Weeks 29, 30, 31 & 32...Baby Showers and Uhauls and Boxes Oh My!

Phew! We are done with travel until after this munchkin is born, thankfully! These past couple weeks have been a bit of a whirlwind, full of seeing people I love so so much, but when I got off the plane yesterday here in Burbank my first thought was "no more. I'm done. I just want to stay in one place for at least a full month!" Here's a bit of what myself and our little guy have been up to these past few weeks that I've been ignoring the blog :)

In week 29 our little dude was weighing in at about 2 1/2 pounds (the weight of a butternut squash...perfect for fall...hmm, that sounds good even now...) His little skeleton is growing stronger as his bones are hardening even more and his lungs and muscles are continuing to mature getting ready for life in the real world. Week 29 kicked off with a Halloween party/welcome party that the youth group threw for us, which was a very fun way to start meeting high school students and leaders. Our little guy's first Halloween costume? A jack o lantern (hey I had to take advantage of the belly somehow!)

Also in week 29 I headed east to meet our newest little niece, Brooke, who of course managed to capture my heart in the first few minutes I held her! I had a great long weekend playing with Lily, hanging out with my sister and brother in law, and snuggling baby Brooke as much as I could! I'm not sure when I'm going to get to see them again, baby Brooke might not be as tiny of a baby by then!

Week 30 found our little one the weight of a head of cabbage--about 3 pounds and counting! (I'll be curious to find out how big he actually ends up being!) We mostly hung around Northridge this week, I was able to get our apartment paperwork finalized and we secured a move in date for the week of Thanksgiving. I spent the week arguing with the insurance company on the phone about my eligibility for coverage (they finally got everything straightened out but it took several days and more than one episode of hanging up the phone in tears to do so).

Sunday night of week 31 (the 13th) we flew up to Seattle to get things ready for the rest of our move (taking full advantage of Southwest's preboarding policy for pregnant people!) On Monday Charles and two guys we hired through Uhaul loaded everything we owned into a truck and then he and a friend of ours from Fuller drove the truck all the way down to LA pretty much in one long day (arriving about 3 AM). I stayed up in Seattle for the week with a good friend, and even got to take the train down to Portland to visit one of my best friends there for 2 nights. Saturday of that week my friends in Seattle threw me a baby shower which was fantastic, I am so so grateful to them! It made this whole baby thing feel even more real and immanent--knowing he's going to be using these fun things in not too long! Here are some fun photos from the party :)

The beautiful spread Missy & Heather created for us! Missy made the diaper cake (and then gave me all the newborn diapers--score!) and the delicious (pasteurized!) cheeses (the world's best is Trader Joe's Gouda/Goat Cheese combo. Seriously you have to try this someday), cupcakes and fruit made for a wonderful afternoon snack!Jen, Anu and Karen try to guess whose baby photo they are holding (they were all asked to bring one to the party--it was a lot harder than we expected!)Lynn & Darbee playing the baby photo game

Missy doesn't look like she minds holding Levi for awhile (Karen's super sweet little one!)

Aidan got some super cute outfits as well as several very generous gifts from our registry (that were mostly shipped here to LA which was very thoughtful of them!) This one was picked out just for Charles, it's a baby rash guard that says "I'd Rather Be Surfing" on it :)His first tuxedo :)

Everyone got to put in their prediction as to when he'd be born (date, time and weight), so if you'd like to join in the guessing feel free! I think the official Kennedy household guess is January 18th. (Our due date is the 15th, but the 18th was the first day of work at West Side for Charles, and I just feel like in God's great sense of humor our little man will arrive to book end the year for us--the biggest gift in the midst of the hardest year).

I flew back on Sunday morning, the beginning of week 32 for our little guy and finally on Monday I got to see my new OB. I didn't get a choice, I was just assigned someone through our insurance company, so I was a bit nervous about how I was going to like her, but I was extremely relieved that I did like her and her office staff. I think she's going to be really good, and is going to stay right on top of the rest of my prenatal care. I at least know what hospital I'll be delivering at, who to call in an emergency, and what doctor to expect to see! Knowing those things lowered my stress level immensely! It's been amusing to me how "textbook" my pregnancy has been. Every day I get an email from What to Expect When You're Expecting about what might occur that week, or what you might be experiencing. Almost all of it has been dead on. Heartburn? Check. Dry itchy skin? Check. Achy back? Yup (although moving could have something to do with that!). A little insomnia here and there? Unfortunately, but thankfully not much! Short of breath now that baby is pushing on my lungs? Definitely. None of this stuff is anything to really complain about, I am still super grateful for how easily things have gone, I just find it funny how I'll experience something and think "is this normal?" and literally have an email about it the next day. The only thing I've had to really say goodbye to this trimester has been caffeine. My heart couldn't handle even the small amount I was drinking each morning, so I cut that out based on "Nurse Dad's" recommendation and have noticed a huge improvement. Apparently caffeine, plus a history of heart issues, plus extra blood flowing through my body was a bit too much! I am not sure I even really miss it, and it's definitely worth it to feel a normal pulse again!

Tuesday of this week was finally moving day!! We had hired another couple guys through Uhaul (BEST money ever spent by the way!) to unload our truck into our apartment and then I've spent the rest of the week unpacking and organizing. My dad kept telling me "don't over do it, don't over do it!" and well, I think on Tuesday I overdid it a bit. I was so sore and exhausted by the end of the day I literally couldn't move, even to roll over in bed. So Wednesday I was a bit more careful and have been fine the rest of this week. We spent a lovely Thanksgiving meal with the family we've been with the past 3 years now--a family from the church we used to be at, and we are so grateful for their hospitality!

We got all signed up for our childbirth classes (every Thursday for the next 5 weeks), a basic infant care class, a breastfeeding class, and our doctor wants us to make sure to take an infant CPR class before he's born, so we'll be busy learning in the month of December! Charles had breakfast with a good friend of ours who just had their first baby a couple months ago, and he recommended a book to us that sounds great. Charles was excited to order it and tell me all about it, so we're looking forward to scanning that together too. Lots to learn, but we realize that most of our training will be on the job come January! (Still it's good to know a few things ahead of time!)

That's about it for now! Sunday begins week 33, which seems very crazy to me! We are looking forward to our first week in our new place, finishing the unpacking and getting settled into what will be our "normal" life here in Northridge. We are so grateful to be here and be settling in, and we look forward to what this last month of childlessness holds for us!

Thanksgiving from A-Z 2011

My favorite challenge of the year--I can't believe this is my 6th year doing this, gosh time flies! Every year I try and come up with something I am thankful for that begins with each letter of the alphabet. Sometimes this is easier than others! So without further ado here is this year's list, things I'm thankful for from A-Z. This could be a great family activity--let me know what you all come up with if you try it too!

A: Ancient Words
Every Sunday night at St. Mark's Cathedral in Seattle a group of men from the church choir chant the 30 minute compline service (the prayer service to mark the end of the day). This is a giant cathedral and every week it is packed full of people, mostly between ages 18 and 30, sitting in silence listening to the ancient words of scripture, the Lords Prayer, the Apostles Creed and ancient hymns be chanted over them. Some lay on the cathedral floors, some bring pillows and sleeping bags and lay there resting in the words they hear. Some bring sketch pads and draw as they hear the words sung. We attended several times throughout the year and were always so blessed by this time of silence, getting lost in the ancient words that have sustained the faith of so many for years before us.

B: Brooke Elizabeth
My dear sister brought a new little niece into our lives this year! Brooke Elizabeth arrived October 13 and I had the opportunity to fly out to Rhode Island in early November to meet her--Aunt Sarah is already in love with this little snuggle-bug and wishes she were closer! Watching big sister Lily (now 2) get to know her baby sister is also something I am so grateful for--she is very sweet with "baby Brooke" and melted my heart more than once giving her sister good night kisses!
C: Covenant
In July we were so grateful for the opportunity to join family for the baptism of our sweet niece, Elizabeth Jane in Danville, Kentucky. Jane was adopted into the covenant family of God, and if you know me, you know there is no holy moment I love more than seeing a child marked with the sign of the covenant upon her forehead.
D: Doors
Doors opening. Doors closing. Doors opening again. It's been a strange year, and a really hard year in so many ways--full of uncertainty. But one of our constant prayers has been "God will you please shut the doors that need to be closed." And he did. Jobs we thought we wanted didn't work out, someone else was hired. Jobs we didn't even dream about fell in our laps and doors flew wide open to allow us to move forward--housing was provided, our house sold, health insurance worked out, friends were already part of our new community--it was amazing to watch God work through the opening and closing of doors.

E: Extreme Weight Loss

This sounds strange, I know, but I needed an E and this works :) This past year my husband and I haven't had a ton of free time, but one of the things we found we really enjoyed doing together is watching The Biggest Loser. I don't know why this became "our" show, but it really is one of the only shows we consistently watched together every week. (The Voice was our other show back in the spring!) I am grateful for the inspiring people who are willing to share their struggles and stories on national TV, I'm grateful for what I've learned from the trainers about nutrition and exercise, and I'm grateful for the time every week to sit down and share something fun with my husband.

F: First Presbyterian Church Granada Hills
We are beyond grateful for this new community God has provided for us! This church really is incredible, in so many ways. We are grateful for the senior pastor and his wife--their hospitality towards us and the way they view ministry, family and life. We are grateful that the youth program isn't so overrun with giant events that there is ample time to do things like go to student's games and plays or have coffee with volunteers. We are grateful for Sunday worship--the joyous music that has energy and passion infused in it and the sermons that are relevant and challenging. God has blessed us big time by bringing us to this place.

G: The Good and Beautiful God
In the spring I had the opportunity to lead a 12 week class at our church on this book that I've come to love a lot over the past two years. I loved the opportunity to get to teach a series this long, to be in a weekly relationship with a group of wonderful folks who joined me in reading this book. And I am so grateful for all that I learned about God, and about teaching through this experience.
H: Hospitality
We spent a lot of time on people's couches, air mattresses and guest beds this year! We are especially grateful for the hospitality of our dear friends Ryan, Alethia, Josh and Jenn who hosted us over night (more than once!) We are also so grateful for the family from our new church who took us in for a full month as we apartment hunted and then waited for it to be ready for us to move in. Countless other friends have hosted us for meals over the year, and we have loved our times of fellowship around tables laden with beautiful food. God has blessed us tremendously through the hospitality of friends, both new and old!
I: Interim Pastors

I have been SO blessed this year to get to know two absolutely phenomenal individuals who changed me in many ways.
Bryan Burton is the interim pastor at West Side and professor at Fuller Northwest and he and his wife Caroline were God's saving grace to us numerous times. We'd been there about 6 weeks when they had us over to their home and when we walked in they said "you're safe here, you don't have to filter your thoughts or worry about what we think or might repeat to others. This can be your safe space, we'll be your listening ears." That gift is one we took advantage of many times, and loved getting to know him and letting his thoughts and theology shape us. He is passionate about engaging culture, not running from it, and he calls things like he sees them. Bryan's love, encouragement, and solidarity during our time at West Side is one of the main reasons we made it as long as we did there! We are SO grateful for him!

Heidi Husted-Armstrong is the interim senior pastor at Bethany Presbyterian Church here in Seattle, my "home" church. Heidi began her time at Bethany in January, and when things fell apart at West Side we were so grateful to have a home church to retreat to for worship and the beginning of our healing process. I have to be honest, I don't know too many people who can preach better than Heidi. She is phenomenal, she has a gift that is indescribable. I'd been told by a Fuller professor that if I ever get the chance to attend a church where she's preaching, I should, just to learn from her. I had no idea I'd get the chance to worship at Bethany for several months this summer, and I am SO grateful I did. The sermon she preached on Sept. 11 is still with me, I still think about it two months later. If you have a free half hour, go to this page, and scroll down to the sermon from September 11 called Another Perspective. Listen to it, I promise, you'll be blessed. The other incredible gift Heidi has is pastoral care. Our second week at Bethany after leaving West Side she came up to me, put her arm around me, and just said "I understand God is in the process of re-writing your story, and that it's pretty painful right now. I'm so sorry." Those words have stuck with me for 5 months now. God has rewritten our story, and it has been painful, but meeting with her, hearing her faithfully share scripture each week, and being encouraged by the Bethany community have been such gifts from God this year.

J: Java
One of the best things about being back in Seattle is the plethora of independent coffee shops that exist all over the city. I loved discovering new shops around the West Seattle area, and loved having places to retreat to when life got hectic. Something about being in a quiet coffee shop, the smell of coffee beans, and a perfectly steamed latte with the right amount of foam makes me super happy (and no, Starbucks doesn't usually work for me, too commercialized and usually noisy with blenders going!). So this past year I have been thankful for time spent in local java shops!

K: Kicks and Wiggles!
As tired and sore as I am right now (moving in the midst of pregnancy is a LOT of physical activity to do when hauling around a bunch of extra pounds!) I have really loved being pregnant. I haven't been sick--just tired, which is normal, and I've been fascinated by watching my body grow and change as this little one grows. My favorite thing ever is feeling him stretch, wiggle, kick, and flip in there. I think it is amazing seeing my entire belly move (strange, yes, but amazing!) knowing there's a little person in there who is getting ready to come meet us. Yes, I am grateful for baby kicks and wiggles!

L: Lessons Learned
I kind of feel like my brain is on overload this year! It was a year of learning a LOT--both about ministry and how we've been taught to approach that versus how other churches approach that, but also about life. This year we bought a house, something I'd never done before, and a process that freaked me out at first. But we did it, and I learned a lot about what a mortgage is, how loans work, why down payment sizes matter, and how to get things notarized. Then we moved & I learned all about different moving options (Pods, trucks, rentals, trailers) and how much each costs and how to coordinate all of those things. Then I got pregnant and started learning all about fetal development, nutrition, and pregnancy. Then of course we lost the job and put the house on the market, something else I'd never done before! I learned a lot through that process too, and now we're enrolled in childbirth, infant care and breastfeeding classes throughout the month of December...more learning! It's been overwhelming at times, but I am grateful for having had all these "grown up" experiences that have taught me a LOT!

M: Missy & Mumford
I have 2 "m's" this year :) I have incredible friends. That is one of the constant themes throughout my life, and I am SO grateful for so many of them. This year, my dear friend Missy has been one of God's lifelines to both Charles and I in so many ways. She has hosted us for several meals, but has been a constant listening ear and encouragement. Because she's my one friend who goes to Bethany, she was a huge part in helping both of us ease back into life at a church--inviting and encouraging my husband to go volunteer with her local mission trip team, and reminding me that not all church life has to be draining. I will miss all my Seattle friends so much, but leaving Missy is like leaving a really big piece of my heart behind. I am so grateful to have been able to live another year of life in close proximity to her. (And I love this photo of her my husband snapped at a friend's wedding...gorgeous!)

It's not too often that an entire album a band puts out speaks to me and sticks with me as a favorite for months at a time. Mumford and Sons, although they have been around for awhile, were not discovered by us until early this year. And we were hooked. There is something so soulful and spiritual and raw and real about their album that it speaks to me every time. One of their songs was even used as a worship song on our Houseboat trip this summer (they are not an official "Christian" band, so don't buy this album if looking for something like David Crowder), but they are a group who sings honestly about life, and very spiritual themes. (I will warn you, their song Little Lion Man is not appropriate for children--they cry out with a rawness that many find shocking and off-putting. In the midst of our year this year we found it refreshingly honest and real).
N: Naps
You probably know that exhaustion is one of the main side effects of pregnancy, especially in the first trimester, and I'm beginning to realize later in the 3rd trimester too. I've had mono before, and let me just say it's kind of like that. Sheer exhaustion, even when you sleep for a full night. I took a ridiculous number of naps this year, and I am SO grateful for the time I had to be able to do that! It was great when my energy came back in my second trimester, and I'm finding now that I'm enjoying naps more and more again as I get a little bigger and it takes a bit more energy to do normal things. Something tells me that when this baby is born I will still be thankful for naps!

O: Ordinary RadicalsCharles and I discovered this book this summer, and started using it more faithfully in September when we were back from our August travels. He picked it up as part of the Borders closing sale and thought it would be a fun resource for ministry, for when we have to plan worship services. We didn't realize it would be our saving grace! This book is a guide to daily prayer--a short "liturgy" written for every day of the year, meant to be done in families, communities, or as individuals. We started using this together as a way to start our morning, and for the first time in our marriage we have been consistently praying together, reading scripture together, and being silent together. For some reason, this book works when no other form of devotions done together worked for us (normally we approach quiet times pretty differently). It also has evening prayer outlines that focus on confession, and we're not quite as consistent with those (usually because by bedtime this pregnant mama is beyond exhausted!). We'd highly highly recommend this book to couples, families and individuals--we are so grateful for discovering this book!

P: Prayer WarriorsEveryone should be so lucky as to have kids as amazing as these guys are! One of the things that my sister in law has faithfully done with her kids is pray with them each day, I think in the mornings before they head out the door to school, and she has taught them to pray as well. Our three older nieces and nephew have taught me a lot about persistent and faithful prayer this year. They have prayed for us through every major up and down in our year, and I am absolutely convinced God has heard their requests on our behalf! They've prayed for our job hunt, our moving logistics, a new doctor for me, the right apartment, and for their baby cousin to keep growing strong. Last year when we were visiting in Japan, we visited a Buddhist temple. My 9 year old niece asked her mom if she could pray silently right there and ask God to show the people worshiping there that He was the real God, that they would know who God really is, and that God is not a statue. That kind of intense childlike faith is something I hope she never looses. I am SO grateful for what I've learned being blessed by these prayer warriors this year!

Q: Quiet

One of the best parts for me about our house in Seattle is that it backed up to a creek and a green space and was set back off the road. After living in a noisy apartment complex for so long at Fuller, moving into a house where it was so quiet was such a gift. I had no idea it was possible to fall asleep without sirens as one's background music! That is one thing I will miss living in another apartment complex again...the silence that we so often don't get in our society.

R: Restoration
The week my husband lost his job found us in a bit of a state of shock and numbness. That first Sunday we woke up knowing we were not going back to worship at West Side, so we headed over to Queen Anne to worship at Bethany Pres, the church I call home in Seattle. Words cannot describe what worshiping at Bethany throughout the summer did for my soul. It felt like I was coming home. The people I still knew there welcomed us with open arms. There was no pressure to "do" anything, we were just allowed to come and be. The music, the spontaneous corporate prayer, the silence that fills Bethany's worship services, the down to earth nature of the congregation who shows up in jeans, coffee in hand to worship--all these things were SO restorative to my tired, weary, and disillusioned spirit. I didn't have to put on a smile and pretend to be okay. God used Bethany in so many ways to restore my faith in the church and to renew my desire to be involved in His body.

S: Soup Dates!
Ok this one should technically be my "p" but I already had a pretty good "P" :) One of the things we discovered this year in Seattle is Pho (pronounced pha for those not familiar with this deliciousness). Pho is a Vietnamese soup that we are in love with. Beef broth with thinly sliced meat of your choice (I always choose chicken but there are lots of options), ramen-like noodles, green onions, white onions, bean sprouts, and herbs (I think cilantro and something else?) make up one of our new favorite comfort foods. We had a Pho place a block from our Seattle house and since it's so cheap we often walked down the street for lunch or dinner. I am grateful for Pho!
T: Thirty
In September I turned 30, and heading into my birthday weekend I had no expectation really for any big celebration but my husband and friends went above and beyond! I am grateful for all they did to make me feel loved and special--from breakfast in bed, to a pizza date for dinner, to dinner at the Space Needle, and a big surprise party. It was an amazing weekend!

U: Useless Bay Weekend
One of my favorite places on the planet is Useless Bay on Whidbey Island. It's a very special spot for my family, and I never tire of going there. One of the traditions my friends in Seattle have is going away for a "Girls Weekend" once a year, and this year we were given a place on Useless Bay to enjoy, which was incredible! We cooked for one another, sat in the sun, took walks on the beach, snacked a lot, read, and just enjoyed one anothers company. This was a weekend that was so good for my soul!
V: Victorious

One of the constant themes that I've encountered several times this past year is the idea that no matter how painful life is, Christ is victorious over all the pain, sin and death in this world. That's where our hope lies, in Christ's victory, not in our ability to "rise above" things on our own. I am grateful for this repeated message that has appeared in many sermons I've listened to in the past 11 months.

W: Words of Wisdom
When life feels a bit out of control, I know I start to doubt my own intuition and my own voice. It's as if I assume every decision I make will be wrong because of one other wrong decision made. I think this is probably a pretty human thing. One of the things I have appreciated so much this year are the couple people who have spoken such wise words to us. Primarily, I am so so grateful for the hours my poor parents have spent on the phone with us talking through all kinds of things. They have been the recipient of several tearful phone calls from me this year as it seemed like everything was unraveling around me. Every time we've talked both my husband and I have hung up feeling a bit more confident, able to think a bit clearer than when we were stuck in the spirals of our own thoughts. I especially am grateful for an email my dad sent us when we were discerning about moving back to LA. We knew it would be expensive to live here, but his email reminded us that ministry was a calling first, and that if the church & pastor and vision for ministry was the right fit then that was what we needed to base our decision on, and God would help take care of the finances. We've landed ourselves back in a very expensive city, but with a much greater sense of joy than we had previously. And the fact that he did a rotation in OB this summer as part of his Nurse Practitioner program--he's also been the recipient of many questions throughout my pregnancy and is always able to calm me down after a frustrating doctor's appointment!

X: Xaris
I've used this word in the past, but there are only so many "X" words! Xaris is the Greek word for "grace" and we have been the recipient of some amazing grace this year! We have eaten way more meals at other people's tables than we'll ever be able to repay. We've been hosted on couches, air mattresses, and hide a beds. We were taken in by total strangers for an entire month while we waited for an apartment here in LA. We had a good friend fly up to Seattle just to drive our uhaul down I-5 with my husband so I didn't have to do the drive twice in a month. We've been thrown baby showers, surprise parties, welcome and goodbye parties. We've had family members purchase us plane tickets to family events we otherwise would not have been able to attend. We've had incredible friends spend a lot of their precious time on the phone with us as we've processed our painful year. I even had a friend drive from Portland for one night just to spend time with me and take me to get a pedicure. As I look back I see so many signs of God's grace demonstrated through the friends and family around me, and I am so grateful.

Y: Yes
In the midst of all the chaos and tough stuff in our year, God sent us one resounding "yes!" in the form of a positive pregnancy test taken May 5th. And God has continued saying "yes" as we've prayed for good health for me and for Aidan, for the right medical care to be made available, and for great family support during this time. Finding out your are expecting a child and then loosing your job a month later, having to go through a job search process, sell the house, pack, move, and then unpack and resettle in all in a few months felt like a lot, but every time I felt our little guy move I've been reminded that this is the year when God said "yes" to one of my dreams.9 week ultra sound...our little blob with a heartbeat!
Z: Zelzah Avenue

The street that our new church is on is conveniently named with a Z, as if they knew I'd be struggling with this letter someday and would need a word to use! In all seriousness though, I am so grateful to be living one block from Zelzah (one block from the church--a grand total of a 5 minute walk), and a short walk to the grocery store, Starbucks, Michaels, Menchies (frozen yogurt, my new obsession!) a pharmacy, and a fantastic farmer's market (Sprouts) which are all located on Zelzah. Being back in a place where I can walk to things again is a great gift!

A Song of Reorientation

Disorientation, Reorientation. Feeling lost, discombobulated, confused, sucked into a whirlpool of chaos, followed by a turning right-side up again. We see this pattern over and over again in the Psalms--the psalmist will cry out to God from the midst of a vortex of pain, confusion and fear. He’ll cry to His maker “where are you?? When will you act? Why can’t I find you or hear you or see your face??” His honest, heart-wrenching prayers show us his lostness, in fact there’s an entire grouping of Psalms named by scholars “the Psalms of Disorientation.” These are some of my favorite passages in all of scripture, the prayers that give me permission to cry out to God in the midst of my own disorientation in life.

Thankfully, there is another grouping of Psalms that fill the prayer book of the bible. The Psalms of Reorientation--psalms and songs of praise that turn the confused and lost person back to face the One who is still in control. Prayers and poetry that reorients us and our lives, that helps us turn our faces back towards the One who reminds us that when we pass through the waters of life they will not sweep over us because God is our rock and our redeemer.

As we journey through life I’m learning that it can be difficult to stay oriented sometimes. Life feels chaotic. The world throws a lot at us. Disappointments arise and change occurs sometimes faster than we would care to see. This past year has felt like one giant spiral of disorientation for us. We began work at West Side on Jan. 18, and from day one we found our heads spinning with big events to plan, long-standing traditions to effectively pull off (and not “mess up” as we were told by numerous people), dozens of people to try and keep happy because they all believed themselves to be my husband’s boss, and a system of leadership and power that refused to engage in conversation about anything different, outside the box, or remotely new. By February we were exhausted, and that clear vision that we went in to this church with grew fuzzier and fuzzier. The swirling busyness around us kept us from being able to stay oriented to the vision of youth and family ministry God had given us in our time at Fuller. We found ourselves aimless, disillusioned, and doing everything we could to keep our heads above water. This isn’t to say God hasn’t done, and isn’t doing work within this community, but the way we have come to understand ministry, discipleship, outreach and worship were so vastly different from what was happening there that it became impossible to keep ourselves firmly planted.

The first weekend in June my girlfriends and I went out to spend the weekend on Whidbey Island to retreat away together. As my dear friend, Missy, and I were driving up the island looking for our turn off a song came on her ipod and she said “this is my song of reorientation.” I wasn’t sure what she meant by that and she reminded me of the Psalms--how there are psalms of disorientation and then psalms of reorientation that help us refocus in the midst of feeling lost. She said that this song had become her own personal “Psalm of Reorientation,” and that has stuck with me all these months. The song was called “Our God” and was recorded by worship artist Chris Tomlin. As I listened to the lyrics I found tears springing to my eyes. Life felt so painful at that time (we didn’t know this at the time but it was a week before our time at the church officially ended), and the lyrics of the song washed over my thirsty soul like a beautiful, moisturizing balm.

“Our God is greater. Our God is stronger. God you are higher than any other. Our God is healer, awesome in power, Our God. Our God.”

Simple words. But so true. In the midst of the swirling chaos around us we belonged to a God who was our healer, who was greater and stronger than any power structure, church system, or set of traditions that were thrown at us. As we’ve wrestled through the incredible pain of being abruptly asked to leave a church community, the pain of realizing we trusted people who betrayed us, the confusion of questioning our call to ministry, and the anger and disillusionment we’ve experienced being treated so poorly by someone we thought we could respect in ministry, this song has become a healing chorus for me. I’ve listened to it on repeat a lot, and I’ve come to a place where I am beginning to declare “yes, our God IS greater and stronger and higher and more powerful than anything going on in life.”

Fast forward a few months to October 23, our first Sunday in our new church community. We take our seats and wait for the announcements to be given before we rise to join together for our opening song. A familiar chorus begins to emerge from the pianist’s hands and then the words appear on the screen. “Our God is greater. Our God is stronger. God you are higher than any other...” Two Sundays in a row, our first two weeks here, this was our opening song in worship. Experience after experience has shown us that as we serve here, this place is meant to be a place of reorientation for us. We love it at this church, more than words could ever express. From the schedule and calendar that are in place for the youth department (SO much more manageable for the volunteers and staff!), to the way the senior pastor embraces change, worship, leadership and mentoring, to the refreshing messages we’re hearing every Sunday morning about being open to the Spirit and moving forward and doing church differently.

In the midst of a season of so much chaos and transition and pain we are finding ourselves beginning to feel our feet back on solid ground. We still haven’t moved into an apartment. Our belongings are still in Seattle. I still don’t have a doctor to deliver this baby in 8 weeks. We own nothing for this kiddo other than a box of clothes my grandma has sent. But we are okay with that (most days, some days I cry a lot!). We know that in the next 8 weeks things will continue to fall into place, but more importantly our souls are beginning to find rest. We’re finding ourselves coming out of the whirlpool of the past 10 months, we’re catching our breath, and we’re looking around saying “this feels right again.” Our God is faithful, just as he promised he’d be.