How do you do that?

"How do you do it?" The question was posed to me this week by the gentleman scanning my produce at the local grocery store.  He looked at Aidan and looked back at me and said "How do you do it?"  I was a bit perplexed and asked what he was referring to and he said "being a mom.  Moms amaze me.  I have no idea how on earth my wife does what she does--I have no idea how you do what you do to be a mom, but I am so grateful for women like you who are doing their best to be great moms."  Not your typical grocery store small talk, but this middle aged gentleman with dark skin, salt and pepper hair, and a beautiful Latino accent spoke these words of blessing over me as I fumbled with my purse and tried to keep the credit card machine out of my squirmy baby's hands.  He put words to the question which has been rolling around in my head a lot lately.  How do I do this? Do I have what it takes to raise this little person?

I never really thought that hard about becoming a mom.  You get married, you have a baby or two or three and eventually you wind up driving a carpool to some field trip somewhere.  Right?  When Aidan was born I was thrust into the world of motherhood head first, but was so focused on trying to merely survive the many many many months of sleepless nights and long fussy days that there was not much time, energy or brain power left for reflecting on this new role I found myself in.  It was all about survival.  Back in June I had the privilege of seeing one of my closest friends for an afternoon.  She has three kids of her own, with a fourth on the way, and is hands down one of the absolute best moms I have ever seen in my life.  I've said to my husband so many times how in awe I am of her--of her patience, her love, her ability to discipline and shape her kids with gentleness and words and her ability to maintain a level head in the midst of newborn and toddler chaos.  One of the things she said to me that has stayed with me these past three months is that she loves all her kids so passionately, but recognizes that "there is just something about that oldest kid--because they are the one who makes you a mom, they are the one who has pushed you to your limit of exhaustion, love, and patience, for the first time and who has shown you that you can do it, that you DO have what it takes to be a mom."

"How do you do it?"  I don't know.  There are days when, if I am truly honest, I might be tempted to say this is really really hard and I kind of want my old life back.  I'd never trade this little guy for anything, but there are times when I really would just rather get to go do something fun with friends without worrying about how long I've been gone and if he's hungry and needs to eat or needs help getting to sleep.  I'd love to sleep through the night, heck I'd love to sleep a 3-4 hour stretch without interruption!  Being a stay at home mom is by far the hardest thing I have ever done.  Hands down.  Give me my Hebrew class to study for any day, that was a piece of cake.  It can be extremely isolating at times, and I often have to be intentional about getting out and seeing people or making play dates for us (which is getting easier as Aidan gets older).  It can be so easy to slip into a pity party at times--poor me, my baby doesn't sleep well, poor me I never get to see friends, poor me I'm lonely and bored a lot of the time.  But then, I look at my son--I mean I really look at him and every single time I do God smacks me on the head with the realization that I have absolutely NOTHING to complain about.  I have a beautiful, healthy, incredibly curious, strong, adventurous and giggly baby boy.  I did nothing to deserve him.  He's amazing.  When so many hearts ache with infertility issues, news of birth defects, and time in NICUs, I have an incredible gift right in front of me, one I never want to take for granted, and I am so grateful to people in my life who remind me what a privilege it is to be doing what I'm doing.  I have the rest of my life to use that degree I worked for, to pursue full time employment.  I have such short years with this little one here in my home, I don't want to miss a minute of it.  And I want to experience it all with pure joy.  Sometimes that might be a sleep-deprived haze to that joy, but I want to be a mom full of joy.

Rejoice, give thanks in all things...

The Things I Don't Do

A year ago a good friend of mine introduced me to the book Bittersweet by Shauna Niequist.  It had been an incredibly bittersweet year for us and   Kelli was convinced I needed to read this book.  As I mentioned in my recap of books I read last year, this book felt like my new best friend.  I loved this book.  One of my favorite chapters is one entitled The Things I Don't Do, and is one that has been rolling around in my head a lot lately.  In a lot of ways, I love being a stay at home mom for this season.  I love being able to devote my time and attention to our little one and to creating a clean and comfortable home for us.  However, I am starting to realize that this phase of life is beginning to bring back the perfectionism monster that resides below the surface of my heart.  I find myself putting a ton of pressure on poor little me to make sure I am super productive each and every day, and to make sure my house is always clean by the end of each day, a hot meal is on the table, and to do all those other things I perceive homemakers are supposed to do.

I found myself reaching for my underlined copy of Bittersweet again last night, opening to this chapter, and asking myself "what are the things I want to do with my life?  And what are the things I'm okay with not doing so I can do the things I want to do?"  Shauna explains that she struggled with the same thing--trying to do it all to the best of her ability until she ran herself into the ground.  One day she made a list of the things she is okay admitting she does not do and a list of the things she wants to do well in her life.  I think we all struggle with this--we all struggle with trying to do just a little bit more, and very rarely in our world are we given permission to say "no" to something.  I think the list of things we don't do might change during different seasons of life, but as I've been reflecting on this particular season of life with a husband who works extremely long hours in youth  ministry and a baby who doesn't nap well, I'm coming to a place where I can admit there are things I don't do.  I share these only to help encourage others who might be feeling overwhelmed with the mental to do lists that rule their lives.  It's okay to say no to some things to help make the things we do in life even more meaningful and richer.  Here is what I've said no to for the time being.

**I don't file or paint my nails or give myself manicures.  I know that sounds so silly, but I always look at my nails and think "I should file them or shape them or paint them" and then I never do and they always look terrible waiting for me to do something with them until I finally cut them and begin the whole process all over again.  The other day I started painting my nails and got interrupted by a little one and have now been walking around for 3 days with three painted nails and seven unpainted.  I just need to admit it, I don't do my nails and I'm okay with that.

**I don't make my own eco-friendly homemade cleaners.  I'd love to be one of those uber-green moms, but I can't be right now.  I use my clorox wipes and Simple Green and Scrubbing Bubbles and Windex and for now, that has to be okay with me.  Pinterest would like me to believe this makes me a royal failure as a homemaker, but I refuse to believe that.  I do make a bunch of my own baby food but it's not all organic produce and I still buy about half of the food Aidan eats.  And I'm okay with that.

**I don't decorate for holidays.  I haven't for several years.  I may bring out a holiday scented/colored candle, and I may display Christmas Cards, but in our tiny, over-crowded apartment the amount of stuff I'd have to pack away to make room for holiday decor is overwhelming to me, so for now, I don't decorate and I need to be okay enjoying other's decorations.

**I don't do my hair in any way other than blow drying and curling it.  I don't use bobby pins or practice with cute twists or updos.  I never have, and I have to say I probably never will.  I also don't own lipstick.  Give me chapstick any day.

**I don't iron.  Or sew.  At all.  I literally haven't ironed since I was in high school and my mom made me learn how.  If something is remotely wrinkled I will hang it in the shower or use wrinkle release spray or put something back in the dryer but I will not iron and don't tend to buy clothes that need to be ironed.  All my husband's shirts are no-wrinkle shirts and that is good enough for me.

**I don't hand wash anything.  If I happen to own anything that says hand wash only, I'll put it in the machine on delicate or take it to the cleaners, but I don't hand wash things.

**I don't have perfectly hung photos on my walls--they're almost all slightly crooked--and other than family photos I don't have art in my home.  I kind of wish I did, but we don't have the money for it now and I don't stress about the fact that some walls are empty.  Someday they will be filled, but it may be a lot of somedays from now.

**I can't keep up with pop culture. I wish I could, but I just can't.  I've never seen Dancing with the Stars or the Amazing Race in it's entirety.  I don't watch The Office or 30 Rock or Modern Family even though I know I'd enjoy them.  The Biggest Loser is the only "elimination show" I can seem to follow for a whole season.  I don't recognize most of the bands on the radio and I probably have not seen the latest movies--someday I will via netflix, but it probably won't happen in a theater.  I haven't eaten at the most trendy LA restaurants, I frequent the same comfort spots over and over again--Stonefire Grill, Chipotle, Cheesecake Factory and California Pizza Kitchen.

Looking at this list, I know there are other things I don't do that aren't coming to my mind right now.  It also looks really negative.  All these "I don'ts..."  But then I remember what it is that I do devote my time to doing.  And it helps to put things in perspective.

I do talk to my parents and sister at least every other day.  They live really far away and I will always stay in close contact with them and make time to skype with them and their kids as much as I can.

I do send real birthday cards to friends, not e-cards.

I do spend hours and hours playing on the floor with my little boy.  Sometimes I feel like I am not accomplishing anything, until I walk in and he smiles at me and I know what I'm accomplishing is creating a bond there that means the world to both of us.

I do clean my house.  a lot.  Because I know it lowers my stress level and helps me focus on other things when my space is free of clutter and mess.

I do read every single day.

I do cook homemade meals for my family, although these days that involves almost exclusively the crock pot.  But I'm okay with that, it's easy and do-able for me with my child that does not nap.

I do read blogs because I want to write a book one day and reading them helps keep me inspired.

I do try to be available for my husband when he needs me--to bring him lunch to work or listen when he needs to process his day.

I do take a lot of photos and digitally scrapbook them into albums because preserving and telling my family's story matters so much to me.

I do take naps because I realize how much happier I am with sleep, and my little one still wakes me up 3-4 times a night.  So when he does nap, I generally lay down too for a little bit.

In a world that seems to be driven by the tyranny of the urgent, I think it's okay to have these lists in our heads to help us weigh decisions we need to make about how we spend our time.  How about you?  What are the things you are okay admitting you don't do in order to create space in your life for other things?

Aidan's (and Mommy's!) Favorite Baby Items Part II (6-8 months old)

I had a lot of fun putting together my first list of Aidan's and Mommy's favorite baby items when he was 4 months old, and now that his tastes have, shall we say, matured, I thought I'd come up with another list of our favorite baby items for 6-8 month old babies.  So, without further ado, here's what we are loving in our house these days!

Sophie the Giraffe: It's true, this really is one of the most perfect baby toys that has ever been created.  I was skeptical of all the hype--what in the world could possibly be so great about this silly giraffe that they need to charge $18 for her!?  For the first few months of his life, he could have cared less about this long legged friend.  Then the teething started.  Oh my word, he used Sophie non stop.  She's amazing, her legs are the perfect size for little hands to hold and are the perfect size for reaching the various sore parts of baby's mouth--teething rings didn't hold a candle to our friend Sophie.

Mesh Teething Bag:  Whoever invented this thing was a genius.  Such a simple concept--help babies teethe and introduce certain fruits without any fear of choking.  Fill the bag with whatever you happen to have on hand and let the little one chew away to his heart's desire.  We started with watermelon chunks which were awesome because he was able to get so much juice out of the melon, and it was cold.  We've done plain ice cubes, frozen strawberries, frozen banana pieces, and pieces of peaches.  Definitely a great invention!

Rattle Balls:  I admit, I am super entertained by these!  I bought this set of 5 balls last week and he's had a great time crawling around after them.  They are the perfect size for little hands, although he desperately wants to chew on them and can't get them into his mouth very well (obviously a good thing from my perspective!)  Each ball is different, and I think he's kind of interested both by the fact that it rolls and by what is happening inside.  Bonus, these kept Aidan's daddy's quite entertained on our last airport layover as well!

Taggie Blanket:  We got this from my parents for Christmas before Aidan was even born, and I was a little disappointed when he didn't show any interest in this thing for the longest time--because I think it's super cool!  In the last month or so though this blanket has become fascinating to him.  I now make sure this is in his crib when he goes to sleep and when he wakes up he'll lay there playing with this for quite awhile.  He loves feeling the different tags on the blanket and chewing on them, and I love that it's small enough and easy enough to take with me in the diaper bag when we're out and about.

Top 100 Baby Purees:  This baby cookbook is fantastic!  It walks you through how to start solids, what to start with, and how to prepare just about any vegetable or fruit you'd want to.  Plus it provides 100 "recipes" for great purees for baby--combinations I'd never think of that are truly delicious.  Last night I made him a puree of a cooked sweet potato, peas, and cooked spinach.  It was so yummy I would have served it as a side dish for dinner if I had had more!  Making baby food isn't hard, and it's been fun thinking of new foods to introduce him to--this book has been super helpful in that process.

Beco Baby Carrier:  Oh my word this has been a lifesaver.  This is one of the absolute surefire ways to calm him down if fussing is happening, and it's the only way he'll go to sleep other than nursing.  Aidan LOVES this thing.  I use it in stores, on walks, and all over the apartment complex.  He rides in this every day to go check the mail, and "helps" me do lots of loads of laundry in this (since I have to go to a laundry room I have to take him with me--and need my hands for the laundry obviously!)  He can ride on my front either facing out or facing me (which I only do to him if he's needing to go to sleep), and this carrier also lets you carry baby on your hip or back which I haven't tried yet but my sister has and said it works great.  Definitely a great carrier if you're in the market for one!

Homemade Fun for the Little One!

Have I mentioned before how much I love Pinterest?  Because I really really do.  Ask any stay at home parent and they will say that at some point, the days get long.  We have a basket of toys for Aidan to play with, stuffed animals to wrestle, books to look at, but somehow he still seems to get bored.  I don't really want to go buy a lot of new toys all the time--we don't have space for them, and he'll outgrow them relatively quickly.  Plus, so many toys out there are full of flashing lights and sounds, which aren't always bad, but I want him to get used to playing with things that he can interact with more, that don't just flash at him.  I was reminded this week of a MOPS speaker we had this past year who spoke on the importance of play, and how play is the primary means through which children learn.  She stressed that play does NOT need to involve fancy toys or expensive items, but rather can involve the most average every day house hold items and a little imagination.  She made us practice playing with empty yogurt containers (you can build very cool things with them!), tops of snapple bottles, piles of yarn and fabric scraps (the textures are awesome!), blocks, dice, styrofoam packing peanuts, empty water bottles, etc.  The skies the limit, really!  My little one still puts everything in his mouth, so I needed to come up with some things for him to play with that wouldn't hurt him--obviously he's too young for the pile of buttons or dice!  Thanks to Pinterest and a friend of mine (Pediatric Occupational Therapist Christie, of the fantastic blog MamaOT--check it out if you haven't, she has amazing tips and ideas!) I came up with some fun new things for Aidan that didn't cost much at all, and will help expose him to new textures and senses.  

The first thing I made were some sensory bags.  I got this idea from the blog Growing a Jeweled Rose's post on sensory play ideas for babies which has amazing ideas on it.  I went to the 99 cent store and bought 4 bottles of various substances that are cool textures--two bottles of hair gel, a bottle of blue body wash, and a can of shaving cream.  

I also wandered their toy aisle and the clearance bins that Target has at the front of their stores and came up with objects that would look cool and have different textures--my favorite are the beaded necklaces. 

Grab some ziplock bags--I used the freezer ones because they seem to be a bit thicker.

Prop the bag inside something so it doesn't tip over and spill while you're trying to fill it

Add a bottle of the squishy stuff and whatever objects you want--this one is my favorite, the magnetic numbers floating in blue body wash.  

I double bagged mine so little teeth won't puncture holes in them, and reinforced the top with tape.  From there, just squish and play!  The texture is very fun, and when he's older he can have fun searching for certain numbers or objects as they move around the bag.  The soap worked the best, I do have to say I wouldn't use hair gel again.  It's not as moveable, but the soap is awesome and even creates bubbles as you squish the bags.  Aidan isn't quite sure what to do with the bags yet, but I think he'll eventually have fun with them

I love the feel of the beads--but like I said, I wouldn't put them in hair gel again, I'd do body wash or other soap.  With the shaving cream I didn't put any objects in the bag, just a bag of shaving cream to squish around, I love it--it's very entertaining for me at least!

Another new toy I brought out is one I actually made before he was born and it's been hanging on his wall since then.  He just started noticing it a couple weeks ago, so I took it off the wall and let him explore.  I found this photo display chain at Ikea for $2.00--5 squares of plastic that let you put photos in them (double sided) connected with wire to make a long chain.  I laid it on the floor and he has a great time turning the squares over, chewing on them, and looking at the faces of his family members I've put in them.  Super easy and I love that he's being exposed to the faces of people who love him even if they are far away.

My other toy I created yesterday were a bunch of sensory bottles.  I bought the small water bottles, and went through Michaels and picked out about 5 different things that would be fun in water.  So I found little puffy pom poms that look cool, different beads, googly eyes, and sequins.  I put one of these objects into each bottle and glued the tops shut so he can't eventually figure out how to get them open.  They are very fun--the objects spin and float in the water as you shake or roll the bottles--definitely an easy way to keep him entertained for a bit!

My last invention (not that original I will admit) is to use the same little water bottles and fill 3 of them with colored rice.  I dyed the rice yesterday (just add several drops of food coloring to a plastic bag with about a cup of white rice and mix--then spread on a plate to let it dry a bit before putting it inside the bottles).  These are his favorite toys so far--he definitely likes the way the rice shakes and rattles inside the bottles!

There you have it, super easy ways to entertain a little one using objects you can find right in your own cupboards!

7 Months and Moving Like Crazy!

Clearly life has gotten even busier with you, little one, since this post has taken me awhile to finish!  Or could it be that YOU have gotten even busier and it takes all my energy and attention to keep you from doing something crazy!  I think we're going to have to start calling you Curious George or Little Monkey because you are all over the place and in to everything!!  That's right, this is the month you figured out how to move!  You're not that coordinated at it yet, you kind of push and flop and wiggle your way from point A to point B but you can move fairly quickly and go after whatever it is that has caught your eye.  Which means Mommy and Daddy are in trouble!

Your 7th month has been one of lots of travel--lucky boy!  You spent 3 weeks in July in Minneapolis at your Grandma and Papa's house while Daddy was at summer camps and you had a blast there.  You learned how to sit up and you got your first two teeth (you now have three--two on the bottom and one on the top).  You started pushing yourself around a little bit, but I'm not sure you really realized you were moving.  They had so much fun watching you grow--you have such an incredible smile that you are generally pretty quick to share with people, and your little giggle just melts the heart of anyone who hears it.  

  You also have figured out how much you love food--almost everything we've put in your mouth you have devoured.  (This is you after sharing a smoothie with Grandma....you LOVED it and yelled and yelled at her when the cup was empty--so she had to give you more of hers!)  Just in the last week or so you've gotten pretty good at the concept of chewing a little so we've been letting you practice with puffs that dissolve really easily in your mouth.  You haven't figured out how to grab them with your fingers--well you grab them but they haven't ever ended up in your mouth.  Mommy is constantly finding soggy puffs on the floor, in your clothes, and in the booster seat!  You also like drinking out of a big boy cup--although you haven't figured out how to suck anything out of a sippy cup.  We have to take the lid off to give you drinks which usually makes a royal mess but you are so happy and so proud of yourself for eating and drinking like a big person!

In August we were home for about a week and then flew back to South Carolina to visit your daddy's side of the family.  Everyone was there which was so fun for you--you LOVED playing with your cousins especially!  Jane is not that much older than you, so she was showing you the ropes--she taught you how to pull wipes out of the wipe package, which you thought was a great game.  You also got to spend time with your Auntie Carroll and your grandmama and granddaddy who were so good with you!  You were busy getting your 3rd tooth while we were there so there were lots of times you were just fussy, but no one could blame you, we could tell how much your mouth hurt!

You have embraced life pretty fully, Aidan.  You don't seem too afraid of trying new things--new textures, food, exploring a new environment etc.  You love the water and sand which makes your daddy very happy!  You are starting to get to the stage of being a bit wary of strangers--especially if Mommy leaves.  You usually do pretty well in the church nursery until you really realize I'm gone, then it's a bit sad for you.  You LOVE being outside--we can always count on that to calm you down if you're fussy.  You are turning into a very observant little one--always just watching, sometimes rather seriously, what is going on around you.  You love seeing dogs walk by us on the street, you love watching leaves on the trees wave at you in the wind, you have even locked onto some butterflies and squirrels and are so curious as to what those things are.  It is amazing watching you experience the world around you, many things for the first time, and to realize how much learning and growing there is to do as a baby.

Your smile makes our day little boy, we are so so grateful God has given us the privilege of being your parents.  Even when you frustrate me and fuss at me, you inevitably will give me that smile, and all of a sudden it's all okay.  It melts me every time.  We adore you little one, I hope you never ever forget that.  Happy 7 months sweet boy!

Twelve Meals in Two Hours!

I've always loved the idea of freezer cooking, and I've tried it before in the past--where you spend one full day making huge batches of various meals and then stocking your freezer so later in the month you don't need to cook everyday.  The problem for me is that I don't have a full day to devote to my kitchen anymore, plus my freezer isn't that big.  Thanks to a friend's motivation and Pinterest I decided to try a new spin on freezer cooking--and oh my word it was so simple.  I love my crock pot, and use it a lot, so this month's freezer cooking attempt was all crock pot ready meals.  Because everything is designed to go into a crock pot, there's no "precooking" of any meat.  So whereas in regular freezer cooking you might need to spend time browning pounds of hamburger or chicken, this just involved sticking the raw meat into freezer bags along with all the other ingredients for that crock pot meal.  It really did take me about 2 hours--1 hour of veggie chopping and spice assembling one night after Mr A went to bed and about 1 hour of dividing up the meat and getting everything freezer ready the next afternoon during his 45 minute nap.  Yes, I'm a nerd...I took pictures as I prepped my meals....so in case you need some ideas or inspiration, here's how I did this and the recipes I used.

Step 1: Insure Baby is Sleeping Soundly:

Step 2: Place Silly Romantic Comedy on laptop for entertainment:

Now the actual work begins :)  Earlier in the day I had gone through Pinterest to find recipes.  I decided to narrow it down to 6 recipes, each of which would give me 2 freezer bags (so 2 different meals, or 12 total).  The winners were: (click on each to go to the recipe):  

Wendy's Chicken Tacos

Beeftips

Beef Fajitas

Sausage & Peppers

Teriyaki Chicken

Savory Chicken

I went through the recipes and made a grocery list.  Between the 6 recipes I needed 3 green bell peppers, 2 red ones, 2 red onions etc.  Before chopping anything, I got my freezer bags ready.  I labeled a gallon sized bag with the name of the recipe and any instructions I'd need for the day it gets cooked--so how long to cook it, what I might need to add in the last hour of cooking or mix in after it's cooked etc.  

Like I said, night 1 for me was the produce.  So I chopped my bell peppers and onions and carrots and placed them in their respective bags.  For instance my beef fajita bags each needed 1/2 of a red bell pepper and 1/2 of an onion, so I made sure that's what went into the bags.  Then I went through each recipe and added whatever spices or seasonings needed to be in each bag--so the chili powder to each fajita bag etc.  So after an hour, this is what I had:

I sealed them up, put them in the fridge over night, and the next day during one of my little one's short naps I tackled adding the appropriate meat to each bag.  

So eventually this is what I ended up with:

Everything was mixed together in the bags, laid flat and stacked in the freezer, and voila!  This is what I now see when I open it:

So rumor has it that on the day I want to cook something, I should put the bag in the fridge the night before to let it thaw a little (although my crock pot cooks everything SO fast I doubt I need this step) and then toss it in the pot in the morning.  We'll see how this all tastes, but I'm excited to not have to think about what's for dinner for awhile!

Oh, and little man woke up before I was completely done with the freezer packing.  Here's how he helped: 

Thankful Thursday

Continuing the counting of blessings large and small...all the way to 1000 and beyond....

781.  Safe and uneventual travels to South Carolina

782.  A baby who is sllooooooooowly starting to increase his napping time past 30 minutes--an hour and 20 minutes today!  Maybe it's the jet lag, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this is the start of something good!

783.  Cousins to help entertain him

784.  Food truck Fridays--a great summer evening activity

785.  Getting to sleep in while the husband cares for the little one

786.  Skype, what an amazing invention

787.  Quiet

788.  The amazing athletic feats the olympic athletes are able to do

789.  The amazing ministry of Father Greg Boyle that he describes in his book Tattoos on the Heart--the way that book changed my perspective on gang members.

790.  Two wonderful sermons back to back at church these past 2 weeks--the ways Kyle and Jenn brought pieces of 1 John to life

791.  Wonderful couple in the church who give us free baby sitting and rides to the airport

792.  A midday visit from two fantastic recent college grads who just wanted to come by and say hi

793.  Swimming pools for little ones