Putting myself first...and not feeling guilty about it...

I learned something the hard way yesterday. Sometimes, I need to escape, to run far away from the city streets of Pasadena and just be. I realized most of my life consists of remaining within a 1 mile radius. I go from my apartment to Chuck's to the grocery store, to a friends apartment to campus. And that's about it. My days consist of the same thing--some reading, maybe class, wedding stuff, running errands etc. And there really isn't much variety. Add to that extreme senioritis (I'm DONE with seminary in just a few weeks!! Except for the internship but that feels VERY different than library time) and anticipation about a big event coming up and I pretty much want to scream everytime I have to set foot back in the library. Yesterday I hit a wall. I just sat in front of my work in the library and felt like I was going to jump out of my skin. I just started crying and poor Chuck was like "um what in the world is going on??" My response? "I don't know!!!" Then I just looked around and was like "I have to get out of here, I can't be in my apartment anymore, I can't be on this campus right now, I have to leave." He immediately agreed that I deserved a break, a day away from wedding stuff, emails, books, classes, Pasadena. So he just hugged me, gave me his free beach parking pass, and told me which beach to go to. So I did something that some may frown upon, but I really couldn't have cared less. I turned in my homework that was due at 3 via email to my TA, ditched class, got in my car and drove up to the beach in Malibu and sat there for a good couple hours just watching the waves. I had grabbed some of my old journals from college to read while i was there (not sure where that idea came from, but I did). It was an incredible afternoon, just sitting there, enjoying the isolation of the beach I was on, and reading back over four years of my life where I wrestled HARD with God, with the idea of dating/singleness, growing in leadership, friendship drama, dating and breaking up with certain people etc. I realized a LOT about myself, where I have been, things God has taught me over the years, things I'm hopeful for about the future...it was a perfect day. I even feel a little like God gave me an idea for a book I'm supposed to be working on...I'm going to keep thinking, we'll see, I may actually start writing over the summer. It was kind of funny, I was sitting there reading 4 of my own journals and this guy walked by me and asked what I was reading, he could tell it wasn't a normal book because it was handwritten. He asked if I was a writer and I just kind of stared at him (I had JUST been thinking about the book I want to write) and said to him, "um, not yet, but I'd like to be someday..." It was rather interesting timing...

I also grabbed my camera and brought it with me....these are some images from my guilt free day of running away.

Top 10 (or other ways of procrastinating...)

My friend Vicky just posted this list in honor of her 100th post on her blog. I missed marking that occasion a long time ago, but her list was very fun and I'm not quite ready to fall asleep yet, so I thought this would be a fun way to end the day. Wow, you all are learning all kinds of random Sarah-facts these days between this list and my 25 random things list I posted a few days ago! Guess if you don't know me that well this will give you a good start =) (And if you do know me, I'd love to know if any of these things surprise you!)

So here are my 10 Top 10 lists:

Top 10 Favorite Movies:
1. Father of the Bride
2. Finding Neverland
3. Elizabethtown
4. Dead Poet's Society
5. Pirates of the Caribbean
6. School Ties
7. The Family Stone
8. Wild Heart's Can't Be Broken
9. Remember the Titans
10. 10 Things I Hate About You

Top 10 Life-Changing Books: (a mixture of fiction, a text book, and a few spiritual memoirs of people) (and just FYI, yes, the Bible is life changing. I am going to be a pastor, yes, I like the Bible. But on lists of favorite books, I don't count it, it seems too obvious to me...)
1. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
2. The Chosen by Chaim Potok
3. Here If You Need Me by Kate Braestrup
4. Leaving Church by Barbara Brown Taylor
5. A Little Princess (taught me at a young age it's ok to cry at books) by Frances Hogsten Burnett
6. Life of the Beloved by Henri Nouwen
7. Hurt--Inside the Lives of American Teenagers by Chap Clark
8. When the Kings Go Marching In (TOTALLY changed the way I look at the end times) by Richard Mouw
9. The Shack (changed my view on the trinity) by William Young
10. Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts by Les and Leslie Parrott (has opened up some great communication between Chuck and I)

Top 10 Songs:
1. Held by Natalie Grant
2. I Am by Jill Phillips
3. How Firm a Foundation (a great song that will be used in our wedding ceremony)
4. Hard Times by Eastmountainsouth
5. Drunkards Prayer by Over the Rhine
6. I Cross My Heart by George Strait (which will be our first dance, I love the words, and what they say about relationships)
7. 103 and Other Things by Late Tuesday
8. Christ the Lord is Risen Today
9. Seatbelts and Bucketseats by Cake (makes me think of Chuck singing this to me in the car)
10. In Christ Alone (will also be sung in our wedding)

Top 10 Broadway Musicals I've seen:
1. Les Miserables
2. Wicked
3. Fiddler on the Roof
4. The Lion King
5. Rent
6. Annie
7. Beauty and the Beast
8. Annie
9. The Color Purple
10. 1776

Top 10 Cities I've Visited:
1. Seattle
2. London
3. Edinburgh
4. Zurich
5. Denali, Alaska (not really a city, but an incredible place)
6. Venice
7. Oslo
8. Copenhagen
9. Portland, OR
10. Paris (didn't love it when I was there, but I think I would if I were to go back now that I'm older)

Top 10 Comfort Foods:
1. California Pizza Kitchen hummus and BBQ Chicken Salad
2. Phad Thai
3. Chai Tea from Fuller's Bookstore
4. Mom's homemade spaghetti sauce w/ tomatoes from the garden
5. Wine
6. Cheese and Crackers (I'm liking Gouda these days)
7. Cheesecake!
8. Vegetarian burritos from Chipotle
9. Lattes with 1 pump of vanilla syrup
10. salads of any kind

Top 10 Life-Shaping Bible Passages for me:
1. Exodus 3 & 4 (the calling of Moses)
2. Genesis 2 (seeing God create BOTH men and women in his image)
3. Psalm 46
4. Isaiah 60 and 61
5. John 4
6. John 21
7. Matthew 5-7
8. Colossians 3
9. Revelation 7:9-17
10. Philippians 2:1-18

My 10 Favorite Blog Posts (from years past, if you're a new blog reader you probably haven't seen these--but if you've been a faithful reader since the beginning of seminary you've seen them...these are mostly theological reflections on things I've learned and wrestled with throughout seminary) If you click on the link it will take you to them in case you care at all :)
1. The Liturgy of an 8 Year Old
(a reflection on the prayer I prayed as an 8 year old, and how it has shaped my faith)
2. This Is My Body
(a reflection on the Lord's Supper)
3. Keeping Our Eyes Open
(recognizing all the gifts we miss seeing each day because we are so focused on our own lives & busyness)
4. An Amazing Calling
(one of my first reflections on the blog from year #1 in school--reflecting on the privilege it is to hear people's stories)
5. Just
(wondering what happens in God's mind when we ask him to "just heal us"--what the word "just" does)
6. If These Streets Could Whisper
(thoughts on being home again)
7. Disneyland is WAY more fun than the Crystal Cathedral
(asking questions about wealth in churches and what it might mean theologically)
8. This Land is Your Land. This Land is My Land. And This Land is NOT our Home
(ranting a little against patriotism and patriotic songs in church)
9. Singles Awareness Day? Not so much.
(Thoughts on celebrating Valentines Day)
10. The Church Is Like a Car...Or the Worst Metaphor I've Ever Heard
(me railing the author of a book I had to read for a class on women in ministry)

Top 10 Things on my "Must Do In Life" List:
1. Become fluent in both Spanish and sign language
2. Visit New Zeland and see where Lord of the Rings was filmed
3. Visit my friend Kelli in South Africa to meet Acres of Love kids & go on a safari
4. Adopt a child from another country
5. Read Les Miserables from cover to cover
6. Visit the Sistine Chapel
7. Visit all 50 states
8. Write a book
9. Witness the Northern Lights
10. Be part of a multiethnic worshiping community

Top 10 Children's Books (because I think stories written for children have the potential to change the way adult's think if we let ourselves pay attention to their messages):
1. Bridge to Terabithia
2. Number the Stars
3. The Chronicles of Narnia
4. Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret
5. Harry Potter (all 7 books)
6. Charlotte's Web
7. The Quilt Maker's Gift
8. Ramona books (i love all of them!)
9. The Secret Garden
10. The Christmas Miracle of Jonathan Toomey

bet ya didn't know all this about me :)

So the big trend on Facebook these days is to write a note listing 25 random facts about yourself. I wasn't going to give in and join the crowd on this one, but I was thinking about it last night and decided it could be a fun thing to do to procrastinate on homework :) (Shocking, me? In my last quarter ever of seminary? 50 days from getting married? Me, NOT want to do homework? I know, NO ONE would believe that!) So here you go, in case anyone wanted to learn some random facts about me, my life, my experiences etc, here's 25 new facts about me: (ok they really aren't 'new' for many of you, you've known me too long!)

1. I saw my first Broadway musical at the age of 2. My parents took me to Annie and I apparently sat mesmerized by it from beginning to end.
2. The event in #1 began my obsession with Annie. When I was 3 I was addicted and had an Annie themed 3rd birthday party with an Annie dress (the red one) that I got to wear.
3. I used to want to live in Scotland, I’m not sure that I still do, but it was a dream of mine at one point.
4. One of my biggest regrets from high school was not applying to be the editor of the yearbook my senior year. I didn’t believe I had what it would take, so I chickened out.
5. Yes, #4 really is probably my biggest regret from high school. I was a goody-two-shoes and a ruler follower who never rebelled or got in trouble.
6. I adore babies, almost nothing brings me more joy than watching a baby who is learning to interact with the world around it.
7. I secretly believed I was never going to get married, I really thought God was preparing me to be single for life. I am SO thankful I was wrong!
8. I start all my mornings in the same way—coffee with the crew on the Today Show. Hope Chuck’s ok with that when we get married ☺
9. My little sister was the ‘brave’ one—she protected me from the monsters under my bed many many times growing up. I actually once went through a phase where I couldn’t sleep in my own bed, I was too afraid. So I slept in her twin bed with her for a long time—I think I was about 8?
10. The idea of being a pastor terrifies me, but I think I still want to because I have caught a glimpse of what a church can be and want to help recreate that elsewhere.
11. My favorite family vacation was traveling to Europe on a cruise with my cousins’ family. I was in college at the time and we had a great time exploring both the cruise ship and various European cities together.
12. I wish I hadn’t been so controlling and bossy with my sister and younger cousins growing up—yes it provides funny family stories now, but I really wasn’t a very nice kid.
13. Passing the ordination exams this summer is one of the biggest things I’ve ever accomplished—I was pretty proud of myself for doing so well on those.
14. Once I got used to being away from home, I absolutely thrived in college—I learned a ton about leadership, my faith, community, and what I’m passionate about.
15. I really enjoy baking (cookies, brownies, cakes, breads) but actually don’t enjoy eating sweets that much, so I bake things and then they go bad just sitting there.
16. If I’m having a bad day, a good listener, a big hug, cheesecake, flowers, and wine are the most helpful things ☺
17. The smell of used book stores is one of my favorite scents, and favorite places to wander—and one of my biggest pet peeves of not living in Seattle anymore are the lack of giant used book stores around Pasadena.
18. I used to be absolutely obsessed with the Sacramento Kings--in 8th grade my friend and I used to wait in line for hours for their autographs and went to as many games as we could get a ride to.
19. A Little Princess is the first book that ever made me cry as a kid—when Sara was left by her father at the boarding school. It was the first time I realized books could evoke that kind of emotion—now I love it if I get attached enough to a story or character to shed tears over it!
20. I like to be surrounded by photos of people I love as a reminder of how many amazing gifts God has given me in life!
21. I have not been able to keep a house plant alive. Ever.
22. I’m kind of a control freak and have a very patient fiancé who is working with me on this!
23. My dream one day is to write a best selling book. Not sure what it will be about yet, but I have a couple of ideas mulling around in my mind.
24. Father of the Bride is the only movie I have memorized from start to finish.
25. My therapist has been my lifesaver this past year!

Weekend Update

Can you tell I'm kind of bored at the moment? Two posts in one afternoon :) (I'm in a class that I TA for and have heard a couple times, so it's tough to stay focused when I know what is going to be said next!) But that's ok, I have 3 hours of built in reflection time now, just sittin here...SO, you all get my random thoughts/updates...enjoy!

It was a great weekend for a number of reasons. Friday night Chuck and I went with some friends of ours to a concert at Cal Tech (note, a FREE concert, always the best entertainment!) which featured the Cal Tech jazz band AND headlined Flea from the Red Hot Chili Peppers (an incredible bass guitar player and trumpet player). I'd never heard of Flea til Fri. night but Chuck loves him and went bananas when he heard Flea was coming and he could see him perform for free. It was a wonderful concert!

Saturday morning was wonderful! Many of you know I'm in a Sat. morning woman's small group, which has been one of the highlights of my year. What I love about this group is that because it was formed really organically (by that I mean no church assigned us to be friends, or we weren't put together based on geography etc, we formed out of already existing friendships), the level of depth and creativity we feel free to bring to this group is unlike any I've experienced in a small group before. We decided right away we didn't want to do another bible study. So we decided we would take turns leading and whoever was leading was in charge of the activity, time of reflection, devotion, or whatever they wanted us to do that day. This has been SO much fun because everyone leads so differently & this structure (or lack of structure) gives us freedom to lead out of our own personalities and creativity. So some weeks, we'll do a guided art project where we are asked to depict ourselves, or God or our world artistically. Some weeks we'll have a time of quiet reflection, or a devotional time. This past weekend Becca led us in a very cool time together! She led us in 30 minutes of yoga and has us use the time to reflect and meditate on worship music that was playing as we stretched. We were in her church's sanctuary for our yoga workout (which is not something I have ever done before in a sanctuary!) and so as we held each yoga pose we had all kinds of sacred symbols around us to reflect on and meditate on. It was pretty cool, definitely made doing yoga more fun than doing yoga in a gym! (I love yoga, I just don't love it in an impersonal gym!)

Saturday night Chuck and I had told some friends (the small group we are in together, my girls' small group, his college students that he leads etc) we were going to be at a coffee house hanging out, playing games, etc and invited them to join us. We ended up not having anyone join us because of random scheduling conflicts, but that was ok because we ended up with a wonderfully relaxing date night :) We played a couple games and read 3 chapters in the Narnia book we are currently reading (The Silver Chair--we are ALMOST done with the series!). Then we came home, drank wine, ate cheese & crackers, and watched The Office on DVD. It was a pretty perfect evening in my opinion :)

Sunday afternoon I went with Becca to see Slumdog Millionaire because I wanted to see what all the Oscar hype was about--I wasn't disappointed...it was a phenomenal movie. Intense, but definitely worth seeing.

This morning was our final pre-marital counseling session, and it was very cool to reflect back over our 6 sessions together to talk about what we've learned/what conversations we've had that was most helpful. We've learned a lot, and talked a lot about our families, how we communicate, how we argue/make decisions, finances, sex, spirituality and how that is expressed in a marriage. We were told by our counselor this morning that he is thrilled we are getting married because he thinks we will be great together--it was SO encouraging to hear him say that and to hear him say "you guys obviously love each other a lot and you guys are going to do amazing things in this world together, and you have learned a lot and done a ton of tough work in these sessions of being honest, reflecting, listening and pushing one another, which is SO important in a marriage!" which got us really excited all over again about starting life together--and a little sad that we are still 53 days away! We can't wait, we are ready to not be living these separate lives anymore, and we are VERY ready to not have to drive to our separate homes at the end of the night. So this morning was very fun and super encouraging :)

And I'll stop rambling--class is almost over and I am sure you are done reading!

Celebrating the Inauguration (a week late)

I know our inauguration was a week ago, but my friend Jenn sent this to me today and I loved it, so I wanted to share it with all of you. She is a kindergarten teacher and she said the 1st grade class in her school had this up being displayed, which I just think is awesome.

Rosa sat
so
Martin could walk
so
Barack could run
so
All children can dream.

I DO think it is WONDERFUL that we have a president who is not a white male. For white males out there, this may not make a ton of sense, or it may take a bit to wrap your minds around this, but there is something powerful about seeing yourself reflected in the face of those who are leading you. If all we see is one type of person in the most powerful position in the world, we internalize the message (whether or not we consciously recognize this) that that type of person is the only kind of person who can effectively hold that particular office. I experienced that growing up in the church. As a young girl, I never got to see anyone who 'looked like me' leading, preaching, serving communion, or making key decisions in the church. And that caused me to internalize the message that "girls don't lead in the church, they can't." When I was in college and encountered the message that they could lead in certain churches, I couldn't handle that--it felt wrong to me because it was so contrary to the message I had believed for so long. But the more I saw women preaching, serving communion etc, the more I felt something resonating deep with in me. I realized I might be able to do that some day too. And I think, ok I know thanks to research, that the same happens with people of various ethnicities--when we see ourselves reflected physically in our leaders it gives us more encouragement and inspiration to believe we too could aspire to a similar position someday. America has always prided herself on being a 'melting pot' or a 'place for all people,' yet that is not often reflected in her leadership. America isn't made up of white males, yet that is the only demographic to ever have held the highest office. I think it is absolutely amazing that we finally have a president who looks differently on the outside because I think it is about time that we have a leader blacks can look at and see themselves in. If we are going to use the rhetoric about America being a place of equal opportunities for people, then it is about time our leadership start reflecting that. I am so proud to have Barack Obama as our president, and I look forward to the future of politics that may look a bit different.

east meets west...north meets south

We were joking this weekend that our trip to Seattle this weekend was a mixing of cultures :) Chuck's from the south and the east and I'm from the north and the west--so Seattle would be as geographically far from his home as you can get in the lower 48...geographically and maybe in a few other ways too! This past weekend was AMAZING--I had not been home in a year and a 1/2 which was WAY too long, and Chuck had never been to see my home. My friends up there graciously offered to throw me a bridal shower with friends and family from the northwest, and we had a chance to experience beautiful weather and crystal clear skies. LOTS of laughter, catching up with old friends (for me), meeting new friends (for him), worshiping in my favorite church on the planet, and celebrating this next step in our lives in a place I adore more than anywhere made this weekend such a GIFT to both of us! My heart is SO full right now, and I can't stop smiling as I look at the photos from the last 3 days. There are WAY too many to post in a single entry, so I'll start here with Friday night and Saturday afternoon--keep scrolling down for Saturday evening, Sunday, and today's photos!

My favorite mountain, Mt. Rainier, from the air as we were flying in.First place I took him after we rented our car was my favorite neighborhood--Queen Anne Hill, right by my college. We grabbed lunch at my favorite sandwich shop, coffee (NOT at Starbucks, I don't go to Starbucks in Seattle as often as I can avoid it--there are way too many independent coffee shops I'd rather support!), and then we went to Kerry Park, where there is a great view of the city.Then it was on to Heather and Darbee's place where we hung out, played Wii, ate an incredible meal cooked by Heather, and just caught up. Missy captured this moment...Dinner time! Left to right--Lynn, Heather, Darbee, Jeannette, me, Chuck.
Saturday afternoon I took Chuck to Jen and Lynn's condo to study in the peace and quiet and the girls threw me a fabulous bridal shower at Darbee and Heather's! It was my first one, and it was kind of a strange and really humbling experience being the bride--I've been part of throwing so many, but obviously have never been on the receiving end of these celebrations. It was SO fun, and such an incredible time of seeing friends, family, and getting even more excited about my future with my soon to be husband!

These are the food and drink tables--they did such a great job with decorating in my colors and putting together a menu I loved!Me with Julia--a great friend, mentor, and prayer warrior from my home church.Jeannette, Darbee and JenMy mom was in town visiting her family this weekend, so she and her 3 sisters came too! This is Aunt Patty, Aunt Beth and Aunt Peggy.Mom and IThe first game was trying to guess how old I was in 27 various photos they had put up around the room--they had gotten some emailed from my mom, sister, aunt, and a couple friends! I didn't even know the answers to all of them! Here are Jen, Jeannette, Darbee and I trying to decide when various events might have happened in life!Mom and I reminiscing and trying to figure out the context for each of the photos!Michelle, her daughter Audrey (who came straight from a swim meet and was waiting for her dad to pick her up--I used to babysit for her when she was SO much smaller!) and Dianne, another amazing mentor from my home church.The next game was the sock game. Heather had placed 6 different items in 6 socks and tied them shut. We were to use nothing but our bare feet to decide what was in the socks--we were told they were items Chuck and I might need on our honeymoon ;)
Patty & Beth feeling and guessing...Jeannette, Lynn and Darbee playing--Darbee won, she got all 6 right!In the socks were random things--sunglasses, breath mints, a wine opener...and yes, a pregnancy test...and a few other things, photos have been censored for the blog-world :)Present time! My aunt Beth made me a beautiful Christmas tree skirt for our future holidays.As is typical at bridal showers, some of the gifts were..um...personal? :) Most of the photos from present opening are not suitable for public viewing, so they won't be posted. This Greenwood pajama t-shirt from Jen is though! Greenwood is the neighborhood we all lived in before I moved to LAOur serving platter from Crate and Barrel from Julia--another photo from present opening that is post-able :) We were also given our rice cooker, soup pot, soup recipes (from Dianne and Michelle!), and our surfboard toothbrush holder and tiki hut kleenex holder for the bathroom!Family photo! Patty, Peggy, Beth, mom and IMy Bethany women--these women from my church have been such faithful prayer warrior and supporters of me these past many years! Michelle, me, Julia, Dianne and Missy.Beautiful friends! (l to r: Jeannette, Missy, Jen, Darbee, Lynn, Heather)

The Melting Pot

YUM! That's about all there is to say about that! Saturday night the girls took Chuck and I out to a wonderful dinner at The Melting Pot to celebrate with us, which is one of our favorite spots!

Jen and IJeannette, Heather, and MissyJen through the steam from the fondue potOur cheese fondue being prepared--SO yummy!The meat course--they bring out plates of raw meat and you cook them in various cooking broths right there at the table--pork, shrimp, chicken, fillet mignon, salmon, and raviolis--SO good!Dessert--only the best part! Chocolate fondue with cheesecake, strawberries, bananas, marshmellows, pound cake, rice krispy treats and I'm sure I am forgetting things! They brought out a small piece of cheesecake for Chuck and I.Then they lit our chocolate on fire :)