Technically we're in week 37 now, but I didn't get a chance to write last week, so here is our week 36 in a nutshell! We got to have a late-term ultra sound at the end of week 35, and we were so thrilled to learn that our little guy looks awesome, and they estimated him to be right about 6 pounds, so now he should be close to 6 1/2 pounds if he's following the typical pattern of gaining a 1/2 pound a week for the last month. It feels like he's gaining more weight at least, mommy's back is getting more and more sore as the days go by! I've made it to the point in the pregnancy where I get to see my OB every week, which I think has been good since she is new to me, it's been giving me a chance to get to know her a bit before we call on her in the midst of labor. We "graduated" from our childbirth class this past week, with a diploma and everything :) (Now we just have to pass that very real life final exam...you know, the part where you actually have to put into practice what you learned!) I'm feeling pretty good, with the exception of my back, which is just sore all the time. I splurged on a real massage last week, which was incredible, and I've decided I'll go back next week for another one (hey it was doctor's orders, she said that was all that was really going to help my pinched nerve!)
We also had the privilege in week 36 to have Charles' sister and her 4 kids here for a few days! It was so fun to see them, to show them around LA a little--they'd never been out here. We took them to wander around Hollywood and then Charles took them to Disneyland for a full day which they loved. They came to our high school youth group's family Christmas party which was very fun, and got to see where Uncle Chuck spends a lot of his time!
My new pregnancy craving? That would be clementine cutie tangerines. I've literally eaten 3 boxes by myself in the past 3 weeks. I think I've definitely been getting enough vitamin C these days! Someone in the grocery store stopped and asked me if I had been craving them (she saw me buying a box) and I said yes, and she said that I must be having a boy because people who have boys crave citrus apparently. I don't know about that, but I do know they are delicious, and I normally don't love citrus!
And I realize this might be the most boring blog post in the history of blog posts. But I'm going to go ahead and post it and see if I have a bit more energy/inspiration tomorrow for some better writing :)
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Thursday, December 15, 2011
It Just Takes Some Time
I kind of thought the past was behind us. I thought I'd moved on. But the past has a sneaky way of rearing it's ugly head when we least expect it and kind of throwing us off guard. Last night as we were climbing into bed my husband commented "I'm just so happy! I have everything I ever could want. I have a job at a church that I love with people I love, a wife I am crazy about, I'm going to be a daddy soon, and we're back living in a place I love." I agreed with him, and commented that I too was extremely happy, and after the year we've just had, that's kind of a nice feeling. We fell into a cozy slumber snuggled down in our flannel sheets (me in my Snoogle nest!) And then the dreams started. I've commented before how real and exceptionally vivid my dreams have become since getting pregnant--apparently it's a very normal "side effect" because of all the crazy hormones that are running rampant in my body. Last night's was no exception. I dreamed that the week before the baby was born the staff at our new church held a series of secret meetings with committees and elders and decided they didn't like us. They voted us out and told us never to come back. What made it even more painful is two of our closest friends were part of that voting process and voted us out of the community as well. I woke with tears streaming down my face and tried to orient myself in the darkness. "It was just a dream. That didn't happen. You're okay." Except that is what happened. Six months ago, out of the blue, no warning, just because the leadership didn't like our approach to youth ministry (build relationships, not huge events, relationships last, events don't). We got no goodbyes, no closure, just a lot of pain to sort through.
And I think it's still impacting me. When we arrived in Seattle last January I threw myself into meeting people, learning names, building relationships across generations, having meals with various families from the congregation etc. Within a week of being there I was substitute teaching in the adult education classes, I was frantically studying the church directory learning names and faces as fast as I could, and doing everything I could to be 100% committed to and involved in the church community. Then we got burned. Badly. As we've entered into a new community here, I think our past has impacted how I've handled that process this time around. I think I'm scared. I know I'm a scarred animal. I know what it's like to be literally voted out of a community and relationships, and that makes one a bit wary starting over. Part of this might have a lot to do with the fact that I am really pregnant and my energy level and brain power feels like it is a fraction of what it was back in January. But I think part of it is being afraid. I want to let myself be fully happy here, fully invested and settled, yet there's always that nagging voice in the back of my head saying "be careful, churches hurt." I adore the people I've met here, and love being part of this community, but this time around I feel like I'm giving myself a bit more time to learn people's names, to dive in with both feet. I think it's just going to take some time for the healing to still happen. I think as the next few months unfold we'll find some of those scars fading and I'll be more able to fully embrace this community without fear that they are here to hurt us. I look forward to that day. I like to rush things, and I think that's one of the things I've learned this year. You can't rush healing. You can't rush the grieving process and just plow ahead with life pretending it doesn't still impact you. Because the past has a way of rearing it's ugly head in ways that catch us off guard. Sometimes I think that's God's way of helping us remember our past, the lessons we're learning and His faithfulness through those incredibly difficult times. That's one of the constant themes of this year too, God's faithfulness. Seeing where we were 12 months ago, and then 6 months ago, and then even 3 months ago and where we are now, it's incredible how He's worked. We are SO grateful to Him for bringing us to this place and thrilled to be here, and through this all God has never promised healing will be immediate, but He does promise us that He'll continue walking with us as we let ourselves take some time.
And I think it's still impacting me. When we arrived in Seattle last January I threw myself into meeting people, learning names, building relationships across generations, having meals with various families from the congregation etc. Within a week of being there I was substitute teaching in the adult education classes, I was frantically studying the church directory learning names and faces as fast as I could, and doing everything I could to be 100% committed to and involved in the church community. Then we got burned. Badly. As we've entered into a new community here, I think our past has impacted how I've handled that process this time around. I think I'm scared. I know I'm a scarred animal. I know what it's like to be literally voted out of a community and relationships, and that makes one a bit wary starting over. Part of this might have a lot to do with the fact that I am really pregnant and my energy level and brain power feels like it is a fraction of what it was back in January. But I think part of it is being afraid. I want to let myself be fully happy here, fully invested and settled, yet there's always that nagging voice in the back of my head saying "be careful, churches hurt." I adore the people I've met here, and love being part of this community, but this time around I feel like I'm giving myself a bit more time to learn people's names, to dive in with both feet. I think it's just going to take some time for the healing to still happen. I think as the next few months unfold we'll find some of those scars fading and I'll be more able to fully embrace this community without fear that they are here to hurt us. I look forward to that day. I like to rush things, and I think that's one of the things I've learned this year. You can't rush healing. You can't rush the grieving process and just plow ahead with life pretending it doesn't still impact you. Because the past has a way of rearing it's ugly head in ways that catch us off guard. Sometimes I think that's God's way of helping us remember our past, the lessons we're learning and His faithfulness through those incredibly difficult times. That's one of the constant themes of this year too, God's faithfulness. Seeing where we were 12 months ago, and then 6 months ago, and then even 3 months ago and where we are now, it's incredible how He's worked. We are SO grateful to Him for bringing us to this place and thrilled to be here, and through this all God has never promised healing will be immediate, but He does promise us that He'll continue walking with us as we let ourselves take some time.
Monday, December 12, 2011
Weeks 34 & 35--Made it to the Melon Stage!
Our munchkin has hit the size of the cantaloupe and honeydew melons (no, he's not a watermelon yet, even if I feel like my belly is!). He is definitely getting bigger, it's quite impressive to me how my belly still finds ways to grow. Rumor has it though he's about reached his length, so now he's just packing on the pounds of baby fat (gaining about a 1/2 pound a week for the next 4 weeks before delivery!). His lungs are still maturing, and so is that little brain of his (so I'm definitely taking my Omega 3 supplements these days to help his brain development out!) Otherwise he's pretty much ready to come join us! He's been practicing his sucking and swallowing reflexes in there, and his grasping reflex as he hangs onto the umbilical cord and sucks on his little fingers. His movements are much more stretching movements as opposed to the fluttering, kicking movements of a few weeks ago (he's no longer turning somersaults, he's running out of room in there!) And I think his favorite past time is to see how far he can stretch his feet in to his mommy's ribs and lungs. Yup, it's a really fun game we like to play now :) Just in this past week I've had the overwhelming urge to meet this little one. I understand why people say the last month is the longest. I'm perfectly content for him to stay put for a bit since his room isn't set up and it really is best for babies to make it to 38-39 weeks, so as anxious as I am to see him and hold him I can wait for his sake. But I understand now how people say that as scary as the thought of labor is, you're just ready to get this baby out by the time labor comes around. In the past week I've gone from "being pregnant is no big deal, this has been a piece of cake" to "ok, I'm officially sore, all over, all the time. I'm tired of not being able to breathe, and sleeping is getting to be almost impossible (turning over is a major cardio work out, especially when tangled in a night gown, sheets and five pillows!)" Being on my feet for long periods of time (ok, more then 20-30 minutes) is painful, and walking has become more of a waddle as the hormones have been softening up my hip joints in preparation for delivery. Oh yeah, and knots in my back muscles are a daily occurrence. I still LOVE feeling him move around and am so grateful for the relatively easy pregnancy, so I try not to complain much, but I definitely can see how, come January, I'll be VERY ready to get this baby out! I played hookey from youth group last night out of pure exhaustion. I just mentally couldn't engage with people, even though I wanted to be there. But thankfully I slept MUCH better last night and feel somewhat more awake today!We've been doing a LOT of getting ready for our little man in terms of learning. We're taking our child birth class, and have been to 2 of the 5 sessions so far. I'm learning how to focus and breathe (and am getting lots of time to practice as braxton hicks contractions are now a part of my day every day!), and Charles is learning how to time contractions, when it's time to head to the hospital, how to put pressure on various parts of my back to alleviate pain, and what to expect at the various stages of labor. I am SO grateful to be going through this with him, and even if the instructor isn't the best I think it's been helpful for both of us to at least be exposed to some of the events and vocabulary surrounding labor and delivery. Saturday morning we had a 3 hour class teaching us the basics of infant care. We learned all about swaddling, diapering, dressing, bathing, car seat safety, feeding, and sleeping safety. It was a good basic overview, a lot of the info I already knew from my years as a nanny of infants and from caring for nieces, but it was still helpful to be refreshed on some things, and to let Charles and I practice together. Tonight is our infant CPR and Safety class which is the one our doctor says is the most important to her that we take. She said she doesn't care if we ignore all the other classes, but she hates sending newborns home with parents who she knows aren't CPR certified. So that's what we're doing tonight! Our last class, a breastfeeding class, isn't until January 9th, so if this little one is early by a week then we'll be missing that one!
I think one of the reasons I've had such a tough time sleeping lately is because I think my mind has been a little stressed with a lot of things I need to remember to do. Except then when it's day time I'm too tired or unmotivated to do them. Which doesn't help the next night's sleep. We are super excited to have Charles' sister and kids coming this weekend to celebrate early Christmas with us, but that means Christmas is a week early (and we need to mail gifts to the east coast for other family--so time to get those purchased, wrapped and mailed!). (although now I'm down to presents for 2 people, so really Christmas shopping is all but done). I realized we haven't done some essential moving things like DMV stuff, renter's insurance etc and those things were mentally piling up. Then of course there's the baby room which isn't close to being ready. And silly things that were stressing me out, like cleaning out the car that is full of sand (or taking it to get cleaned!) and learning how to work our car seat and getting that installed and checked by the highway patrol office before baby comes. So last night I sat down and made a list of everything that needs to get done this week. I decided all baby related stuff can happen next week after company leaves :) I scheduled out my week, including times to rest/nap, prep meals, Christmas shop, and take care of paperwork around the house. I'm happy to report that it's 1 on Monday and I've had a crazy productive morning, getting everything done I wanted to by lunch time. It's amazing how much less stress I feel having things written down and planned out. So here's to a productive week!
People ask me if I'm getting worried about giving birth or getting nervous about baby arriving, and I think I was until I started taking these childbirth classes and reading more. I think I'll be okay, gaining information feels empowering, both my doctor and my husband are 100% on board with my plans to have some help with pain management, and I know Chuck will do a great job encouraging me and supporting me through it. What I do feel stressed about is the fact that we have no idea when he'll show up, when I'll go into labor, how long it will last, if my parents will be in town yet or if we'll be alone etc. So I was feeling stressed about all these things I can't control. Then I realized there are a lot of things i CAN do to prepare, and I'll just do my best with those things. We'll make sure the car seat is installed and double checked by the police department, we'll work on getting a crib next week, we'll pack the hospital bag around New Year's and make my playlist for my ipod of music that is super peaceful to me. For some reason I dreamed the other night that I was SUPER anxious about not finding the right going home outfit for Aidan in the pile of baby clothes I have, so I can choose that and put that aside and in some strange way that makes me feel less stressed. (Thank you Aunt Carolyn for the huge box of ridiculously adorable baby boy clothes...pretty sure his going home outfit is coming from you!! It is going to be impossible to pick which one though because they are all amazing!!) I think doing these little things are making me feel more prepared and helping me be more at ease.
I've rambled at you all enough! You're probably sick of pregnancy related posts, someday I'll have something theological and meaningful to reflect on again, but for right now, this is kind of the brain power I have at the moment! Have a great week everyone!
Monday, December 5, 2011
Things No One Tells You About Pregnancy
When my sister was at the exact same spot in her first pregnancy, she wrote a blog post called Things I Wish I'd Known Prior to Pregnancy. It cracked me up, because I had literally never thought about some of the things she mentioned. I vaguely remembered her writing this, so today I went back through her blog and found it and re-read it, and resonated with just about everything she said. I think she left a few things off though :) So here's my list, some taken from her, and some I have come up with on my own. For your reading enjoyment, here are things I never anticipated/expected when I saw that plus sign on a stick 30-some weeks ago.
1. I had no idea how many pillows it takes at night to get comfortable enough to sleep. Who knew that if you don't keep a pillow between your legs, one under your growing belly, one under your arms, and one under your head you will wake up with a major back ache?? When I was registering at Babies R Us I saw these fancy pillows called Snoogles, which looked a little ridiculous and cost over $60, which is way more than I have ever paid for any type of pillow. There was NO way I was going to buy a snoogle, how useful could a Snoogle be? Yeah, I went and bought a Snoogle this weekend. And I haven't slept this well in weeks. It's amazing. It supports everything that needs to be supported perfectly. I think my husband kind of wants one now....and yes, when I crawl into my snoogle nest every night I look as happy and silly as this lady here in the photo, because it really is that amazing.
2. I'm pretty aware of the pregnancy dos and don'ts, and I've followed them really well these past 8 months. I've taken prenatal vitamins every day, drank a gallon of milk a week, eaten more protein than I normally enjoy, learned to eat cottage cheese for calcium and protein because I hate yogurt, only eaten lunch meat that's been thoroughly heated to kill any bacteria, avoided anything unpasteurized (no raw cookie dough, caesar salad dressing in case of any raw eggs etc), and of course alcohol and caffeine have gone away. What I didn't know is that every time I talked to a different friend I learned of something else I was supposed to be avoiding because they read somewhere on line that it could potentially be harmful. I've decided that just because the internet says it, it might not be true.
3. You will undoubtedly pee in your pants a little at some point in your pregnancy when you sneeze, laugh, or cough too hard. It will happen, I promise. Probably more than once.
4. As soon as people find out you are pregnant, they will start offering advice. Some are super gentle and tactful, others (especially strangers) are fairly blunt in offering their opinion of what you should be experiencing, or how you should do such-and-such with your child. It's one thing if I specifically ask someone for advice (which I have several times, there are people whose opinions I really want--mostly because I admire their kids and family so much I want to know what they did to achieve that. So occasionally I'll ask them "so what advice do you have for a first time mom/birth/pregnancy etc?") but in general advice is often unsolicited, and usually from strangers (in my case, usually on airplanes). My favorite is when someone offers advice that is useless to me now (ie: telling me how to bathe my newborn to make sure he likes the water when I'm a grand total of 4 months pregnant, or when a MAN tells me that labor really isn't that bad). I'm still working on a good response for when unsolicited advice is offered :)
5. Insomnia. I really thought when people talked about having trouble sleeping in pregnancy it was because of discomfort. I had no idea there would be multiple nights a week when I'd wake up and my mind would be going a million miles a minute as if I'd just drank espresso. It's quite unfortunate how much sleep you loose before even having the baby. The CRAZY dreams are NOT helpful either, it's really amazing how much my dreams changed almost immediately (looking back before I even knew I was pregnant I was having really intense dreams, so that was one of my first "symptoms").
6. I have gone through gallons of lotion. I drink a TON of water and my skin is still beyond dry (could be the weather here too, but I've NEVER had this crazy dry skin). So pick a favorite brand, go to Costco, and buy a giant bottle for every room in the house. At least I had to!
7. Tying my shoes feels like a major work out these days. Really, you try it. Go get a basketball, tie it to your stomach and then try and reach your feet :)
8. I have never ever gotten tired of feeling this baby move inside me. His kicks are getting more painful, and I'll be ready to get him out of here soon, but I had NO idea what an incredible feeling it would be to feel a little person stretch and squirm inside me. And when it's late at night and he's moving and I can't sleep, if I put my tummy up against my husband's back, he can feel the kicks too. Just sharing the late night fun.
9. One of life's most basic skills (breathing) becomes incredibly difficult. I'll be doing nothing but sitting on the couch and depending on what position the baby is in I cannot for the life of me catch a full breath. It's kind of a crazy feeling, one I'm not a huge fan of.
10. Today I discovered two more tasks that are really difficult with a belly in the way. Shaving and peeing in a cup. Both should be done with a clear line of vision, which I no longer have.
11. I have never tried Tums. Until September. Now Tums and I are good friends.
12. People talked about "pregnancy brain" and I kind of thought they were a little crazy. They must just not be very organized or detail-oriented people to begin with. I on the other hand was NEVER going to have a problem with forgetfulness. I was never going to lock my keys in my apartment. I would never go to a grocery store and forget why I was there. I love words, I'd never forget words in the middle of a sentence. Yeah....I am a full sufferer of pregnancy brain. It's the strangest, most frustrating thing for me. I've now done all the above. And more. I will say packing boxes and then trying to remember where certain things were packed when we moved was a lot easier last year when we moved and I wasn't pregnant. I take back all the times I thought people who talked about pregnancy brain were making it up!
1. I had no idea how many pillows it takes at night to get comfortable enough to sleep. Who knew that if you don't keep a pillow between your legs, one under your growing belly, one under your arms, and one under your head you will wake up with a major back ache?? When I was registering at Babies R Us I saw these fancy pillows called Snoogles, which looked a little ridiculous and cost over $60, which is way more than I have ever paid for any type of pillow. There was NO way I was going to buy a snoogle, how useful could a Snoogle be? Yeah, I went and bought a Snoogle this weekend. And I haven't slept this well in weeks. It's amazing. It supports everything that needs to be supported perfectly. I think my husband kind of wants one now....and yes, when I crawl into my snoogle nest every night I look as happy and silly as this lady here in the photo, because it really is that amazing.2. I'm pretty aware of the pregnancy dos and don'ts, and I've followed them really well these past 8 months. I've taken prenatal vitamins every day, drank a gallon of milk a week, eaten more protein than I normally enjoy, learned to eat cottage cheese for calcium and protein because I hate yogurt, only eaten lunch meat that's been thoroughly heated to kill any bacteria, avoided anything unpasteurized (no raw cookie dough, caesar salad dressing in case of any raw eggs etc), and of course alcohol and caffeine have gone away. What I didn't know is that every time I talked to a different friend I learned of something else I was supposed to be avoiding because they read somewhere on line that it could potentially be harmful. I've decided that just because the internet says it, it might not be true.
3. You will undoubtedly pee in your pants a little at some point in your pregnancy when you sneeze, laugh, or cough too hard. It will happen, I promise. Probably more than once.
4. As soon as people find out you are pregnant, they will start offering advice. Some are super gentle and tactful, others (especially strangers) are fairly blunt in offering their opinion of what you should be experiencing, or how you should do such-and-such with your child. It's one thing if I specifically ask someone for advice (which I have several times, there are people whose opinions I really want--mostly because I admire their kids and family so much I want to know what they did to achieve that. So occasionally I'll ask them "so what advice do you have for a first time mom/birth/pregnancy etc?") but in general advice is often unsolicited, and usually from strangers (in my case, usually on airplanes). My favorite is when someone offers advice that is useless to me now (ie: telling me how to bathe my newborn to make sure he likes the water when I'm a grand total of 4 months pregnant, or when a MAN tells me that labor really isn't that bad). I'm still working on a good response for when unsolicited advice is offered :)
5. Insomnia. I really thought when people talked about having trouble sleeping in pregnancy it was because of discomfort. I had no idea there would be multiple nights a week when I'd wake up and my mind would be going a million miles a minute as if I'd just drank espresso. It's quite unfortunate how much sleep you loose before even having the baby. The CRAZY dreams are NOT helpful either, it's really amazing how much my dreams changed almost immediately (looking back before I even knew I was pregnant I was having really intense dreams, so that was one of my first "symptoms").
6. I have gone through gallons of lotion. I drink a TON of water and my skin is still beyond dry (could be the weather here too, but I've NEVER had this crazy dry skin). So pick a favorite brand, go to Costco, and buy a giant bottle for every room in the house. At least I had to!
7. Tying my shoes feels like a major work out these days. Really, you try it. Go get a basketball, tie it to your stomach and then try and reach your feet :)
8. I have never ever gotten tired of feeling this baby move inside me. His kicks are getting more painful, and I'll be ready to get him out of here soon, but I had NO idea what an incredible feeling it would be to feel a little person stretch and squirm inside me. And when it's late at night and he's moving and I can't sleep, if I put my tummy up against my husband's back, he can feel the kicks too. Just sharing the late night fun.
9. One of life's most basic skills (breathing) becomes incredibly difficult. I'll be doing nothing but sitting on the couch and depending on what position the baby is in I cannot for the life of me catch a full breath. It's kind of a crazy feeling, one I'm not a huge fan of.
10. Today I discovered two more tasks that are really difficult with a belly in the way. Shaving and peeing in a cup. Both should be done with a clear line of vision, which I no longer have.
11. I have never tried Tums. Until September. Now Tums and I are good friends.
12. People talked about "pregnancy brain" and I kind of thought they were a little crazy. They must just not be very organized or detail-oriented people to begin with. I on the other hand was NEVER going to have a problem with forgetfulness. I was never going to lock my keys in my apartment. I would never go to a grocery store and forget why I was there. I love words, I'd never forget words in the middle of a sentence. Yeah....I am a full sufferer of pregnancy brain. It's the strangest, most frustrating thing for me. I've now done all the above. And more. I will say packing boxes and then trying to remember where certain things were packed when we moved was a lot easier last year when we moved and I wasn't pregnant. I take back all the times I thought people who talked about pregnancy brain were making it up!
Friday, December 2, 2011
Week 33--a 7 Quick Takes Edition
It's nearing the end of another week around here (and it's December! Yikes!) and I thought I'd take a few minutes in the quiet of this Friday morning to post a 7 Quick Takes-style update for ya.
**1**
Our munchkin is now about the size of a honeydew melon and is weighing in at about 4 pounds (the weight of a pineapple apparently). I'll be interested to see what he actually weighs when he's born and how accurate these baby sites are at predicting average weight! We definitely have a mover on our hands, he passes his kick count tests in a grand total of 5 minutes (you are supposed to give them an hour to see if they move 10 times within the hour. Aidan moves 10 times in 5 minutes. Usually more). I'm already making plans to enlist his cousin Lily to go be his running buddy to work off energy! Man they'll be a handful when they are together! I had a lady in Trader Joes yesterday stop me and ask when I was due, and when I said "next month, in mid January" she went a little nuts exclaiming that I was too tiny, I looked too good, and this must be my first because I am "the most adorable pregnant person ever!" in her mind. I don't know her name, but she might be my new favorite person on the planet. God bless the Trader Joes' shopper for making me feel like something other than a giant waddling mess!
**2**
My husband and I went to our first chidbirth class last night at the hospital (not the one we'll be delivering at, since I didn't know where we'd be delivering when I had to register for classes, but it's at least within the same "family" of hospitals). It'll be interesting to see what we learn in this class. I will say the instructor didn't present things in the most logical order last night, which I think led to some confused looks on people's faces. She did however load up a back pack with about 25 pounds of aquarium rocks to represent the different areas of weight gain women experience in pregnancy and made each of the dads try it on over their bellys. Then try to sit down, stand up and pick up a pen from the floor. That might have been worth the whole class :) By the end of the class one of the dudes said "wow, class was like working overtime, something I never want to do but am always glad I did!" We'll see how next week goes.
**3**
I debated a lot on even saying this publicly, because I know I am in a minority on this opinion, and I'm probably going to make some people mad, but I'm just going to come out and say it. I really didn't like Ina Mae Gaskin's book Guide to Childbirth. There. I said it. Wow that feels good to get off my chest. I realize it is the "go-to" book people recommend to pregnant women, and I realize it's been life changing, transformational, and has completely changed people's birth plans and expectations. And that's great for those of you who have loved this book and had such a positive experience with it. But it didn't do those things for me. It kind of had the opposite effect. I'm not saying I didn't come away from it with a few good nuggets of information, she has some wise things to say. But I will say that I found myself highly irritated throughout most of the book and here's why. The first half of the book are various women's stories of childbirth. They were interesting and engaging and this is where I gleaned some good helpful tips about childbirth being a very holistic process, about relaxation, about empowerment. The second half is more "didactic" where she covers different topics (pain management, relaxation, and I can't even remember what else). I realize she is a HUGE advocate for home births, no pain medication, little medical intervention etc. That's fine, those are fair perspectives to hold and thousands of women hold the same perspectives as she does. I'm not saying that's wrong, or if that's your choice then it's a bad one. But what I hated was that I felt like she was demonizing the medical community, hospital births, and any woman who does choose to enlist the help of pain killers, epidurals, or the like. The subliminal message I came away from this book with was "if you choose these things, you WILL have a horrible birth experience, your doctor will be an egotistical jerk who will never do anything in the best interest of you or your child, and you are a terrible mother putting yourself and your baby at risk if you ask for an epidural. You are somehow less of a woman because your body was made to do this naturally and if you can't, you're weak." No, she never comes right out and says those things, but that's the underlying message I heard throughout this entire book. My sister read this book after her first was born, but before her second. I asked her what she thought of it and she said "well, she is pretty full of herself isn't she? It's like the only appropriate place on the planet to give birth is the birthing center on her farm and if you choose a hospital you're an idiot who is guaranteed to end up with a c-section and a baby in the NICU." That's exactly how I felt. I realize some have had negative experiences with doctors or hospitals, and that's fair. I've had some myself. But to paint the entire medical community with broad brush strokes of being uncaring, institutionalized, egotistical individuals who just want to get you in and out of delivery as fast as possible is unfair, untrue, and really really offensive to me. My time of working in a hospital as a chaplain, working closely alongside doctors and nurses showed me just how deeply they do care, and work tirelessly to bring healing, relief, and comfort to patients. I have countless friends and family members who are doctors and nurses (including several labor and delivery nurses, a NICU specialist, and pediatric intensive care resident) who love their patients deeply and care immensely for their well being and the well being of their children. I found Ina Mae's tone and approach to speaking about doctors to be very disrespectful. She's absolutely right to voice her opinion, but it's not an opinion I can even come close to jumping on board with. I hesitated even saying anything on here about this book, because I know how beloved it is by many many people, but I just feel like the "other voice" in this dialogue, the voice that supports the medical community, isn't heard as much these days. So there you have it, my book review for the week--good tips, some helpful nuggets, but overall won't be drastically changing my life. And who knows, after this baby is born I may have a different perspective, and if so, I'll admit that on here.
**4**
On to something more fun :) I LOVE our new apartment and our new location. Love it. It's cozy, homey, in a fantastic location (I can walk to just about anything in 5-10 minutes), and is so close to the church my husband and great friend Jenn even walked over and came for lunch the other day. It'll be fantastic when Aidan is born, I can walk over and have lunch at the church with him to get out of the house, or Charles can come home a day or two a week to have lunch with us, or on a Sunday morning if he has to be at church for multiple hours and the baby needs to come home, I can easily walk him home to put him down for a nap without waiting around (since we only have the 1 car). My goal for today is to start figuring out where pictures are to be hung so we can finally get the last of the boxes unpacked from the nursery, that way next week I can start putting his room together, and figuring out what we need for him (like a crib...and putting together our changing table area etc).
**5**
Charles and I were talking last night about how incredibly different life feels here than it did for us in Seattle. Words cannot even begin to express how much lower our stress levels are, how much more peaceful our home feels, how enjoyable our evenings are (because we're not angry and stressed and processing how to deal with a very unhealthy leadership structure at a church all the time). Our schedule has filled up a little faster than I might have liked (mostly because it's December and there are all kinds of extra events) but even in the midst of that I don't feel angry and stressed about it, things feel enjoyable again. He walks out the door to walk to work in the morning with a smile on his face. I realized I am not an anxious and stressed basket case all day worrying about him and for him. I can be home making dinner and setting up our home without feeling so guilty and stressed that I'm not at the church helping him. Which makes me so much more relaxed and ready to engage with him when he comes home. We have energy to talk about other things besides the church. What a huge difference the right leadership structure and senior pastor can make for the lives of their employees! We are abundantly grateful to be here, and hope we get to be here long term.
**6**
For those who have been hearing the weather reports, we haven't completely blown away here, but it has definitely been windy! Nowhere near what poor Pasadena has encountered though! These are some photos of Fuller's campus posted yesterday on Facebook:
**1**Our munchkin is now about the size of a honeydew melon and is weighing in at about 4 pounds (the weight of a pineapple apparently). I'll be interested to see what he actually weighs when he's born and how accurate these baby sites are at predicting average weight! We definitely have a mover on our hands, he passes his kick count tests in a grand total of 5 minutes (you are supposed to give them an hour to see if they move 10 times within the hour. Aidan moves 10 times in 5 minutes. Usually more). I'm already making plans to enlist his cousin Lily to go be his running buddy to work off energy! Man they'll be a handful when they are together! I had a lady in Trader Joes yesterday stop me and ask when I was due, and when I said "next month, in mid January" she went a little nuts exclaiming that I was too tiny, I looked too good, and this must be my first because I am "the most adorable pregnant person ever!" in her mind. I don't know her name, but she might be my new favorite person on the planet. God bless the Trader Joes' shopper for making me feel like something other than a giant waddling mess!
**2**
My husband and I went to our first chidbirth class last night at the hospital (not the one we'll be delivering at, since I didn't know where we'd be delivering when I had to register for classes, but it's at least within the same "family" of hospitals). It'll be interesting to see what we learn in this class. I will say the instructor didn't present things in the most logical order last night, which I think led to some confused looks on people's faces. She did however load up a back pack with about 25 pounds of aquarium rocks to represent the different areas of weight gain women experience in pregnancy and made each of the dads try it on over their bellys. Then try to sit down, stand up and pick up a pen from the floor. That might have been worth the whole class :) By the end of the class one of the dudes said "wow, class was like working overtime, something I never want to do but am always glad I did!" We'll see how next week goes.
**3**
I debated a lot on even saying this publicly, because I know I am in a minority on this opinion, and I'm probably going to make some people mad, but I'm just going to come out and say it. I really didn't like Ina Mae Gaskin's book Guide to Childbirth. There. I said it. Wow that feels good to get off my chest. I realize it is the "go-to" book people recommend to pregnant women, and I realize it's been life changing, transformational, and has completely changed people's birth plans and expectations. And that's great for those of you who have loved this book and had such a positive experience with it. But it didn't do those things for me. It kind of had the opposite effect. I'm not saying I didn't come away from it with a few good nuggets of information, she has some wise things to say. But I will say that I found myself highly irritated throughout most of the book and here's why. The first half of the book are various women's stories of childbirth. They were interesting and engaging and this is where I gleaned some good helpful tips about childbirth being a very holistic process, about relaxation, about empowerment. The second half is more "didactic" where she covers different topics (pain management, relaxation, and I can't even remember what else). I realize she is a HUGE advocate for home births, no pain medication, little medical intervention etc. That's fine, those are fair perspectives to hold and thousands of women hold the same perspectives as she does. I'm not saying that's wrong, or if that's your choice then it's a bad one. But what I hated was that I felt like she was demonizing the medical community, hospital births, and any woman who does choose to enlist the help of pain killers, epidurals, or the like. The subliminal message I came away from this book with was "if you choose these things, you WILL have a horrible birth experience, your doctor will be an egotistical jerk who will never do anything in the best interest of you or your child, and you are a terrible mother putting yourself and your baby at risk if you ask for an epidural. You are somehow less of a woman because your body was made to do this naturally and if you can't, you're weak." No, she never comes right out and says those things, but that's the underlying message I heard throughout this entire book. My sister read this book after her first was born, but before her second. I asked her what she thought of it and she said "well, she is pretty full of herself isn't she? It's like the only appropriate place on the planet to give birth is the birthing center on her farm and if you choose a hospital you're an idiot who is guaranteed to end up with a c-section and a baby in the NICU." That's exactly how I felt. I realize some have had negative experiences with doctors or hospitals, and that's fair. I've had some myself. But to paint the entire medical community with broad brush strokes of being uncaring, institutionalized, egotistical individuals who just want to get you in and out of delivery as fast as possible is unfair, untrue, and really really offensive to me. My time of working in a hospital as a chaplain, working closely alongside doctors and nurses showed me just how deeply they do care, and work tirelessly to bring healing, relief, and comfort to patients. I have countless friends and family members who are doctors and nurses (including several labor and delivery nurses, a NICU specialist, and pediatric intensive care resident) who love their patients deeply and care immensely for their well being and the well being of their children. I found Ina Mae's tone and approach to speaking about doctors to be very disrespectful. She's absolutely right to voice her opinion, but it's not an opinion I can even come close to jumping on board with. I hesitated even saying anything on here about this book, because I know how beloved it is by many many people, but I just feel like the "other voice" in this dialogue, the voice that supports the medical community, isn't heard as much these days. So there you have it, my book review for the week--good tips, some helpful nuggets, but overall won't be drastically changing my life. And who knows, after this baby is born I may have a different perspective, and if so, I'll admit that on here.**4**
On to something more fun :) I LOVE our new apartment and our new location. Love it. It's cozy, homey, in a fantastic location (I can walk to just about anything in 5-10 minutes), and is so close to the church my husband and great friend Jenn even walked over and came for lunch the other day. It'll be fantastic when Aidan is born, I can walk over and have lunch at the church with him to get out of the house, or Charles can come home a day or two a week to have lunch with us, or on a Sunday morning if he has to be at church for multiple hours and the baby needs to come home, I can easily walk him home to put him down for a nap without waiting around (since we only have the 1 car). My goal for today is to start figuring out where pictures are to be hung so we can finally get the last of the boxes unpacked from the nursery, that way next week I can start putting his room together, and figuring out what we need for him (like a crib...and putting together our changing table area etc).
**5**
Charles and I were talking last night about how incredibly different life feels here than it did for us in Seattle. Words cannot even begin to express how much lower our stress levels are, how much more peaceful our home feels, how enjoyable our evenings are (because we're not angry and stressed and processing how to deal with a very unhealthy leadership structure at a church all the time). Our schedule has filled up a little faster than I might have liked (mostly because it's December and there are all kinds of extra events) but even in the midst of that I don't feel angry and stressed about it, things feel enjoyable again. He walks out the door to walk to work in the morning with a smile on his face. I realized I am not an anxious and stressed basket case all day worrying about him and for him. I can be home making dinner and setting up our home without feeling so guilty and stressed that I'm not at the church helping him. Which makes me so much more relaxed and ready to engage with him when he comes home. We have energy to talk about other things besides the church. What a huge difference the right leadership structure and senior pastor can make for the lives of their employees! We are abundantly grateful to be here, and hope we get to be here long term.
**6**
For those who have been hearing the weather reports, we haven't completely blown away here, but it has definitely been windy! Nowhere near what poor Pasadena has encountered though! These are some photos of Fuller's campus posted yesterday on Facebook:
**7**
It's been so blustery around here that all I want to do is hide out and bake warm yummy things to counteract the wind outside. Yesterday I put a batch of chili in the Crock Pot (President Obama's family recipe actually, and it was SO good) and smelled the yumminess of garlic, onion, and spices all day, and then I baked up a batch of cheesy corn muffins from my Cooking Light cookbook which were incredible. They had garlic and chopped green onion in them, and apparently can be frozen. I think before this baby comes I'm going to make a big batch for the freezer because they will be an incredible side dish to any pot of winter stew, soup, chili, or pasta that my mom or I make while they're here. (And I'm all for freezer meals, things I can pull out and have ready to go!) This next week I'm breaking out our favorite comfort foods we haven't made in a couple months as we've been living with other people and traveling. On the list, pasta with pesto and shrimp, thai lettuce wraps, and a crock pot beef stew that will be warm and cozy if this wind continues!
Happy weekend everyone!
It's been so blustery around here that all I want to do is hide out and bake warm yummy things to counteract the wind outside. Yesterday I put a batch of chili in the Crock Pot (President Obama's family recipe actually, and it was SO good) and smelled the yumminess of garlic, onion, and spices all day, and then I baked up a batch of cheesy corn muffins from my Cooking Light cookbook which were incredible. They had garlic and chopped green onion in them, and apparently can be frozen. I think before this baby comes I'm going to make a big batch for the freezer because they will be an incredible side dish to any pot of winter stew, soup, chili, or pasta that my mom or I make while they're here. (And I'm all for freezer meals, things I can pull out and have ready to go!) This next week I'm breaking out our favorite comfort foods we haven't made in a couple months as we've been living with other people and traveling. On the list, pasta with pesto and shrimp, thai lettuce wraps, and a crock pot beef stew that will be warm and cozy if this wind continues!
Happy weekend everyone!
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