Love Wins

If you follow the Christian blogosphere, you have undoubtedly heard of the controversy surrounding Rob Bell's new book, "Love Wins." There's a promo video out there in which Rob sounds as if he's leaning a bit towards universalism in this new book, and all kinds of folks have been spouting opinions, trashing his reputation, accusing him of having unorthodox theology, and basically being awfully judgmental before even having the opportunity to give him the benefit of the doubt and actually READ his book! I've always loved his work, I think his theology is solid, and I love the creativity he uses to communicate things, creativity that often causes us to take a second look at something we thought we fully understood. It would be silly for me to jump on the band wagon and offer an opinion on a book I haven't purchased yet (it doesn't hit shelves til the 20th). But I will say I read Fuller's President's latest blog post today and immediately thought "thank you Dr Mouw!" I love what he has to say about heaven, hell, Rob, and a generous theology of salvation. Check his article out here.

I'm Sorry

One of the things I'm learning about human nature is that we've somehow been taught it is not okay to not be okay. We've been taught that even if we do admit something is wrong we're immediately supposed to brush it off and tell people "oh well, I'll be fine, it'll be okay." If we do go into detail about why things are hard, and somehow take up the entire conversation with someone, many of us feel guilty about that. We "should" have just said we'll be okay and then asked them how they were doing. That's what we should be doing. Has anyone else ever felt like this? I know I have. I ran into this all the time as a hospital chaplain, people would tell me that life actually was not okay for them right now, and when I would say "I am sorry" they would brush me off "oh it's okay, I'll be fine." I run into this all the time with the teenagers I've loved over the years. Somehow we have created a culture where the socially acceptable mantra is "It's okay." It's okay that my boyfriend dumped me. It's okay that my parents fight all the time. It's okay that my teachers don't take me seriously. It's okay that adults in my life don't take the time to really listen to me. It's okay that I have cancer, I'll be fine.

You know what, it's actually not okay. And in my opinion, it's okay to say it's not okay. Many people can't say this for themselves, so I've learned that one of the most important things we can do for a person who is struggling or suffering is to say it for them. I've done this a lot, and the response is always amazing. It usually invites deeper conversation. Sometimes it will bring to the surface those tears that have been threatening to spill over--the tears the individual is desperately trying to stuff down in effort to prove that she really is "okay." A student I know well actually wrote a blog post on her own blog about the time I did this with her. These words that she wrote have meant the world to me, because it shows me how simple, yet essential it is to give people to space to not be okay. Here's what she has to say, in her own words:

so tonight when i was at church we were given the opportunity to talk to the person next to us and share about a time when God has gotten us through a rough time. I got the chance to talk to Sarah, which I am so happy i did because she taught me something tonight that i will for sure keep with me for the rest of my life. when she asked me to share i told her that the rough time is now and thats really true. like right now my life is just…. haha let’s just say there have been a lot of tears in the last month and i’m really surprised i havent run out of them yet. and when she asked me if i felt betrayed (I had a sense as to what she was going through, I didn't just randomly guess the feeling "betrayed"), i said yes and she responded by saying “im sorry”, and after hearing that phrase so much i just automatically said “its okay”. but then she said something to me that no one had ever said before. she told me “no, its not okay. it sucks. its okay to say it sucks” and for the first time i realized that is right. its crazy to think that there are so many times people have offered me sorrys and i’ve just kind of turned them down by saying “its okay”. i guess its because i’ve heard “i’m sorry” so many times in my life that it stopped meaning something to me… and then later another leader came up to me and asked me how i was on a scale from 0-10 and i told her -5, and of course she replied with “i’m sorry” and once again i said “its okay” and she looked me straight in the eye and said “no, its not okay. its okay to say ‘yeah it sucks’”. words cannot describe how much what those two said to me tonight meant to me. cause it does suck right now, and because of them i’m not afraid to say it does anymore. so, for anyone reading this, if someone says “im sorry” to you when you’re feeling as crappy as i am right now, don’t be afraid to say “yeah, it sucks” because they mean their sorry…. they really do care even though it might seem like they don’t because others don’t. alright, thats it.

She's right. Validating someone's feelings, reminding them that it's okay to not be okay, letting them feel whatever it is they are feeling, these things aren't difficult. But they give a person so much freedom to truly feel, and I have come to believe that it is only when we truly allow ourselves to feel, to fully experience the emotions we're dealing with, only then can we begin to experience healing. As Jerry Sittser writes in his amazing book on grief, A Grace Disguised, "the quickest way for anyone to reach the sun and the light of day is not to run west, chasing after the setting sun, but to head east, plunging into the darkness until one comes to the sunrise.”

One Little Step

It's Earth Day, a 'holiday' I think I care about more this year than ever before. Oprah had a fascinating show today on the subject, and I'm still amazed at the number of families and people around the country that still don't ever think about the impact their choices have on our planet. It is astounding to me how many families still choose not to recycle or turn out lights or leave the air conditioning on while keeping the windows open. There's one HUGE thing though that if all of us stopped doing would make an enormous positive impact on our planet. Watch this short video on the true story of bottled water, I promise you will learn something and you will be surprised. We were. I know some people still think they want to buy bottled water that is flavored because of the taste, but I found last weekend a great solution. I cut up a lime and stuck a slice in my nalgene bottle with the water and for the whole weekend I had great flavored tap water :)

I think this is so much more than promoting another "soap box" idea, to me it truly is a deeply theological issue. In Genesis we were given the task of caring for our world, and I'm pretty sure if God showed up today he'd look at the piles of plastic bottles, the floating garbage islands in our oceans, and the pure amount of sheer waste we produce every week and tell us we haven't exactly lived up to the task he gave to us. I don't know, just an opinion. Seriously, watch this video, it's not long, and it does matter.

The Story of Bottled Water

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Hunger

I'm finding myself growing more and more hungry lately. Hungry for Jesus. Hungry to know him more, to follow him, even when that feels terrifying. There's a stirring deep in my soul for more. It's been a long, long time since I've felt this, felt such a desire to not just talk about Jesus, or write about Jesus, but to really know him, to see him, to touch him, to follow in his footsteps. And I am longing to see others know him, and come to love him too.

I long for this world to be different, I deeply desire to see change, to see those who have nothing finally receive their fair share, to see those who are wealthy give freely of their abundance instead of storing up treasures on earth while so many go hungry.

I wish with all my heart that the impression the world has of Christians was different. I hope for the day when the "religious right" would stop yelling about abortion and homosexuality and begin to see that "family values" and being "pro-life" should mean just as much energy and anger towards the fact that millions of children don't have food, or health care, or clean water in this world--that these are family issues too, these are pro-life issues as well.

This world is a mess, and this past week I have been hit hard with a desire to pray for change, for something to happen, for things to be different. I want to see our churches start to BE the people of God, to stop worrying about church attendance and the latest ways to "grow" or be "relevant" and start thinking deeply about the fact that "liturgy" actually means "service"--our worship service ought to be just that, serving. I had this sense while at youth group last week that I wanted more for these kids. I wasn't interested in their whining about playing link-arm tag one more time, I want to see them go deeper, and I don't know how to help them do that, and that bothers me. I'm sick of the status quo. God's calling us to a new place, and even though I am scared, I want to follow. I want to be part of something new, something bigger than myself, something eternal. And I don't know what to do with this, other than say "okay God, I'm here, I'm willing, and I'm ready to do what you call me to." And then to pray I hear him when he calls.

Fulfillment?

I was just playing on facebook (I know, shocker, right?) and was struck by an acquaintance's "status update." She has several young children, and her status today is: "Skateboarding class, art class, voice lessons, dance class, hopefully some academics, and then play rehearsal. A very fulfilling day!" I gotta be honest, I totally disagree with this particular person and I think cramming this many activities into young children's lives is insane. When do they get a chance to hang out and play with their siblings, imagining and exploring in their own environment? When do they get to just chill and read a book, or draw on their own, without having someone "instruct" them in the "proper" way to draw a picture? Is there anytime in the day when these kids get to be, dare I say it, bored? I remember lots of long afternoons when we didn't have anything going on where I felt a little bored and didn't know what to do. But instead of loading us into the car to cart us off to one more (expensive) extracurricular activity, my mom taught us how to play games, or encouraged us to read books, or gave us a project to help her with in the kitchen or garden. We were taught to imagine that our dolls were our friends and could help entertain us, and they did! We watched TV some, but that was definitely not our main source of entertainment all afternoon. When did our definition of fulfillment become jam-packing our schedules or our kid's schedules so there is absolutely zero downtime in life? My fear (and research is supporting this) is that kids who grow up being entertained 100% of the time by external activities are taught that life should entertain them. And last I checked this isn't exactly realistic--or those who go through life with this mentality often search in horribly destructive places for this entertainment. I know I'm not a parent yet, so part of me doesn't feel like I have a right to comment, but I have been a kid. And as a kid, I was incredibly thankful that I had parents who helped me learn to entertain myself and as such I think I have a pretty solid sense of what I think was meant to be fulfilling in life. It isn't being entertained or spending exorbitant amounts of money to have someone else entertain me, it's finding joy in the little things--in reading a book, having a conversation with someone, watching a fun movie in the evenings, seeing Jesus in the people around us, or learning to simply be alone.

Sure, enrolling kids in a class is great--but for goodness sake, help them pick one at a time! If gymnastics is their choice right now, then maybe they don't also play soccer and the piano this year, maybe they wait to try that until they decide they are done with gymnastics! I look at our youth group kids these days and I am astounded and completely overwhelmed with the number of things these kids are trying to involve themselves in on top of all the AP and honors classes they can take at once. It's the third week of school and kids are falling asleep in youth group, the high school sophomores are living on instant coffee and sleeping 4 hours a night, and the looks on their faces are heartbreaking! They are so tired and so overwhelmed and at some point an adult in their lives needs to stand up and say that's enough! This isn't healthy! This isn't helping anyone set up healthy patterns in life and if they don't learn that now they certainly aren't going to in college!

May we be people who think deeply about where we spend our time, where we ask our children to spend their time, and what it is that truly brings fulfillment in our lives. Because if we don't, when Jesus comes back I'm afraid he'll find a generation of walking zombies, too tired to recognize him.