Let Us Be People of Easter

A devotion I wrote and gave to MOPS this week:

 

Friends it’s a joy to proclaim to you this morning that He is Risen!  I know it’s easy to think Easter is over--Target quickly put away the plastic eggs, obnoxious Easter grass that gets all over everything and doesn’t vacuum up easily, and marked down all the leftover peeps, but in the life of the Christian church we’re still smack in the middle of the Easter season.  I used to teach a class for children ages 4-6, and it was a program called Godly Play, where we taught children how to worship, how to participate in the life and liturgy of a congregation and we used to help them recognize and celebrate the various seasons of the church year.  We would explain to them when they saw the purple banners and cloths show up in the church it meant we were in the season of Lent, the 6 weeks before Easter, and that purple meant we were waiting for something huge to happen--Easter was so important it took us 6 weeks to get ready for it!  But what many people don’t realize is that the 7 weeks after Easter are called the Easter season--we’d tell the kids that easter was SO huge, was SO important to our faith that one sunday wasn’t nearly enough to celebrate it fully, the church needed 7 sundays where we would proclaim “he is risen! he is risen indeed!” to one another every week.  Many congregations have lost that practice, using those words, “he is risen” only one week a year, but i wish that was something we could reclaim.  Because those words matter.  They’re game changing, life changing words, history changing words.  And many of us only hear them once a year.  But i want to tell you again today that He is Risen.  Or as my 3 year old likes to run around saying “he is risen and fabulous!”  We have absolutely no idea where those words came from, but I love them.  Jesus is risen and fabulous.  

Jesus is risen.  But that doesn’t mean everything is perfect, it doesn’t mean life is without hard times.  We heard three incredible stories two weeks ago from our friends who freely shared about very difficult times in their lives.  Life is messy.  Life is downright painful at times.  There is a constant mixture of the beautiful and the bitter, and Jesus’ resurrection does not promise to take away the bitter as much as we wish it would.  At least not here, not now, not yet.  Shauna Niequist calls this life bittersweet, the idea that in all things there is both something broken and something beautiful--a sliver of lightness on even the darkest night, a shadow of hope in every heartbreak.  That if everything in life was sweetness, it would rot our teeth and our souls.  The bitter is what makes us strong, what forces us to push through, what helps us earn the lines on our faces and the calluses on our hands.  Sweet is nice enough, but bittersweet is beautiful, full of depth and complexity, it’s courageous, gutsy and earthy.  It’s the bitter parts of our stories that allow us to sit with one another, to reach out when we see others suffering a similar pain we’ve endured.  It is after having walked through those bitter moments and seasons in life that we are able to utter what I’ve come to believe are two of the most powerful words in a friendship.  The words “me too.”  Me too.  I’ve been there too.  You’re not the only one who has been so sleep deprived you’ve considered walking away from your kids.  Me too.  You’re not the only one who has been so fed up with a spouse that you’ve found yourself entertaining the question “do I want to do this for the next 50 years?”  Me too.  You’re not the only one who has worried over the health of a loved one, or grieved in the emergency room over the loss of someone dear to you.  Jesus is risen, but life is still messy, and walking through those messy times gives us the privilege of proclaiming to one another “you are not alone in your messy and bitter moments.”  

But friends, here is what the resurrection of Jesus does promise us.  It promises us that our messy, sometimes painful and bittersweet life won’t be that way forever.  The book of Revelation promises us, in what might be one of the most hope-filled passages in all of scripture that one day all suffering will end.  I believe that one day we will stand before the throne of God and never again will we hunger.  Never again will we know the scorching heat of the sun.  Never again will we shed a tear, in fact I believe it with all of my heart that one day God will wipe away every tear we have ever shed from our eyes.  Because Jesus is alive we have this hope.  I believe that the same Jesus who was put to death on a cross 2000 years ago is alive again today, and because he is risen we have hope.  One day there won’t be any more depression, there won’t be any more cancer, there won’t be any more drunk driving accidents, one day there will be a cease-fire forever in war torn parts of this planet.  Life is still messy friends, sometimes life is downright painful but I believe with all my heart that Jesus is alive and because he is alive we can live with hope.  

My favorite song-writer, poet, prophet, is the late Rich Mullins, who died tragically way too young.  But he left behind a treasure-trove of words that over and over again point me to Jesus, and to the hope we have in him.  One of my favorite songs of his is called If I Stand, and the chorus says

 

So if I stand let me stand on the promise

That You will pull me through

And if I can't then let me fall on the grace

That first brought me to You

If I sing let me sing for the joy

That has born in me these songs

But if I weep let it be as a man

Who is longing for his home

Friends because Jesus is risen we have the promise of another home someday. The resurrection does not mean we will never grieve here on earth.  It does not mean everything in our lives will be springtime and sunshine and roses.  But because of the resurrection we can say “i know this isn’t the end.  I know in my head, even if I don’t always feel it in my heart, that someday I won’t cry anymore, someday my loved ones won’t suffer.  As i look at the world around me I HAVE to believe that, I have to believe the pain in this world isn’t how God intended life to be.  Even in the midst of dark times, may we be people of Easter.  People who can help proclaim to one another that Jesus is risen, and because of those 3 words, everything in our lives will be made new someday.  We can grieve, cry, laugh, dance, fight, make up, parent our kids, care for our loved ones, and walk through the ordinary everday moments with great hope.  Jesus is risen friends, he is risen indeed.  

 

There and back again and there and back again and party time!

Every year I hear people lamenting about how busy and stressful and crazy the holidays are--with shopping, cooking, parties, traveling, gift wrapping, standing in line at the post office and a myriad of other tasks that creep onto our to-do lists.  And every year I don't quite understand why people are so stressed out!  Until I experienced trying to do these tasks with an 11 month old.  Ahh.  Now I get it.  Shopping, gift wrapping, planning a Christmas party, baking treats....all are so much harder with a tiny "helper" present!  It was a bit of a full month for us.  We had multiple Christmas parties to both attend and help throw between the staff party, the MOPS party, the youth advisor's party, the junior high party and the senior high party.  We had gifts to buy, gifts to make, gifts to wrap--all of which took place after the munchkin was asleep.  And then we traveled with our sweet little non-sleeper.  Don't get me wrong, it was all worth it, and getting to see both of our families was so amazing, we wouldn't have traded it for anything!  But it's mid-January and I am just now finally feeling as if I'm catching up on sleep!

Our first stop was Minneapolis where Aidan and I headed a few days before Charles was able to take off.  We spent a week there playing with cousins, baking, playing board games, taking turns watching the kids and just generally hanging out.  Aidan loved having Lily & Brooke to play with, and tried his hardest to keep up with them.  He fully explored the lower shelves of Grandma's pantry and tupperware drawers, completely removing every item from these spaces more than once.  He tried his harest to get the baby gate open so he could go down the stairs, and he nearly succeeded.  As Nathan said "that gate has worked fine for 3 years, then Aidan shows up and all of a sudden it's not baby proof anymore!"  (Yes, I think he's a bit of an engineer at one year old already...)  Bath time in Grandma's big bath tub, dancing to Papa's silly turkey, and playing with new Christmas gifts rounded out his time in the midwest.  Because we were traveling on Christmas day, we pretended like the 24th was Christmas day and just moved everything up a day.  Santa came the night of the 23rd, presents were opened throughout the day on the 24th culminating in church that afternoon.  On the morning of the 25th we did something none of us had ever done--the 4 of us "kids" went to go see the movie Les Mis at 9:30 AM.  Rather than popcorn we enjoyed our hot mochas while watching Hugh Jackman and Anne Hathaway bring to life a story we've all grown to love over the years.

Lily spent the week regaling us with her one-liners as only Lily can do.  My personal favorites were: "Auntie Sarah, you are doing such a good job taking care of baby Aidan!" (Thank you Lily, we all need cheerleaders in life!) and "Maybe Gramma Nan is out shopping in heaven." (Maybe, but if you know Gramma Nan, you know that is NOT how she's spending her time in heaven!) and "What are these cookies Grandma?"  "Those are lady fingers."  "Oh.  Well can boys eat them?"  and "Do the stars have eyes?"  "No I don't think stars have eyes."  "Well in the song it says the stars in the heavens look down where he lay. How do they look without eyes?"  I love that kid.  A lot!

We flew home for less than 48 hours, long enough to repack and try to adjust back to west coast time before catching the bus to LAX for our flight to Honolulu!  We were so so blessed by the amazing and generous gift of a week in Hawaii with Charles' family.  There were 17 of us there for a week of sand, snorkeling  exploring, and even some surfing.  Unfortunately several of the crew ended up with the 24 hour stomach bug, but thankfully Aidan, Charles and I had all had it in October and that made us somewhat immune to it.  We discovered that Aidan has a lot of his daddy in him and LOVES the sand and water more than anything.  He went nuts trying to get in the ocean every time he saw it.  We enjoyed an amazing polynesian show, a lovely luau, some delicious wine, grilled steaks, and board games with the older nieces and nephew.  The highlight for me was having amazing family members watch Aidan for an evening so Charles and I could escape to Waikiki for a lovely dinner at the top of a tower there--with amazing views and really good food.  (My husband also picked out and bought a sundress all on his own for me to wear that night--something he's never done before which was so sweet!)  It was so wonderful having so many people there to love on Aidan and care for him--I love that he's able to get to know his family even though we live so far away!  

We had one week after returning home before my family flew in for Aidan's first birthday, and one week to put together a party.  It was a busy week!  I felt like we had suitcases and stuff everywhere, no clue how to decorate a rather unattractive fellowship hall, and a baby who decided to start teething as he was trying to readjust to being back in his own bed and own time zone.  None of us slept much last week!  But his party was so fun, and it was a great weekend celebrating him and the ways he has grown in the past year.  We tried keeping things pretty small and low key--just about 20 people who know us and Aidan well, with homemade decorations from construction paper and photos of him.  We were so blessed to have a great community around us to celebrate this milestone!  

Now life has returned to "normal."  I don't have any more parties (Christmas or birthday!) to plan, our MOPS speaker schedule is finally filled out for the semester, I'm home for several weeks without traveling anywhere, and I don't have an insane to do list.  It feels absolutely luxurious.  I want to write a bit more, I finally picked up my book that I had set down for 3 weeks (our book club meets next Monday and I still have about 240 pages to go!), I want to enjoy days with my little one where I don't drag him on errands--where we can just go for a walk to look at the trees and birds or where I can sit on the floor with him and play with him rather than trying to merely keep him distracted while I quickly get something done.  I'm so grateful for all we were able to do in the past month.  And I am so grateful for this next month of "nothing."  Until I head to Denver over President's Day weekend that is....:)

A weekend of Resurrection, Relaxation, and Random Adventures!

This past weekend was a fantastic time of celebrating the Resurrection, a little spring time, and good friends. Friday night Charles and I organized a Good Friday worship service for the youth and their families at the church, which went SO well. It was a lot of work, but we were glad we did it! We put together a student praise band, and this was their debut attempt at worship leading--they did a great job!

When we returned home Friday evening my best friend Jenn and her husband Sandeep arrived from Portland for the holiday weekend. Poor Charles had to work all day Saturday, but the 3 of us took the West Seattle water taxi over to downtown and walked up to Pike's Place market. It was about 65, perfectly sunny, and the first real spring day we've seen here! (Granted today it's cloudy again, but I'll take a taste of spring where I can get it!)

On the water taxi headed towards the cityPretty pretty skyline approaching!Even the sea lions were out enjoying the sun!
We took sandwiches with us and enjoyed a picnic on the lawn near Pike's Place.Of course it wouldn't be a sunny Saturday in Seattle if people weren't advocating for something! This was a rally happening raising awareness of police brutality or something like that...
Gorgeous flowers at Pikes Market! It's tulip season, which is my favorite!The bouquet we ended up withThat Saturday night when Charles was done with work the 4 of us went to dinner at Salty's on Alki beach. They gave us probably the best table in the restaurant...not a bad view!Easter Sunday! They came to church with us--love the tree on the church lawn!
After church Jenn and I made a delicious Easter meal--our first attempt at ham, sweet potatoes, crescent rolls, salad, and a cheesecake for dessert!
Our garbage disposal began acting up about a week ago, so the boys fixed it for us while we cooked.Ham and sweet potatoes! If you don't think you like sweet potatoes, you have to try this recipe--it has made lots of non-sweet potato eaters become big fans! Sandeep thought they were amazing :)
Happy Easter!We spontaneously decided to follow them home to Portland after lunch, spend a night there and then Charles and I headed to the Oregon coast early Monday morning so he could surf on his day off. We hadn't let the cheesecake chill long enough to eat when we were ready to go, so we packed it on ice and took it with us. We joked that it was like a progressive dinner--just ignore the 4 hour drive in between dinner and dessert!The boys were very excited about our cheesecake!Surfing and hanging out on the beach in Oregon. It was REALLY cold, wet, and windy which did not deter my husband, who had not caught a wave in almost 4 months. I stayed long enough to take some photos and then napped in the car while he surfed. I decided when the rain started blowing horizontally straight into my face that I was done!

It was SUCH a beautiful place, there were several other surfers braving the weather as well.

Bullet Points

I have to be honest. I think we are pretty tired. I know I am. My friend Miranda mentioned in her post yesterday that all she feels she can manage right now is a list of bullet pointed thoughts. That's kind of where I'm at these days. There is a LOT going on in our lives, and I know I feel a little scattered, but I had a few minutes this morning before another busy day gets underway, and thought I'd post a few random things going on here.

This whole buying a house thing is a lot of work! A lot of new information to wrap my mind around, a lot of coordinating of various people (escrow folks, our lender, our realtor, the seller's agent, and home inspector) and doing this all long distance is tough. I've spent hours these past two weeks scanning, emailing, and fed-exing documents, as well as spent a ton of time looking at how we're going to make closing work from far away. We've gone back and forth between doing this long distance and over-nighting documents or having me fly up for 24 hours to sign everything and get power of attorney to sign for Charles. Our realtor has been great in helping us talk through all these options, and I think we've got a plan in place. Now we just need everything to work out smoothly between now and Dec. 16! It's been tough doing this while we are both at our separate jobs all day during business hours. Mine is a bit more flexible, but it's definitely added a bit of a challenge! We are so grateful for this opportunity to buy a house, and so excited to be getting settled in it, but are definitely feeling the stress of all the work that it takes to make the financial piece of it happen! So if you've called lately & I haven't managed to call you back on my lunch breaks, I'm sorry :( Lunch hour now finds me on the phone with our realtor, insurance agents, or frantically scanning papers--hoping this will slow down soon!

We had a great Thanksgiving, celebrating with a family from church who invited us, and about 18 other people over (some were their family members, most were a random assortment of folks who needed a place to go). We're always impressed and inspired by people like this who open their home on holidays to take in those who don't have family nearby. We hope to be known for the same thing in the years to come as we get settled in Seattle. We know what it's like being far away on holidays, and we are grateful for their hospitality!

The rest of the day on Thanksgiving and then again on Friday the two of us had pretty relaxing but very productive days here at home. We did a ton of laundry, which always makes me feel productive. Charles was working on putting together some resources he used in leading the Confirmation program here at Glendale Pres so that when they do Confirmation again in 2 years they will have a binder of stuff in place already to know where he started. I sorted through all my clothes, books, and movies and put together bags to give away/sell. We took a big box of theology books up to a local used book store that only deals with theological books and they paid us $190 for them, which is way less than we paid, but way more money than we expected to get! I am definitely the person who believes in sorting through stuff before the move, I'm not packing and hauling stuff we don't want!Saturday I drove up to Hanford to visit the Backman family since my sister, her husband and the Lily-girl were there :) I am always SO thankful for their invitation to come see my sister every time they are visiting Nathan's family, and it's been wonderful getting to know them and their extended family over the last couple years. Lily is now walking all over (still definitely toddling--she falls if she gets going too fast!), is showing her independent streak for sure, and says "dat!" as she points at everything around her that she wants. She's adorable, super good natured, smiles a ton, and waves at every stranger who passes her and makes eye contact!
I ended up seeing them again Monday afternoon when they got stuck in LAX over night trying to fly home. So I went to pick them up and they spent the afternoon and evening with us before catching a flight Tuesday morning. I know it was stressful traveling for them, but I'm always grateful for any time with them I get!

I know it's a totally inappropriate song, but my new favorite song just might be "Teenage Dream" by Katy Perry. Yes, I told you my brain is scattered and random today.

My boss had 10 pastors from various parts of the country in town Monday and Tuesday for a meeting. Which meant someone had to transport them to and from various LA area airports. So between Sunday night and Tuesday afternoon I visited the Burbank airport 3 times, the Ontario airport twice, and LAX twice. I think that totaled 313 miles of driving, and I never left LA. I am counting the days til we will be living 15 minutes from the Sea Tac airport! Needless to say I was very tired of my car by last night! But I came home to beautiful flowers from my sweet husband who knew I'd had a long day :)

Our evenings have become exceptionally busy as well, as we only have a couple weeks here before we go to Japan, and then when we return from Japan we have a week to pack up and say our goodbyes. So many nights during the week that we didn't have something normal scheduled like youth group or meetings, we're finding ourselves having people over for meals, or getting together with friends, which has been fantastic, but added to the busyness! Hopefully our 10 days in Japan will be a little restful and relaxing before we move!

Don't hate me, but our Christmas shopping is just about done. We wrapped all our nieces and nephew gifts last night, and have just the grown ups left. I started back at Halloween, knowing our December was going to be insane with me needing to grade 60 final exams and 60 final projects BEFORE leaving for Japan! (oh yeah, and buying a house....)

I'm acutely aware that Advent has arrived, and our whole life seems so frantic and busy right now. I'm not exactly sure how to celebrate the advent season this year, how to stop and really contemplate and celebrate the coming of Jesus. Anyone have any good (simple) suggestions in the midst of what feels like the busiest Christmas season I've ever had? We aren't even decorating because that would require pulling boxes out, unpacking, and repacking in time to move...not worth it when we're only here for 2.5 weeks in December!

I think that's it. I need to actually get moving here and go to work like a good employee! I took a few extra hours to sleep this morning after my marathon driving experience yesterday, but now I should get back to my to-do list :)

It is for Freedom...

I have developed a bit of a tumultuous relationship with the 4th of July over the past few years--it used to be one of my favorite holidays--and in many ways, it is. I love BBQ's, picnics, hanging out with friends in the dusky summer evenings as fireworks light up the sky. Everything about that is fun and quite enjoyable to me. (We won't talk about the 4th of July of 2006 where I was "elected" by the Presbyterian student leadership team here at Fuller to join our very determined leader at 6 AM to stake out our spots for the fireworks display that night. Yes, I literally sat in a park for 15 hours waiting for fireworks to begin. Or the following 4th of July where a group of us went to Long Beach to see the fireworks and never saw any of them--it seems we were facing the wrong direction and never saw or heard them being shot off behind us. Then it took us at least 3 hours to get home in traffic....yeah we won't talk about those years....)

I am all for remembering our nation's history, and I think having celebrations of our country is important. I may not be 100% pro-military or completely on board with the current war we are fighting, but I am 100% for honoring and remembering the sacrifices our service men, women, and families have made. I think it's important to ask veterans to stand during the announcement portion of our worship service and let people see who around them have served our country so selflessly. Where I tend to get a bit wary (okay, maybe flat out frightened) is when our worship services on the Sunday surrounding a patriotic holiday turn into a worshiping of America. I am so grateful that I was born here, that I am a citizen of a terrific place to live, but I am also very aware of the tragedy that can (and has) happened when people confuse God and country, and begin to see them as they same entity. We've seen throughout history what has happened when individuals begin to look around for something to place their trust in, for someone to rescue them when things are difficult. Jesus knew our human propensity to want someone to believe in, to follow, to trust. He also recognizes that while we're on earth, there has to be powers and systems in place to govern how society functions. He commands his disciples to give to Caesar what is Caesar's and to God what is God's--there's a distinction and separation here that I think is essential. I don't believe teachers should be teaching our kid's how to pray in school (I want to be the one to shape that in my child and I imagine my child's Muslim or Jewish friends would feel the same way) and I don't think our worship services on Sundays should venture into the realm of patriotism.

A friend of mine was asked to preach a few years ago on 4th of July weekend. The choir anthem immediately before the sermon was "America, America, we Give Our Best to Thee." My friend was appalled--the lyrics of the song bordered on flat out blasphemy--yet no one else seemed to have a problem with the fact that this was sung as the sermon preparation hymn on this particular patriotic weekend. There was no mention of Jesus, no mention of the fact that we actually do NOT give our best to America, we serve God, and those are two entirely different things. He preached his sermon, focusing on the text of the day, preaching the Good News of the freedom we have in Christ, and later received complaints that he didn't preach a "4th of July sermon" (whatever that is). That is a very telling statement about where the hearts and focus of this particular congregation was that weekend.

As we enjoy our celebrations this weekend, let us do so with excitement and joy! But as we go into worship tomorrow morning, let us do so remembering that the only true freedom that matters, the freedom that will be there long after America has passed away, is the freedom we have in Christ, because of Christ's sacrifice. For it is for freedom from the powers of sin and death that Christ has come to set us free.

Happy Easter!

He is Risen! Easter is my very favorite holiday of the entire year, I never ever get tired of celebrating with amazing worship, Easter lilies, trumpet fanfares and of course the Easter hymns. It was a beautiful day today, with an incredible worship at Glendale Presbyterian, a church we have come to really love over the last year. It was a cool experience for me, seeing where I was a year ago (it was probably my 3rd week at Glendale Pres and I was not very happy to have had to switch churches) to today, where I was serving as the scripture reader in worship, in a place where I have come to know and love so many people. God is the God of change, of new life, and of surprises, and it has been a year full of those! And while we couldn't be with sweet Lily on her first Easter I got to experience it from afar with some photos Megan sent us this afternoon. She's pretty much the sweetest! Here are some photos from our day, at worship, at lunch, after an Earthquake (yes there was one!), and a few more of little Lily-girl.

GPC has an incredibly impressive sanctuary, I love it, I think it's gorgeous! All the masonry, the tall ceilings, the way the lights work--to me it is an awe-inspiring place and well, we're worshiping there, which should produce awe and wonder, shouldn't it? I know it's a bit dark. It's because the service started with the lights off actually. Someone sang Were You There to set the mood of the death of Christ, and as they reached the last verse about "were you there when he rose from the grave?" the lights slowly came on, the drums started, a sunrise showed on the projector screens and we stood for "Christ the Lord is Risen Today." A beautiful beginning to our worship.Look who became an official member of Glendale Presbyterian, and the Presbyterian Church (USA)! That's right, my hubby has officially come over to the "elected" side! :) The service always concludes with anyone who wishes to join the choir in the Hallelujah ChorusAfter church 8 of us (4 of us from our small group and "our men") enjoyed lunch together at Dave & Tera's. Dave made a delicious BBQ pulled pork sandwiches and a potato casserole, and we enjoyed salad and ice cream along with it. Yum! So we're sitting there, after eating, and Josh and Dave say "uhh...guys...earthquake!" The window blinds behind us were really swaying, and then we felt it, it wasn't the violent shake that I'm used to with earthquakes, this was a rolling quake, where it felt like the building was on rollers and swaying from side to side. It was really disorienting, it totally throws your equilibrium when you're sitting still but the room is moving around you. It lasted a long time, so we eventually moved to doorways because we all expected it to get really big all of a sudden, but it didn't. This is Tera, after the quake, toasting to an eventful Easter!Dave immediately jumped on line to find out where it was, and it was a 6.9 quake in Baja, we were just feeling the residual rolling shockwaves through the earth (they felt it as far away as Phoenix!). Nothing like a little ground moving to shake up a party!This little munchkin is a very real reminder to me of how amazing our God who brings new life is. She's perfect. Opinionated. Strong willed, even at 5 months, but an absolutely perfect addition to our family. AND we are so excited to announce that we are going to be aunt and uncle again in October! Charles' sister is going to have another little one this fall and we can't wait!Seriously, who doesn't think she's precious?! :)

Do Not Remind Me

I know I've posted this in years past, but it's my very favorite piece of poetry. It's the story of the crucifixion, and how we've become numb to it over the years because we know the end. Allow these words to help you journey to the foot of the cross and sit there for awhile. Tomorrow there will be plenty of time for rejoicing. Today, may we pause in the agony of grief.


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do not remind me (steve stockman)
lord do not help me to remember

that which i have heard so often

because reminding me would soften the wonder.

instead help me see it afresh

like i have never seen it before

let me look at it for the first time

not forewarned about the next part

help me believe that he might not die

that the disciples might rescue him

that pilate might be strong

that the crowds might shout "crucify barabas".

let me hear the hammer come down

let me hear the sound of nail through flesh

let me hear the cry of pain

let me sense the distress

let me watch as they put the cross in the ground

let me look on his face contorted with pain

ugly with the agony and the torture

of suffocation one moment

and then the crippling ache of pushing himself up on those nails to breathe

let me see the sky go black

let me hear him cry

"father forgive them for they know not what they do"

"it is finished"

let me watch as they carry him off dead.

surely dead and without hope of recovery.

let me feel that despair, that loss, that tragedy.

let me weep and mourn

for hope that's murdered

and dreams that lie in a tomb.
then lord, without reminding me

without indication of the wonder

take me to that tomb

let me be surprised and confused

at the stone rolled away

let me be angry at the thought of his body stolen

let me go inside to look, to seek some clue

and then let me turn to see him

let me not believe it for a moment

and then give me the full hurricane force of belief

let me jump and shout and scream for joy

let my heart leap and my soul go running off to highest heaven

with a little glimpse of what blinds the saints

do not remind me but let me experience it for the first time

sin forgiven, redemption bought, freedom won

the amazing wonder of the gospel that calls me a child of god

no lord do not remind me

for that would be as dull as knowing the end of the movie

having read the last page of the book

show me for the first time and let it change my life