A few of my favorite things...2015 year end edition

When I was first out of college and living in Seattle trying to decide what I was supposed to do with my life, I was hired by 4 different moms who were all friends to come spend a few hours a week in each of their homes with their kids.  They were pretty much all stay at home or work from home moms, but I would come in to just give them a break.  They would run errands, grab lunch with a friend, get a hair cut, or hide in their bedroom napping while I hung out with their babies.  They would tell me all the time that me being there helped them be better moms.  I totally didn't get it.  But now that I have little ones who need something from me All. The Time. I absolutely get it.  We don't have a large baby sitter budget.  I can't hire someone 10 hours a week to be there while I'm off grocery shopping, but I'm learning the value of splurging on a sitter once a month or so on a day where I don't have to go to work or a meeting.  I'm splurging this morning.  I am hiding in a coffee shop with a book, my laptop, my beautiful new day planner for this new year, and time to simply sit and reflect on this past year.  And I've stopped feeling guilty about that.  Self care is vital for anyone but especially for people who care for little ones around the clock!  So as I sit in the quiet I find myself thinking back over this past year and all the things, large and small, that made it what it was.  Adding a baby to our family obviously impacted and changed the landscape of daily life for us, but there were other things that I want to remember as I look back at 2015.  Some silly, some little, but these are the habits, favorite things, tools, and items that I discovered this year I'll want to remember when I look back.

Reading: It's funny when I look at my book journal to see what I read this year and when I did all my reading. I managed to read 28 books this year, mostly while nursing at various hours of the day and night, but there were definitely peaks and valleys in my book habits this year.  I read a ton on various vacations with my folks this year because I had help with the kiddos and wasn't interrupted every five minutes.  But apparently I didn't finish a book between October at mid-December.  I have 4 started but none that have been finished.  Maybe because of holidays, birthday parties to throw and other late fall busyness!  I read a ton of Liane Moriarty's books this year--now having read all of hers that have been published.  I took a break from parenting books, and didn't read much theology this year.  As I look back on my list the titles that stand out as favorites were mostly non-fiction.  The Boys in the Boat is probably the best book I read this year in terms of one I could not put down.  It was this book that made me let my preschooler watch an extra show each day just so I could read without being interrupted because I HAD to know what happened.  Such an unexpected book to fall in love with but I cannot recommend it highly enough!  Orange is the New Black was another non-fiction book that has stuck with me--giving an inside look at the prison system that saddened me a great deal and brought to light things I had never thought of before.  My favorite fiction of the year was probably The Girl You Left Behind by Jojo Moyes or Big Little Lies by Liane Moriarty--both were wonderful stories I got completely lost in.

Watching: Charles and I finished watching The West Wing at some point this past year, and knowing how much I loved it a friend of mine gave me season 1 of The Newsroom as a new baby gift back in December.  It's also written by Aaron Sorkin and I adored it!  I haven't seen the other 2 seasons but I LOVED the first one.  Late this fall we decided we needed another show to binge watch together and started Friday Night Lights.  We are into season 3 right now and both so sucked in--such a great show that I admit took me most of season 1 to feel really committed.  Over Thanksgiving weekend we flew through season 2, watching 3 episodes a night after the kids went to bed.  On my own when he isn't home I'm jumping around between re-watching Parenthood on nights when I just need something familiar to multi-task to, and The Good Wife which I am loving but have to be in the mood to concentrate in order to watch.  I'm only in season 1 so I'm still figuring out the characters and plot lines.  Thank you netflix and amazon prime for making it way too easy to get sucked in to stories!  Nashville is the only "live" show I still watch weekly--this is the year of Connie Britton apparently!

Listening: It was the year of discovering the wonderful world of podcasts.  The number of times a week I start a sentence with "on this podcast I was listening to..." is kind of ridiculous!  I got sucked in with the launch of the Sorta Awesome podcast back in the spring--Megan Tietz and her cohosts do such a fun job every week, and it's through this show that I've found so many new book recommendations, tv shows to check out, recipes, and great ideas.  Can't recommend this one enough! I've discovered other shows I listen to every week as well--The God Centered Mom podcast gives me a great boost of encouragement in my parenting, The Happy Hour with Jamie Ivey introduces me every Wednesday to other women who are making a difference somehow in this world, The Popcast with Knox McCoy and Jamie Golden makes me laugh as I learn about various popculture references I otherwise wouldn't have time to look into, and The Big Boo Cast (BigMama and BooMama) with two of my favorite bloggers never fails to make me laugh.   I listen as I do dishes, fold laundry, do the evening pick up after kids are in bed, or while my little ones are in nap/quiet times and I'll just say podcasts have made my year and the mundane tasks of caring for a home so much more thought provoking and enjoyable!

Other favorite things from 2015: Plan to Eat.com  This is something I heard talked about on so many podcasts this year and finally in November I checked it out.  It's a subscription based website (I think it's $40 a year, but I got it on black Friday for $20 for a year) that lets you import all your recipes from various places around the web--Pinterest, people's blogs, your email account, recipe books) to create ONE online space for consolidating all your favorite meals.  Then each week you drag and drop your recipes onto a calendar to create your menu plan and it automatically creates your grocery list for you.  All I have to do is go through the list and mark off the items I already have and then add the staples we're out of and I'm all set to head to the store (the list can show up on your phone).  I love it.  I love having one space for all my recipes and how easy it is to menu plan rather than scrolling through numerous pinterest boards or cookbooks.  I still love my cook books and if I try a recipe I like I take the time to add it to my plan to eat recipe box so it's right there the next time I want to plan a menu.  If menu planning is stressful for you, I'd recommend checking it out!

My new boots.  I've never owned boots before.  Now I do and I'm kind of obsessed.

She Reads Truth.  This app for my phone and website is an absolutely beautiful and wonderful way of doing daily devotions.  There are all kinds of different series available through the app--their advent one was gorgeous, I've done some short series on hymns of the faith, and their January series begin a study on Genesis.  I can't recommend this app enough!  The devotions are short enough to be do able for a mom while nursing a baby, in line at car pool pick up or while laying in bed with a little one at night.

My new Eco Vessel water bottle.  I got so so tired of water bottles leaking, not fitting in my cup holder, and sweating all over everything.  So I actually devoted time to research and found a bottle I am kind of crazy about.  It fits in my cup holder, it's dual insulated and keeps ice frozen for 24 hours, has a wide mouth for filling with ice but a separate smaller mouth piece for drinking.  I adore it.  I pretty much take water everywhere I go so it was absolutely worth the investment to get a bottle that didn't drive me bonkers!

Caribou Coffee's stainless steel coffee tumbler. If you have a friend who loves coffee and is about to have a baby I'm starting to think that rather than gifting baby blankets or onesies a new mommy might appreciate a treat for her.  And for me with baby number 2 I realized quite quickly that I NEVER got to drink a cup of coffee while it was remotely warm.  So when I was at my parent's back in February I splurged on a dual insulated coffee tumbler for myself and oh my goodness!  It keeps my coffee warm for hours!  Which is pretty much how long it takes me to drink a cup these days...Definitely one of my favorite things of 2015.

EPantry.com:  I discovered e-pantry through the Sorta Awesome podcast and I think the fact that I love it so much makes me a bit of a nerd.  But I'm okay with that.  It's an online company that sells natural cleaning products and household products like soaps, detergents, paper products, hygiene items and so forth.  After a few months of you ordering various things it starts to intuit when you'll run out of something and add it to your next month's order (you get an email before the order ships so you can always go in and add or remove something you do or don't need).  I love that it's a small business, and tries to bring high quality natural items to you for a discounted price.  And I'm a nerd enough to love it when a new box of cleaning products arrives on my porch :)

I'm learning that life is made up of a few big moments but a lot of tiny, mundane every day moments like drinking coffee, cleaning our homes and preparing meals.  As I look back at 2015 these are simply the things I found that I loved, things that made life a little easier, sweeter or more fun in our household.  Happy New Year friends!

Stuff I'm Into (Summer 2015)

I always think that one of these months I'll get back in the swing of writing--that words will come back to me eventually.  Clearly that hasn't happened yet--the sleep deprivation and exhaustion of two tiny ones clamoring for my attention day and night seems to have zapped a bit of my ability to concentrate on much of anything these days.  I know it's for a season, and I'm trying hard not to be frustrated and wish it away, but for now it means a lot of things that used to bring me so much joy like writing are taking a backseat.  A blogger/author I like to read has two young boys and managed to publish a book.  By getting up at 4 am every day to write before her kids woke.  I want to publish a book someday but I think I like my sleep in this season more than I care to be a published author!   But I do still enjoy jotting some thoughts down every so often, more to remind myself of what life looks like right now than for any other purpose.  So without further ado here are the things making me smile, keeping me entertained, or occupying my time these days.

Podcasts:  When Aidan was a baby I found I watched so much more TV when I was home with him.  I could see it from the kitchen and it kept me company in the background as I cooked or cleaned.  The way our house is set up now however, I can't see the television from the kitchen or bedrooms, which means I never ever turn it on.  I have to be completely finished with all chores and ready to simply sit and watch to do so, and that never happens!  So this past spring I've discovered the wonderful world of podcasts--almost like short radio shows you can choose and listen to.  I can't remember which one I listened to first, or how I came across the ones I now love, but any time the boys are napping or playing on their own I have an episode of something playing on my phone as I move about the house folding laundry, doing dishes or picking up toys.  My favorites tend to be in the genre of other Christian women chatting with folks from around the internet and book world on various topics.  Sorta Awesome with Megan Tietz comes out weekly and covers a variety of topics from personality typing to hospitality to summer fun with young kiddos. 
Inspired to Action with Kat Lee is always so encouraging
to me as a mom, especially when I'm feeling tired or like I'm failing somehow.  She interviews other moms, bloggers, and authors on topics like friendship, finding rest and self care in the midst of motherhood, fitness, marriage, and simplifying the home. The Simple Show with Tsh Oxenrider is always fun--she interviews guests like Shauna Niequist, Emily Freeman, and many other speakers, authors and bloggers.  She and her family of 3 kids just returned from a 15 month journey around the world, so many episodes center around travel and travel with kiddos which I find super fascinating.  The Happy Hour with Jamie Ivey is also in the similar style as the above shows--I love these women and the conversations they bring to me as I am home with my boys.  I think I realize that I need to hear thoughtful, encouraging, and interesting conversation throughout the day to give me the patience I need to engage in non stop 3 year old conversation without going nuts. 

Summer Bites (and sips!): It's toasty outside!  I've discovered a couple new favorite meals and beverages this summer that are helping us beat the heat!  When I was in Minneapolis my mom was into making gin and tonics each evening as she cooked dinner.  For some reason I'd never tried one but I'm pretty hooked!  It's definitely my favorite beverage this summer--I don't make them often but it's a fun treat when I do.  My other big beverage this summer is that I finally figured out how to make perfect iced coffee and have been enjoying this delicious caffeinated treat every afternoon.  I have been using this method and then have been pouring half a glass over ice and adding fat free half and half and a splash of vanilla creamer.  Amazing.

My two favorite for the grill recipes this summer are two that were both sent to me by friends.  And I've now made them for many folks, all who love them equally as much as Charles and I do!  The first is a fun way to make chicken ka bobs.  These chipotle chicken kabobs with the avocado cream dip are to die for.  The dip is amazing on anything--we made chicken burritos with the leftover chicken and dip the next day and they were incredible.  The other recipe we are in love with right now came from my sister who tried these and immediately sent me an email saying her family gobbled them up and we had to try them.  So we did.  And now have introduced others to them as well.  These Strawberry Jam and Goat Cheese Turkey Burgers may change your life.  I know, they sound bizarre, but the combination of flavors works perfectly--think Thanksgiving leftover sandwich--the turkey, a fruity spread (cranberry relish would be great too!), and something creamy (goat cheese....yum!).  Plus bacon.  Anything with bacon is good.  Try them, I promise you won't be disappointed. 

Another fun warm weather treat in our house is homemade Popsicle/smoothies/yogurt pops we've been making and freezing.  I have these silicon ice pop molds from amazon and it's been fun coming up with new things to fill them with.  Freeze for awhile and you have your very own squeeze pop of whatever you've made.  We've tried freezing greek yogurt of various flavors, smoothies, and other fun things.  Such a great and healthy treat when it is hot outside!


Books: I have this book journal where I write down the title and date of all the books I've read in the past couple of years, and I can always immediately pick out the times I was in Minnesota based on looking at this journal because I always have several books read in a very short amount of time!  I read a bunch in June, but my favorite was probably the book Orange is the New Black by Piper Kermann.  It's the true story that the Netflix show is based on.  I thought Piper's story was fascinating, so well written, and I loved the way she wrote about the other women in prison with such grace and dignity.  My eyes were opened to the federal prison system in so many ways.  I did come home and watch the first episode of the show and decided I couldn't quite handle the graphic depictions of things she merely glosses over and mentions in passing in her book.  So I decided it wasn't going to be my new binge watching show, but I did love the book. 

The other book I have read so far this summer that I can't stop talking about is Boys in the Boat: 9 Americans and their epic quest for gold at the 1936 Berlin Olympics by Daniel James Brown.  I knew next to nothing about crew or rowing when I picked this up.  I don't usually read a lot of biographies or historical fiction, but I checked this out from the library on the recommendation of a few others.  I could not put it down.  I had no idea reading a play by play of a crew regatta that happened decades ago could have me on the edge of my seat, literally holding my breath at times.  I had no idea how fascinating the role of propaganda in the 1936 Olympics was--how Hitler was on a mission to convince the world that Germany was this highly educated, perfectly run, beautiful society who would never commit any atrocities.  I had no idea how hard these young men had to work to put themselves through college in the midst of the Great Depression to be able to continue rowing.  It tells the story of the University of Washington freshmen crew team who is assembled in 1934--none of them had ever held an oar.  They were all strong young men, sons of dairy farmers and loggers in the Northwest, and they went on to become what is, to this day, probably the best crew team that has ever existed.  I loved this book.  Loved it.   

The other subject I've been really digging into is the idea of simplicity and simple living.  I've read several books lately on this subject, and have started really thinking through the belongings we have in our home.  With two little ones it is going to take me months, but my goal is really to work through every closet and cupboard looking at what we have and what we really need.  I started in the kitchen this past week and so far have 5 shopping bags full of items I literally have never used in years.  It feels amazing to see cleaned cupboards, blank spaces, and only things on my shelves I know I love and use regularly.  Like I said, it's going to take forever, but my goal is to keep moving through the house room by room asking these questions--what brings us joy?  What do we really use?  What do we need?  Who else might be able to benefit from some of these things?

Watching: Thanks to my new-found love of podcasts I don't watch TV hardly at all, but I did decide my husband and I needed a new show to enjoy together.  We loved watching The West Wing together, but since Asher's been around we haven't watched anything.  For good reason--I go to bed when the kids do many nights!  But this past month we started Friday Night Lights, and we both really love it--although at the rate we're going it's going to take forever to get through.  I also like having one show I'm watching on my own some evenings when I'm home alone, and so I just chose The Good Wife as my next show.  I've gotten through 2 episodes and really like it, but again, it's not like I'm going to fly through it in this season of life!  Maybe once this little person learns to go to sleep at night and STAY asleep for longer than 2 hours I'll be able to watch more TV....but until then I read a lot of books on the kindle app on my phone as I rock a baby in the dark.

Other things I'm loving:  maxi skirts, watermelon-colored toes, my baby reaching for my face just to hold it between his hands, my 3 year old's obsession with Jesus and all things heaven right now, mama friends who are always available via a text message to offer encouragement in the midst of sleep training, my new tomato, pepper and basil plants I've managed to keep alive thus far, dreaming about speaking topics for our church's women's retreat this fall, and ice cream.  Always lots of ice cream.  How about you? What are you loving this summer??

Let Us Be People of Easter

A devotion I wrote and gave to MOPS this week:

 

Friends it’s a joy to proclaim to you this morning that He is Risen!  I know it’s easy to think Easter is over--Target quickly put away the plastic eggs, obnoxious Easter grass that gets all over everything and doesn’t vacuum up easily, and marked down all the leftover peeps, but in the life of the Christian church we’re still smack in the middle of the Easter season.  I used to teach a class for children ages 4-6, and it was a program called Godly Play, where we taught children how to worship, how to participate in the life and liturgy of a congregation and we used to help them recognize and celebrate the various seasons of the church year.  We would explain to them when they saw the purple banners and cloths show up in the church it meant we were in the season of Lent, the 6 weeks before Easter, and that purple meant we were waiting for something huge to happen--Easter was so important it took us 6 weeks to get ready for it!  But what many people don’t realize is that the 7 weeks after Easter are called the Easter season--we’d tell the kids that easter was SO huge, was SO important to our faith that one sunday wasn’t nearly enough to celebrate it fully, the church needed 7 sundays where we would proclaim “he is risen! he is risen indeed!” to one another every week.  Many congregations have lost that practice, using those words, “he is risen” only one week a year, but i wish that was something we could reclaim.  Because those words matter.  They’re game changing, life changing words, history changing words.  And many of us only hear them once a year.  But i want to tell you again today that He is Risen.  Or as my 3 year old likes to run around saying “he is risen and fabulous!”  We have absolutely no idea where those words came from, but I love them.  Jesus is risen and fabulous.  

Jesus is risen.  But that doesn’t mean everything is perfect, it doesn’t mean life is without hard times.  We heard three incredible stories two weeks ago from our friends who freely shared about very difficult times in their lives.  Life is messy.  Life is downright painful at times.  There is a constant mixture of the beautiful and the bitter, and Jesus’ resurrection does not promise to take away the bitter as much as we wish it would.  At least not here, not now, not yet.  Shauna Niequist calls this life bittersweet, the idea that in all things there is both something broken and something beautiful--a sliver of lightness on even the darkest night, a shadow of hope in every heartbreak.  That if everything in life was sweetness, it would rot our teeth and our souls.  The bitter is what makes us strong, what forces us to push through, what helps us earn the lines on our faces and the calluses on our hands.  Sweet is nice enough, but bittersweet is beautiful, full of depth and complexity, it’s courageous, gutsy and earthy.  It’s the bitter parts of our stories that allow us to sit with one another, to reach out when we see others suffering a similar pain we’ve endured.  It is after having walked through those bitter moments and seasons in life that we are able to utter what I’ve come to believe are two of the most powerful words in a friendship.  The words “me too.”  Me too.  I’ve been there too.  You’re not the only one who has been so sleep deprived you’ve considered walking away from your kids.  Me too.  You’re not the only one who has been so fed up with a spouse that you’ve found yourself entertaining the question “do I want to do this for the next 50 years?”  Me too.  You’re not the only one who has worried over the health of a loved one, or grieved in the emergency room over the loss of someone dear to you.  Jesus is risen, but life is still messy, and walking through those messy times gives us the privilege of proclaiming to one another “you are not alone in your messy and bitter moments.”  

But friends, here is what the resurrection of Jesus does promise us.  It promises us that our messy, sometimes painful and bittersweet life won’t be that way forever.  The book of Revelation promises us, in what might be one of the most hope-filled passages in all of scripture that one day all suffering will end.  I believe that one day we will stand before the throne of God and never again will we hunger.  Never again will we know the scorching heat of the sun.  Never again will we shed a tear, in fact I believe it with all of my heart that one day God will wipe away every tear we have ever shed from our eyes.  Because Jesus is alive we have this hope.  I believe that the same Jesus who was put to death on a cross 2000 years ago is alive again today, and because he is risen we have hope.  One day there won’t be any more depression, there won’t be any more cancer, there won’t be any more drunk driving accidents, one day there will be a cease-fire forever in war torn parts of this planet.  Life is still messy friends, sometimes life is downright painful but I believe with all my heart that Jesus is alive and because he is alive we can live with hope.  

My favorite song-writer, poet, prophet, is the late Rich Mullins, who died tragically way too young.  But he left behind a treasure-trove of words that over and over again point me to Jesus, and to the hope we have in him.  One of my favorite songs of his is called If I Stand, and the chorus says

 

So if I stand let me stand on the promise

That You will pull me through

And if I can't then let me fall on the grace

That first brought me to You

If I sing let me sing for the joy

That has born in me these songs

But if I weep let it be as a man

Who is longing for his home

Friends because Jesus is risen we have the promise of another home someday. The resurrection does not mean we will never grieve here on earth.  It does not mean everything in our lives will be springtime and sunshine and roses.  But because of the resurrection we can say “i know this isn’t the end.  I know in my head, even if I don’t always feel it in my heart, that someday I won’t cry anymore, someday my loved ones won’t suffer.  As i look at the world around me I HAVE to believe that, I have to believe the pain in this world isn’t how God intended life to be.  Even in the midst of dark times, may we be people of Easter.  People who can help proclaim to one another that Jesus is risen, and because of those 3 words, everything in our lives will be made new someday.  We can grieve, cry, laugh, dance, fight, make up, parent our kids, care for our loved ones, and walk through the ordinary everday moments with great hope.  Jesus is risen friends, he is risen indeed.  

 

What We've Been Into (Winter 2015)

It's been quite awhile since I last linked up with the lovely Leigh Kramer's blog for her monthly "What I'm Into" posts, but I have a few minutes and am finally emerging a little from the newborn fog to be able to attempt some blogging.  It's the end of March, which means here in LA it feels like June would for most of the country.  It's already been hot, dry and we're hearing reports of our incredible lack of water that already plagues our state.  Seeing as how we're in the midst of adjusting to life with a newborn (he's now 3 months old!  I guess that doesn't make him a newborn anymore??) we haven't had much time to be "into" that much.  I mostly do a lot of this each day:

and to be perfectly honest, I wouldn't trade these moments for the world.  It's unbelievable to me how quickly these 3 months have flown with a busy 3 year old to keep up with.  But in addition to snuggling the happiest baby ever, here are some of the things I am loving these days.

Reading:
I have managed to do a bit of reading these past few months, mostly as I'm nursing a little one, although unlike with my first son where I could read all day, I now have a 3 year old to entertain while I feed the baby--which means my reading total is MUCH less than if I were to write this post after 3 months with baby #1!  I've read 4 books in the past 3 months:

All the Light We Cannot See: This one is at the top of everyone's reading list, the NY Times lists and book club picks.  And I honestly did not love it.  At all.  Like I think I actually said to my mom one day "good lord is this war ever going to end so this book can be done??"  Yes, there were some beautifully written moments, but the whole thing dragged out SO long for me, and I couldn't stand the way he kept jumping between time periods.  I found myself confused a lot and on a kindle it's hard to flip back and forth.  Not my new favorite read.

Leaving Time by Jodi Picoult: This one was a page turner for me, as most of Jodi's books are.  I didn't love the end, it was a twist I REALLY didn't see coming, but I did like the mystery and the story.

The Girl You Left Behind by Jojo Moyes:  Moyes is maybe my new favorite author obsession.  I've now read 3 of hers and really have enjoyed all of them--the way the stories are written keeps me turning pages and staying up too late!  This one was a WWI story that connected with modern day through a particular piece of art and it was a really fun read.  I just started One Plus One by the same author and am hoping it will be just as well written!

Organized Simplicity by Tsh Oxenrider: I've started thinking a lot about our space and our possessions and have really enjoyed her blog, so I bought her book and found it helpful in thinking through what we own and why.  We've been on a major purging kick lately and her book has been really influential in that!

Watching:
Lets be honest.  I haven't had time to watch much of anything in 3 months.  As soon as my kiddos are asleep I am generally heading to bed myself to function on the getting up every 2 hours to feed routine we're on here.  I've decided my next binge watching show is going to be Friday Night Lights. And by binge watching I mean I've watched 2 episodes in 3 weeks.  At this rate I'll be looking for a new show in 2017.  One of my best friends gave me season 1 of The Newsroom when Asher was born because she knew how much I loved West Wing (Aaron Sorkin wrote Newsroom).  I FLEW through it in the first three weeks of his life--while the grandparents were all still here to help. Oh my gosh I loved that show! I pretty much think Aaron Sorkin is the best writer around.  Ever.  I still love Nashville and have been faithfully following it--just a week or two behind usually.  I thought the ending Parenthood was phenomenal--one of the best series finales ever written.  I did discover we get HGTV when Asher was born--I had no idea we had that many channels on our TV (this should prove we never watch it in our house!).  So since then I've found myself zoning out in front of Love it Or List It when I have a half hour before bed to unwind.

Listening:
One of the things I have started doing lately is listening to more podcasts while I fold laundry or cook.  My new favorite is The Art of Simple by Tsh Oxenrider--each episode finds her chatting with someone from the blogosphere about whatever their topic is. Her guests are usually people I've already been reading and am interested in, and they just chat!  It's so fun to listen to and I have gotten some fun recommendations from hearing what they're chatting about.

My freezer:

So most of you knew that before this baby arrived I spent 2-3 months filling a chest freezer with meals I could simply heat and serve.  I made simple things like lasagnas, enchilada casserole, chili, spaghetti sauce with meatballs, ravioli bakes, and a few other soups.  I also made big batches of breakfast burritos and waffles and muffins to have simple breakfasts on hand for both myself and our 3 year old.  Words cannot express what a lifesaver this has been.  I have no idea how I would ever get food on the table each night if I didn't have the main dish already taken care of.  We still have quite a few meals left, and then for baby shower gifts and Christmas gifts I had asked for gift certificates to Dream Dinners, a company that basically lets you come in and prepare your own freezer meals to take home and store, so I can easily restock the freezer.  It's been amazing pulling something out to defrost, and only worrying about adding a salad, bread, or other vegetable as a side dish.  My new advice to expecting moms, don't worry about reading parenting books as much--no kid seems to fit the book!  Buy a freezer and fill it with your free time instead!

That's about what we've been into lately--trying to nap as often as possible (when our 3 year old will let me!), go to bed early, and snuggle this baby as long as I possibly can before he gets big too!  Happy Easter friends, may you find joy celebrating the resurrection with your loved ones!

A Sunday Morning Confession

"Mommy where are you? Mommy what are you doing? Mommy can you play with me?!" The demands never end.  There's a baby crying to be fed, a husband who can't find his car keys, a three year old who NEVER. STOPS. TALKING. EVER.  I look around at the mess I sit in the midst of, the kitchen floor that has seen much better days, the collection of toys and books that somehow never make it back onto their shelves, the three baskets of laundry--clean, but unfolded, sitting in the living room, and I sigh.  The lack of hours in a day, the to do list that gets longer, not shorter, the sleep deprivation and diapers and meals to prepare--it seems to pile up around me faster than I can do anything about it.  And then there is the inadequacy I feel as I stare down a very stubborn preschooler--battling over nap times and whether he is actually going to sit in his time out or his inability to STOP THROWING THINGS!  I realize I am not trained.  I don't have the answers to 100 million questions a day.  I have no idea how to respond when I tell him "no" and he says "but I like to!"  And I sit with my inadequacy and realize I actually AM inadequate.  Not in a self-pitying way, but in an "I am desperate for help, I don't know how to do this" kind of way.

So I do the only thing I can in this moment on this Sunday morning before we head off to the 11:00 service.  I pop another episode of Thomas onto the TV downstairs.  I crank the baby swing up and let Asher drift off to sleep.  I pour another cup of coffee, shove the crumbs off the table and onto the floor (really, what's a few more on an already crunchy floor?), move the Cheerios box over and I open my bible that has gathered way too much dust in the last couple months.  I don't have a clue where I'm turning to or what I'm looking for, I just know I need help and Jesus promises to be near when we call on him.  I confess my fears and frustrations.  I tell him I'm not sure how to do this, I'm not sure I can do this.  And the whisper comes "you can't.  Not on your own.  Will you stop relying on your own strength and knowledge?  You don't have what it takes.  But I do."  Isn't that the truth?  No matter what our calling or task in life, don't we always think we can do it on our own strength?  When will I learn to turn to Him FIRST instead of to bail me out after I've dug too deep?  He actually is enough, and he actually does know what he's doing.  Jesus calls us to trust Him, to trust that whatever we face in life He is bigger and greater than our troubles.  Whether we run a church, oversee a Fortune 500 company, or change diapers and tie little shoes all day we don't have to go it alone.  May we invite him into our week this week, into the tiny and mundane tasks that are on our to do list, into the meals we prepare and the conversations we have and the time outs we administer.  Jesus is calling us to walk with Him, are we willing to make the space to listen?

The Voices of Facebook

When we were growing up it seemed as if everyone gave up one of two things for Lent: chocolate or soda (or other forms of caffeine, but most middle school students didn't drink coffee in the mid-90s--the frappaccino hadn't been invented yet or something!). Nowadays one of the most common Lenten "sacrifice" among my friends is Facebook (or other social networking platform--I am not a twitter user but I would imagine that is in the same camp).  I have given up Facebook in the past, and some years have found that tougher than others. I do miss out on event invites, viral videos and the occasional big news post. It really has become our culture's primary form of communication in many ways, and for many reasons I really love it. However I always am surprised by how many things about Facebook I don't actually miss each year, and each year something different seems to strike me. One year I noticed I was so much more content with life. I wasn't constantly comparing myself to other's photos or events. I was content to simply live my life in the present with the people around me and wasn't worrying about what anyone else was doing.  There was a lot of freedom in that! Every year I am always struck and embarrassed by how much free time I have without it--especially since we can access it from our phones no matter where we are. I have read 2.5 novels while nursing and rocking Asher since Lent began where I hadn't read even one in the 8 weeks since he was born. For a reader and wanna-be writer like me that is embarrassing! What could I possibly be reading on Facebook that is more enriching than getting lost in a beautiful story??

This year something new is striking me. I am not missing the crowd of voices and opinions we are inundated by every time we log in--giving us constant feedback and commentary on our lives.  Facebook is an incredible tool to connect people and get ideas. I love asking "what new restaurant should we try tonight?" and getting a ton of suggestions. I love asking if anyone has an item I could borrow or if people know the best plumber in the area. I have received amazing ideas and suggestions from my fellow facebookers! However one thing I have noticed a lot this past year is the tendency of some folks to immediately want to offer their advice and opinions with every post that gets put up--even when I haven't asked for anyone's thoughts or feedback. I totally get that if I post a question like "hey I am starting potty training, any advice?" then I am going to get all kinds of opinions, ideas, and even dissension from folks. But opinions and advice, and even criticism especially in the realm of parenting, are given even if no question is asked.  

And I absolutely get it, I do! Once you have survived/mastered/figured something out about parenting it is so easy to want to share that with others--even when they haven't asked for your opinions. I am so guilty of the same thing--freely offering advice of what I think someone should do instead of waiting to be asked. Something that I think is different about being a young mom today than even 15 years ago is that we are absolutely inundated with parenting opinions, suggestions and debates because of the rise of social media. I literally cannot sign into Facebook without a blog post popping up having something to do with motherhood or discipline or school choices or potty or sleep training--it's completely overwhelming to be honest. Whose voice do we listen to? Which "expert" advice should I be following? And that is all before people comment on my individual photos or status updates with advice or opinions!  It is absolutely no wonder to me that my friends and I talk all the time about being constantly confused, doubting all of our choices, living with the knowledge that we are always wrong, no matter what we do because someone in the blogging world or someone on Facebook has felt the need to point out our errors or how their way was better.  

I wonder what would happen if everyone who used social media asked themselves a couple questions before posting or responding to someone.  First, "is what I am about to say encouraging to this person?"  We live in a world FULL of negative commentary, and I wonder how it would change things on line if we intentionally tried to be encouraging of one another instead of critical?  Maybe mom's old saying needs to be brought back to light: "If you can't say something nice, do you need to say anything at all?"  Second, and this one is something that I know for a fact other young moms would appreciate as well because we have talked about it--if we haven't specifically asked for parenting advice or ideas, maybe consider not sharing your opinions right away.  Maybe a conversation about our parenting choices is better had in person, or at the very least in a private message, not necessarily on our public Facebook pages.  I think most of us have been hurt in some way, shape or form in our online conversations, and I just wonder if maybe we were all a bit more intentional about being encouraging, disciplining ourselves to withhold criticism, especially when it comes to something as personal as parenting, and choosing to be a positive voice in the online world, what kind of difference could that make?  It's a challenge I want to accept myself, and pray that maybe others might join me to bring a little bit of light to other's lives (or status updates!).

Just Keep Showing Up

While visiting my parent's church this morning I had taken up my usual post these days--standing in the narthex bouncing a baby while listening to the service on the speakers in the ceiling.  As I stood gently shushing and bouncing my little guy, attempting to convince him to close his eyes, I heard two things that caught my attention.  The first was the unmistakable  hiccuping and shaky breaths of a toddler trying to stop crying.  The second was an angry sounding dad.  I turned to look and saw a little boy of about two being carried down the hallway in his dad's arms while his dad gruffly said "you just blew it in church big time.  You'll be lucky if I ever let you back in church again!"  I have no idea what the little guy did, what drastic offense was committed to warrant such a response, but my heart caught in my throat as I heard these words.  Everything in me wanted to remind this dad that the one place his little guy SHOULD be able to mess up is in church!  Imagine if that were our philosophy.  "You can come in here to worship, but ONLY if you haven't messed up."  I would think there would be an awful lot of empty pews on Sunday mornings.  There is grace.  There is so much grace at the altar of our Lord.  And oh I wanted to tell that little boy it was okay.  He could have another chance.  Jesus wants to see him there next week.  And the next.

Now I understand the desire to train our children to behave properly in worship.  I agree, it's important, and my husband and I are doing our best (and failing fairly miserably most weeks) at helping our 3 year old make it even through the children's message without causing a disruption. I was the kind of kid that quietly sat through a full length live musical at the age of 2.  Sitting through church each week wasn't that difficult for the most part. But my little one...well he's another story.  To be honest, there are some weeks, if I'm solo with the two boys, that it's just easier to take him straight to his Sunday School room rather than deal with a preschooler's antics in a relatively quiet sanctuary.  But week after week we keep trying, knowing that someday he will be able to sit until the children's sermon.  And then someday he'll be able to sit until the sermon.  And then through the sermon.  Because I want my boys to learn proper behavior, I want them to learn to discipline themselves and quiet their bodies, hearts, and minds to enter into worship.  That day will come, I have no doubt.  More than that though, more than I want my child to sit quietly, I want him to know without a shadow of a doubt that when he feels like he has messed up big time in life, the church is the one place he can always go.  I want him to know our Heavenly Father is waiting with open arms for him to show up week after week, wiggles and all, to clap along with his extended family of faith, to loudly shout amen! a half second after everyone else does because that's the only word of the prayer he knows.  I think sometimes adults need to see little ones in worship to remind them of a few things in life.  Worship doesn't always have to be such a solemn and serious occasion.  Laughter, joy, dancing, and loud cries are all found throughout scripture as worship is mentioned.  God has a sense of humor!  He gave us the gift of laughter and I fear that in many communities this gift is often put on the back burner in favor of more "serious" behavior.  I also think we need little ones who misbehave in worship because we need to see that in God's eyes, our own behavior isn't any different.  We all mess up.  We all speak when we should be silent at times.  We all say the wrong thing at the wrong time.  Jesus promises us we won't taste the kingdom of heaven until we adopt the posture of a child--curious, open hearted, exuberant, honest, and trusting.  Those things belong in worship, and I fear many of us have set these things aside as we have aged in effort to be proper and well-behaved.

Last Sunday our little guy bolted down the center aisle in the middle of the service and daddy had to chase him for a full lap around the sanctuary as a song was sung--Aidan laughing gleefully the whole time.  After the service I was so touched when several folks came up to me and said "that was awesome, we need more spontaneous moments like that, that was the best thing! You're doing a good job mom, just keep coming, keep trying."  I hope that little boy from this morning hears that message from somewhere, that he learns Jesus is always saying to us, no matter how old we are, "keep coming my child, keep trying, you're doing great, just keep showing up, wiggles and all."

Gratitude

One of my new year's plans was to post a photo a day onto Facebook of things I'm thankful for--and it really was such a fun challenge to get me thinking.  But the reality is that I've spent FAR too much time on Facebook since having Asher--mindlessly scrolling at all hours of the day as I nurse him, and not really reading or doing anything else I could be doing instead.  So I knew when Lent rolled around I needed to say goodbye to Facebook for awhile.  It was time to re-set some limits and boundaries with social networking.  Instead of posting daily photos there, I'm going to try keeping a list, and add some photos to it each week of things I've been grateful for in the past 7 days.  This week, I'm grateful for:

The fact that my freezer is fully stocked.  We have had 2 weeks now with no one feeding us, and every single day I am grateful that I just have to pull something out, add a vegetable to the side and maybe some bread.  Best thing I ever did to prepare for this baby!

Husbands who will say "I'll figure out dinner for us honey" and then proceed to grocery shop and cook teriyaki burgers while I am out with friends.  

Grandparents who like to snuggle

The way Asher dreams in his sleep, making puppy noises, smiling and almost laughing to himself.  

A conversation with Aidan:
"Mommy can I watch TV while you make dinner?"
"Sure, you can watch a bit."
"Can I snuggle you?"
"Well I need to make dinner but I can snuggle you for a few minutes."
"I need to snuggle you for 10 minutes mommy because I really love snuggling you."

Celebrating Luke & Sienna's 3rd and 4th birthdays with our community of friends.

New recipes that are a hit, a table full of color from bountiful produce.

Asher's cheeks.

Friends who come over in the evening when your husband is working to help put your kids to bed because you haven't quite mastered the art of bedtime with two.

A 3 year old who wants so badly to learn the names of all your friends.  And everyone we meet in the grocery store.

A husband who does the most amazing job with bath time, bed time and prayers.  

Baby thigh rolls--so in awe that my body is feeding and sustaining his body in an incredible miraculous way to create these adorable little rolls on his body.  

The way my lips fit perfectly into the space between my boy's two eyes, on the bridges of their noses.

Rosy cheeks and runny noses from an afternoon of sledding.

Two months old

First laughs

The chance to sit at a table and eat as much as I want until I am full while others jump up and attend to the needs of my kiddos.  

A few hours a day to sit and read while I snuggle a baby by the fireplace.

A family who likes to play.

Living Life Around a Table

It's not a secret if you are my Facebook friend or have read any of my writing on here that I adore feeding people, having people over for dinner, sharing conversation around a table.  Before we had kiddos that had to be put to bed, I loved nothing more than having another couple or two over, pouring another glass of wine, letting the dirty dishes just sit until late into the evening as we shared stories, laughed, and lived life together.  I think food brings people together in a powerful way, and I think a table is a beautiful symbol of community.  Bread and Wine by Shauna Niequist is one of my all time favorite books, and it's about this very thing--how amazing it is when people connect with one another over food and around a table.  Now that we have little kids, dinner parties look a bit different!  There is a flurry of unloading sippy cups, finding extra booster chairs, cutting entrees into bite sized pieces and then wrangling everyone to the table to fold hands and pray together.  We eat quickly, with the dads usually having to get up from the table first to chase little ones into the play room in order to referee preschool squabbles.  They chat as they build race tracks and set sharing timers.  My friends and I finish eating and begin the kitchen clean up, nursing babies and packing up the sippy cups before it gets too close to bedtime.  Leisurely conversation isn't really part of our evenings these days, it's chaos but it's still connection, and it's so so important.

One of my goals for Lent is to make sure we make these connections once a week--with different families, but still inviting people to our table.  The food won't be fancy--most likely it will be one of the meals pulled from my freezer with a salad added, but I'm learning that's okay.  Life doesn't always have to be fancy and not every season in life is made for wine glasses and burning candles on a table.

Last night I had the chance to sit around a table until way too late into the evening having my soul filled.  The leadership team from our MOPS group a year ago got pretty close, and back in November we randomly got together one evening at one of our homes.  We each brought an appetizer, we wore sweats, nothing was fancy or really even homemade (thank you Trader Joes!).  We sat around a dining room table for 3 hours simply sharing life.  We laughed until our stomachs hurt, we chatted about raising babies, husbands, books we've loved and even how to be prepared for the next earthquake.  It fed us.  That evening someone said "we need to do this again.  How about once a quarter?"  So last night it was my kitchen table we sat around until almost 11.  People brought trader joes appetizers, I baked slice and bake cookies, we wore yoga pants and sweat shirts, and I spent a good chunk of the evening bouncing my 8 week old as we chatted, and when I climbed into bed that night my heart was so full.  It's not very often moms get to have uninterrupted conversations, but when the 6 of us gather around a table we do.

Jesus invited us to his table, he told us to break bread and share it with one another and remember him as we do.  He promised that where two or more are gathered in his name, he is among them.  We broke pita last night and dipped it into lentils and olive tappenade.  We poured sparkling water and tap water, we passed plates of cookies and bowls of fruit salad.  And he was there, right in our midst, as we laughed, asked questions, shared stories and headed home with both our bellies and our hearts feeling filled.