It's nearing the end of another week around here (and it's December! Yikes!) and I thought I'd take a few minutes in the quiet of this Friday morning to post a 7 Quick Takes-style update for ya.
**1**
Our munchkin is now about the size of a honeydew melon and is weighing in at about 4 pounds (the weight of a pineapple apparently). I'll be interested to see what he actually weighs when he's born and how accurate these baby sites are at predicting average weight! We definitely have a mover on our hands, he passes his kick count tests in a grand total of 5 minutes (you are supposed to give them an hour to see if they move 10 times within the hour. Aidan moves 10 times in 5 minutes. Usually more). I'm already making plans to enlist his cousin Lily to go be his running buddy to work off energy! Man they'll be a handful when they are together! I had a lady in Trader Joes yesterday stop me and ask when I was due, and when I said "next month, in mid January" she went a little nuts exclaiming that I was too tiny, I looked too good, and this must be my first because I am "the most adorable pregnant person ever!" in her mind. I don't know her name, but she might be my new favorite person on the planet. God bless the Trader Joes' shopper for making me feel like something other than a giant waddling mess!
**2**
My husband and I went to our first chidbirth class last night at the hospital (not the one we'll be delivering at, since I didn't know where we'd be delivering when I had to register for classes, but it's at least within the same "family" of hospitals). It'll be interesting to see what we learn in this class. I will say the instructor didn't present things in the most logical order last night, which I think led to some confused looks on people's faces. She did however load up a back pack with about 25 pounds of aquarium rocks to represent the different areas of weight gain women experience in pregnancy and made each of the dads try it on over their bellys. Then try to sit down, stand up and pick up a pen from the floor. That might have been worth the whole class :) By the end of the class one of the dudes said "wow, class was like working overtime, something I never want to do but am always glad I did!" We'll see how next week goes.
**3**
I debated a lot on even saying this publicly, because I know I am in a minority on this opinion, and I'm probably going to make some people mad, but I'm just going to come out and say it. I really didn't like Ina Mae Gaskin's book Guide to Childbirth. There. I said it. Wow that feels good to get off my chest. I realize it is the "go-to" book people recommend to pregnant women, and I realize it's been life changing, transformational, and has completely changed people's birth plans and expectations. And that's great for those of you who have loved this book and had such a positive experience with it. But it didn't do those things for me. It kind of had the opposite effect. I'm not saying I didn't come away from it with a few good nuggets of information, she has some wise things to say. But I will say that I found myself highly irritated throughout most of the book and here's why. The first half of the book are various women's stories of childbirth. They were interesting and engaging and this is where I gleaned some good helpful tips about childbirth being a very holistic process, about relaxation, about empowerment. The second half is more "didactic" where she covers different topics (pain management, relaxation, and I can't even remember what else). I realize she is a HUGE advocate for home births, no pain medication, little medical intervention etc. That's fine, those are fair perspectives to hold and thousands of women hold the same perspectives as she does. I'm not saying that's wrong, or if that's your choice then it's a bad one. But what I hated was that I felt like she was demonizing the medical community, hospital births, and any woman who does choose to enlist the help of pain killers, epidurals, or the like. The subliminal message I came away from this book with was "if you choose these things, you WILL have a horrible birth experience, your doctor will be an egotistical jerk who will never do anything in the best interest of you or your child, and you are a terrible mother putting yourself and your baby at risk if you ask for an epidural. You are somehow less of a woman because your body was made to do this naturally and if you can't, you're weak." No, she never comes right out and says those things, but that's the underlying message I heard throughout this entire book. My sister read this book after her first was born, but before her second. I asked her what she thought of it and she said "well, she is pretty full of herself isn't she? It's like the only appropriate place on the planet to give birth is the birthing center on her farm and if you choose a hospital you're an idiot who is guaranteed to end up with a c-section and a baby in the NICU." That's exactly how I felt. I realize some have had negative experiences with doctors or hospitals, and that's fair. I've had some myself. But to paint the entire medical community with broad brush strokes of being uncaring, institutionalized, egotistical individuals who just want to get you in and out of delivery as fast as possible is unfair, untrue, and really really offensive to me. My time of working in a hospital as a chaplain, working closely alongside doctors and nurses showed me just how deeply they do care, and work tirelessly to bring healing, relief, and comfort to patients. I have countless friends and family members who are doctors and nurses (including several labor and delivery nurses, a NICU specialist, and pediatric intensive care resident) who love their patients deeply and care immensely for their well being and the well being of their children. I found Ina Mae's tone and approach to speaking about doctors to be very disrespectful. She's absolutely right to voice her opinion, but it's not an opinion I can even come close to jumping on board with. I hesitated even saying anything on here about this book, because I know how beloved it is by many many people, but I just feel like the "other voice" in this dialogue, the voice that supports the medical community, isn't heard as much these days. So there you have it, my book review for the week--good tips, some helpful nuggets, but overall won't be drastically changing my life. And who knows, after this baby is born I may have a different perspective, and if so, I'll admit that on here.
**4**
On to something more fun :) I LOVE our new apartment and our new location. Love it. It's cozy, homey, in a fantastic location (I can walk to just about anything in 5-10 minutes), and is so close to the church my husband and great friend Jenn even walked over and came for lunch the other day. It'll be fantastic when Aidan is born, I can walk over and have lunch at the church with him to get out of the house, or Charles can come home a day or two a week to have lunch with us, or on a Sunday morning if he has to be at church for multiple hours and the baby needs to come home, I can easily walk him home to put him down for a nap without waiting around (since we only have the 1 car). My goal for today is to start figuring out where pictures are to be hung so we can finally get the last of the boxes unpacked from the nursery, that way next week I can start putting his room together, and figuring out what we need for him (like a crib...and putting together our changing table area etc).
**5**
Charles and I were talking last night about how incredibly different life feels here than it did for us in Seattle. Words cannot even begin to express how much lower our stress levels are, how much more peaceful our home feels, how enjoyable our evenings are (because we're not angry and stressed and processing how to deal with a very unhealthy leadership structure at a church all the time). Our schedule has filled up a little faster than I might have liked (mostly because it's December and there are all kinds of extra events) but even in the midst of that I don't feel angry and stressed about it, things feel enjoyable again. He walks out the door to walk to work in the morning with a smile on his face. I realized I am not an anxious and stressed basket case all day worrying about him and for him. I can be home making dinner and setting up our home without feeling so guilty and stressed that I'm not at the church helping him. Which makes me so much more relaxed and ready to engage with him when he comes home. We have energy to talk about other things besides the church. What a huge difference the right leadership structure and senior pastor can make for the lives of their employees! We are abundantly grateful to be here, and hope we get to be here long term.
**6**
For those who have been hearing the weather reports, we haven't completely blown away here, but it has definitely been windy! Nowhere near what poor Pasadena has encountered though! These are some photos of Fuller's campus posted yesterday on Facebook:
**1**Our munchkin is now about the size of a honeydew melon and is weighing in at about 4 pounds (the weight of a pineapple apparently). I'll be interested to see what he actually weighs when he's born and how accurate these baby sites are at predicting average weight! We definitely have a mover on our hands, he passes his kick count tests in a grand total of 5 minutes (you are supposed to give them an hour to see if they move 10 times within the hour. Aidan moves 10 times in 5 minutes. Usually more). I'm already making plans to enlist his cousin Lily to go be his running buddy to work off energy! Man they'll be a handful when they are together! I had a lady in Trader Joes yesterday stop me and ask when I was due, and when I said "next month, in mid January" she went a little nuts exclaiming that I was too tiny, I looked too good, and this must be my first because I am "the most adorable pregnant person ever!" in her mind. I don't know her name, but she might be my new favorite person on the planet. God bless the Trader Joes' shopper for making me feel like something other than a giant waddling mess!
**2**
My husband and I went to our first chidbirth class last night at the hospital (not the one we'll be delivering at, since I didn't know where we'd be delivering when I had to register for classes, but it's at least within the same "family" of hospitals). It'll be interesting to see what we learn in this class. I will say the instructor didn't present things in the most logical order last night, which I think led to some confused looks on people's faces. She did however load up a back pack with about 25 pounds of aquarium rocks to represent the different areas of weight gain women experience in pregnancy and made each of the dads try it on over their bellys. Then try to sit down, stand up and pick up a pen from the floor. That might have been worth the whole class :) By the end of the class one of the dudes said "wow, class was like working overtime, something I never want to do but am always glad I did!" We'll see how next week goes.
**3**
I debated a lot on even saying this publicly, because I know I am in a minority on this opinion, and I'm probably going to make some people mad, but I'm just going to come out and say it. I really didn't like Ina Mae Gaskin's book Guide to Childbirth. There. I said it. Wow that feels good to get off my chest. I realize it is the "go-to" book people recommend to pregnant women, and I realize it's been life changing, transformational, and has completely changed people's birth plans and expectations. And that's great for those of you who have loved this book and had such a positive experience with it. But it didn't do those things for me. It kind of had the opposite effect. I'm not saying I didn't come away from it with a few good nuggets of information, she has some wise things to say. But I will say that I found myself highly irritated throughout most of the book and here's why. The first half of the book are various women's stories of childbirth. They were interesting and engaging and this is where I gleaned some good helpful tips about childbirth being a very holistic process, about relaxation, about empowerment. The second half is more "didactic" where she covers different topics (pain management, relaxation, and I can't even remember what else). I realize she is a HUGE advocate for home births, no pain medication, little medical intervention etc. That's fine, those are fair perspectives to hold and thousands of women hold the same perspectives as she does. I'm not saying that's wrong, or if that's your choice then it's a bad one. But what I hated was that I felt like she was demonizing the medical community, hospital births, and any woman who does choose to enlist the help of pain killers, epidurals, or the like. The subliminal message I came away from this book with was "if you choose these things, you WILL have a horrible birth experience, your doctor will be an egotistical jerk who will never do anything in the best interest of you or your child, and you are a terrible mother putting yourself and your baby at risk if you ask for an epidural. You are somehow less of a woman because your body was made to do this naturally and if you can't, you're weak." No, she never comes right out and says those things, but that's the underlying message I heard throughout this entire book. My sister read this book after her first was born, but before her second. I asked her what she thought of it and she said "well, she is pretty full of herself isn't she? It's like the only appropriate place on the planet to give birth is the birthing center on her farm and if you choose a hospital you're an idiot who is guaranteed to end up with a c-section and a baby in the NICU." That's exactly how I felt. I realize some have had negative experiences with doctors or hospitals, and that's fair. I've had some myself. But to paint the entire medical community with broad brush strokes of being uncaring, institutionalized, egotistical individuals who just want to get you in and out of delivery as fast as possible is unfair, untrue, and really really offensive to me. My time of working in a hospital as a chaplain, working closely alongside doctors and nurses showed me just how deeply they do care, and work tirelessly to bring healing, relief, and comfort to patients. I have countless friends and family members who are doctors and nurses (including several labor and delivery nurses, a NICU specialist, and pediatric intensive care resident) who love their patients deeply and care immensely for their well being and the well being of their children. I found Ina Mae's tone and approach to speaking about doctors to be very disrespectful. She's absolutely right to voice her opinion, but it's not an opinion I can even come close to jumping on board with. I hesitated even saying anything on here about this book, because I know how beloved it is by many many people, but I just feel like the "other voice" in this dialogue, the voice that supports the medical community, isn't heard as much these days. So there you have it, my book review for the week--good tips, some helpful nuggets, but overall won't be drastically changing my life. And who knows, after this baby is born I may have a different perspective, and if so, I'll admit that on here.**4**
On to something more fun :) I LOVE our new apartment and our new location. Love it. It's cozy, homey, in a fantastic location (I can walk to just about anything in 5-10 minutes), and is so close to the church my husband and great friend Jenn even walked over and came for lunch the other day. It'll be fantastic when Aidan is born, I can walk over and have lunch at the church with him to get out of the house, or Charles can come home a day or two a week to have lunch with us, or on a Sunday morning if he has to be at church for multiple hours and the baby needs to come home, I can easily walk him home to put him down for a nap without waiting around (since we only have the 1 car). My goal for today is to start figuring out where pictures are to be hung so we can finally get the last of the boxes unpacked from the nursery, that way next week I can start putting his room together, and figuring out what we need for him (like a crib...and putting together our changing table area etc).
**5**
Charles and I were talking last night about how incredibly different life feels here than it did for us in Seattle. Words cannot even begin to express how much lower our stress levels are, how much more peaceful our home feels, how enjoyable our evenings are (because we're not angry and stressed and processing how to deal with a very unhealthy leadership structure at a church all the time). Our schedule has filled up a little faster than I might have liked (mostly because it's December and there are all kinds of extra events) but even in the midst of that I don't feel angry and stressed about it, things feel enjoyable again. He walks out the door to walk to work in the morning with a smile on his face. I realized I am not an anxious and stressed basket case all day worrying about him and for him. I can be home making dinner and setting up our home without feeling so guilty and stressed that I'm not at the church helping him. Which makes me so much more relaxed and ready to engage with him when he comes home. We have energy to talk about other things besides the church. What a huge difference the right leadership structure and senior pastor can make for the lives of their employees! We are abundantly grateful to be here, and hope we get to be here long term.
**6**
For those who have been hearing the weather reports, we haven't completely blown away here, but it has definitely been windy! Nowhere near what poor Pasadena has encountered though! These are some photos of Fuller's campus posted yesterday on Facebook:
**7**
It's been so blustery around here that all I want to do is hide out and bake warm yummy things to counteract the wind outside. Yesterday I put a batch of chili in the Crock Pot (President Obama's family recipe actually, and it was SO good) and smelled the yumminess of garlic, onion, and spices all day, and then I baked up a batch of cheesy corn muffins from my Cooking Light cookbook which were incredible. They had garlic and chopped green onion in them, and apparently can be frozen. I think before this baby comes I'm going to make a big batch for the freezer because they will be an incredible side dish to any pot of winter stew, soup, chili, or pasta that my mom or I make while they're here. (And I'm all for freezer meals, things I can pull out and have ready to go!) This next week I'm breaking out our favorite comfort foods we haven't made in a couple months as we've been living with other people and traveling. On the list, pasta with pesto and shrimp, thai lettuce wraps, and a crock pot beef stew that will be warm and cozy if this wind continues!
Happy weekend everyone!
It's been so blustery around here that all I want to do is hide out and bake warm yummy things to counteract the wind outside. Yesterday I put a batch of chili in the Crock Pot (President Obama's family recipe actually, and it was SO good) and smelled the yumminess of garlic, onion, and spices all day, and then I baked up a batch of cheesy corn muffins from my Cooking Light cookbook which were incredible. They had garlic and chopped green onion in them, and apparently can be frozen. I think before this baby comes I'm going to make a big batch for the freezer because they will be an incredible side dish to any pot of winter stew, soup, chili, or pasta that my mom or I make while they're here. (And I'm all for freezer meals, things I can pull out and have ready to go!) This next week I'm breaking out our favorite comfort foods we haven't made in a couple months as we've been living with other people and traveling. On the list, pasta with pesto and shrimp, thai lettuce wraps, and a crock pot beef stew that will be warm and cozy if this wind continues!
Happy weekend everyone!
I read a bit of Ina Mae's book at B&N when I was pregnant and decided not to buy it for all of the reasons you mentioned in your post. And this is coming from someone who went on to have an unmedicated birt!h at a hospital with a midwife! I never would have thought I was capable of it, but having a doula was totally worth it. Kind of a middle road approach - not home birth, but not the American norm either. :-)
ReplyDeleteI had the SAME EXACT reaction to the childbirth books myself. The le leche league is equally as bad with its Womanly Art of Breastfeeding book. They bothered me immensely, I felt judged and condemned for feeling like a medicated hospital route was preferable!! And rather than being comforted or reassured it hugely STRESSED ME OUT.
ReplyDeleteMeanwhile, my daughter was born with a serious medical condition requiring vigorous monitoring and intervention -had I gone the natural / low monitoring route its likely she would have perished in the 40th week.