eating red jello again for awhile!

I felt bad for how long and boring the day was for my poor mom and husband! They were awesome though, they took turns doing pressure points and massage on my back, feeding me ice chips, holding bags as I got sick, walking the halls with me, and Charles even entertained me by reading to me from the book we're reading aloud (Percy Jackson and the Lightening Thief). Finally at 2 I'd had it--I'd been up all night, the pain was increasing, and I knew I still had such a long ways to go that I asked for the epidural. It had been my plan all along to get one, I didn't feel bad about it at all, nor did I feel any desire or need to try for a natural childbirth. The anesthesiologist came in and he was amazing, so so funny and kind and kept me distracted and calm through the inserting of the epidural. Wow. Talk about amazing relief after hours of not being able to rest. It was incredible and I would have no qualms about recommending an epidural to anyone! It allowed me to get some sleep which I needed so badly.

A little while later I was dozing and all of a sudden there was a ton of commotion in the room. The anesthesiologist was there, my nurse came running in, the charge nurse came in and maybe some others? My mom's expression looked worried, and I had no idea what was going on. I know that oxygen was put on my face and I was told to take deep breaths to help the baby out, and a nurse said "I'm going to give you a shot in your arm right now" and I heard them say "have them on standby" (I'm assuming they were talking about the OR). Everyone nervously watched the monitors and eventually decided things were okay. Apparently what had happened is I had a tetanic contraction that is essentially one really long contraction with no break (mine lasted over 2.5 minutes) which puts a lot of pressure on baby's head and usually causes a sudden drop in their heartbeat. Which is exactly what happened, Aidan's heartbeat plummeted. So they gave me a shot super fast to stop the contraction and let the pressure ease up on him, and thankfully it worked, but it was pretty scary. I think this happened one other time during my labor, I know I was given oxygen more than that once, and I know at some point they turned off the pitocin they'd been giving me to let things ease up a bit.

Contractions continued and at some point the doctor came into break my water to see if that would speed things up a bit. It didn't. She said she'd be back to check me at 10 that evening, but if no progress had been made then she was predicting Aidan was tangled up in his cord and wasn't able to make the descent he needed to, and if that was the case there wasn't really anything they could do besides a c-section. The hours dragged on, broken up by a super sweet visit from our pastor and his wife. Jim and Chris drove all the way down to the hospital just to bring my mom and Charles coffee and to pray with us. It was so good to see them in the midst of a long day! Eventually it was 10. Pretty much no more progress had been made even though I'd been having strong contractions every 90 seconds for hours. At that point, I think we just wanted things to be done, we wanted our baby out safely. And the doctor, nurses, and my mom reassured Charles and I that this was in no way a result of any choices we'd made, there was absolutely nothing we could have done differently to have a different outcome. They moved pretty quick after that, and before I knew it I was in the OR being moved to the operating table being prepped for surgery. My husband was given a super cool outfit and was brought in to sit by my head. I was really surprised at how fast the surgery was, before I realized they'd even started (I was SUPER numb, literally could not tell anyone was even touching anything below my chest!) I heard the beautiful sound of our baby wailing away as they brought him out. Then I heard the doctor say "I was right! He was wearing his cord like a necklace and couldn't move down." Everything after that was kind of a blur, I know they toweled the baby off a bit, and handed him to Charles right away. He brought him over to see me, but I was shaking SO badly from the medicine I couldn't really touch him. I started crying asking if he was really okay. He was howling but quieted quickly as his daddy settled him down. The nurses took our first family photo and then they took Aidan to the nursery to clean him up and check him over. Charles got to go spend those first two hours with him while they put me into a light sleep to finish up the surgery and get me into recovery. I remember waking up in a different room, still really numb, and my mom was there. I remember asking her if she had seen him yet and she said yes, she had held him and he was perfect. I still had not really seen the baby but they said he would be brought in shortly. My mom let me make the 2 phone calls I had really wanted to make myself--to my dad and sister. I was too drugged to do much besides that, and all I remember was how parched my throat and voice felt from not being allowed to drink and from wearing the oxygen mask. I could barely talk but I was able to tell dad he was a Papa again and Megan that she was finally an auntie. Finally Charles came back wheeling the bassinet. The nurse and my mom helped me sit up and hold him for the first time. He was so little! It was pretty fantastic holding him, and we tried feeding but I don't really remember that. I think he sucked a few times and that was about it. I was exhausted and kind of groggy, so after a bit I handed him back to his daddy. They transferred me to my postpartum room and by now it was probably almost 1 AM. All I wanted was sleep. I sent my mom and Charles home (first major mistake made by me, I thought I'd be fine just sleeping there alone...I should have asked someone to stay the night with me) and we had them keep Aidan in the nursery for the night. I was completely incapable of even picking him up or getting out of bed to care for him, so they kept him in the nursery and fed him there. I was at the point where that was completely fine with me--even though I know it went against all the rules of establishing a good breast feeding habit with a newborn.

The rest of that night was a long blur of feeling drugged, incredibly nauseated (yes, I even threw up ice chips, I didn't even know that was possible), sore as the meds started wearing off, and bleeding way more than anyone was expecting. I think I was making the nurses nervous, but I was so out of it I didn't know that at the time. I slept fitfully, unable to really move on my own to roll over or reposition myself. First thing in the morning I called home and told my mom and Charles I needed them to come back, they wanted to bring the baby into the room and I couldn't mentally or physically handle being alone with him. For the first couple days I felt like the world's worst mom. I had so much physical healing to do, I couldn't get out of bed to pick him up, I didn't know how to feed him, I couldn't get up to change his diapers or swaddle him--everyone else had to do those things for me. These are all things you're supposed to do as a mom, and I couldn't. It really hit home when I called my grandparents first thing Sunday morning to make sure they knew Aidan had arrived and grandma asked what he looked like. I just started crying and had to say that I had no idea, I'd still only held him the one time late Saturday night, and I was so out of it all I could remember is that he had dark hair. What kind of mom can't even picture what her own baby looks like?? It was a horrible, horrible feeling. I remember crying a lot those first few days--feeling disappointed that things had gone so differently than we planned, dealing with a lot of physical pain, feeling like a failure because everything they tell you to do in the first "essential few hours with your baby" I couldn't do, and feeling completely and utterly exhausted.

My dad arrived about 1 on Sunday, having caught the first flight he could on Sunday morning to come meet his grandson, and we had a lot of other visitors throughout the day on Sunday of people excited to meet our baby. As much as I wanted to see close friends, and introduce them to Aidan, looking back that's one thing I think I would have done differently. I think I would have asked visitors to wait until Monday, and would have protected that first day to be just family--which would have helped me get some rest, and I still hadn't really spent much time holding and looking at my own son. As it was I wasn't able to nap at all that day because of so many people (both medical staff and visitors and even people via Skype that "met" Aidan from long distance) in and out of the room. By Sunday night I was an emotional wreck partly from hormones and partly from sheer exhaustion--I really thought I was the world's worst new mom, and all I could do was cry. I think one thing I'd say to new moms is that it's okay to say you need rest, your close friends will love you enough to understand and be happy to come see you on day 2 or 3 when you're feeling a little more human! I sent Charles and my dad home that night to get some good sleep and had my mom stay with me mostly because I needed a nurse--I was so physically miserable I needed someone to take care of me while Aidan spent another night in the nursery (although I was able to nurse by now so they brought him to me for feedings and then took him back so I could sleep more).

Thankfully by Monday morning I'd turned a bit of a corner--they finally unhooked my IV, took my catheter out, took the compression boot things off my legs and let me get out of bed for the first time and take a real shower and put on my own clothes. Oh my gosh I felt like a new person. I moved slow, but I was able to get out of bed and sit in a chair and nurse from there, and was able to eat real food again--since I'd successfully been keeping my liquid diet down :) Charles stayed with me that night and we did our best to deal with the infamous "night number 2" of having a newborn. Apparently it's super common for babies to be up all night on the second night, wanting to nurse constantly. Our little guy was no exception and we spent a long night together trying different soothing techniques. I was finally discharged Tuesday afternoon which was awesome--they were going to keep me until Wednesday but my doctor correctly predicted I'd be in great hands going home with two nurses, and would get way more rest at home than in the hospital. So we packed up, headed home, and began the journey of adjusting to life with a newborn! I will write more about our first couple weeks at home later, but this post is getting long enough, if anyone is still reading I am impressed! As much as we had hopes of our birth experience going differently, we are so grateful for a healthy baby boy and that my recovery has gone really well (after those first horrible 24 hours!). God has blessed us beyond belief, and we look forward to sharing more of our adventures and stories of adjusting to parenthood with you all!