Weeks 29, 30, 31 & 32...Baby Showers and Uhauls and Boxes Oh My!

Phew! We are done with travel until after this munchkin is born, thankfully! These past couple weeks have been a bit of a whirlwind, full of seeing people I love so so much, but when I got off the plane yesterday here in Burbank my first thought was "no more. I'm done. I just want to stay in one place for at least a full month!" Here's a bit of what myself and our little guy have been up to these past few weeks that I've been ignoring the blog :)

In week 29 our little dude was weighing in at about 2 1/2 pounds (the weight of a butternut squash...perfect for fall...hmm, that sounds good even now...) His little skeleton is growing stronger as his bones are hardening even more and his lungs and muscles are continuing to mature getting ready for life in the real world. Week 29 kicked off with a Halloween party/welcome party that the youth group threw for us, which was a very fun way to start meeting high school students and leaders. Our little guy's first Halloween costume? A jack o lantern (hey I had to take advantage of the belly somehow!)

Also in week 29 I headed east to meet our newest little niece, Brooke, who of course managed to capture my heart in the first few minutes I held her! I had a great long weekend playing with Lily, hanging out with my sister and brother in law, and snuggling baby Brooke as much as I could! I'm not sure when I'm going to get to see them again, baby Brooke might not be as tiny of a baby by then!

Week 30 found our little one the weight of a head of cabbage--about 3 pounds and counting! (I'll be curious to find out how big he actually ends up being!) We mostly hung around Northridge this week, I was able to get our apartment paperwork finalized and we secured a move in date for the week of Thanksgiving. I spent the week arguing with the insurance company on the phone about my eligibility for coverage (they finally got everything straightened out but it took several days and more than one episode of hanging up the phone in tears to do so).

Sunday night of week 31 (the 13th) we flew up to Seattle to get things ready for the rest of our move (taking full advantage of Southwest's preboarding policy for pregnant people!) On Monday Charles and two guys we hired through Uhaul loaded everything we owned into a truck and then he and a friend of ours from Fuller drove the truck all the way down to LA pretty much in one long day (arriving about 3 AM). I stayed up in Seattle for the week with a good friend, and even got to take the train down to Portland to visit one of my best friends there for 2 nights. Saturday of that week my friends in Seattle threw me a baby shower which was fantastic, I am so so grateful to them! It made this whole baby thing feel even more real and immanent--knowing he's going to be using these fun things in not too long! Here are some fun photos from the party :)

The beautiful spread Missy & Heather created for us! Missy made the diaper cake (and then gave me all the newborn diapers--score!) and the delicious (pasteurized!) cheeses (the world's best is Trader Joe's Gouda/Goat Cheese combo. Seriously you have to try this someday), cupcakes and fruit made for a wonderful afternoon snack!Jen, Anu and Karen try to guess whose baby photo they are holding (they were all asked to bring one to the party--it was a lot harder than we expected!)Lynn & Darbee playing the baby photo game

Missy doesn't look like she minds holding Levi for awhile (Karen's super sweet little one!)

Aidan got some super cute outfits as well as several very generous gifts from our registry (that were mostly shipped here to LA which was very thoughtful of them!) This one was picked out just for Charles, it's a baby rash guard that says "I'd Rather Be Surfing" on it :)His first tuxedo :)

Everyone got to put in their prediction as to when he'd be born (date, time and weight), so if you'd like to join in the guessing feel free! I think the official Kennedy household guess is January 18th. (Our due date is the 15th, but the 18th was the first day of work at West Side for Charles, and I just feel like in God's great sense of humor our little man will arrive to book end the year for us--the biggest gift in the midst of the hardest year).

I flew back on Sunday morning, the beginning of week 32 for our little guy and finally on Monday I got to see my new OB. I didn't get a choice, I was just assigned someone through our insurance company, so I was a bit nervous about how I was going to like her, but I was extremely relieved that I did like her and her office staff. I think she's going to be really good, and is going to stay right on top of the rest of my prenatal care. I at least know what hospital I'll be delivering at, who to call in an emergency, and what doctor to expect to see! Knowing those things lowered my stress level immensely! It's been amusing to me how "textbook" my pregnancy has been. Every day I get an email from What to Expect When You're Expecting about what might occur that week, or what you might be experiencing. Almost all of it has been dead on. Heartburn? Check. Dry itchy skin? Check. Achy back? Yup (although moving could have something to do with that!). A little insomnia here and there? Unfortunately, but thankfully not much! Short of breath now that baby is pushing on my lungs? Definitely. None of this stuff is anything to really complain about, I am still super grateful for how easily things have gone, I just find it funny how I'll experience something and think "is this normal?" and literally have an email about it the next day. The only thing I've had to really say goodbye to this trimester has been caffeine. My heart couldn't handle even the small amount I was drinking each morning, so I cut that out based on "Nurse Dad's" recommendation and have noticed a huge improvement. Apparently caffeine, plus a history of heart issues, plus extra blood flowing through my body was a bit too much! I am not sure I even really miss it, and it's definitely worth it to feel a normal pulse again!

Tuesday of this week was finally moving day!! We had hired another couple guys through Uhaul (BEST money ever spent by the way!) to unload our truck into our apartment and then I've spent the rest of the week unpacking and organizing. My dad kept telling me "don't over do it, don't over do it!" and well, I think on Tuesday I overdid it a bit. I was so sore and exhausted by the end of the day I literally couldn't move, even to roll over in bed. So Wednesday I was a bit more careful and have been fine the rest of this week. We spent a lovely Thanksgiving meal with the family we've been with the past 3 years now--a family from the church we used to be at, and we are so grateful for their hospitality!

We got all signed up for our childbirth classes (every Thursday for the next 5 weeks), a basic infant care class, a breastfeeding class, and our doctor wants us to make sure to take an infant CPR class before he's born, so we'll be busy learning in the month of December! Charles had breakfast with a good friend of ours who just had their first baby a couple months ago, and he recommended a book to us that sounds great. Charles was excited to order it and tell me all about it, so we're looking forward to scanning that together too. Lots to learn, but we realize that most of our training will be on the job come January! (Still it's good to know a few things ahead of time!)

That's about it for now! Sunday begins week 33, which seems very crazy to me! We are looking forward to our first week in our new place, finishing the unpacking and getting settled into what will be our "normal" life here in Northridge. We are so grateful to be here and be settling in, and we look forward to what this last month of childlessness holds for us!

Thanksgiving from A-Z 2011

My favorite challenge of the year--I can't believe this is my 6th year doing this, gosh time flies! Every year I try and come up with something I am thankful for that begins with each letter of the alphabet. Sometimes this is easier than others! So without further ado here is this year's list, things I'm thankful for from A-Z. This could be a great family activity--let me know what you all come up with if you try it too!

A: Ancient Words
Every Sunday night at St. Mark's Cathedral in Seattle a group of men from the church choir chant the 30 minute compline service (the prayer service to mark the end of the day). This is a giant cathedral and every week it is packed full of people, mostly between ages 18 and 30, sitting in silence listening to the ancient words of scripture, the Lords Prayer, the Apostles Creed and ancient hymns be chanted over them. Some lay on the cathedral floors, some bring pillows and sleeping bags and lay there resting in the words they hear. Some bring sketch pads and draw as they hear the words sung. We attended several times throughout the year and were always so blessed by this time of silence, getting lost in the ancient words that have sustained the faith of so many for years before us.

B: Brooke Elizabeth
My dear sister brought a new little niece into our lives this year! Brooke Elizabeth arrived October 13 and I had the opportunity to fly out to Rhode Island in early November to meet her--Aunt Sarah is already in love with this little snuggle-bug and wishes she were closer! Watching big sister Lily (now 2) get to know her baby sister is also something I am so grateful for--she is very sweet with "baby Brooke" and melted my heart more than once giving her sister good night kisses!
C: Covenant
In July we were so grateful for the opportunity to join family for the baptism of our sweet niece, Elizabeth Jane in Danville, Kentucky. Jane was adopted into the covenant family of God, and if you know me, you know there is no holy moment I love more than seeing a child marked with the sign of the covenant upon her forehead.
D: Doors
Doors opening. Doors closing. Doors opening again. It's been a strange year, and a really hard year in so many ways--full of uncertainty. But one of our constant prayers has been "God will you please shut the doors that need to be closed." And he did. Jobs we thought we wanted didn't work out, someone else was hired. Jobs we didn't even dream about fell in our laps and doors flew wide open to allow us to move forward--housing was provided, our house sold, health insurance worked out, friends were already part of our new community--it was amazing to watch God work through the opening and closing of doors.

E: Extreme Weight Loss

This sounds strange, I know, but I needed an E and this works :) This past year my husband and I haven't had a ton of free time, but one of the things we found we really enjoyed doing together is watching The Biggest Loser. I don't know why this became "our" show, but it really is one of the only shows we consistently watched together every week. (The Voice was our other show back in the spring!) I am grateful for the inspiring people who are willing to share their struggles and stories on national TV, I'm grateful for what I've learned from the trainers about nutrition and exercise, and I'm grateful for the time every week to sit down and share something fun with my husband.

F: First Presbyterian Church Granada Hills
We are beyond grateful for this new community God has provided for us! This church really is incredible, in so many ways. We are grateful for the senior pastor and his wife--their hospitality towards us and the way they view ministry, family and life. We are grateful that the youth program isn't so overrun with giant events that there is ample time to do things like go to student's games and plays or have coffee with volunteers. We are grateful for Sunday worship--the joyous music that has energy and passion infused in it and the sermons that are relevant and challenging. God has blessed us big time by bringing us to this place.

G: The Good and Beautiful God
In the spring I had the opportunity to lead a 12 week class at our church on this book that I've come to love a lot over the past two years. I loved the opportunity to get to teach a series this long, to be in a weekly relationship with a group of wonderful folks who joined me in reading this book. And I am so grateful for all that I learned about God, and about teaching through this experience.
H: Hospitality
We spent a lot of time on people's couches, air mattresses and guest beds this year! We are especially grateful for the hospitality of our dear friends Ryan, Alethia, Josh and Jenn who hosted us over night (more than once!) We are also so grateful for the family from our new church who took us in for a full month as we apartment hunted and then waited for it to be ready for us to move in. Countless other friends have hosted us for meals over the year, and we have loved our times of fellowship around tables laden with beautiful food. God has blessed us tremendously through the hospitality of friends, both new and old!
I: Interim Pastors

I have been SO blessed this year to get to know two absolutely phenomenal individuals who changed me in many ways.
Bryan Burton is the interim pastor at West Side and professor at Fuller Northwest and he and his wife Caroline were God's saving grace to us numerous times. We'd been there about 6 weeks when they had us over to their home and when we walked in they said "you're safe here, you don't have to filter your thoughts or worry about what we think or might repeat to others. This can be your safe space, we'll be your listening ears." That gift is one we took advantage of many times, and loved getting to know him and letting his thoughts and theology shape us. He is passionate about engaging culture, not running from it, and he calls things like he sees them. Bryan's love, encouragement, and solidarity during our time at West Side is one of the main reasons we made it as long as we did there! We are SO grateful for him!

Heidi Husted-Armstrong is the interim senior pastor at Bethany Presbyterian Church here in Seattle, my "home" church. Heidi began her time at Bethany in January, and when things fell apart at West Side we were so grateful to have a home church to retreat to for worship and the beginning of our healing process. I have to be honest, I don't know too many people who can preach better than Heidi. She is phenomenal, she has a gift that is indescribable. I'd been told by a Fuller professor that if I ever get the chance to attend a church where she's preaching, I should, just to learn from her. I had no idea I'd get the chance to worship at Bethany for several months this summer, and I am SO grateful I did. The sermon she preached on Sept. 11 is still with me, I still think about it two months later. If you have a free half hour, go to this page, and scroll down to the sermon from September 11 called Another Perspective. Listen to it, I promise, you'll be blessed. The other incredible gift Heidi has is pastoral care. Our second week at Bethany after leaving West Side she came up to me, put her arm around me, and just said "I understand God is in the process of re-writing your story, and that it's pretty painful right now. I'm so sorry." Those words have stuck with me for 5 months now. God has rewritten our story, and it has been painful, but meeting with her, hearing her faithfully share scripture each week, and being encouraged by the Bethany community have been such gifts from God this year.

J: Java
One of the best things about being back in Seattle is the plethora of independent coffee shops that exist all over the city. I loved discovering new shops around the West Seattle area, and loved having places to retreat to when life got hectic. Something about being in a quiet coffee shop, the smell of coffee beans, and a perfectly steamed latte with the right amount of foam makes me super happy (and no, Starbucks doesn't usually work for me, too commercialized and usually noisy with blenders going!). So this past year I have been thankful for time spent in local java shops!

K: Kicks and Wiggles!
As tired and sore as I am right now (moving in the midst of pregnancy is a LOT of physical activity to do when hauling around a bunch of extra pounds!) I have really loved being pregnant. I haven't been sick--just tired, which is normal, and I've been fascinated by watching my body grow and change as this little one grows. My favorite thing ever is feeling him stretch, wiggle, kick, and flip in there. I think it is amazing seeing my entire belly move (strange, yes, but amazing!) knowing there's a little person in there who is getting ready to come meet us. Yes, I am grateful for baby kicks and wiggles!

L: Lessons Learned
I kind of feel like my brain is on overload this year! It was a year of learning a LOT--both about ministry and how we've been taught to approach that versus how other churches approach that, but also about life. This year we bought a house, something I'd never done before, and a process that freaked me out at first. But we did it, and I learned a lot about what a mortgage is, how loans work, why down payment sizes matter, and how to get things notarized. Then we moved & I learned all about different moving options (Pods, trucks, rentals, trailers) and how much each costs and how to coordinate all of those things. Then I got pregnant and started learning all about fetal development, nutrition, and pregnancy. Then of course we lost the job and put the house on the market, something else I'd never done before! I learned a lot through that process too, and now we're enrolled in childbirth, infant care and breastfeeding classes throughout the month of December...more learning! It's been overwhelming at times, but I am grateful for having had all these "grown up" experiences that have taught me a LOT!

M: Missy & Mumford
I have 2 "m's" this year :) I have incredible friends. That is one of the constant themes throughout my life, and I am SO grateful for so many of them. This year, my dear friend Missy has been one of God's lifelines to both Charles and I in so many ways. She has hosted us for several meals, but has been a constant listening ear and encouragement. Because she's my one friend who goes to Bethany, she was a huge part in helping both of us ease back into life at a church--inviting and encouraging my husband to go volunteer with her local mission trip team, and reminding me that not all church life has to be draining. I will miss all my Seattle friends so much, but leaving Missy is like leaving a really big piece of my heart behind. I am so grateful to have been able to live another year of life in close proximity to her. (And I love this photo of her my husband snapped at a friend's wedding...gorgeous!)

It's not too often that an entire album a band puts out speaks to me and sticks with me as a favorite for months at a time. Mumford and Sons, although they have been around for awhile, were not discovered by us until early this year. And we were hooked. There is something so soulful and spiritual and raw and real about their album that it speaks to me every time. One of their songs was even used as a worship song on our Houseboat trip this summer (they are not an official "Christian" band, so don't buy this album if looking for something like David Crowder), but they are a group who sings honestly about life, and very spiritual themes. (I will warn you, their song Little Lion Man is not appropriate for children--they cry out with a rawness that many find shocking and off-putting. In the midst of our year this year we found it refreshingly honest and real).
N: Naps
You probably know that exhaustion is one of the main side effects of pregnancy, especially in the first trimester, and I'm beginning to realize later in the 3rd trimester too. I've had mono before, and let me just say it's kind of like that. Sheer exhaustion, even when you sleep for a full night. I took a ridiculous number of naps this year, and I am SO grateful for the time I had to be able to do that! It was great when my energy came back in my second trimester, and I'm finding now that I'm enjoying naps more and more again as I get a little bigger and it takes a bit more energy to do normal things. Something tells me that when this baby is born I will still be thankful for naps!

O: Ordinary RadicalsCharles and I discovered this book this summer, and started using it more faithfully in September when we were back from our August travels. He picked it up as part of the Borders closing sale and thought it would be a fun resource for ministry, for when we have to plan worship services. We didn't realize it would be our saving grace! This book is a guide to daily prayer--a short "liturgy" written for every day of the year, meant to be done in families, communities, or as individuals. We started using this together as a way to start our morning, and for the first time in our marriage we have been consistently praying together, reading scripture together, and being silent together. For some reason, this book works when no other form of devotions done together worked for us (normally we approach quiet times pretty differently). It also has evening prayer outlines that focus on confession, and we're not quite as consistent with those (usually because by bedtime this pregnant mama is beyond exhausted!). We'd highly highly recommend this book to couples, families and individuals--we are so grateful for discovering this book!

P: Prayer WarriorsEveryone should be so lucky as to have kids as amazing as these guys are! One of the things that my sister in law has faithfully done with her kids is pray with them each day, I think in the mornings before they head out the door to school, and she has taught them to pray as well. Our three older nieces and nephew have taught me a lot about persistent and faithful prayer this year. They have prayed for us through every major up and down in our year, and I am absolutely convinced God has heard their requests on our behalf! They've prayed for our job hunt, our moving logistics, a new doctor for me, the right apartment, and for their baby cousin to keep growing strong. Last year when we were visiting in Japan, we visited a Buddhist temple. My 9 year old niece asked her mom if she could pray silently right there and ask God to show the people worshiping there that He was the real God, that they would know who God really is, and that God is not a statue. That kind of intense childlike faith is something I hope she never looses. I am SO grateful for what I've learned being blessed by these prayer warriors this year!

Q: Quiet

One of the best parts for me about our house in Seattle is that it backed up to a creek and a green space and was set back off the road. After living in a noisy apartment complex for so long at Fuller, moving into a house where it was so quiet was such a gift. I had no idea it was possible to fall asleep without sirens as one's background music! That is one thing I will miss living in another apartment complex again...the silence that we so often don't get in our society.

R: Restoration
The week my husband lost his job found us in a bit of a state of shock and numbness. That first Sunday we woke up knowing we were not going back to worship at West Side, so we headed over to Queen Anne to worship at Bethany Pres, the church I call home in Seattle. Words cannot describe what worshiping at Bethany throughout the summer did for my soul. It felt like I was coming home. The people I still knew there welcomed us with open arms. There was no pressure to "do" anything, we were just allowed to come and be. The music, the spontaneous corporate prayer, the silence that fills Bethany's worship services, the down to earth nature of the congregation who shows up in jeans, coffee in hand to worship--all these things were SO restorative to my tired, weary, and disillusioned spirit. I didn't have to put on a smile and pretend to be okay. God used Bethany in so many ways to restore my faith in the church and to renew my desire to be involved in His body.

S: Soup Dates!
Ok this one should technically be my "p" but I already had a pretty good "P" :) One of the things we discovered this year in Seattle is Pho (pronounced pha for those not familiar with this deliciousness). Pho is a Vietnamese soup that we are in love with. Beef broth with thinly sliced meat of your choice (I always choose chicken but there are lots of options), ramen-like noodles, green onions, white onions, bean sprouts, and herbs (I think cilantro and something else?) make up one of our new favorite comfort foods. We had a Pho place a block from our Seattle house and since it's so cheap we often walked down the street for lunch or dinner. I am grateful for Pho!
T: Thirty
In September I turned 30, and heading into my birthday weekend I had no expectation really for any big celebration but my husband and friends went above and beyond! I am grateful for all they did to make me feel loved and special--from breakfast in bed, to a pizza date for dinner, to dinner at the Space Needle, and a big surprise party. It was an amazing weekend!

U: Useless Bay Weekend
One of my favorite places on the planet is Useless Bay on Whidbey Island. It's a very special spot for my family, and I never tire of going there. One of the traditions my friends in Seattle have is going away for a "Girls Weekend" once a year, and this year we were given a place on Useless Bay to enjoy, which was incredible! We cooked for one another, sat in the sun, took walks on the beach, snacked a lot, read, and just enjoyed one anothers company. This was a weekend that was so good for my soul!
V: Victorious

One of the constant themes that I've encountered several times this past year is the idea that no matter how painful life is, Christ is victorious over all the pain, sin and death in this world. That's where our hope lies, in Christ's victory, not in our ability to "rise above" things on our own. I am grateful for this repeated message that has appeared in many sermons I've listened to in the past 11 months.

W: Words of Wisdom
When life feels a bit out of control, I know I start to doubt my own intuition and my own voice. It's as if I assume every decision I make will be wrong because of one other wrong decision made. I think this is probably a pretty human thing. One of the things I have appreciated so much this year are the couple people who have spoken such wise words to us. Primarily, I am so so grateful for the hours my poor parents have spent on the phone with us talking through all kinds of things. They have been the recipient of several tearful phone calls from me this year as it seemed like everything was unraveling around me. Every time we've talked both my husband and I have hung up feeling a bit more confident, able to think a bit clearer than when we were stuck in the spirals of our own thoughts. I especially am grateful for an email my dad sent us when we were discerning about moving back to LA. We knew it would be expensive to live here, but his email reminded us that ministry was a calling first, and that if the church & pastor and vision for ministry was the right fit then that was what we needed to base our decision on, and God would help take care of the finances. We've landed ourselves back in a very expensive city, but with a much greater sense of joy than we had previously. And the fact that he did a rotation in OB this summer as part of his Nurse Practitioner program--he's also been the recipient of many questions throughout my pregnancy and is always able to calm me down after a frustrating doctor's appointment!

X: Xaris
I've used this word in the past, but there are only so many "X" words! Xaris is the Greek word for "grace" and we have been the recipient of some amazing grace this year! We have eaten way more meals at other people's tables than we'll ever be able to repay. We've been hosted on couches, air mattresses, and hide a beds. We were taken in by total strangers for an entire month while we waited for an apartment here in LA. We had a good friend fly up to Seattle just to drive our uhaul down I-5 with my husband so I didn't have to do the drive twice in a month. We've been thrown baby showers, surprise parties, welcome and goodbye parties. We've had family members purchase us plane tickets to family events we otherwise would not have been able to attend. We've had incredible friends spend a lot of their precious time on the phone with us as we've processed our painful year. I even had a friend drive from Portland for one night just to spend time with me and take me to get a pedicure. As I look back I see so many signs of God's grace demonstrated through the friends and family around me, and I am so grateful.

Y: Yes
In the midst of all the chaos and tough stuff in our year, God sent us one resounding "yes!" in the form of a positive pregnancy test taken May 5th. And God has continued saying "yes" as we've prayed for good health for me and for Aidan, for the right medical care to be made available, and for great family support during this time. Finding out your are expecting a child and then loosing your job a month later, having to go through a job search process, sell the house, pack, move, and then unpack and resettle in all in a few months felt like a lot, but every time I felt our little guy move I've been reminded that this is the year when God said "yes" to one of my dreams.9 week ultra sound...our little blob with a heartbeat!
Z: Zelzah Avenue

The street that our new church is on is conveniently named with a Z, as if they knew I'd be struggling with this letter someday and would need a word to use! In all seriousness though, I am so grateful to be living one block from Zelzah (one block from the church--a grand total of a 5 minute walk), and a short walk to the grocery store, Starbucks, Michaels, Menchies (frozen yogurt, my new obsession!) a pharmacy, and a fantastic farmer's market (Sprouts) which are all located on Zelzah. Being back in a place where I can walk to things again is a great gift!

A Song of Reorientation

Disorientation, Reorientation. Feeling lost, discombobulated, confused, sucked into a whirlpool of chaos, followed by a turning right-side up again. We see this pattern over and over again in the Psalms--the psalmist will cry out to God from the midst of a vortex of pain, confusion and fear. He’ll cry to His maker “where are you?? When will you act? Why can’t I find you or hear you or see your face??” His honest, heart-wrenching prayers show us his lostness, in fact there’s an entire grouping of Psalms named by scholars “the Psalms of Disorientation.” These are some of my favorite passages in all of scripture, the prayers that give me permission to cry out to God in the midst of my own disorientation in life.

Thankfully, there is another grouping of Psalms that fill the prayer book of the bible. The Psalms of Reorientation--psalms and songs of praise that turn the confused and lost person back to face the One who is still in control. Prayers and poetry that reorients us and our lives, that helps us turn our faces back towards the One who reminds us that when we pass through the waters of life they will not sweep over us because God is our rock and our redeemer.

As we journey through life I’m learning that it can be difficult to stay oriented sometimes. Life feels chaotic. The world throws a lot at us. Disappointments arise and change occurs sometimes faster than we would care to see. This past year has felt like one giant spiral of disorientation for us. We began work at West Side on Jan. 18, and from day one we found our heads spinning with big events to plan, long-standing traditions to effectively pull off (and not “mess up” as we were told by numerous people), dozens of people to try and keep happy because they all believed themselves to be my husband’s boss, and a system of leadership and power that refused to engage in conversation about anything different, outside the box, or remotely new. By February we were exhausted, and that clear vision that we went in to this church with grew fuzzier and fuzzier. The swirling busyness around us kept us from being able to stay oriented to the vision of youth and family ministry God had given us in our time at Fuller. We found ourselves aimless, disillusioned, and doing everything we could to keep our heads above water. This isn’t to say God hasn’t done, and isn’t doing work within this community, but the way we have come to understand ministry, discipleship, outreach and worship were so vastly different from what was happening there that it became impossible to keep ourselves firmly planted.

The first weekend in June my girlfriends and I went out to spend the weekend on Whidbey Island to retreat away together. As my dear friend, Missy, and I were driving up the island looking for our turn off a song came on her ipod and she said “this is my song of reorientation.” I wasn’t sure what she meant by that and she reminded me of the Psalms--how there are psalms of disorientation and then psalms of reorientation that help us refocus in the midst of feeling lost. She said that this song had become her own personal “Psalm of Reorientation,” and that has stuck with me all these months. The song was called “Our God” and was recorded by worship artist Chris Tomlin. As I listened to the lyrics I found tears springing to my eyes. Life felt so painful at that time (we didn’t know this at the time but it was a week before our time at the church officially ended), and the lyrics of the song washed over my thirsty soul like a beautiful, moisturizing balm.

“Our God is greater. Our God is stronger. God you are higher than any other. Our God is healer, awesome in power, Our God. Our God.”

Simple words. But so true. In the midst of the swirling chaos around us we belonged to a God who was our healer, who was greater and stronger than any power structure, church system, or set of traditions that were thrown at us. As we’ve wrestled through the incredible pain of being abruptly asked to leave a church community, the pain of realizing we trusted people who betrayed us, the confusion of questioning our call to ministry, and the anger and disillusionment we’ve experienced being treated so poorly by someone we thought we could respect in ministry, this song has become a healing chorus for me. I’ve listened to it on repeat a lot, and I’ve come to a place where I am beginning to declare “yes, our God IS greater and stronger and higher and more powerful than anything going on in life.”

Fast forward a few months to October 23, our first Sunday in our new church community. We take our seats and wait for the announcements to be given before we rise to join together for our opening song. A familiar chorus begins to emerge from the pianist’s hands and then the words appear on the screen. “Our God is greater. Our God is stronger. God you are higher than any other...” Two Sundays in a row, our first two weeks here, this was our opening song in worship. Experience after experience has shown us that as we serve here, this place is meant to be a place of reorientation for us. We love it at this church, more than words could ever express. From the schedule and calendar that are in place for the youth department (SO much more manageable for the volunteers and staff!), to the way the senior pastor embraces change, worship, leadership and mentoring, to the refreshing messages we’re hearing every Sunday morning about being open to the Spirit and moving forward and doing church differently.

In the midst of a season of so much chaos and transition and pain we are finding ourselves beginning to feel our feet back on solid ground. We still haven’t moved into an apartment. Our belongings are still in Seattle. I still don’t have a doctor to deliver this baby in 8 weeks. We own nothing for this kiddo other than a box of clothes my grandma has sent. But we are okay with that (most days, some days I cry a lot!). We know that in the next 8 weeks things will continue to fall into place, but more importantly our souls are beginning to find rest. We’re finding ourselves coming out of the whirlpool of the past 10 months, we’re catching our breath, and we’re looking around saying “this feels right again.” Our God is faithful, just as he promised he’d be.

Women Hold Up Half the Sky

There's been a theme that has popped up in my life over and over again in this past year, and I'm not sure what to do with it. It began in January when I had a delightful and leisurely lunch date with my good friend Kelli in LA. She had come up to Pasadena to say goodbye before we moved to Seattle, and we found ourselves talking at length about the California Women's Conference that Maria Shriver organized. Kelli had the opportunity to attend in Oct. of 2010 and she told me story after story of incredible people who came to share their stories, experiences, and passion for seeing women around the world rise up, be given an education, be empowered to say no to sex slavery, have access to basic health care, and begin taking leadership in every area of society. She heard from women such as Justices Sandra Day O'Connor and Ruth Bader Ginsberg about their experiences of rising to two of the highest positions in our country during an era that was skeptical about women in that type of leadership. She learned about the battles they had to fight along the way, the injustices they encountered because of their gender. Kelli heard from Laura Bush, Michelle Obama, Lisa Leslie, and a gentleman named Nick Kristof who co-wrote the book Half the Sky: Turning Oppression into Opportunity for Women Worldwide. I was fascinated. I had no idea a conference such as this existed, and that people around the world really were still fighting for women. And honestly, I really didn't realize just how badly women in some places in this world need people to be fighting for them.

I moved to Seattle and we were thrown into 6 months of chaos where all I really thought about was how to keep my husband a teensy bit sane. I didn't really have energy for thinking, reading, or much else. Then, in May I found out I was pregnant and began learning about the nutrition I needed, the amount of water I should be drinking, the prenatal vitamins that would give my baby the extra vitamins he needed (okay, I knew enough to start taking these a few months before we started trying for a baby, so I already had this one under control), and the prenatal care I would be receiving through my health insurance. I realized how easy it all was. When I was hungry, I had a plethora of healthy options for snacks in my fridge. When I was thirsty (which I was ALL the time in the first few months), I had access to unlimited amounts of clean, filtered water. Because I had been taking prenatal vitamins for several months before trying to conceive, I knew that my baby's chances of having spina biffida from a lack of folic acid in my body were drastically lower than other women worldwide. I started feeling like this wasn't really fair, this wasn't right. Of course I was so grateful to have these resources readily available to me, but there were a few nights I sat down to dinner with tears in my eyes thinking of women who were just as pregnant, just as exhausted as I was having to walk miles for buckets of water to quench their thirst, and then haul them back to the house. Our baby was a conscious choice for us--sure he came along a bit faster than we expected, but we knew that financially we could care for him, and we were intentional about deciding we wanted to begin trying for a family. Thousands of women worldwide are pregnant with their 5th or 6th child because of gang rape, or because of complete lack of access to birth control or family planning education. I don't believe any child is a mistake, but I do realize there are hundreds of thousands of families worldwide struggling to feed the mouths they have, let alone provide for new ones. The injustice of all of this has hit me powerfully these past 7 months, and in the midst of this is when I picked up this book Kelli so highly recommended and dove into trying to understand what women were facing worldwide, and how to best empower them.

Half the Sky is a book everyone needs to add to their reading list, but instead of just adding it to our reading lists, we need to let this book change us. We need to begin opening our eyes to the plight of girls and women worldwide. This isn't just a question of whether we think women should be allowed to lead in government or politics or churches, these are life and death issues that face our sisters around the world. The number of women (and really, girls as young as 12) who die from malnutrition, childbirth, AIDS, who are sold into brothels to pay back the debts their family has incurred, is staggering. With the advent of the ultra sound, in several countries where families are struggling to survive, if they find out the baby is a girl they will abort her because she is deemed to be less valuable to the family. (One person Kristof and WuDunn interviewed joyfully exclaimed to them that "we don't have to have daughters anymore!") Girls are disappearing worldwide, in some countries only counting for 100 births to every 120 boys born (girls are either aborted or left to die upon birth because a family has "no use" for them). If that doesn't cause us outrage I have to wonder what in the world will??

The complete lack of voice and power women in some countries have is devastating to their societies. And it doesn't have to be that way! The main thesis of this book that Nicolas Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn (who won the Pulitzer prize for their journalistic work on this book by the way) put forth is that if we can educate a girl, entire societies can change. The United Nations Development Program summed up the research that is mounting worldwide about this as "Woman's empowerment helps raise economic productivity and reduce infant mortality. It contributes to improved health and nutrition. It increases the chances of education for the next generation." If girls could be kept in school, it's been proven that pregnancy rates drastically fall, and when a girl does marry and have children those children are taught to read and do basic math (since the moms are the ones raising the kids in the home), and those who are able to read have a much better chance of finding access to some other type of income for their families other than selling themselves. Just the pure act of being educated empowers girls to find their voices, to stand up to family members who try and insist on their being sold into marriage with men three times their age. Research is finding that there is a direct correlation between countries that nurture terrorists and those where women are most marginalized. The reason there are so many Muslim terrorists has little to do with the Koran (if you've read the Koran you know Islam is actually a peaceful religion) but rather it has a great deal to do with the lack of robust female participation in Islamic countries. In fact as our own Pentagon has gained a deeper understanding of counterterrorism, it has become increasingly interested in the grassroots projects such as girls' education. Empowering girls, some in our military would argue, would at least in part, disempower terrorists. We talk a lot about national security around here, what would happen if we put some of our energy into raising the standard of living for women and girls (and thus by default the boys born into those countries) in the countries we deem to be the greatest threats to the US at least just a little?

I don't think this is an issue our churches can continue to ignore. What I loved about this book is that its not hard to read. It's not super academic in style, it's full of individual women's stories, and stories of communities changed because of one young woman being empowered somehow. And there is an entire chapter on "how can we help?" with super practical ways--letter writing to our politicians who get to vote on international spending as well as including huge lists of organizations that are all doing something overseas surrounding the issues women face that we can partner with. I'm planning on starting to figure out the whole letter writing thing--what a simple thing we can all do from home to start urging members of our own government to begin paying more and more attention to what's happening worldwide. I wonder what would happen if a woman's ministry program at a church jumped on board with one of these organizations instead of planning another fashion show or movie night? What would happen if groups of women here in America read this book and decided to act? I'm ready to find out. Grab this book, read it, and pass it on to a friend. Our sisters around the world need someone to start advocating for them.

28 Weeks--Hello Third Trimester! And Hello New Home!

Wow! What a whirlwind! One month ago we didn't have any job offers on the table, didn't know where we were moving to (although we knew we'd be leaving Seattle, there weren't jobs available up there), didn't know how all the health insurance would work out/transfer so I could deliver our baby boy in a hospital here in LA, not in the northwest, and had no idea what we were going to do with our house. It's kind of amazing how God works sometimes. A job as a youth director literally fell into my husband's lap (thanks to some great friends who already work at this church and were looking out for us), we flew down, interviewed, were offered the job two hours later, and three days later had accepted. In the past couple weeks we have packed our entire house (except for the furniture being used to "stage" the house for potential buyers), moved all our belongings into our garage and out of cupboards, closets, and drawers, put our house on the market, loaded up what would fit into our car, drove down I-5 and made it from Seattle to LA in less than 2 days, and Charles has now started work at our new church. Phew! No wonder I feel a bit exhausted and disoriented! An older couple from the church has graciously allowed us to stay with them for a few weeks while I apartment hunt for us, and we have already been invited to dinner with a couple our own age in the congregation (we're excited to have friends!).

Our little man is now the length of a Chinese cabbage apparently--about 14.5 inches long I think? He's getting bigger!

Everything about our beginning here has felt different. Everything. Those overseeing the youth program have re-scheduled big events til spring to give Charles a chance to acclimate to the culture and people here before being asked to plan a talent show for the youth (which was on the calendar for Nov.) Which is pretty much the opposite of what happened at our last congregation. They've dialed their program calendar way back to give him time to get his feet wet here, I think our first big event is winter camp in January maybe? (And it's over the weekend of my due date, so I for sure won't be going, and we'll see if he gets to go for a day or something!) We haven't been met by any "threats" of "this is what we always do and you need to do it the exact same way" which has been SO refreshing. Last night was the first junior high youth group we experienced and from the beginning it kind of looked like it was going to be a bit of a disaster. He found out at the last minute that several of his normal volunteers who were going to lead the night couldn't make it, (and he'd never met any of these kids), and that the normal space they do youth group in was being taken over by the children's ministry program folks setting up for a giant Halloween haunted house. Our senior pastor wandered by, immediately acknowledged the chaos, apologized profusely for this being our first experience and said it was fine if the whole evening was a disaster, he wasn't worried, we'd get back into a rhythm next week. That kind of grace practically brought tears to our eyes--the lack of pressure we felt was amazing. And the night ended up going really well--the volunteers who were there said it was fantastic, the kids seemed to have fun, and we'll re-group for next week!

I've spent the week filling out health insurance applications, researching doctors, and apartment hunting. Which has been a bit of a long process, but I actually think I found a place for us last night! I'm taking Charles to see it this afternoon, and if he likes it we'll be filling out an application today. It's 1 block from the church, which is going to be SO helpful with only one car and a baby on the way (especially on those Sundays he needs to be at church for both services--I can walk the munchkin home for naptime and not have to worry about waking him up to go pick my husband up when he's ready to come home--same for bedtime on youth group nights that run late). So I'm keeping my fingers crossed this works out.

Anyways, I think that's about it for now--we have a full weekend of various Halloween related events (have I mentioned that I hate Halloween with a passion? I do. I seriously hate it). and our first high school youth group Sunday evening. We're SO thrilled to be here even though we miss Seattle friends (and I miss the Seattle weather!) already. We'll be back up there in about 2 weeks though to pack up our house and for my baby shower which I am super excited for! It's been so fun looking at little baby things and registering for some of them for this little man :)

And I'll leave you with some way cute photos that make me smile a lot :)

A pumpkin just Lily's size!

My mom finally headed home on Tuesday after 5 weeks in Providence being Gramma--I know she was tired, but I also know she loved the time she got with Lily, and then with Brooke! I love this photo!And my very favorite photo--I LOVE that they are holding hands :)

Have a great holiday weekend everyone! Hope you enjoy Halloween more than I do!

Weeks 25, 26, & 27! Lots of Life Updates!

The 3rd trimester starts on Sunday--that's crazy to me! The second trimester does feel like it was really long--a LOT happened in the past 13 weeks in our lives, so I know we still have a ways to go until we meet our little guy, but we also still have a lot of things in life left to get settled before he arrives, so I'm okay that we have another 13 weeks to go! I realize I haven't written each week in the past few weeks, but here's the scoop on our lives and baby in the past 3 weeks!

Week 25--our little dude hit the weight of a rutabaga. No, I don't know what a rutabaga is or how to cook/eat it, but I do know that a rutabaga is about a pound and a half, and apparently that's what Baby K weighed two weeks ago. This week was discerning week for us, as we headed home from our trip to Los Angeles with a job offer on the table. We loved the church, our new senior pastor, their vision for youth ministry (it actually looks like FUN at this place instead of so much work!), and the idea of being back with friends who know both of us really well. We weren't so sure about the financial piece of living in Los Angeles. We sat with it for a few days, we spent time together in the SPU chapel sitting in silence, separately journaling our thoughts and questions. We researched health insurance rates and rent rates. We received a super supportive email from my dad that week as well, reminding us that the first and most important thing to discern is the call itself. Is this a church and community we can see ourselves part of? Is this is a senior pastor we can work well with who actually will support Charles? Would we be happy living there? He reminded us that if the answers to those questions were "yes" then part of trusting God is trusting that the finances will work themselves out somehow, but probably shouldn't be the #1 reason to turn down an otherwise great job offer. He reminded us that once our little guy is a couple months old I can always look for part time work to help with the bills, something I'd love to do anyway (even if it's taking in someone else's baby while I'm watching ours too, or working part time for a church in the area or for Fuller again). There are ways to make finances work. We learned here that while our financial situation was stable, the church was not and that wreaked havoc on our marriage, our physical health, our emotional health, and even our spiritual health. Choosing a job based on financial stability doesn't seem to be the right answer all the time! We were definitely grateful for his counsel and words of wisdom & support, and after a couple days we accepted the job offer! After 4 months of not being able to answer the "what's next?" question, we were thrilled to share with people that we'll be heading back to a place that was so rich for both of us in our time there.

Week 26! This was a HUGE week for us! Baby has grown as long as an English cucumber (the long skinny ones!) He's busy working on his lung development and the maturing of his reproductive organs, and the little dude has reached about 14 inches long from head to heel.

Baby and I started the week off by spending Sunday afternoon enjoying a day with my girl friends up here celebrating Lynn's upcoming wedding! Seven of us headed over to Bainbridge Island on a ferry for a gorgeous afternoon of wine tasting (well some of us tasted!), wandering the cute town, and enjoying an incredible meal at the restaurant Hitchcock. Everything we ordered was to die for. Their menu is based on what's in season, so everything is ridiculously fresh and gourmet--my kind of place! I enjoyed the ricotta gnocchi (gnocchi are like dumplings made out of flour, and in this case, ricotta) mixed with pine nuts, yellow summer squash, blue cheese and parsley. It was amazing. (This photo is the 7 of us from Darbee's wedding earlier in the summer. I will miss these amazing women like crazy when we do move and have been so grateful for another season of life spent with them here in Seattle).

The other super cool thing we did during week 26 was attend a live taping of a radio show/podcast called The Kindling's Muse. Every month at Hales Pub and Brewery in the upstairs banquet room, a group of people come together to discuss a given topic in the theological world. This past Monday they were discussing Rob Bell's book Love Wins. Dick Staub, local guru of theology and pop culture hosts the show and has usually 3 guests on to talk about the topic of the night. This past week two were Seattle Pacific professors and one was our good friend Bryan Burton, associate pastor at the church we just left and professor at Fuller Northwest. Bryan invited us to come and we jumped at the chance. It was awesome! The audience of about 70 sits at tables and can order food and drinks as they listen (and submit questions to the panel) and the theologians discuss the night's topic. Food, wine, beer, theology, community being formed as guests interact at their tables...we LOVED it! If you're ever bored, check out some of their podcasts, you can listen right on line, and the conversations are fantastic and thought provoking.

Also up in week 26....the infamous prenatal glucose screening. Da da dum. I'd been hearing about this test for years now as friends of mine have experienced it, and I knew the day would come when I too would get to drink the kool aid. For those of you who either had kids way before they did this, or who haven't yet had the pleasure, allow me to enlighten you :) Everyone I've talked to did theirs a bit differently, but mine was a 2 hour process. I headed in to the doctor's office first thing Tuesday morning having not eaten anything since the night before. They drew my blood to see what my numbers were while fasting, and then handed me a 10 oz fruit punch flavored drink with 50 grams of sugar in it (a teaspoon you add to your coffee has about 4 grams of sugar). You have to get the drink down in about 4 minutes and then sit there for an hour when they'll draw your blood again, and then sit for another hour and get a third blood test. It's basically to see how your body is processing sugar while pregnant and to screen for any gestational diabetes. I was doing okay until I visited with the doctor half way through the test and she had me lay down to take the fetal heart rate. When I sat back up the room started spinning and needless to say I lost all the fruit punch in my stomach. Which means, I had to start all over again the next day with the fasting, blood tests, and drinking the kool aid again. Not fun. But day 2 went much better & I do not have signs of diabetes, so for that I am super grateful. I am also grateful to not have to drink that stuff again til baby #2 comes along some day!

On Thursday of week 26 we became Aunt & Uncle again!! Sweet Brooke Elizabeth was born to my little sister! She weighed in at 7 pounds, 9 ounces and is healthy and doing fantastic--praise God! Apparently her birth was a super great experience, exactly the kind of birth experience Megan wanted, and my mom was over the moon that they'd asked her to be in the room this time when Brooke arrived (she and dad were in the waiting room when Lily was born). Dad was on Lily-duty for the day at home and brought her up to the hospital to meet her "baby Brooke" when Megs was out of delivery. So grateful everything went well, and now I'm working on figuring out when I can get back there in the midst of our moving to meet my newest niece!

Lily meets her baby sister and gives her sweet kisses!

This picture pretty much makes me tear up every time I see it. We have an almost identical one of me "holding" Megan when she was born.

A baby sister can never have too many kisses!

Pretty much the happiest Papa in the world! We told him he needs to grow that 3rd arm between now and January for our little one!

Saturday was a day of celebration! We celebrated Lynn & Adam's wedding at probably the coolest venue ever! The top of the Columbia Tower (the tallest building in Seattle) is where their ceremony & reception were held--it was incredible! Such a fun time with friends that continued late into the evening after the wedding at a local bowling alley. This was later that night bowling--I learned that pregnancy can really throw off your ability to bowl. Not that I was great to begin with, but I am usually better than I was!

Also on Saturday was Lily's 2nd birthday! We video chatted and she told us it was "happy birthday Lily's turn!" She told me that she got to eat cake, and open presents and I asked what she got. Her response was "baby Brooke!" Not a bad birthday gift! She also laid down on the bed next to Brooke to show me who was the bigger sister :) Happy birthday sweet Lily, you've made all our lives more joyful and richer than we could ever imagine!

She got a bike for her birthday! And her special "bike hat" that she showed me how she puts on whenever she wants to ride. Such a big girl!

Papa helping her figure it out

Yum! Chocolate cake!

We spent the rest of week 26 packing stuff up and getting our house spotless and staged perfectly for it to go on the market this past weekend. We even have our own website our realtor made us. Wanna buy a sweet townhouse? Click here!

Week 27! Well, technically week 27 just started yesterday so not too much excitement has happened yet! Baby boy is now weighing in at about 2 pounds! (About the weight of a head of cauliflower) and is developing his little brain more and more each day. He's opening and closing his eyes, moving around a TON, listening to our voices, and practicing his sucking reflex by sucking on his cute little fingers. I am eating everything in sight--amazing my husband with my constant requests for seconds. It's our last full week in Seattle together, Saturday we leave to begin our trip south and once we get there Charles will begin work and I'll begin looking for a place for us to live. The church is graciously hosting us with a family for a few weeks until we have a place to call home. Also on the list of things to do immediately? Find a new doctor since we'll be delivering this little one down in LA now. So we're trying to clean out our fridge this week--eating random things for meals because that's what we have on hand, we're seeing some friends, continuing with our packing, and praying someone wants to buy our house soon. That's pretty much it for this week, we're getting more and more excited about our new church and community waiting for us in LA!

Phew! If you're still reading, congratulations! It's been a busy few weeks, but we are so grateful our little man is healthy, kicking around in there, and growing just like he should!