A Song of Reorientation

Disorientation, Reorientation. Feeling lost, discombobulated, confused, sucked into a whirlpool of chaos, followed by a turning right-side up again. We see this pattern over and over again in the Psalms--the psalmist will cry out to God from the midst of a vortex of pain, confusion and fear. He’ll cry to His maker “where are you?? When will you act? Why can’t I find you or hear you or see your face??” His honest, heart-wrenching prayers show us his lostness, in fact there’s an entire grouping of Psalms named by scholars “the Psalms of Disorientation.” These are some of my favorite passages in all of scripture, the prayers that give me permission to cry out to God in the midst of my own disorientation in life.

Thankfully, there is another grouping of Psalms that fill the prayer book of the bible. The Psalms of Reorientation--psalms and songs of praise that turn the confused and lost person back to face the One who is still in control. Prayers and poetry that reorients us and our lives, that helps us turn our faces back towards the One who reminds us that when we pass through the waters of life they will not sweep over us because God is our rock and our redeemer.

As we journey through life I’m learning that it can be difficult to stay oriented sometimes. Life feels chaotic. The world throws a lot at us. Disappointments arise and change occurs sometimes faster than we would care to see. This past year has felt like one giant spiral of disorientation for us. We began work at West Side on Jan. 18, and from day one we found our heads spinning with big events to plan, long-standing traditions to effectively pull off (and not “mess up” as we were told by numerous people), dozens of people to try and keep happy because they all believed themselves to be my husband’s boss, and a system of leadership and power that refused to engage in conversation about anything different, outside the box, or remotely new. By February we were exhausted, and that clear vision that we went in to this church with grew fuzzier and fuzzier. The swirling busyness around us kept us from being able to stay oriented to the vision of youth and family ministry God had given us in our time at Fuller. We found ourselves aimless, disillusioned, and doing everything we could to keep our heads above water. This isn’t to say God hasn’t done, and isn’t doing work within this community, but the way we have come to understand ministry, discipleship, outreach and worship were so vastly different from what was happening there that it became impossible to keep ourselves firmly planted.

The first weekend in June my girlfriends and I went out to spend the weekend on Whidbey Island to retreat away together. As my dear friend, Missy, and I were driving up the island looking for our turn off a song came on her ipod and she said “this is my song of reorientation.” I wasn’t sure what she meant by that and she reminded me of the Psalms--how there are psalms of disorientation and then psalms of reorientation that help us refocus in the midst of feeling lost. She said that this song had become her own personal “Psalm of Reorientation,” and that has stuck with me all these months. The song was called “Our God” and was recorded by worship artist Chris Tomlin. As I listened to the lyrics I found tears springing to my eyes. Life felt so painful at that time (we didn’t know this at the time but it was a week before our time at the church officially ended), and the lyrics of the song washed over my thirsty soul like a beautiful, moisturizing balm.

“Our God is greater. Our God is stronger. God you are higher than any other. Our God is healer, awesome in power, Our God. Our God.”

Simple words. But so true. In the midst of the swirling chaos around us we belonged to a God who was our healer, who was greater and stronger than any power structure, church system, or set of traditions that were thrown at us. As we’ve wrestled through the incredible pain of being abruptly asked to leave a church community, the pain of realizing we trusted people who betrayed us, the confusion of questioning our call to ministry, and the anger and disillusionment we’ve experienced being treated so poorly by someone we thought we could respect in ministry, this song has become a healing chorus for me. I’ve listened to it on repeat a lot, and I’ve come to a place where I am beginning to declare “yes, our God IS greater and stronger and higher and more powerful than anything going on in life.”

Fast forward a few months to October 23, our first Sunday in our new church community. We take our seats and wait for the announcements to be given before we rise to join together for our opening song. A familiar chorus begins to emerge from the pianist’s hands and then the words appear on the screen. “Our God is greater. Our God is stronger. God you are higher than any other...” Two Sundays in a row, our first two weeks here, this was our opening song in worship. Experience after experience has shown us that as we serve here, this place is meant to be a place of reorientation for us. We love it at this church, more than words could ever express. From the schedule and calendar that are in place for the youth department (SO much more manageable for the volunteers and staff!), to the way the senior pastor embraces change, worship, leadership and mentoring, to the refreshing messages we’re hearing every Sunday morning about being open to the Spirit and moving forward and doing church differently.

In the midst of a season of so much chaos and transition and pain we are finding ourselves beginning to feel our feet back on solid ground. We still haven’t moved into an apartment. Our belongings are still in Seattle. I still don’t have a doctor to deliver this baby in 8 weeks. We own nothing for this kiddo other than a box of clothes my grandma has sent. But we are okay with that (most days, some days I cry a lot!). We know that in the next 8 weeks things will continue to fall into place, but more importantly our souls are beginning to find rest. We’re finding ourselves coming out of the whirlpool of the past 10 months, we’re catching our breath, and we’re looking around saying “this feels right again.” Our God is faithful, just as he promised he’d be.

Let Us Be Women Who Love

I love these words. And want more than anything to let them shape my life and the life of my daughters someday. Grateful for the wise, passionate, beautiful & intelligent women writing over at SheLoves Magazine (an online magazine for women who are daring to dream and be the expression of God's feminine heart here on earth). This is their manifesto.

Let us be Women who Love

by Idelette McVicker

Let us be women who Love.

Let us be women willing to lay down our sword words, our sharp looks, our ignorant silence and towering stance and fill the earth now with extravagant Love.

Let us be women who Love.

Let us be women who make room.

Let us be women who open our arms and invite others into an honest, spacious, glorious embrace.

Let us be women who carry each other.

Let us be women who give from what we have.

Let us be women who leap to do the difficult things, the unexpected things, and the necessary things.

Let us be women who live for Peace.

Let us be women who breathe Hope.

Let us be women who create Beauty.

Let us be women who love.

Let us be a sanctuary where God may dwell.

Let us be a garden for tender souls.

Let us be a table where others may feast on the goodness of God.

Let us be a womb for Life to grow.

Let us be women who Love.

Let us rise to the questions of our time.

Let us speak to the injustices in our world.

Let us move the mountains of fear and intimidation.

Let us shout down the walls that separate and divide.

Let us fill the earth with the fragrance of Love.

Let us be women who Love.

Let us listen for those who have been silenced.

Let us honor those who have been devalued.

Let us say, Enough! with abuse, abandonment, diminishing and hiding.

Let us not rest until every person is free and equal.

Let us be women who Love.

Let us be women who are savvy, smart, and wise.

Let us be women who shine with the light of God in us.

Let us be women who take courage and sing the song in our hearts.

Let us be women who say, Yes to the beautiful, unique purpose seeded in our souls.

Let us be women who call out the song in another's heart.

Let us be women who teach our children to do the same.

Let us be women who Love.

Let us be women who Love, in spite of fear.

Let us be women who Love, in spite of our stories.

Let us be women who Love loudly, beautifully, Divinely.

Let us be women who Love.

Sketchers, the Superbowl, and Practical Theology

I know, I know, the Superbowl was so last week...or was it two weeks ago? I've been ruminating on something and am finally finding a bit of space to sit down and write about it. I love Superbowl commercials, unless the Seahawks or 49ers are playing, the commercials really are the reason to watch the big game (that, and it's an excuse to consume large amounts of sour cream-based dips which somehow seems allowable because it's practically unpatriotic to not eat potato chips and onion dip on Superbowl Day). For the most part, the commercials are entertaining and relatively clean, and we "consume" them with about as much thought as we are giving to the quantity of potato chips we're ingesting. Go Daddy (some internet hosting site, whatever the heck that means) has always pushed the boundaries using sexy models to get guys to go visit their website, but I've never been interested in internet hosting, so besides being annoyed by their commercials the company has no impact on my daily life. This year, however, many of you might remember the Sketchers commercial towards the end of the game where Kim Kardashian sexily leads her physical trainer on, then breaks up with him because apparently the Sketchers Shape Up shoes work better than he ever has. Some of you may disagree with me, but I would argue that it was borderline pornographic. She had some clothes on, but the commercial was so suggestive and so blatanly using sex to sell their product that I was uncomfortable watching it. We were watching with the youth, and several moms in the room started telling the boys to look away. I agree, this wasn't an appropriate commercial for any age really.

The next day in class we were talking about practical theology--what it is and how it works. Chap was explaining that we all participate in practical theology, most of us just aren't consciously aware that this is what we're doing. But everytime we make a choice based on our theology, that's practical theology--where the rubber hits the road if you will. He used this commercial as an example. We discussed how over the top inappropriate this commercial was, and now as Christians we have a choice to make--will we continue to purchase Sketchers products? Or will we choose a different brand of shoe that has advertising that better lines up with the values we have? I hadn't thought about it much, but at some level, this is a theological issue. Where we choose to spend our money, the companies we choose to support, the brands we wear and what these companies do or don't stand for are all theological issues. I have a pair of Sketchers, I love them, they've lasted 4 years now and are wearing out, so I was recently thinking of replacing them. However, I hate the way they used their Superbowl slot. As much as I love the shoes, my theology says our bodies are God's temple not advertising ploys, that sex is for marriage, not for selling foot wear. It's tough in our world today. Will my choosing to not buy a brand of shoes for my family anymore have lasting impacts on a company? No, and I realize that. However I think at some point we have to start taking some small steps to say "hold on, this isn't right...my kids are watching this game and I don't want to have to tell them to turn their heads at commercial breaks." What I do know is that it is important to be mindful patrons of businesses, to be wise in how we use our money to support companies and causes, and that we are all called to be practical theologians--to let the rubber hit the road as we live out this crazy journey of faith.

We Exchange the Truth About God for a Lie

"they exchanged the truth about God for a lie..." Romans 1:25. I don't know about any of you, but I've done this. A lot. It hasn't been until recently that I've been confronted with the reality of just how many lies I do believe about God--and how these lies have drastically impacted my emotional and spiritual health during various seasons of life. See if any of these sound familiar. "God wants me to do better, try harder, or be a better person." "If I would just be able to get _____ under control in my life, I'd be a better person and God might love me more." "God blesses me when I am good, and punishes me when I am bad." "God is angry with me." "God causes bad things to happen to teach us lessons, therefore we can't trust God because God is so vengeful." We don't like to admit that we believe these things, but studies show that a huge percentage of Christians in America do. These seem to be the dominant narratives that have somehow been communicated about God in our churches, and the problem is, they're lies. None of these things are true, but they greatly impact how we live our lives.

Author James Bryan Smith has written 3 books (book 3 will arrive in September) called The Apprentice Series, and book 1 deals with exactly this issue--what we believe about God, and, more-so, what do we believe wrongly about God. I'll be honest, most Christian pop-literature drives me nuts. I've never read (nor have I ever wanted to read) Rick Warren's book. I usually get about half way through a book on faith, prayer, the church etc and quit. That isn't the case with this one at all. I'm over half way through with The Good and Beautiful God and am already soliciting people to go through it again with me as a small group (it's designed for small groups, but I've been doing it individually and it's still amazing). I can't even tell you how much it's daily challenging and changing the ways I think about God, and the overwhelming sense of freedom I'm feeling as I think about how I relate to this God that I intellectually know loves me but don't always feel it.

He spends this book making the case that the only real way to understand the character and nature of God is to look to the person of Jesus, who says he came to show us the Father. How did Jesus act? What did his parables teach us? What does Jesus say about God? Smith writes that as we begin to know Jesus, we are then able to begin falling in love with the God Jesus points us to. Each chapter takes up a different character trait of God and involves spiritual disciplines to help us interact with this aspect of God's character to understand it in a way that is perhaps different from how we're taught Sunday mornings. Each chapter has a different discipline to practice throughout the week and great questions to think/journal/pray about throughout the week. For example, chapter 3 is God is Trustworthy and for a "Soul Training" exercise that week he has us spend time making as long of a list as we can of things we're thankful for--ways God has blessed us. As we intentionally take time to do this, we are reminded of all the ways God has provided for us in the past and that helps us understand God as the God we can trust with the future.

I haven't read books 2 and 3 yet (The Good and Beautiful Life: Putting on the Character of Christ, and The Good and Beautiful Community: Following the Spirit, Extending Grace, Demonstrating Love) but I'm excited to, and hoping to find others who will go through them with me. This is a man who has been mentored and has personal friendships with Rich Mullins, Dallas Willard, Richard Foster, Brennan Manning and Henri Nouwen. With a cast of spiritual cheerleaders like that, we know he has something to say worth listening to!

"Have You Done Your Quiet Time?" Why I think we have got it all wrong...

I've been reflecting lately on Spiritual Disciplines, and on how they are often taught in our churches. If you are anything like me, spiritual disciplines often become part of your weekly checklist that sometimes become a scorecard to determine what kind of Christian you have been this week. Does this mental conversation ever happen to any of you? "I read a Psalm today, so I think I get a 'point' for that, and I went to church on Sunday and mostly paid attention to the sermon, so that is probably another 'point,' but I came right home and yelled at my husband because I was tired, hungry and cranky from all the time at church, so that's probably a minus point. I forgot to pray before I ate last night, so that might be a minus point too...dang....back at zero...guess I'll try again tomorrow...." Does that resonate with anyone else? So often we are led to believe that the definition of a good Christian can be boiled down to how many Bible verses one reads in a given week, how many bible studies one attended, how many pages filled with meaningful, thought-provoking prayers and reflections in one's journal, and of course, did we listen to Christian music on the radio, or did we (gasp!) listen to the pop station 'all those teenagers listen to?' I've had several conversations this past week about this very topic and have been inspired to try something new. This whole "spiritual check list" just wasn't cutting it for me because well, I'm not sure this is what God asks of us. I think we've been doing our teaching on spiritual disciplines and on cultivating one's relationship with God all wrong.

The bottom line is that all these actions are trying to draw us deeper into a relationship with God. A relationship. And we all have different ways of developing relationships in our lives. Which means I think that it's okay if we all have different ways of developing our relationship with God. One thing I have always loved about my husband is that he is so disciplined in his life (for the most part!). When it comes to his relationship with God, he does the same process of walking through prayer and scripture every morning. When we got married I tried emulating him a bit. Yeah...it worked for all of 1 day for me...I just could not connect with God the same way he does. Then I realized, well, he and I connect with people very differently, it makes sense that we would connect with our Creator differently. I need a bit more flexibility in my "quiet time" routine. And until recently, I wasn't sure how to create that space.

So I've started trying something new, and I realize this is completely impossible for most people with little kids at home (unless you tried during a naptime maybe?) or who work full time, but I wanted to share what I've been doing. This is literally something I have struggled with my entire life, never really being "in the mood" to read my bible or pray very well. This seems to have changed a bit for me recently and I think the catalyst was giving myself a bit more space for variety in my 'quiet times.'

My friend Jenn gave us bridesmaids beautiful photo storage boxes and I decided to make that my quiet time box.I filled it with my journalMy gratitude journalThe Book of Common Prayer (which has the daily lectionary readings in it...more on that in a second)Note cardsAnd a book I'm now reading at the raving recommendation of two friends of mine in Seattle, The Good and Beautiful God
My ipod is nearby if I want worship music and I bought a special candle to light only during my alone time. My idea was this. Somedays, I want to write in my journal and process something. Some days I have a ton I'm thankful for and want to add to my list in my gratitude journal. Some days I am praying for someone and feel like one of the best things I could be doing at that point is to write a quick note to them to stick in the mail. Some days I want to get lost in someone else's ideas of God and want to read a book for awhile that helps me think and connect with God differently than I would choose to on my own. I have come to believe that reading something from God's word each day is a must, even if I am not "feeling" like it, so I do start each day reading the daily readings from the lectionary (part of that is because my Committee on Preparation for Ministry has asked me to practice this discipline for 2 years, and I think it is a great tool so I am agreeing to try it). (An explanation is below for those who don't know what the lectionary is).

What I have found is that this seems to be working for me. I have given myself freedom to not do the same exact routine every day. I don't want to be doing a formal "bible study" right now where I have to answer questions someone else has come up with, I want to be free to read, think, form my own questions, and write about what I am actually getting out of a text rather than what someone else is telling me I should be getting out of a text. (But during other seasons I have wanted a more structured learning time, they key for me has been letting myself learn to be flexible with where I am instead of doing what others tell me I should be doing). I start my day with a cup of coffee and time alone at my desk with my quiet time box and see where I end up. Like I said, this isn't going to work for everyone, but I'd encourage you, if you're like me and often struggle with how to connect with God, to think outside the box a bit. What are ways you connect with people? Could they be applied to God? What things do you enjoy doing when you're alone? Reading, writing, thinking, praying, drawing, making lists? Could any of those things help you connect with God? (Another fun resources I have been given is called Praying in Color and is a great, super easy, fun way of incorporating doodling and color as we pray for people). People always told me to have a specific space that you regularly came to meet with God and I've never tried that. But now, having cleaned off my desk completely, sans framed photos of my closest family and friends, I have a space that feels like "mine." And it seems to be working. Any other suggestions or ideas for people? What do you do to help you connect? What about keeping going through dry seasons?


**The Daily Lectionary, for those who aren't familiar with it, is a 2 year cycle of scripture readings that you do each day. Each day there are assigned texts to help you experience the whole bible in two years. For every day there are 2 morning Psalms (one is always one of the praise psalms from the end of the book--Psalms 145-150), two evening Psalms, an Old Testament reading, a New Testament reading, and a Gospel reading. The readings aren't usually long, often a 1/2 of a chapter, and you do move around a bit throughout the church year (so the readings during advent would focus on the birth narratives etc) but in the course of 2 years you will read through the entire Old Testament once and the entire New Testament twice, and the Psalms multiple times. It's used by all denominations, and has been in existence for centuries, which I like. So many people read the lectionary every day that I know when I do so I am joining with people literally all over the world reflecting on a given text that morning. You can google it to find out more, but for the daily lectionary text you can visit the Presbyterian Church's devotional page here.