What I'm Into

I missed last month's 'What I'm Into' post and link up over at Hopeful Leigh since we were in the midst of traveling from the midwest to Hawaii and back to LA, so for the past two months here are the little things that have brought much joy to my life.

Gadgets: My new immersion blender.  This was my Christmas gift from my best friend and it is something I never would have thought to ask for but am now wondering how I ever lived without it.  It is an amazing invention.  I've been making smoothies (no need to drag out the whole blender every day!), homemade salad dressings, milkshakes, and baked potato soup.  Every time I came across a recipe that called for blending a soup after simmering I always skipped over it--I have had a few messy and disasterous attempts at blending a hot soup in a regular blender and decided never to do that again.  Now, when I come across one of those recipes I just pull out my handy dandy new immersion blender and blend right in the soup pot!  Love it!

My iPhone.  I can admit it, I was wrong.  Until a month ago I had never had a smartphone.  My husband has had one but we only wanted to pay for 1 data plan so I've had the "free" Verizon phone.  About a month ago for a variety of reasons we asked Verizon to swap our phones, so now I have the iphone.  I honestly didn't think I would like it.  I haven't ever really liked typing on the touch screen, and didn't think I would have any use for the aps.  Umm, I can admit when I am wrong.  I love my phone.  I love it so so much.  I don't love typing on the touch screen and wish I could go back to my T9 word typing, but I love having internet with me when I'm sitting nursing the babe (man I wish I'd had this all year!).  I love instagram and taking photos and uploading them straight to facebook (mostly because I'm with our kiddo all day and he's super cute and photo-worthy in my opinion!)  It's a great phone and I'm super excited to have it.

Books:

I really only read one full book in the past month.  I know, pathetic for me.  But I found I kind of hit this lull--I didn't want to be reading.  But I did read our book club's January selection which was The Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafon and oh my word did I love this book.  Most of us did.  It's a story with so many layers--it's part mystery, part love story, part coming of age story...it's full of symbolism and all kinds of lovely literary tricks that make for a fantastic book.  I'd highly recommend this one!

In the Blogosphere:
My favorite post of the past month or so was by Rachel Held Evans and was written after the Connecticut school shooting.  It was titled God Can't Be Kept Out, and many of you probably read it, but it's worth a re-read if you have a moment.

My favorite new series is the series One Good Phrase being hosted by Micah Boyett over at her blog.  I love this idea & have a few good phrases that have shaped me mulling around in my head waiting for their own posts in the near future.  Check out her blog and the guest posts that have contributed to this series so far.

On the Silver Screen:
Does the Silver Screen only refer to movies?  Or does it refer to TV shows as well?  I don't know but I don't have a lot of time to watch either, so I'm going to lump them together in this category :)
My beloved Parenthood wrapped up it's season already.  What a season it was.  I loved it.  I laughed and cried with every episode which I think is the mark of great writing.  The professor I work for was talking about the finale in class this week, saying how it was one of the best images in Hollywood of what the body of Christ can look like--an intergenerational family seeing a kid in need and adopting him to be one of their own.  It was a beautiful season and I'm hoping it returns for another run.

The Biggest Loser came back on and my hubby and I enjoy watching this one together.  This year they're focusing on childhood obesity & they have 3 amazing teens on the show participating to various degrees with the other contestants.  The 12 year old boy Biingo (that's what he goes by) might be my favorite kid ever.  Besides my own that is.  He's adorable, and has an amazing amount of personality.  I heart him.  Jillian is back as well but I'm not sure that's a great thing--her team is down to one player, which isn't the greatest track record!

I had the chance to see 2 movies in the past 2 months, which is 2 more than I saw the rest of 2012!  On Christmas day I went to see my long awaited love Les Miserables, and I was blown away.  I loved it.  I thought it was cast almost perfectly (I was not crazy about Russel Crowe), and I loved the artistic rendering of it.  It's one I can't wait to own.  I thought Anne Hathaway was heartbreakingly perfect as Fantine, and I thought Marius was incredible.  I hope it wins all the Oscars it's nominated for!

This past weekend I had the chance to go see Silver Lining's Playbook with a friend.  We have worked out a great system for movie watching :)  She's also a mom with two young kids and she and her husband have become good friends.  The guys have gone to see a few movies together after the kids are in bed on Saturday evenings and this weekend we decided we wanted in on this deal too!  So she and I went to a matinee while our kids were home with their dads and then our husbands went to see some guy movie that night after bedtime.  It worked wonderfully :)  Anyways, I had no idea what to expect with this film, I didn't know anything about it other than that it has been getting a lot of Oscar buzz and it wasn't violent like so many other films are.  So we gave it a try & both of us really really enjoyed it.  I would definitely recommend it--it's funny, sweet, deals with some incredible family dynamics (it would be a great movie to assign to a class on family systems!) and is pretty honest and real.

I think that's about it for the past two months!  How about you?  What are a few things you've been into lately?

Benediction

When I worked with the children's ministry program at my church in Seattle I had the amazing privilege to learn and experience the Godly Play curriculum.  For those who aren't familiar with Godly Play, you can read more about the program here but essentially it is a Sunday School program that assumes children are capable of encountering the mystery and majesty of God in silence, in opportunities to pose "wondering" questions, and in the participation in the ancient liturgy of the church (simplified to their level of course).  It's an incredible program and in my opinion probably the best way to help our children learn to worship and experience God so they are able to make the transition to worshiping with the larger corporate body.

Anyways!  This post really isn't an advertisement for Godly Play!  I was a worship leader for the 4-6 year old room and one of my very favorite parts of that role was getting the opportunity to bestow a blessing, or a benediction, upon each child before they left every week.  They would all be sitting in a circle and one by one I'd call them up to me.  Some would sit on the floor in front of me or next to me.  Some would exuberantly throw themselves into my lap for a quick snuggle as I gave them their blessing.  Others would more shyly approach.  I would lean towards them and whisper words meant only for them into their ear, placing my hand upon their head in the ancient motion of blessing  someone.  I would try to incorporate some aspect of the day's story, but I would also try to make it personal to their lives.  If I knew Ryan had a soccer game and the lesson of the day was how God was with Abram and Sarai everywhere he sent them, I may have whispered "Ryan, may you always remember the Lord goes with you everywhere you go this week, he's with you in the classroom, he's with you on that soccer field, and he's with you as you lay down to sleep each evening. May God bless you and keep you.  Amen."  If one of the children came from a difficult family situation I would incorporate words of blessing that addressed their life somehow.

This was powerful.  In so many ways.  For the little ones, you could visibly see their countenance change as they got up from receiving their blessings and headed towards the door.  They exited into the rest of their week buoyed by the words of love, grace, and God's truth spoken over them.  Many many children would tell us that the blessing was their favorite part of Sunday School.   We live in a culture and a world where critique is everywhere.  Every assignment we turn in, every play on the sports field, every outfit we wear is up for the critique and evaluation of the world around us.  We are all hungry for words of grace and love to be spoken over us. As the one giving the blessings I found myself in awe of the privilege to be one of the voices speaking into these little minds and hearts.  It was powerful, and that experience has stayed with me all these years.  I haven't spoken a blessing over a child since I left Seattle in 2005, yet I've never forgotten those holy moments, that sacred ground when a child expectantly waited for her unique benediction.

My friend Kimberlee is a mom of 4 beautiful children, and is doing an amazing job raising them to love the Lord.  She has carefully & thoughtfully incorporated aspects of the church calendar, liturgy, and rhythm into her family life, and I've learned a lot from her as I've read her blog and her book over the years.  Every night she and her husband speak the words of each child's baptismal verse over them, mark them with the sign of the cross on their foreheads and speak a benediction over them.  I have loved this idea since the moment I heard about it long before Aidan ever existed.

Now that it's my turn to put my little one to sleep I have begun the ritual of speaking a blessing over him as he begins to nurse to sleep in my arms.  I mark his forehead with the sign of the cross, the same way it was marked with the waters of his baptism.  I speak the words of a scripture passage over him--not one particular verse yet, each night it's the words of a different verse, words I want to begin taking root in his little soul.  I long for him to always know the height and depth and breadth of God's love for him.  I pray he will always know that when the waters of life swirl around him they will not sweep over him.  I hope he will never ever forget that the Lord delights in him.  I pray he will be a boy and then a man who will love justice and mercy.   In these moments my ordinary hands, the hands that spend the day wiping a little nose and a little bottom, the hands that wash what feels like a never ending slew of dishes, hands that type words of reflection into a computer--these ordinary every day hands become holy.  As they caress a tiny forehead and smooth back fly away strands of baby hair something powerful happens.  I'm sure Aidan can't feel it, and doesn't realize it, but in these quiet moments of blessing my son I am somehow changed.  My perspective shifts and refocuses.  The frustration of having to tell him twenty times in a day not to touch the DVD player melts away and I remember that in the long run, what really matters is that these holy and ancient words from scripture begin to take root in his tiny heart.  I sit and I rock and I nurse him and I pray.  I pray words of blessing, words of benediction.  And I pray that somehow these moments of grace make a difference--in his life and in my own.

Live for Now

**This was a devotion I gave for our MOPS group this fall, but as I'm reflecting on a new year, it still seems pertinent to what I'm learning these days!

So there is this billboard I keep passing that is a Pepsi ad.  It’s tag line that keeps catching my attention says “Pepsi.  Live for Now.”   The first time I passed it my initial reaction was “that’s kind of what’s wrong with our culture today…everyone running around living for now…living for the moment….doing what feels good and right in the moment with no thought about future consequences or the impact our choices have on our own futures or the futures of others.”  The next several times I drove by it I had the same reaction.  It seemed selfish to me to live for now…this billboard seemed to be saying to me “go ahead, do what you want, life is short, it’s okay to throw responsibility to the wind and live for the moment.”  I didn’t feel like our society really needed more  permission to behave this way, and every time I went by this billboard I found myself irritated at Pepsi. 

I passed it again yesterday and for some reason its message struck me a completely different way—in a way I’m not sure the masterminds behind Pepsi’s advertising intended, but in a way I thought I’d share with you.  I’ve been working on my 2011 Shutterfly scrapbook this past weekend quite a bit, so the events of that year are fresh in my mind and heart right now.  2011 was a bittersweet year if I’ve ever had one, and through the experiences of the year God patiently taught me over and over again to stay in the present, to not worry about, plan or control the future.  In essence, God was teaching me to “live for now.”   

In January of 2011 my husband and I both finished up our masters of divinity degrees from Fuller Seminary, packed up our apartment in Pasadena, said goodbye to close friends and headed north up I-5 to the new townhouse we had just purchased in Seattle, WA.  Charles had just been given the job as youth director at a church there, and I was going to be helping him out, working along side him, using my degree and training as well while we settled in and prepared to start a family.  We moved in Martin Luther King weekend of 2011 and on January 18^th he started his job.  I was looking back on my journal entries of that winter and realized it only took exactly 3 weeks of working at this church before I wrote the words “Lord, did we make a huge mistake?” It’s a long story but we quickly realized the church we were serving at wasn’t exactly the church that had been described to us in the interview process.  The next several months were full of literally working 70+ hour weeks, panic attacks, accidentally trusting the wrong people with information, learning a lot of lessons the hard way, and feeling utterly & completely exhausted and burned out.  And we found out in the midst of all this that I was pregnant. 

We shared our exciting news with the pastor and mentioned that over the next 9 months we might need to make some changes to our current youth schedule, there wasn’t any way we could keep us that kind of pace when a baby was added to our family.  Two weeks later, in mid-june, he called my husband into his office one Wednesday morning.  He was told they had voted at their meeting the night before and had decided that he wasn’t the right youth director for their church, that he was being let go immediately.  

Honestly our first reaction was “oh thank God we never have to go back to that place, it was killing us.”  But our next reaction was “holy crap!  We are 9 weeks pregnant, we just bought a house, we have absolutely no idea what is next!”  Plus, we were hurt.  We were so angry and so disillusioned by everything that had happened in the past 6 months. 

If there are a few adjectives I could use to describe myself it would be “planner,” “control freak” and “not a fan of surprises!”  Needless to say I wasn’t a huge fan of what God was doing.  I kept trying to trust that whatever he had in store for us had to be better, but I wanted so so badly to know the “whats” and “whens” and “hows.”  We started another nation-wide job search, there were no youth director jobs in seattle at that time, so we knew staying there wasn’t going to be likely.  Doors seemed to be closing right and left throughout last summer.  We kept having this feeling that we were waiting for something but we just hadn’t figure out what it was yet.  We did a lot of traveling, spent a lot of time with family, and Charles even spent the whole month of August at a camp in the middle of nowhere in northern Minnesota doing some youth ministry training and a lot of healing.   In mid-September the job here at First Pres literally fell in our laps.  God worked through some amazing logistics and details and circumstances to bring us right back here, not far from where we started our 2011 journey, to a staff full of close friends of ours from Fuller, to a community that has embraced us and our child wholeheartedly from the beginning.  It was an incredible whirlwind of a fall last year—selling our house, moving down here and in with a family from the church for a month while we figured out where we were going to live, getting health insurance switched and finding a new OB at 32 weeks pregnant.  We moved into our apartment over Thanksgiving last year, spent December getting settled, and Aidan was born MLK weekend of 2012—a perfect beautiful bookend to our bittersweet journey of 2011. 

Through it all, the recurring theme kept being “stay in today.  Live for now.  You can’t do anything about your future until I choose to reveal it, so do not worry.”  In the moment, it was excruciating, but for the first time in my life I felt so strongly that God was somehow in control.  God was bringing us through the desert into a place he was preparing for us, and that somehow it was all going to fall into place before this baby arrived.  I swung back and forth between panic and peace.  But I started to slowly understand what scripture meant when Jesus tells us: “²⁵ “do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷ Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life^[e]?  ²⁸ “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹ Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰ If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? ³¹ So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³² For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

Live for now.  We have so many things in life we can get caught up in worrying about.  Finances, health, education, our marriages, jobs…the list goes on and on.  But Jesus invites us to let go of those things, to not live in a state of fear and panic about the future.  He invites us to live in this day.  In this moment.  Maybe not exactly in the way the Pepsi folks meant it when they chose their slogan, but I think by choosing to live in the here and now is our way of saying “okay God, I trust you.  I can’t see around the corner.  I can’t see what’s coming up, and that scares me to death, but I choose to trust you.”  We’re entering a new year…January is almost behind us.  What is looming on your horizons this year that has you worried?  What can we place into the hands of Jesus?  I don’t know that I’ve made any new year’s resolutions this year, but attempting to let go and live in today is definitely one of my focuses.  Will you join me in saying no to worry this year? 

One

Oh little boy, life has completely run away with me and for the past four months I have been meaning to write your monthly updates, but I haven't.  Life with you feels so full and so busy, and I wouldn't change a thing.  One week ago, you turned one.  One year ago I was wondering who you were going to be, who this little person was who kicked me non stop for months and months.  And now I know.  I have a little face and voice and personality and mannerisms that I have come to know and love more than I ever imagined possible.  This first year has been quite the crazy ride, full of ups and downs, joy, laughter, some tears, a lot of middle of the night bonding sessions, many trips, and a whole lot of learning for both of us!

Everyone told me not to blink, that the weeks go by so quickly, and they weren't kidding.  You change and learn something new almost daily, certainly weekly, so that makes it feel even more as if time were racing past.  Somewhere around November, when you were 10 months old, I found myself exclaiming one day "where is the pause button??  I want to keep you just like this for just a little longer!!"  Each stage has brought new delight, new challenges, has endeared you a little more to my heart.  Here is your round up of milestones at your first birthday.

You aren't walking or talking yet, but you love standing and pull yourself up on anything and everything you can reach.  Your balance is improving more and more each day and you'll let go of whatever you're holding onto if you get distracted by something.  Once you realize you're standing alone you immediately sit down, but you're getting more and more steady!  You babble non stop!  If you're awake, you're talking!  Your favorite sound is a repetitive "ma ma ma mama" sound, although you haven't seemed to connect the sound with my name.  You love to clap your hands and wave your arms in a flapping fashion when you hear music or when you get excited.  It's pretty dang precious.  You eat anything and everything we put in front of you--and now that you're one we've introduced peanut butter (which you LOVE and are not allergic to!) and milk (which you don't seem to be such a huge fan of but it's only been two days...)

You are still not sleeping through the night, but you are getting longer and longer with your stretches of sleep.  If I let you cry it out more than I do I'm sure you'd be better at sleeping, but your screaming breaks my heart.  One of these days we'll get back to sleep training you now that all our crazy holiday travel is over!  You love your giraffe lovey that you snuggle with each night, and you love looking at your books (when you decide to sit still for a bit!), splashing in the bath tub, and shoes and socks.  You are obsessed with your shoes and socks.  You bring me pairs of socks when you find them and point to your feet as if you need to be wearing them even if you're already wearing a pair.  My money is on "shoes" being one of your first words.  You also love playing at My Gym, and you will climb anything you find. 

You are no longer afraid to be left in the church nursery--you love having a new room of toys to explore and you've figured out that Mommy will be back.  You've had several baby sitters this past month too and you've done well with them, even letting them put you to bed which is a huge step!

Aidan this year has flown by in so many ways.  Your daddy and I are crazy about you.  I don't think I have ever been so fascinated by anything in my life as I am with watching you learn and grow.  Watching you play with your hands, clapping them, folding them, waving them.  Watching you find your toes and your head and my belly button.  Seeing the delight in your eyes as we walk under a tree that is waving its branches in the wind.  Watching you "dance" to music you hear and with your buddy Ellen on TV each afternoon.  Seeing the wonder in your expression as you pass a puppy dog on the sidewalk.  The list goes on and on.  I'm astounded watching God's perfect little creation discover the world around him.  There are way too many precious moments to record or put into words, from family snuggle times, to reading stories, to traveling, tickling matches, your first Christmas, and your first birthday party.  We can't wait to see how you continue growing and learning, and we have a feeling you are going to keep us on our toes! We love you baby boy!!

There and back again and there and back again and party time!

Every year I hear people lamenting about how busy and stressful and crazy the holidays are--with shopping, cooking, parties, traveling, gift wrapping, standing in line at the post office and a myriad of other tasks that creep onto our to-do lists.  And every year I don't quite understand why people are so stressed out!  Until I experienced trying to do these tasks with an 11 month old.  Ahh.  Now I get it.  Shopping, gift wrapping, planning a Christmas party, baking treats....all are so much harder with a tiny "helper" present!  It was a bit of a full month for us.  We had multiple Christmas parties to both attend and help throw between the staff party, the MOPS party, the youth advisor's party, the junior high party and the senior high party.  We had gifts to buy, gifts to make, gifts to wrap--all of which took place after the munchkin was asleep.  And then we traveled with our sweet little non-sleeper.  Don't get me wrong, it was all worth it, and getting to see both of our families was so amazing, we wouldn't have traded it for anything!  But it's mid-January and I am just now finally feeling as if I'm catching up on sleep!

Our first stop was Minneapolis where Aidan and I headed a few days before Charles was able to take off.  We spent a week there playing with cousins, baking, playing board games, taking turns watching the kids and just generally hanging out.  Aidan loved having Lily & Brooke to play with, and tried his hardest to keep up with them.  He fully explored the lower shelves of Grandma's pantry and tupperware drawers, completely removing every item from these spaces more than once.  He tried his harest to get the baby gate open so he could go down the stairs, and he nearly succeeded.  As Nathan said "that gate has worked fine for 3 years, then Aidan shows up and all of a sudden it's not baby proof anymore!"  (Yes, I think he's a bit of an engineer at one year old already...)  Bath time in Grandma's big bath tub, dancing to Papa's silly turkey, and playing with new Christmas gifts rounded out his time in the midwest.  Because we were traveling on Christmas day, we pretended like the 24th was Christmas day and just moved everything up a day.  Santa came the night of the 23rd, presents were opened throughout the day on the 24th culminating in church that afternoon.  On the morning of the 25th we did something none of us had ever done--the 4 of us "kids" went to go see the movie Les Mis at 9:30 AM.  Rather than popcorn we enjoyed our hot mochas while watching Hugh Jackman and Anne Hathaway bring to life a story we've all grown to love over the years.

Lily spent the week regaling us with her one-liners as only Lily can do.  My personal favorites were: "Auntie Sarah, you are doing such a good job taking care of baby Aidan!" (Thank you Lily, we all need cheerleaders in life!) and "Maybe Gramma Nan is out shopping in heaven." (Maybe, but if you know Gramma Nan, you know that is NOT how she's spending her time in heaven!) and "What are these cookies Grandma?"  "Those are lady fingers."  "Oh.  Well can boys eat them?"  and "Do the stars have eyes?"  "No I don't think stars have eyes."  "Well in the song it says the stars in the heavens look down where he lay. How do they look without eyes?"  I love that kid.  A lot!

We flew home for less than 48 hours, long enough to repack and try to adjust back to west coast time before catching the bus to LAX for our flight to Honolulu!  We were so so blessed by the amazing and generous gift of a week in Hawaii with Charles' family.  There were 17 of us there for a week of sand, snorkeling  exploring, and even some surfing.  Unfortunately several of the crew ended up with the 24 hour stomach bug, but thankfully Aidan, Charles and I had all had it in October and that made us somewhat immune to it.  We discovered that Aidan has a lot of his daddy in him and LOVES the sand and water more than anything.  He went nuts trying to get in the ocean every time he saw it.  We enjoyed an amazing polynesian show, a lovely luau, some delicious wine, grilled steaks, and board games with the older nieces and nephew.  The highlight for me was having amazing family members watch Aidan for an evening so Charles and I could escape to Waikiki for a lovely dinner at the top of a tower there--with amazing views and really good food.  (My husband also picked out and bought a sundress all on his own for me to wear that night--something he's never done before which was so sweet!)  It was so wonderful having so many people there to love on Aidan and care for him--I love that he's able to get to know his family even though we live so far away!  

We had one week after returning home before my family flew in for Aidan's first birthday, and one week to put together a party.  It was a busy week!  I felt like we had suitcases and stuff everywhere, no clue how to decorate a rather unattractive fellowship hall, and a baby who decided to start teething as he was trying to readjust to being back in his own bed and own time zone.  None of us slept much last week!  But his party was so fun, and it was a great weekend celebrating him and the ways he has grown in the past year.  We tried keeping things pretty small and low key--just about 20 people who know us and Aidan well, with homemade decorations from construction paper and photos of him.  We were so blessed to have a great community around us to celebrate this milestone!  

Now life has returned to "normal."  I don't have any more parties (Christmas or birthday!) to plan, our MOPS speaker schedule is finally filled out for the semester, I'm home for several weeks without traveling anywhere, and I don't have an insane to do list.  It feels absolutely luxurious.  I want to write a bit more, I finally picked up my book that I had set down for 3 weeks (our book club meets next Monday and I still have about 240 pages to go!), I want to enjoy days with my little one where I don't drag him on errands--where we can just go for a walk to look at the trees and birds or where I can sit on the floor with him and play with him rather than trying to merely keep him distracted while I quickly get something done.  I'm so grateful for all we were able to do in the past month.  And I am so grateful for this next month of "nothing."  Until I head to Denver over President's Day weekend that is....:)