The Voices of Facebook

When we were growing up it seemed as if everyone gave up one of two things for Lent: chocolate or soda (or other forms of caffeine, but most middle school students didn't drink coffee in the mid-90s--the frappaccino hadn't been invented yet or something!). Nowadays one of the most common Lenten "sacrifice" among my friends is Facebook (or other social networking platform--I am not a twitter user but I would imagine that is in the same camp).  I have given up Facebook in the past, and some years have found that tougher than others. I do miss out on event invites, viral videos and the occasional big news post. It really has become our culture's primary form of communication in many ways, and for many reasons I really love it. However I always am surprised by how many things about Facebook I don't actually miss each year, and each year something different seems to strike me. One year I noticed I was so much more content with life. I wasn't constantly comparing myself to other's photos or events. I was content to simply live my life in the present with the people around me and wasn't worrying about what anyone else was doing.  There was a lot of freedom in that! Every year I am always struck and embarrassed by how much free time I have without it--especially since we can access it from our phones no matter where we are. I have read 2.5 novels while nursing and rocking Asher since Lent began where I hadn't read even one in the 8 weeks since he was born. For a reader and wanna-be writer like me that is embarrassing! What could I possibly be reading on Facebook that is more enriching than getting lost in a beautiful story??

This year something new is striking me. I am not missing the crowd of voices and opinions we are inundated by every time we log in--giving us constant feedback and commentary on our lives.  Facebook is an incredible tool to connect people and get ideas. I love asking "what new restaurant should we try tonight?" and getting a ton of suggestions. I love asking if anyone has an item I could borrow or if people know the best plumber in the area. I have received amazing ideas and suggestions from my fellow facebookers! However one thing I have noticed a lot this past year is the tendency of some folks to immediately want to offer their advice and opinions with every post that gets put up--even when I haven't asked for anyone's thoughts or feedback. I totally get that if I post a question like "hey I am starting potty training, any advice?" then I am going to get all kinds of opinions, ideas, and even dissension from folks. But opinions and advice, and even criticism especially in the realm of parenting, are given even if no question is asked.  

And I absolutely get it, I do! Once you have survived/mastered/figured something out about parenting it is so easy to want to share that with others--even when they haven't asked for your opinions. I am so guilty of the same thing--freely offering advice of what I think someone should do instead of waiting to be asked. Something that I think is different about being a young mom today than even 15 years ago is that we are absolutely inundated with parenting opinions, suggestions and debates because of the rise of social media. I literally cannot sign into Facebook without a blog post popping up having something to do with motherhood or discipline or school choices or potty or sleep training--it's completely overwhelming to be honest. Whose voice do we listen to? Which "expert" advice should I be following? And that is all before people comment on my individual photos or status updates with advice or opinions!  It is absolutely no wonder to me that my friends and I talk all the time about being constantly confused, doubting all of our choices, living with the knowledge that we are always wrong, no matter what we do because someone in the blogging world or someone on Facebook has felt the need to point out our errors or how their way was better.  

I wonder what would happen if everyone who used social media asked themselves a couple questions before posting or responding to someone.  First, "is what I am about to say encouraging to this person?"  We live in a world FULL of negative commentary, and I wonder how it would change things on line if we intentionally tried to be encouraging of one another instead of critical?  Maybe mom's old saying needs to be brought back to light: "If you can't say something nice, do you need to say anything at all?"  Second, and this one is something that I know for a fact other young moms would appreciate as well because we have talked about it--if we haven't specifically asked for parenting advice or ideas, maybe consider not sharing your opinions right away.  Maybe a conversation about our parenting choices is better had in person, or at the very least in a private message, not necessarily on our public Facebook pages.  I think most of us have been hurt in some way, shape or form in our online conversations, and I just wonder if maybe we were all a bit more intentional about being encouraging, disciplining ourselves to withhold criticism, especially when it comes to something as personal as parenting, and choosing to be a positive voice in the online world, what kind of difference could that make?  It's a challenge I want to accept myself, and pray that maybe others might join me to bring a little bit of light to other's lives (or status updates!).