Leavin On a Jet Plane...Traveling With a Little One

Over the past two years that I've had Aidan, one of the most common questions I have gotten (besides "is he sleeping yet?") is "How in the world do you travel with a baby so much??"  The most common comments are "I would never try that!" Since I've been asked a LOT by moms for tips or things I've learned while flying a lot with the little one (by the time he turns 2 in January he will have been on 18 separate trips--and yes when I write it all down like that it DOES sound crazy!)  I thought I'd consolidate some of the tips and tricks I've picked up here and there for anyone who is doing any holiday traveling with a little one.

Booking Tickets:

So if you already have tickets, it's a little late for this topic, but there are a few things to try & keep in mind when choosing flight times. 

• I've tried both early morning flights and later afternoon flights, and I will say the early morning flights, while more brutal on me because I hate getting up when it's still dark, tended to be easier on Aidan.  The flights we've had that didn't leave the east coast until 3 PM or later just made for a REALLY long day for him, and made navigating his nap schedule with having to be to the airport early much more difficult.  However, the plus side is that if the flight is long enough you will eventually hit bedtime on the plane and hopefully he'll crash in your arms and sleep a good portion of the flight.  But leaving early is much easier--he'll arrive at our destination with daytime left to explore his new surroundings, he will nap on the plane, and babies are just generally happier in the mornings (at least mine is!)  So go for an earlier flight if possible and just know you'll be tired but it is better than being awake almost all day and then boarding a 5 hour flight across the country at dinner time! 
• Remember, it's free to take a baby on your lap until they are 2 years old, but you will need to pack the birth certificate to prove to the ticket agents your child is under 2!  I used to NEVER get asked--I probably got asked one time in 2 years of travel with Aidan, but now that I'm traveling with Asher I've been asked a LOT to prove he is under two.  So I always take copies of both my kid's certificates just in case.  Apparently an official shot record with the child's name and birthdate on it is also acceptable as an ID form but one time I didn't have either document with me and it was a problem for Southwest Airlines. 
• Don't be afraid of a lay over.  The layovers I have where I only get about 30 minutes are stressful.  Not only do you need to schlep baby and all your gear to your next gate but your little one will want down and to crawl or run some of his wiggles out.  30 minutes is not enough time to let him do this!  An hour and a half is a perfect amount of time to get to your next gate without sprinting, and let baby explore the airport, watch planes, get out of your arms for awhile, but it's not so long that your travel day feels unbearable!  I try my best to break up all my flights about half way. 

Car Seats and Packing:

If you're traveling with a husband or helper, it's not quite as big of a deal, but if you're on your own with an infant in arms,  the packing AND organizing of the diaper bag is a huge thing because once you have a baby on your lap in an airplane seat, you often won't be able to bend down enough to see the contents of your bag--you'll have to know where everything is by touch.  So a few things to keep in mind when packing.

• First, baby gear like car seats and strollers fly free--you can check these items at the ticket counter when you check the rest of your luggage and you won't have to pay for them, you'll just pick them up on the luggage carousel at your final destination (It's 2 pieces of baby gear per baby that goes for free).  
• Car Seats: You have probably heard that if there is an empty seat on your plane you can bring your car seat on board and have that empty seat for the little one without paying for it.  This is true, but my experience is that in this day and age there are usually very few empty seats on planes, so I haven't found lugging my heavy car seat along with everything else I'm carrying through the airport just in case there might be an empty seat (only to find out that there never is).  Make sure the people who check your car seat put it in a plastic bag!!  We have arrived at our final destination with a sopping wet car seat that had apparently sat outside on the tarmac during our lay over in a monsoon rain storm.  They have plastic bags both at the inside ticket counter and the outside curbside check in spots.  I have also learned the hard way that if an airline accidentally leaves your car seat on the run way in Denver, when you land in Burbank at 10:00 at night they will have a loaner car seat they can give you until they get yours back.  They're cheap and not awesome, but you won't be stuck at the airport. 
• For toddlers who will have their own seats on the airplane, technically the FAA does not require them to be in a car seat, however, while a pain to carry, putting your child in a car seat just as you would in a vehicle is by far safer than letting them sit in the seat on their own.  The lap seat belt just slides through the belt path on a car set, you put your weight on the seat with your knee and pull tight, just as you would install it in a car.  Your kiddo will also appreciate sitting up that much higher so he can see out the window easily and I've learned from many first hand experiences that it is actually much easier for a child to nap on the plane if they are buckled into their regular car seat just like they would nap in a car.  They are less wiggly, and there is something about being in the familiar that is helpful.   I've told friends to take car seats and they didn't and told me later they would NEVER make that mistake again--their kid would NOT hold still in the regular seat and settle into a napping position.  So for 2-3 year olds I always took the car seat on board.

There are 2 items that I absolutely could not survive traveling without--everyone has their "must haves" and these are my 2 when it comes to flying (especially since I usually travel without my husband).  My Beco baby carrier (this is my 3 year old niece modeling my carrier with her baby) is the number one item I used while traveling with Aidan until he was about 13 months old.  (He just got too heavy at that point to carry him and my carry on items by myself through big airports so I stopped using this when he started walking).  You NEED something to carry baby in through the airport and to keep him contained until you have your luggage and things situated on the plane.  If you are wearing your baby in a carrier you do NOT need to take them out at security--they will have you walk through a regular metal detector with baby attached to you and then they will swipe your hands to check for explosive material.  Both my boys would sleep in it if I have a nursing cover over him as well, so you can use it to induce naptime once on board by standing in the back and bouncing. This is also how I got away with never traveling with a stroller the whole first year--I just wore him everywhere we went at our destination--now that he's so much heavier that doesn't work but for the first year any hands free baby carrier is a must have when traveling! (Note, you are actually not allowed to keep baby in the carrier for take off or landing, but it is awesome to have one for mid-flight or the getting on and off the plane process.)

The second item that is my must-have once my kids got too big for the carrier to be comfortable is a contraption called a Go Go Babyz Travelmate.  Sounds ridiculous, I know, but it is brilliant.  If your little one is still in an infant car seat, this isn't necessary for you, but as soon as you start traveling with a full sized convertible car seat you need help.  Those things weigh a TON and I can barely lift it let alone carry it through an airport.  A Go Go Babyz is a set of wheels that straps on to your carseat through the belt path, turning it into a stroller of sorts.  I wouldn't use it as an actual stroller at a destination, but you can wheel your little one through the airport with incredible ease.  You do have to remove him at security, but then ask the TSA agent to hand check your car seat (so it doesn't have to fit through the metal detector) and you'll walk through the metal detector with your munchkin.  When Aidan was old enough to walk but still young enough to be considered an "infant in arms," I kept him in his car seat until we got right to the door of the plane.  Then I'd "gate check" the seat, and they would bring it right back to the jetway at our destination.  Now that he has his own airplane seat, I take it on board.  On a full sized airplane (Southwest flights...) my car seat is narrow enough to wheel him right down the aisle to our row so he stays constrained til we get to our seats.  They aren't cheap, but it is the absolute best money I've ever spent on a piece of baby gear just because those car seats are so darn hard to maneuver.  I got mine through Amazon and it works fantastically.

Other things I always take on board the airplane in my carry on: (sometimes I need some of these things, sometimes I don't, but here's my standard diaper bag packing list for flights):

• Enough diapers for 1 day--you know your baby's diaper-filling patterns, so plan around that with a couple extras.  I WAY over packed diapers my first few flights and ended up cutting way back for subsequent flights since they took up half my diaper bag.  If you find yourself in a pinch there will be another mom somewhere on board who can help!  
• A pack of wipes--great for diaper changes but also for sticky hands, spills, and the unfortunate day when my child threw up all over himself upon landing in Burbank one flight...I think I went through the whole pack of wipes and then carried him naked off the plane...
• One extra outfit for my kids packed in a zip lock baggie (so if there is a major accident or spilling of anything on him you can put the soiled clothes in the zip lock when you get the new outfit out).
• My nursing cover or light swaddle blanket.  Even if you're not nursing it's nice to have something to cover their little faces and bodies if they fall asleep--for warmth, and to block some of the light.
• Portable white noise.  If you have an iphone with a white noise app that works great. This is to place near his head when he does fall asleep because the captain will inevitably come on the intercom to point out some landmark as soon as your little one drifts off.  I've found having white noise near his head really does help him stay asleep longer with all the noisy intercom announcements.  
• A few toys.  Don't go overboard here.  Most babies will be completely entertained for quite awhile practicing putting the arm rest or tray table up and down.  They'll be fascinated by the pictures and bright colors on the safety information card.  Aidan liked to rip pages out of the sky mall magazine (hey when stuck at 10,000 feet with a 9 month old, you go with whatever entertains them!).  Ask the flight attendant for an empty plastic cup--they will chew on it, put things in it, crinkle it etc for a good 10-15 minutes!  I usually make a quick Target run before a trip to get a couple new books he's never seen before and one new easily portable toy.  That way whatever you pull out for him is new and exciting, but you certainly don't have to do this! 
• Now that he's a toddler, I pack some books, a sticker book for him to work on, and then the portable DVD player with some of his favorite movies.  He has flown enough he now knows he can't have his DVD player set up on his tray til we're up in the air and he hears the "ding" stating we're at 10,000 feet.  So we read books, look at the Sky Mall catalog (there are lots of kitties and doggies in there!), and do stickers until we're airborne (and then again when we're in our descent).   Play dough is also a great airplane activity for toddlers. 
• Snacks for BOTH of us!!  He loves his puffys and yogurt melts, and these will keep him busy for a LONG time!  Especially if I make him fish them one at a time out of a cup or my hand!  Don't forget food for Mommy!  Your hands will be full, so I've found that power bars with good protein, PB&J sandwiches, or pre-sliced fruit are the easiest since you'll need to eat with one hand.  Again not an issue if you have daddy traveling with you!  Most flights won't feed you any more, so if you're traveling a long distance, pack a lunch--wraps, sliced fruit, cheese and crackers with salami, all great airplane food.  You ARE allowed frozen ice packs on board, so you can use those to keep food cold or cool off your baby formula or breast milk. Note: You ARE allowed to take baby-related liquids on the flight--bottles of formula or breast milk that's been pumped and they are NOT limited to the 3 ounce rule other liquids must be.  Simply make a separate bag of the baby-related liquids and let them know when you get to the check point that you have baby formula or milk with you and they will screen that separately. 
• Sippy cup for him, water bottle for me--take them empty through security and fill with the drinking fountain when you get to the gate.  Babies little ears are sensitive on flights with the pressure changes so the number 1 way you can keep those open is to either nurse, feed, or let them suck on a sippy cup straw during both take off and landing. 
• My kindle.  He will end up falling asleep and so I like to have my kindle reachable for when he does.  I can read one-handed until he wakes up and wants to play again

All this really does fit in our diaper bag with careful planning (with the exception of a lunch box--now that he's in his own seat he technically gets 2 carry ons, so mine are my purse and diaper bag, his is the lunch box).  There are things others will tell you to pack, which you are welcome to, however I found they just took up space & I decided I could function without them.  For instance, I don't ever pack an extra shirt for me.  Some say this is a bad idea, but I've never really needed it and don't tend to have space.  Instead I dress for travel in 2 layers (a tank top under a loose long sleeved or short sleeved shirt).  If there's an oops on mommy's shirt I have another layer without taking up diaper bag space.  I also don't pack clorox wipes any more.  I used to try frantically wiping down all the germy plane surfaces he'd be touching but then I realized it was pretty futile.  He always went straight for the one thing I hadn't wiped down and it didn't end up seeming worth it.  I figure he's had his shots, he eats healthy, I just need to be ok with him exploring the plane even if it does kind of gross me out!

We have all seen the families with the stroller, pack and play, car seat, diaper bag and luggage trying to check in, and we have all sworn we wouldn't be "that" family and that when it was our turn we'd be the ones to travel super light.  The reality though is that there are certain things you need to have in order to make the vacation a success--baby needs a place to sleep, needs to be safely buckled into a car when you arrive, and may need a way to be contained at meal times.  Unless you're traveling to visit people who already own all these items, you'll need to take these things with you.  The good news is you can check most of these things on a plane and don't have to haul them through an airport.  It is worth asking whoever you are visiting if they have a friend they could borrow a few baby items from.  If they ask around at church or in the neighborhood it's amazing how many families do own extra baby gear!  (I haven't ever had to fly with a pack and play--everyone I have gone to visit has been able to borrow one from somewhere, or my parents went to a second hand children's shop and got one for about $25 to just keep at their house--and most hotels have portacribs you can use for free so call and ask before you haul one across the country).  To save suitcase space I don't pack enough diapers or baby food for the whole trip.  Wherever I'm going has stores, so I pack enough diapers, wipes and food for the travel day and the first day at our destination and then head to a store to stock up on anything I didn't want to use suitcase space on.

Other Random Tidbits:

Ask a flight attendant when you board if there is a changing table on the plane.  Southwest flights all have them in the front lavatory, they are fold down things over the toilet.  If there is no changing table on board you have a few choices.  If you're with other people from your family just have them stand up and lay baby across your two seats to change him.  You can always lay your changing pad or mat on the floor at the back of the plane if you need to in a worst case scenario.  

He may cry.  And it's okay.  No one will die from listening to your baby cry, and most people on the flight have been in your shoes (even if they shoot you dirty looks and act like they haven't).  You can always stand and bounce with him in the back of the plane if you need to, or walk him up and down the aisle to let him make new friends.  Sooner or later you WILL land and get off the plane and you will survive.  I've been amazed at how many people really are willing to help especially if you're alone. I've had other moms offer to hold him so I could use the bathroom or get situated, a flight attendant made him a rattle with a plastic cup, lid and pack of pretzels, a business man played peek a boo with Aidan over the seat back for WAY longer than I'm sure he wanted to, and countless people offered to help me put my luggage up above, let me use their tray table for an extra surface for my own drink to keep it away from little hands, and helped me get my luggage back at baggage claim.  

Why is all this worth it to me?  Because I want my boys to know their family as much as possible, and if that means every 6 weeks or so I deal with a travel day, well, it's worth it.  We survive the flight and then he has a blast with cousins or relatives.  Yes it can mess with his sleep schedule, and I do my best to follow his tired cues to know when to put him down (rather than a clock), and within a day or two he adjusts and we're back on a normal routine.  But to me, it's all worth it.  Happy travels my friends!

Benediction

When I worked with the children's ministry program at my church in Seattle I had the amazing privilege to learn and experience the Godly Play curriculum.  For those who aren't familiar with Godly Play, you can read more about the program here but essentially it is a Sunday School program that assumes children are capable of encountering the mystery and majesty of God in silence, in opportunities to pose "wondering" questions, and in the participation in the ancient liturgy of the church (simplified to their level of course).  It's an incredible program and in my opinion probably the best way to help our children learn to worship and experience God so they are able to make the transition to worshiping with the larger corporate body.

Anyways!  This post really isn't an advertisement for Godly Play!  I was a worship leader for the 4-6 year old room and one of my very favorite parts of that role was getting the opportunity to bestow a blessing, or a benediction, upon each child before they left every week.  They would all be sitting in a circle and one by one I'd call them up to me.  Some would sit on the floor in front of me or next to me.  Some would exuberantly throw themselves into my lap for a quick snuggle as I gave them their blessing.  Others would more shyly approach.  I would lean towards them and whisper words meant only for them into their ear, placing my hand upon their head in the ancient motion of blessing  someone.  I would try to incorporate some aspect of the day's story, but I would also try to make it personal to their lives.  If I knew Ryan had a soccer game and the lesson of the day was how God was with Abram and Sarai everywhere he sent them, I may have whispered "Ryan, may you always remember the Lord goes with you everywhere you go this week, he's with you in the classroom, he's with you on that soccer field, and he's with you as you lay down to sleep each evening. May God bless you and keep you.  Amen."  If one of the children came from a difficult family situation I would incorporate words of blessing that addressed their life somehow.

This was powerful.  In so many ways.  For the little ones, you could visibly see their countenance change as they got up from receiving their blessings and headed towards the door.  They exited into the rest of their week buoyed by the words of love, grace, and God's truth spoken over them.  Many many children would tell us that the blessing was their favorite part of Sunday School.   We live in a culture and a world where critique is everywhere.  Every assignment we turn in, every play on the sports field, every outfit we wear is up for the critique and evaluation of the world around us.  We are all hungry for words of grace and love to be spoken over us. As the one giving the blessings I found myself in awe of the privilege to be one of the voices speaking into these little minds and hearts.  It was powerful, and that experience has stayed with me all these years.  I haven't spoken a blessing over a child since I left Seattle in 2005, yet I've never forgotten those holy moments, that sacred ground when a child expectantly waited for her unique benediction.

My friend Kimberlee is a mom of 4 beautiful children, and is doing an amazing job raising them to love the Lord.  She has carefully & thoughtfully incorporated aspects of the church calendar, liturgy, and rhythm into her family life, and I've learned a lot from her as I've read her blog and her book over the years.  Every night she and her husband speak the words of each child's baptismal verse over them, mark them with the sign of the cross on their foreheads and speak a benediction over them.  I have loved this idea since the moment I heard about it long before Aidan ever existed.

Now that it's my turn to put my little one to sleep I have begun the ritual of speaking a blessing over him as he begins to nurse to sleep in my arms.  I mark his forehead with the sign of the cross, the same way it was marked with the waters of his baptism.  I speak the words of a scripture passage over him--not one particular verse yet, each night it's the words of a different verse, words I want to begin taking root in his little soul.  I long for him to always know the height and depth and breadth of God's love for him.  I pray he will always know that when the waters of life swirl around him they will not sweep over him.  I hope he will never ever forget that the Lord delights in him.  I pray he will be a boy and then a man who will love justice and mercy.   In these moments my ordinary hands, the hands that spend the day wiping a little nose and a little bottom, the hands that wash what feels like a never ending slew of dishes, hands that type words of reflection into a computer--these ordinary every day hands become holy.  As they caress a tiny forehead and smooth back fly away strands of baby hair something powerful happens.  I'm sure Aidan can't feel it, and doesn't realize it, but in these quiet moments of blessing my son I am somehow changed.  My perspective shifts and refocuses.  The frustration of having to tell him twenty times in a day not to touch the DVD player melts away and I remember that in the long run, what really matters is that these holy and ancient words from scripture begin to take root in his tiny heart.  I sit and I rock and I nurse him and I pray.  I pray words of blessing, words of benediction.  And I pray that somehow these moments of grace make a difference--in his life and in my own.

The Sleep Saga

I have had several moms ask me this weekend what we were doing for sleep training with Aidan, and since one of the main things that led me try any sleep training at all was reading other friend's stories and seeing what they tried and what their kids "survived," I thought I'd share our story.  So first off, thank you friends who had posted your stories, in the midst of the first day of letting Aidan cry it out a bit I was sitting at the computer watching the clock, re-reading your stories for encouragement!! 

Sleep...that illusive thing that new parents crave and everyone wants to ask you about as if it's a badge of honor that your baby somehow sleeps through the night at 8 weeks verses other babies who still can't do that by age 1.  It's an extremely hotly debated topic online and in sleep books, and every pediatrician you ask has a different view.  No wonder parents are so confused--not only are there so many views, but poor parents have to wade through the information while sleep deprived and groggy! 

It hasn't been a secret, Aidan has been a terrible sleeper from day one.  I think part of that really is due to some early infant health issues that we didn't know about. He came home from the hospital tongue tied, which meant he wasn't able to suck properly so he was literally hungry all the time--but we didn't know this until week 4 of his little life.  We just thought he had colic or tummy troubles.  Once we solved that problem his sleep might have improved a little, but nothing drastic.  Over the spring, his sleep started to get worse again.  By May we were getting up almost every hour, and he was super restless, fussy, and screamed if he had to burp. Eventually we put all the pieces together that he had acid reflux, which of course was causing sleep issues!  Poor baby!  We got him on medication and that definitely helped with the fussing, screaming, burping and spitting up, but it only seemed to moderately help his sleep.  Honestly I think that's because by now he'd had 5 months of waking up almost every hour and was so used to having mom and dad put him back to sleep that he had no idea of how to get himself to sleep.  He is a big sucker...but will not take a pacifier or his thumb, which means he demands Mommy in order to get himself to sleep.  And Mommy gave in.  All night long.  Because that seemed easier than having a middle of the night battle with my 6 month old. 

Over the summer I did what I swore I would never do as a parent and let him start sleeping with me in our bed from whenever he woke up around midnight for the rest of the night.  Which means he could nurse and cat nap all night long and I no longer had to run back and forth to his room all night.  Finally I was feeling a little more rested (even though I was still waking up almost every hour!)  We did this for months.  Oh, and he never napped for longer than 30 minutes at a time.  Ever.  Unless he was really sick.  He was chronically tired, but I had no idea how to help him sleep longer or nap longer.  I read at least 4 sleep books, with very different views on sleep and found myself even more confused.  So I started talking to other moms I trusted to ask what they had done to help their little ones sleep better, and the overwhelming consensus, much to my dismay, was that they had let their babies learn how to cry it out.  I cannot even begin to tell you how much anxiety I had about this concept.  I fought it for months.  Nothing else was working though, I kept thinking he'd get better as he got older, but it had been 9 months and I was never able to leave him for more than about 2 hours because he'd be tired and need to go to sleep but wouldn't do that if I wasn't there.  So in the back of my mind I knew I'd eventually have to let this kid cry a little, the "gentler" methods weren't cutting it and I was exhausted and frustrated all the time. 

My mom was in town this past weekend and she had actually brought it up, saying she'd be there to help and for moral support, but that it might be time...poor Aidan needed more sleep for his little brain to develop (I think babies his age should be getting between 13 and 15 hours of sleep in a 24 hour period.  He was at about 10 of very choppy sleep).  I agreed it was time to do something.  There are a couple things I did in advance that really really helped both Aidan and I out in this process.  The biggest is that I actually seriously prayed about this.  I had so much anxiety, and I prayed for God's peace, for his grace, and for me to know with clarity whether or not this was going to be the right thing for my baby and our family.  I know that may sound silly but I had SO much peace all weekend and so much confidence that this was what Aidan needed, and God's grace was everywhere--from how easily Aidan picked up on putting himself to sleep, to having my mom here for moral support.  Another thing I did before hand is that back in July I started helping him get attached to two little blankie/loveys, knowing that at some point he'd have to learn how to soothe himself and would need something comforting.  Every time I nursed him I would hold them next to him, he'd hold on to them and I would place his head on them when he would fall asleep on my shoulder.  Giraffe and Taggie are now a big part of his putting himself to sleep, so I am really glad I started that attachment a few months in advance. 

We also invested in a video baby monitor when he was born, and while it's been helpful up until now, it has been my life line this weekend.  There is NO way I would have been able to do this without being able to see him on the video screen.  I could watch him and literally see he was okay.  He was actually laying down, or he was sucking on his taggie in between fusses.  There were a few times I was about to go in there based on his length of fussing, but when I looked at the monitor I could see that he was actually laying down, holding his giraffe, looking like he was trying so hard to get to sleep, and I knew that me going in there would have started the whole process all over again which is not what we wanted! 

So, with our video monitor in place and him sufficiently attached to his loveys and me sufficiently tired of our existing sleep routine (or non sleep routine), I was ready.  Our plan was to start at bedtime Thursday night, but Thursday afternoon I knew he was tired but wasn't falling asleep while nursing, so, I nursed him for awhile, gave him kisses, told him that Mommy loved him but that he needed to go night night and put him in his crib with his giraffe and his taggie. I walked out as the reality of what just happened to him hit him and a VERY angry scream ensued.  He was NOT a happy camper.  My plan was to go back in every 10 minutes to try and comfort him.  I know some people say "don't pick them up" but I wasn't going to be militant about any of the "don't ever do this..." rules.  So after 10 minutes I went in, picked him up, gave him a hug and tried to hush him a bit.  I told him it was still time to go to sleep and put him back in his crib.  More yelling.  I am actually convinced me going in there made it worse.  So I wasn't too excited about going back in unless it seemed like I really needed to.  After another 15 minutes or so I could still hear him fussing, but my mom said "no look at the monitor, he's doing okay, he's laying down, he's stopped standing up at the side of the crib, he's trying so hard to get to sleep!"  So I decided not to go back in and give him a few more minutes.  She told to me to go walk and get the mail and if he was still fussing when I got back I could go back in (I am SO glad I didn't do this first time by myself!)  I went to get our mail and when I got back he was softly whimpering but looked SO close to sleep that I chose to leave him be.  It took a total of 30 minutes from putting him down to him being asleep, and he only slept for 40 minutes, but he did it!  I was SO proud of him!!

Thursday night I was nursing him to help him relax when he threw up.  A lot.  All over me, the chair, the floor, himself....it was then bath time and needless to say our sleep training was on hold a bit.  He got sick again later in the night, but by Friday morning seemed better.  For both of his naps and bedtime Friday night I nursed him to help him relax and then put him in his bed still awake, with his loveys.  Every time I got the initial angry stand up and scream routine, but it never took him longer than 15 minutes to fall asleep, and he even broke an hour for some of his naps!  Friday night he slept for a few hours, woke up, ate, and then went back to sleep and slept from 1:30 AM until morning!  Saturday night he slept from 7 PM until 7:30 AM just waking up briefly about 10:15 (I didn't feed him, I just went in to hug him and tell him it was still time to sleep--it took him about 10 minutes or so to put himself back to sleep).  Sunday after church I stayed for a meeting and my mom brought him home to feed him lunch and put him down.  She said she tried rocking him for a minute with his loveys but he's never been one to sit still to rock.  So she put him in his crib, told him it was night night time and within 4 minutes he was sound asleep.  He only slept for 30 minutes but he went to bed without mommy! 

Are we sleeping perfectly?  Of course not.  But compared to where we were a week ago (geting up every hour to hour and a half!) he has grown a TON!  Last night he did an 8 hour stretch until 3 AM and then I fed him and he went back to sleep again til morning.  I'm not being militant about any "system" or theory.  I'm not opposed to feeding him once in the night, he is a SUPER active boy who I know burns a ton of calories, and if it seems like he's hungry I don't mind feeding him once, but then he needs to go back to sleep, in his own crib.  Monday he took a 2 hour nap and then an hour and a 1/2 one, but the last 2 days they have been back to 30-40 minutes.  I've left him in there for about 15 minutes after he wakes up to see what he'll do, and today it looked like he was trying SO hard to go back to sleep, but he kept screaming so I finally went in to find a dirty diaper.  Of course, that would have to derail nap time training!  But I've been so thankful for my friend Jean's philosophy that she shared with me months ago....don't stress.  You can always try again at the next nap.  It's a process, and it's going to take awhile. 

Here are a couple last tips or thoughts if you're reading this and thinking about some type of sleep training that I've had over the last 9 months.

• First, if you at all suspect there might be a legitimate medical reason your baby isn't sleeping well, please take care of that first!  Reflux, teething, tummy trouble, being hungry, etc all impact sleep and  some may need some doctor's help before any type of sleep training will be successful.  
• Second, trust your gut as a mom or dad!  You know your little one way better than any sleep experts, so if a particular method doesn't feel right to you, it's okay to not do it just because you read it in some book!  I was SO against crying it out, I thought I could never do it to my baby, until one day I was more okay with it, but I waited until he was 9 months old and I had tried many other things.  And now I'm actually okay with letting him cry because I know he is so capable of putting himself to sleep and for some miraculous reason it is actually working to help him sleep longer.  A lot longer.  
• There is no one way to help your baby sleep.  This worked for us, but there are so many other methods that do work for other babies, just not for our little guy.  

There you have it...that's been our process and story of sleep for the past year.  Obviously it's going to continue to evolve and change as teething happens and growing happens, but that's to be expected.  I'm just so excited I can sleep for a little while, what a gift!!

How do you do that?

"How do you do it?" The question was posed to me this week by the gentleman scanning my produce at the local grocery store.  He looked at Aidan and looked back at me and said "How do you do it?"  I was a bit perplexed and asked what he was referring to and he said "being a mom.  Moms amaze me.  I have no idea how on earth my wife does what she does--I have no idea how you do what you do to be a mom, but I am so grateful for women like you who are doing their best to be great moms."  Not your typical grocery store small talk, but this middle aged gentleman with dark skin, salt and pepper hair, and a beautiful Latino accent spoke these words of blessing over me as I fumbled with my purse and tried to keep the credit card machine out of my squirmy baby's hands.  He put words to the question which has been rolling around in my head a lot lately.  How do I do this? Do I have what it takes to raise this little person?

I never really thought that hard about becoming a mom.  You get married, you have a baby or two or three and eventually you wind up driving a carpool to some field trip somewhere.  Right?  When Aidan was born I was thrust into the world of motherhood head first, but was so focused on trying to merely survive the many many many months of sleepless nights and long fussy days that there was not much time, energy or brain power left for reflecting on this new role I found myself in.  It was all about survival.  Back in June I had the privilege of seeing one of my closest friends for an afternoon.  She has three kids of her own, with a fourth on the way, and is hands down one of the absolute best moms I have ever seen in my life.  I've said to my husband so many times how in awe I am of her--of her patience, her love, her ability to discipline and shape her kids with gentleness and words and her ability to maintain a level head in the midst of newborn and toddler chaos.  One of the things she said to me that has stayed with me these past three months is that she loves all her kids so passionately, but recognizes that "there is just something about that oldest kid--because they are the one who makes you a mom, they are the one who has pushed you to your limit of exhaustion, love, and patience, for the first time and who has shown you that you can do it, that you DO have what it takes to be a mom."

"How do you do it?"  I don't know.  There are days when, if I am truly honest, I might be tempted to say this is really really hard and I kind of want my old life back.  I'd never trade this little guy for anything, but there are times when I really would just rather get to go do something fun with friends without worrying about how long I've been gone and if he's hungry and needs to eat or needs help getting to sleep.  I'd love to sleep through the night, heck I'd love to sleep a 3-4 hour stretch without interruption!  Being a stay at home mom is by far the hardest thing I have ever done.  Hands down.  Give me my Hebrew class to study for any day, that was a piece of cake.  It can be extremely isolating at times, and I often have to be intentional about getting out and seeing people or making play dates for us (which is getting easier as Aidan gets older).  It can be so easy to slip into a pity party at times--poor me, my baby doesn't sleep well, poor me I never get to see friends, poor me I'm lonely and bored a lot of the time.  But then, I look at my son--I mean I really look at him and every single time I do God smacks me on the head with the realization that I have absolutely NOTHING to complain about.  I have a beautiful, healthy, incredibly curious, strong, adventurous and giggly baby boy.  I did nothing to deserve him.  He's amazing.  When so many hearts ache with infertility issues, news of birth defects, and time in NICUs, I have an incredible gift right in front of me, one I never want to take for granted, and I am so grateful to people in my life who remind me what a privilege it is to be doing what I'm doing.  I have the rest of my life to use that degree I worked for, to pursue full time employment.  I have such short years with this little one here in my home, I don't want to miss a minute of it.  And I want to experience it all with pure joy.  Sometimes that might be a sleep-deprived haze to that joy, but I want to be a mom full of joy.

Rejoice, give thanks in all things...

Aidan's (and Mommy's!) Favorite Baby Items Part II (6-8 months old)

I had a lot of fun putting together my first list of Aidan's and Mommy's favorite baby items when he was 4 months old, and now that his tastes have, shall we say, matured, I thought I'd come up with another list of our favorite baby items for 6-8 month old babies.  So, without further ado, here's what we are loving in our house these days!

Sophie the Giraffe: It's true, this really is one of the most perfect baby toys that has ever been created.  I was skeptical of all the hype--what in the world could possibly be so great about this silly giraffe that they need to charge $18 for her!?  For the first few months of his life, he could have cared less about this long legged friend.  Then the teething started.  Oh my word, he used Sophie non stop.  She's amazing, her legs are the perfect size for little hands to hold and are the perfect size for reaching the various sore parts of baby's mouth--teething rings didn't hold a candle to our friend Sophie.

Mesh Teething Bag:  Whoever invented this thing was a genius.  Such a simple concept--help babies teethe and introduce certain fruits without any fear of choking.  Fill the bag with whatever you happen to have on hand and let the little one chew away to his heart's desire.  We started with watermelon chunks which were awesome because he was able to get so much juice out of the melon, and it was cold.  We've done plain ice cubes, frozen strawberries, frozen banana pieces, and pieces of peaches.  Definitely a great invention!

Rattle Balls:  I admit, I am super entertained by these!  I bought this set of 5 balls last week and he's had a great time crawling around after them.  They are the perfect size for little hands, although he desperately wants to chew on them and can't get them into his mouth very well (obviously a good thing from my perspective!)  Each ball is different, and I think he's kind of interested both by the fact that it rolls and by what is happening inside.  Bonus, these kept Aidan's daddy's quite entertained on our last airport layover as well!

Taggie Blanket:  We got this from my parents for Christmas before Aidan was even born, and I was a little disappointed when he didn't show any interest in this thing for the longest time--because I think it's super cool!  In the last month or so though this blanket has become fascinating to him.  I now make sure this is in his crib when he goes to sleep and when he wakes up he'll lay there playing with this for quite awhile.  He loves feeling the different tags on the blanket and chewing on them, and I love that it's small enough and easy enough to take with me in the diaper bag when we're out and about.

Top 100 Baby Purees:  This baby cookbook is fantastic!  It walks you through how to start solids, what to start with, and how to prepare just about any vegetable or fruit you'd want to.  Plus it provides 100 "recipes" for great purees for baby--combinations I'd never think of that are truly delicious.  Last night I made him a puree of a cooked sweet potato, peas, and cooked spinach.  It was so yummy I would have served it as a side dish for dinner if I had had more!  Making baby food isn't hard, and it's been fun thinking of new foods to introduce him to--this book has been super helpful in that process.

Beco Baby Carrier:  Oh my word this has been a lifesaver.  This is one of the absolute surefire ways to calm him down if fussing is happening, and it's the only way he'll go to sleep other than nursing.  Aidan LOVES this thing.  I use it in stores, on walks, and all over the apartment complex.  He rides in this every day to go check the mail, and "helps" me do lots of loads of laundry in this (since I have to go to a laundry room I have to take him with me--and need my hands for the laundry obviously!)  He can ride on my front either facing out or facing me (which I only do to him if he's needing to go to sleep), and this carrier also lets you carry baby on your hip or back which I haven't tried yet but my sister has and said it works great.  Definitely a great carrier if you're in the market for one!

Homemade Fun for the Little One!

Have I mentioned before how much I love Pinterest?  Because I really really do.  Ask any stay at home parent and they will say that at some point, the days get long.  We have a basket of toys for Aidan to play with, stuffed animals to wrestle, books to look at, but somehow he still seems to get bored.  I don't really want to go buy a lot of new toys all the time--we don't have space for them, and he'll outgrow them relatively quickly.  Plus, so many toys out there are full of flashing lights and sounds, which aren't always bad, but I want him to get used to playing with things that he can interact with more, that don't just flash at him.  I was reminded this week of a MOPS speaker we had this past year who spoke on the importance of play, and how play is the primary means through which children learn.  She stressed that play does NOT need to involve fancy toys or expensive items, but rather can involve the most average every day house hold items and a little imagination.  She made us practice playing with empty yogurt containers (you can build very cool things with them!), tops of snapple bottles, piles of yarn and fabric scraps (the textures are awesome!), blocks, dice, styrofoam packing peanuts, empty water bottles, etc.  The skies the limit, really!  My little one still puts everything in his mouth, so I needed to come up with some things for him to play with that wouldn't hurt him--obviously he's too young for the pile of buttons or dice!  Thanks to Pinterest and a friend of mine (Pediatric Occupational Therapist Christie, of the fantastic blog MamaOT--check it out if you haven't, she has amazing tips and ideas!) I came up with some fun new things for Aidan that didn't cost much at all, and will help expose him to new textures and senses.  

The first thing I made were some sensory bags.  I got this idea from the blog Growing a Jeweled Rose's post on sensory play ideas for babies which has amazing ideas on it.  I went to the 99 cent store and bought 4 bottles of various substances that are cool textures--two bottles of hair gel, a bottle of blue body wash, and a can of shaving cream.  

I also wandered their toy aisle and the clearance bins that Target has at the front of their stores and came up with objects that would look cool and have different textures--my favorite are the beaded necklaces. 

Grab some ziplock bags--I used the freezer ones because they seem to be a bit thicker.

Prop the bag inside something so it doesn't tip over and spill while you're trying to fill it

Add a bottle of the squishy stuff and whatever objects you want--this one is my favorite, the magnetic numbers floating in blue body wash.  

I double bagged mine so little teeth won't puncture holes in them, and reinforced the top with tape.  From there, just squish and play!  The texture is very fun, and when he's older he can have fun searching for certain numbers or objects as they move around the bag.  The soap worked the best, I do have to say I wouldn't use hair gel again.  It's not as moveable, but the soap is awesome and even creates bubbles as you squish the bags.  Aidan isn't quite sure what to do with the bags yet, but I think he'll eventually have fun with them

I love the feel of the beads--but like I said, I wouldn't put them in hair gel again, I'd do body wash or other soap.  With the shaving cream I didn't put any objects in the bag, just a bag of shaving cream to squish around, I love it--it's very entertaining for me at least!

Another new toy I brought out is one I actually made before he was born and it's been hanging on his wall since then.  He just started noticing it a couple weeks ago, so I took it off the wall and let him explore.  I found this photo display chain at Ikea for $2.00--5 squares of plastic that let you put photos in them (double sided) connected with wire to make a long chain.  I laid it on the floor and he has a great time turning the squares over, chewing on them, and looking at the faces of his family members I've put in them.  Super easy and I love that he's being exposed to the faces of people who love him even if they are far away.

My other toy I created yesterday were a bunch of sensory bottles.  I bought the small water bottles, and went through Michaels and picked out about 5 different things that would be fun in water.  So I found little puffy pom poms that look cool, different beads, googly eyes, and sequins.  I put one of these objects into each bottle and glued the tops shut so he can't eventually figure out how to get them open.  They are very fun--the objects spin and float in the water as you shake or roll the bottles--definitely an easy way to keep him entertained for a bit!

My last invention (not that original I will admit) is to use the same little water bottles and fill 3 of them with colored rice.  I dyed the rice yesterday (just add several drops of food coloring to a plastic bag with about a cup of white rice and mix--then spread on a plate to let it dry a bit before putting it inside the bottles).  These are his favorite toys so far--he definitely likes the way the rice shakes and rattles inside the bottles!

There you have it, super easy ways to entertain a little one using objects you can find right in your own cupboards!

Being Present

This post was written awhile ago for a friend's blog-I'm just reposting it here so I have it in my archives :)

I wish I could say I was a quick learner.  I wish I experienced an "ah ha!" moment once and then always carried that little lesson around in my pocket, never having to relearn it.  Alas, I am not.  I am more of a painstakingly slow learner, often having to allow God to remind me, nudge me, and even sometimes smack me with the same life lessons over and over again.

On January 14 of this year, I became a mom for the first time.  My beautiful baby boy was born, and three days later I found myself at home with this little person who needed my attention all the time.  Rewind to about two weeks prior his birth and you would find me constantly on the move.  I'm a do-er.  Every week I made my to-do list of errands, household tasks, projects I wanted to complete and people I wanted to connect with, and more often than not by the end of the week my list was accomplished--every item neatly crossed out with a highlighter.  I've spent 23 of my 30 years as a full time student, I know how to multitask and I know how to get things done.  If I'm honest, I've found a lot of pride in how productive I've been in a given week.  Friends used to laugh because when we would have a 3 week break from classes I would not just travel to one place--I would usually pack my vacations full of multiple cities or states so I could visit as many friends and family as possible.  Yes, aside from the one month in grad school where I had mono, I have always enjoyed getting things done.

Fast forward back to this winter and the arrival of my little one, and all of a sudden life looked drastically different, more so than ever before.  All of a sudden my most important "task" of the day was sitting in a rocking chair for hours on end feeding my baby.  All of a sudden I found myself laying on a couch doing "nothing" but holding my child who couldn't nap anywhere but in someone's arms.  The dishes sat there, untouched.  The laundry was done when my parents came to visit to help out.  Vacuuming or cleaning the bathrooms?  Ha!  Running lots of errands and connecting with many people?  No longer an option with my son who hated his car seat and left me feeling foggy brained and incapable of connecting with others in a meaningful way.  Those to-do lists I had prided myself on were now non-existent.  And if I'm honest, so many days would come to an end and I would feel so unproductive, so lazy, and so frustrated.  Who was I now if I wasn't Ms. Productivity?  I knew in my head what I was doing for my baby was infinitely more important than doing the dishes, but for a slightly-OCD person like myself, sometimes all I wanted to do was clean my kitchen!

It's been four months now, since the arrival of our little one, and I think I am finally beginning to learn my lesson.  The other day I laid down with Aidan in my bed to see if I could settle him down for his afternoon nap.  He snuggled up next to me, nursed for a few minutes, and drifted off into a peaceful sleep.  "Alright!" I thought.  "I can finally go get something done!"  As I lay there thinking about what I was going to go sneak off to accomplish, it hit me.  The only thing that was important to me that day was being with my son.  My kitchen was relatively clean--not perfect, but good enough.  My husband and I have plenty of clothes, I didn't need to do laundry just because the basket was full.  All of a sudden grilled cheese sandwiches sounded just fine for dinner, no need to go prep anything fancier.  As I watched him rest, his little lips still making that sweet sucking motion in his sleep, I realized there was no where else on earth I wanted to be.  I was being completely "unproductive" by my former standards, but when I think about what really mattered in that moment, I was doing the most important thing I could have chosen to do--I stayed snuggled up next to his little body and held him as he slept in the safety and comfort of Mommy's arms.

God commands us to "be still, and know that I am God," and I think part of what God had in mind here is that He wants us to surrender our to do lists to Him.  He has spent the past 4 months teaching me over and over again a new way to define "productivity." He calls us to just be, to let go of all the things we frantically try to accomplish to somehow prove our worth here on earth.  He whispers a reminder "Sarah, you're so much more than your list of accomplishments, that is not what gives you your value or worth.  Be still, let me be God, you worry about being fully present for the people I've placed in your life."

Aidan's (and Mommy's!) Favorite Baby Items

I have lots of friends having babies these days, and several of them have asked "okay, so what have you loved that might not have been on my registry list or that I might not have thought to get?"  Of course you need the standard clothes, swaddling blankets, car seat, etc but we have found a few other gadgets and items (mostly through trial and error as we have gotten to know our little guy and what he likes and doesn't like!) that have been huge life savers for us.  Some may think some of these items seem "superfluous" or unnecessary, and perhaps for your family and baby that's true.  But here are some things I have been grateful for almost every day we've had them--maybe don't get these right away, but down the road you may want to try some of these for yourself.

The Baby Book by the Sears'  By far this is hands down my favorite baby book.  I love this book, and wish I had read more of it before Aidan was born.  It's big, but it covers EVERYTHING you might need to know for their first two years--including some on child birth, lots on feeding, sleeping, first aid (including tylenol doses--something they don't print on the baby tylenol bottles), and then chapters on development month by month.  They include a lot of fun ideas on how to play with babies of each age, tips for dads, and I feel like they approach things in a fairly realistic manner.  This is one of the first books I've read where I don't feel guilty for some choice I make as a mom.  They do have a strong attachment parenting bent, but as I'm learning more and venturing more into the world of parenting I have found that I line up more with the attachment style of parenting anyways, so this book has fit me well.  If I had to recommend one baby resource book, this would be it (because it covers everything in one place!)

The Sleepy Wrap  This was my favorite wrap when Aidan was a newborn, but I was so intimidated by using it I didn't try it until he was almost 2 months old.  Big mistake!  I wish I'd learned how to use this way earlier!  It's a really long piece of fabric that you wrap around you in various configurations to create a pouch for baby to ride in.  It's SUPER soft and stretchy and comfortable, and Aidan liked this one better than my other carriers.  He's too big for it now, but when we have our next baby I'll be using this WAY more than I did with him because we truly loved it.

The Woombie  Okay this one we found out of desperation.  I truly think it was a 3 AM google find!  Our little one NEEDS to be swaddled to sleep.  He wiggles and wiggles and his little arms and legs move constantly, which wakes him up the minute you lay him down.  Only problem is that pretty soon he got too strong and too big for swaddle blankets.  He wiggled out of even the tightest swaddle right away and we spent literally all night getting up and down re-swaddling him so he could go back to sleep.  After several nights of getting up every hour to re-swaddle I started googling to see what other solutions were out there.  Enter The Woombie.  I watched the demo videos and then paid a ridiculous amount of money to get this overnighted to me because I wasn't going to spend one more night reswaddling this kid if I could help it.  It's a zip up swaddle pod that lets him actually move a bit but his little arms and legs can't flail about and wake him up.  There are a variety of styles, and we have the "summer" woombie which is lighter fabric (which lets him move more) and the woombie convertible which has snap on sleeve openings, so when we start transitioning him to sleeping with arms out we can do one at a time easily.  We love the woombie, I cannot sing it's praise enough because I haven't had to reswaddle him at 3 AM once in a month!

The Fisher Price Rock and Play Sleeper  This is another one we discovered out of desperation.   Our little guy was just diagnosed with reflux, which is a super common baby issue, and accounts in part for his terrible sleep.  Since we learned this was an issue, we tried everything--letting him sleep in the bouncer, in the swing, elevating his crib mattress, wedging him in different positions with rolled blankets, propping him against a hot water bottle to give him the illusion of being held by a warm body, letting him sleep in bed with me (which is still probably his favorite spot to be honest), and nothing worked.  This kid still woke up every 45 minutes all night long. Every night.  That's a lot of lost sleep for both him and us!  I remembered a friend had raved about this little portable sleeper when her baby was little, and I had no idea if it would help but I figured I'd ask if we could borrow it.  Once she heard he had reflux she insisted we come get it ASAP--apparently in the Amazon reviews of it a ton of parents of reflux kids raved about this sleeper.  That night we brought it home, set it up next to my side of the bed, and put our sleeping babe in it.  THREE HOURS later he woke up to eat and I was SHOCKED when I saw what time it was.  Since then we have consistently gotten 2-3 hour stretches of sleep out of him in this little bed (which for him is AWESOME), probably because of the steep angle it keeps him at (sleeping more upright is more comfortable for babies with reflux) and because it helps him feel like he's being held by the steep sides.  I love this product, and if you happen to end up with a reflux baby who won't sleep, I couldn't recommend this highly enough!

White Noise Machine  We learned before he was born that babies often like white noise (the sound of the hair dryer, vacuum, static, babbling water etc) because it mimics the sound of the womb.  When Aidan was 2 days old we downloaded a white noise app onto my husband's iphone and were shocked to see how instantly it worked to quiet him and calm him (it still does today).  We went to get a continuous white noise machine for his room (this is the style we got) and now he sleeps every night with the sound of either ocean waves or a babbling stream.  We have LOUD upstairs neighbors and a fairly loud apartment complex and this has been a lifesaver--he already sleeps so little I didn't want his sleep interrupted by our noisy neighbors!)  We travel with it and now that he's sleeping in our room for awhile we have it set up in there--and I'm learning I love sleeping with it, I sleep way better!  So we may be getting another one when we move him back to his room!

Video Baby Monitor  From day one we have had Aidan in his own bedroom.  For the first 3 weeks my mom was in there on an air mattress so we didn't use a monitor, she kept an ear out for him and brought him to me when he needed to eat.  But once she left we started using this and it has been SO helpful.  I can see him to know if what I'm hearing is really him or needs my response, or if it's just him making noises in his sleep.  I can watch him if he's in his crib playing, and it has saved many many trips running back and forth between my bed and his room in the middle of the night when I think I hear something.  Now that we're working so much on his sleep and he's actually sleeping next to my bed we use this during nap time when he's in his own room and eventually we'll transition him back to his room at night.  LOVE this, and am so glad we splurged on this one.

Rainforest Bouncer  This has been a lifesaver.  I have never been one of those moms who is okay just leaving my kid in a bouncer or swing for hours on end, even if he's happy.  I think babies need way more interaction and play time on their backs, tummies, sitting on my lap etc  BUT, every day during mom's shower and while I made dinner Aidan got to hang out in his bouncer because he was safe, happy, and contained.  He still does even now that he's rolling and wiggling more (sometimes I just need him contained in one spot!)  Now that he's eating oatmeal but isn't sitting up straight in a chair, this is his feeding spot too.  It didn't work to solve our sleep problems with his reflux but it's been awesome for so many other things!

I think that's about it--those are our favorites that don't always show up on registry lists or on other people's lists.  How bout you?  What were your favorite baby products??

Should

From the moment I held that little plastic stick in my hand watching a "yes" show up in the little window, I have somehow become the queen of second guessing myself.  Oh not the decision to have a baby, I've never thought twice about that, even in the toughest of times over the last few months.  No, the decision to try for a child is not something I've ever second guessed.  It's all the other ones!  I've always known I'm a bit of a rule follower, I have always had a consistent idea of the do's and don'ts that have governed my life.  I like to do things by the book.  I just had no idea how that was going to impact me as a Mom.   You probably have realized how many books on parenting, babies, and every topic related to these there are in this world.  A lot.  No longer is there one trusted go-to resource that all parents rely on (I'm not sure there ever was, but there really isn't one today!)  When in the hospital we heard from many different nurses, doctors, lactation consultants, and child-educators about all the things we "should" do with our baby or definitely should not do.  By the time I was discharged my head was spinning with information, some of it that directly conflicted with information someone else had given me.  I was a mental mess, feeling so overwhelmed and completely at a loss as to what to do with my little bundle of fussiness that came home with us from the hospital.  People kept telling me "feed on demand," and "you can't spoil a baby this little," but then other books I read kept telling me "don't nurse your baby to sleep or he'll never sleep without it."  Some books said "let your baby sleep with you or on you because that's where he's most comfortable."  Others said "you have to teach them from day 1 how to start putting themselves to sleep."  On and on it's continued--advice that sounds great and logical that directly conflicts with other advice that also sounds great and logical (and some that just sounds downright crazy to me).  I would literally lay awake stressing about what advice to follow for a given situation, and I was driving myself crazy.

Until I received the best advice I think I have ever gotten when it comes to parenting.  I had called my uncle, a pediatrician for 30 years and a father of 4, to ask a few questions about sleep, and what is "normal" for a baby Aidan's age and how to help him sleep a little better.  He talked for a few minutes about sleep in general and then said "Sarah, there is no "should" here.  There is no one way to raise a baby or feed him or help him sleep or 'train' him.  Aidan is going to be who Aidan is, and if what he's doing is fine with you, who cares if it's on track with what the books say he 'should' be doing.  You need to trust your instinct.  You know him better than anyone on this planet, and you get to be the one to decide what he "should" be doing."  Tears came to my eyes as I felt the weight of trying to get my son to fit into the mold of what the "experts" say a 3 month old should or should not be doing be lifted off my shoulders.  He's healthy, he's fine, he's growing and learning and getting to know the world around him.  I wasn't a bad parent because I couldn't get my baby to sleep the way the books told me to.  (as an aside, after many conversations with other parents I have since decided that the people who write the sleep books on babies are kind of full of crap.  If a huge majority of 3 month old babies actually slept the way the books say they "should" be sleeping, no one would buy their books because no desperate sleep deprived parent would be on amazon looking for solutions at 3 in the morning!)

My uncle went on to tell me that he does tell parents there are some non-negotiable things in parenting.  Your kids absolutely have to know they are unconditionally loved by parents who will always be there for them.  Your kids need to be safe and protected, in their beds, in a car, while eating or playing--you can't just ignore car seat laws because you don't want to be told how your kid "should" be strapped in.  However, the biggest gift he gave me that day is he helped me realize my job is to let Aidan be Aidan.  It's not my job to cram him into some mold that some "expert" who will never meet my son set up.  He said he tells parents that if what their baby is doing is working for them and their family, then don't mess with it--don't change what you're doing.  It's when a baby's behavior starts to negatively impact the mental health or well being of the family that changes might need to be made with the help of a pediatrician.  (Aidan went through a stage of waking every 45 minutes, all night long, looking for mommy to nurse.  As you can imagine, this was negatively impacting me big time and led to us needing to think about helping him change his eating patterns a bit). I've felt the freedom in the past week to change some of the ways I'm working with him when it comes to sleep, and all of a sudden, when I relaxed and really thought about who this little person is and what I already know of his little personality, and made the appropriate changes, we're all sleeping a little better.  I made some decisions and changes with him that I never thought I would, but I'm okay with that.  My guess is when we have our next baby some day I'll have to make different decisions based on his or her personality, but I think that's what makes a wise parent--someone willing to look at their individual child and adapt parenting decisions based on those observations.  I think there will always be "shoulds" in parenting, and it will always be tempting to compare our kids with others, but I am going to do everything in my power to remember my uncle's wise words--"Aidan is going to be who Aidan is, and your job as his mom is to learn who that is and adjust your parenting to him.  And above all, trust your instinct, you really do have what it takes to raise this little person, even without all the books!"  I know there are so many other new moms out there feeling the same way--so bogged down with information, with "shoulds" and "should nots" and who are quietly feeling guilty about making a parenting decision that doesn't line up with what the "experts" say.  My hope is we can all free ourselves just a little bit from that kind of pressure and trust our instincts.  God created each of these little people uniquely, and we get the joyful, amazing, and sometimes difficult process of becoming students of the children He has placed in our lives.

Aidan's Birth Story

I'll be honest, this post really is more for me to have the story of our little guy's birth and his first week recorded somewhere, many of you won't want to read all this, and that's fine :) I just wanted to make sure that before I completely loose my mind to sleep deprivation I take time to write down some thoughts and memories of the days immediately surrounding Aidan's entrance into the world. There you go, that's your disclaimer :) Feel free to stop reading now if you so desire!

We had said all along that we didn't want our son to arrive too late, since my mom only had 3 weeks vacation and I wanted to take full advantage of her time on baby help! But we also didn't want him showing up too early since she didn't fly into town until Thursday Jan. 12. We all jokingly said that having the baby on Friday Jan. 13th sounded like a great day based on our family schedule, and wouldn't it be great if he cooperated? Well Friday rolled around and I was still very pregnant. On Friday evenings here in Granada Hills a ton of food trucks from around Los Angeles come and park on a street a few blocks from our apartment, and we thought it would be fun to introduce my mom to the LA food truck phenomenon. So Charles, mom and I walked up to the trucks (more like ran, for some reason the two of them set the pace and I did all I could to keep up--we later blame the race to the food trucks as the walk the sent me into labor!) and got dinner. We were joking about how on Sunday afternoon after church we were going to go visit a restaurant in Hollywood that has this famous salad known for inducing labor. It's been on national news and on the TV show The Doctor's. Something about the herbs in the dressing--it's literally known as "The Salad." Turns out we never got to go eat The Salad.

That night we climbed into bed around ten and my husband promptly fell asleep. It always takes me a little while to settle my mind down so about 20 minutes later I was just drifting off when a stomach cramp woke me up. It wasn't super painful, just different than what I'd been experiencing with Braxton Hicks contractions up until that point. It went away and I worked on going back to sleep. Soon enough another cramp woke me up, so I checked the clock and found that 20 minutes had passed since the first one. The next two hours found me dozing as these pains (which I knew by now were contractions) came and went every 15-20 minutes. At one point I got up and went out to the living room so as to not wake my husband yet, and went back through the paperwork from our childbirth class so I could remind myself what to expect and what signs meant "head to the hospital." We had downloaded a "contraction timer" app onto Charles' iPhone, so eventually I went back to bed and lay there timing them. Finally about 1:30 I woke Charles up, mostly with my tossing and turning. When he asked what I was doing and I said "timing contractions" he definitely woke up! We hung out together watching TV, timing contractions, and putting the last things into our hospital bags for a couple hours. As a side note, going into labor at night, as you're headed to sleep, is one of the worst times in my opinion. You've already been up all day and are just looking forward to a good night's sleep when you find yourself up all night again. And then in my case up all day the next day and half the next night too. That's a lot of days/nights with no sleep.

But I digress. We finally woke my mom up around 3 to ask her what she thought we should do. They tell you to labor at home as long as you can, and head to the hospital when either A) you can't handle the pain anymore and want drugs, or B) you are at a 5-1-1 stage--your contractions are 5 minutes apart, they last for 1 minute, and this pattern continues for an hour. My contractions were 4-6 minutes apart, lasting for about 45 seconds, but weren't really increasing in intensity (something else they tell you to look for). Finally at 5 we decided to head in just to get checked to see what was going on. Both my mom and sister had fast labors, so we were assuming genetics would play a part here and mine would be too, and already I'd been laboring longer than it took for my mom to have me. The world's nicest nurse met us at admitting and got me all checked out, and said she'd call my doctor and ask what the doctor wanted me to do. I was only at about 2 centimeters, so I still had a long way to go, so there was a chance I'd be sent home to continue laboring there for awhile. They decided to admit me and let me walk the halls of the hospital for a couple hours seeing if that would help things progress. So that's what we did, only it didn't really cause anything exciting to happen. I was still at a 2, maybe 3 centimeters after a couple hours of walking around. I was starving and so since we still had so far to go they let me eat jello and a banana for a little energy, and about 30 minutes later the pain increased and my breakfast promptly came back up in response to my contractions. Yup, not eating red jello again for awhile!

I felt bad for how long and boring the day was for my poor mom and husband! They were awesome though, they took turns doing pressure points and massage on my back, feeding me ice chips, holding bags as I got sick, walking the halls with me, and Charles even entertained me by reading to me from the book we're reading aloud (Percy Jackson and the Lightening Thief). Finally at 2 I'd had it--I'd been up all night, the pain was increasing, and I knew I still had such a long ways to go that I asked for the epidural. It had been my plan all along to get one, I didn't feel bad about it at all, nor did I feel any desire or need to try for a natural childbirth. The anesthesiologist came in and he was amazing, so so funny and kind and kept me distracted and calm through the inserting of the epidural. Wow. Talk about amazing relief after hours of not being able to rest. It was incredible and I would have no qualms about recommending an epidural to anyone! It allowed me to get some sleep which I needed so badly.

A little while later I was dozing and all of a sudden there was a ton of commotion in the room. The anesthesiologist was there, my nurse came running in, the charge nurse came in and maybe some others? My mom's expression looked worried, and I had no idea what was going on. I know that oxygen was put on my face and I was told to take deep breaths to help the baby out, and a nurse said "I'm going to give you a shot in your arm right now" and I heard them say "have them on standby" (I'm assuming they were talking about the OR). Everyone nervously watched the monitors and eventually decided things were okay. Apparently what had happened is I had a tetanic contraction that is essentially one really long contraction with no break (mine lasted over 2.5 minutes) which puts a lot of pressure on baby's head and usually causes a sudden drop in their heartbeat. Which is exactly what happened, Aidan's heartbeat plummeted. So they gave me a shot super fast to stop the contraction and let the pressure ease up on him, and thankfully it worked, but it was pretty scary. I think this happened one other time during my labor, I know I was given oxygen more than that once, and I know at some point they turned off the pitocin they'd been giving me to let things ease up a bit.

Contractions continued and at some point the doctor came into break my water to see if that would speed things up a bit. It didn't. She said she'd be back to check me at 10 that evening, but if no progress had been made then she was predicting Aidan was tangled up in his cord and wasn't able to make the descent he needed to, and if that was the case there wasn't really anything they could do besides a c-section. The hours dragged on, broken up by a super sweet visit from our pastor and his wife. Jim and Chris drove all the way down to the hospital just to bring my mom and Charles coffee and to pray with us. It was so good to see them in the midst of a long day! Eventually it was 10. Pretty much no more progress had been made even though I'd been having strong contractions every 90 seconds for hours. At that point, I think we just wanted things to be done, we wanted our baby out safely. And the doctor, nurses, and my mom reassured Charles and I that this was in no way a result of any choices we'd made, there was absolutely nothing we could have done differently to have a different outcome. They moved pretty quick after that, and before I knew it I was in the OR being moved to the operating table being prepped for surgery. My husband was given a super cool outfit and was brought in to sit by my head. I was really surprised at how fast the surgery was, before I realized they'd even started (I was SUPER numb, literally could not tell anyone was even touching anything below my chest!) I heard the beautiful sound of our baby wailing away as they brought him out. Then I heard the doctor say "I was right! He was wearing his cord like a necklace and couldn't move down." Everything after that was kind of a blur, I know they toweled the baby off a bit, and handed him to Charles right away. He brought him over to see me, but I was shaking SO badly from the medicine I couldn't really touch him. I started crying asking if he was really okay. He was howling but quieted quickly as his daddy settled him down. The nurses took our first family photo and then they took Aidan to the nursery to clean him up and check him over. Charles got to go spend those first two hours with him while they put me into a light sleep to finish up the surgery and get me into recovery. I remember waking up in a different room, still really numb, and my mom was there. I remember asking her if she had seen him yet and she said yes, she had held him and he was perfect. I still had not really seen the baby but they said he would be brought in shortly. My mom let me make the 2 phone calls I had really wanted to make myself--to my dad and sister. I was too drugged to do much besides that, and all I remember was how parched my throat and voice felt from not being allowed to drink and from wearing the oxygen mask. I could barely talk but I was able to tell dad he was a Papa again and Megan that she was finally an auntie. Finally Charles came back wheeling the bassinet. The nurse and my mom helped me sit up and hold him for the first time. He was so little! It was pretty fantastic holding him, and we tried feeding but I don't really remember that. I think he sucked a few times and that was about it. I was exhausted and kind of groggy, so after a bit I handed him back to his daddy. They transferred me to my postpartum room and by now it was probably almost 1 AM. All I wanted was sleep. I sent my mom and Charles home (first major mistake made by me, I thought I'd be fine just sleeping there alone...I should have asked someone to stay the night with me) and we had them keep Aidan in the nursery for the night. I was completely incapable of even picking him up or getting out of bed to care for him, so they kept him in the nursery and fed him there. I was at the point where that was completely fine with me--even though I know it went against all the rules of establishing a good breast feeding habit with a newborn.

The rest of that night was a long blur of feeling drugged, incredibly nauseated (yes, I even threw up ice chips, I didn't even know that was possible), sore as the meds started wearing off, and bleeding way more than anyone was expecting. I think I was making the nurses nervous, but I was so out of it I didn't know that at the time. I slept fitfully, unable to really move on my own to roll over or reposition myself. First thing in the morning I called home and told my mom and Charles I needed them to come back, they wanted to bring the baby into the room and I couldn't mentally or physically handle being alone with him. For the first couple days I felt like the world's worst mom. I had so much physical healing to do, I couldn't get out of bed to pick him up, I didn't know how to feed him, I couldn't get up to change his diapers or swaddle him--everyone else had to do those things for me. These are all things you're supposed to do as a mom, and I couldn't. It really hit home when I called my grandparents first thing Sunday morning to make sure they knew Aidan had arrived and grandma asked what he looked like. I just started crying and had to say that I had no idea, I'd still only held him the one time late Saturday night, and I was so out of it all I could remember is that he had dark hair. What kind of mom can't even picture what her own baby looks like?? It was a horrible, horrible feeling. I remember crying a lot those first few days--feeling disappointed that things had gone so differently than we planned, dealing with a lot of physical pain, feeling like a failure because everything they tell you to do in the first "essential few hours with your baby" I couldn't do, and feeling completely and utterly exhausted.

My dad arrived about 1 on Sunday, having caught the first flight he could on Sunday morning to come meet his grandson, and we had a lot of other visitors throughout the day on Sunday of people excited to meet our baby. As much as I wanted to see close friends, and introduce them to Aidan, looking back that's one thing I think I would have done differently. I think I would have asked visitors to wait until Monday, and would have protected that first day to be just family--which would have helped me get some rest, and I still hadn't really spent much time holding and looking at my own son. As it was I wasn't able to nap at all that day because of so many people (both medical staff and visitors and even people via Skype that "met" Aidan from long distance) in and out of the room. By Sunday night I was an emotional wreck partly from hormones and partly from sheer exhaustion--I really thought I was the world's worst new mom, and all I could do was cry. I think one thing I'd say to new moms is that it's okay to say you need rest, your close friends will love you enough to understand and be happy to come see you on day 2 or 3 when you're feeling a little more human! I sent Charles and my dad home that night to get some good sleep and had my mom stay with me mostly because I needed a nurse--I was so physically miserable I needed someone to take care of me while Aidan spent another night in the nursery (although I was able to nurse by now so they brought him to me for feedings and then took him back so I could sleep more).

Thankfully by Monday morning I'd turned a bit of a corner--they finally unhooked my IV, took my catheter out, took the compression boot things off my legs and let me get out of bed for the first time and take a real shower and put on my own clothes. Oh my gosh I felt like a new person. I moved slow, but I was able to get out of bed and sit in a chair and nurse from there, and was able to eat real food again--since I'd successfully been keeping my liquid diet down :) Charles stayed with me that night and we did our best to deal with the infamous "night number 2" of having a newborn. Apparently it's super common for babies to be up all night on the second night, wanting to nurse constantly. Our little guy was no exception and we spent a long night together trying different soothing techniques. I was finally discharged Tuesday afternoon which was awesome--they were going to keep me until Wednesday but my doctor correctly predicted I'd be in great hands going home with two nurses, and would get way more rest at home than in the hospital. So we packed up, headed home, and began the journey of adjusting to life with a newborn! I will write more about our first couple weeks at home later, but this post is getting long enough, if anyone is still reading I am impressed! As much as we had hopes of our birth experience going differently, we are so grateful for a healthy baby boy and that my recovery has gone really well (after those first horrible 24 hours!). God has blessed us beyond belief, and we look forward to sharing more of our adventures and stories of adjusting to parenthood with you all!