What We've Been Into (Winter 2015)

It's been quite awhile since I last linked up with the lovely Leigh Kramer's blog for her monthly "What I'm Into" posts, but I have a few minutes and am finally emerging a little from the newborn fog to be able to attempt some blogging.  It's the end of March, which means here in LA it feels like June would for most of the country.  It's already been hot, dry and we're hearing reports of our incredible lack of water that already plagues our state.  Seeing as how we're in the midst of adjusting to life with a newborn (he's now 3 months old!  I guess that doesn't make him a newborn anymore??) we haven't had much time to be "into" that much.  I mostly do a lot of this each day:

and to be perfectly honest, I wouldn't trade these moments for the world.  It's unbelievable to me how quickly these 3 months have flown with a busy 3 year old to keep up with.  But in addition to snuggling the happiest baby ever, here are some of the things I am loving these days.

Reading:
I have managed to do a bit of reading these past few months, mostly as I'm nursing a little one, although unlike with my first son where I could read all day, I now have a 3 year old to entertain while I feed the baby--which means my reading total is MUCH less than if I were to write this post after 3 months with baby #1!  I've read 4 books in the past 3 months:

All the Light We Cannot See: This one is at the top of everyone's reading list, the NY Times lists and book club picks.  And I honestly did not love it.  At all.  Like I think I actually said to my mom one day "good lord is this war ever going to end so this book can be done??"  Yes, there were some beautifully written moments, but the whole thing dragged out SO long for me, and I couldn't stand the way he kept jumping between time periods.  I found myself confused a lot and on a kindle it's hard to flip back and forth.  Not my new favorite read.

Leaving Time by Jodi Picoult: This one was a page turner for me, as most of Jodi's books are.  I didn't love the end, it was a twist I REALLY didn't see coming, but I did like the mystery and the story.

The Girl You Left Behind by Jojo Moyes:  Moyes is maybe my new favorite author obsession.  I've now read 3 of hers and really have enjoyed all of them--the way the stories are written keeps me turning pages and staying up too late!  This one was a WWI story that connected with modern day through a particular piece of art and it was a really fun read.  I just started One Plus One by the same author and am hoping it will be just as well written!

Organized Simplicity by Tsh Oxenrider: I've started thinking a lot about our space and our possessions and have really enjoyed her blog, so I bought her book and found it helpful in thinking through what we own and why.  We've been on a major purging kick lately and her book has been really influential in that!

Watching:
Lets be honest.  I haven't had time to watch much of anything in 3 months.  As soon as my kiddos are asleep I am generally heading to bed myself to function on the getting up every 2 hours to feed routine we're on here.  I've decided my next binge watching show is going to be Friday Night Lights. And by binge watching I mean I've watched 2 episodes in 3 weeks.  At this rate I'll be looking for a new show in 2017.  One of my best friends gave me season 1 of The Newsroom when Asher was born because she knew how much I loved West Wing (Aaron Sorkin wrote Newsroom).  I FLEW through it in the first three weeks of his life--while the grandparents were all still here to help. Oh my gosh I loved that show! I pretty much think Aaron Sorkin is the best writer around.  Ever.  I still love Nashville and have been faithfully following it--just a week or two behind usually.  I thought the ending Parenthood was phenomenal--one of the best series finales ever written.  I did discover we get HGTV when Asher was born--I had no idea we had that many channels on our TV (this should prove we never watch it in our house!).  So since then I've found myself zoning out in front of Love it Or List It when I have a half hour before bed to unwind.

Listening:
One of the things I have started doing lately is listening to more podcasts while I fold laundry or cook.  My new favorite is The Art of Simple by Tsh Oxenrider--each episode finds her chatting with someone from the blogosphere about whatever their topic is. Her guests are usually people I've already been reading and am interested in, and they just chat!  It's so fun to listen to and I have gotten some fun recommendations from hearing what they're chatting about.

My freezer:

So most of you knew that before this baby arrived I spent 2-3 months filling a chest freezer with meals I could simply heat and serve.  I made simple things like lasagnas, enchilada casserole, chili, spaghetti sauce with meatballs, ravioli bakes, and a few other soups.  I also made big batches of breakfast burritos and waffles and muffins to have simple breakfasts on hand for both myself and our 3 year old.  Words cannot express what a lifesaver this has been.  I have no idea how I would ever get food on the table each night if I didn't have the main dish already taken care of.  We still have quite a few meals left, and then for baby shower gifts and Christmas gifts I had asked for gift certificates to Dream Dinners, a company that basically lets you come in and prepare your own freezer meals to take home and store, so I can easily restock the freezer.  It's been amazing pulling something out to defrost, and only worrying about adding a salad, bread, or other vegetable as a side dish.  My new advice to expecting moms, don't worry about reading parenting books as much--no kid seems to fit the book!  Buy a freezer and fill it with your free time instead!

That's about what we've been into lately--trying to nap as often as possible (when our 3 year old will let me!), go to bed early, and snuggle this baby as long as I possibly can before he gets big too!  Happy Easter friends, may you find joy celebrating the resurrection with your loved ones!

A Sunday Morning Confession

"Mommy where are you? Mommy what are you doing? Mommy can you play with me?!" The demands never end.  There's a baby crying to be fed, a husband who can't find his car keys, a three year old who NEVER. STOPS. TALKING. EVER.  I look around at the mess I sit in the midst of, the kitchen floor that has seen much better days, the collection of toys and books that somehow never make it back onto their shelves, the three baskets of laundry--clean, but unfolded, sitting in the living room, and I sigh.  The lack of hours in a day, the to do list that gets longer, not shorter, the sleep deprivation and diapers and meals to prepare--it seems to pile up around me faster than I can do anything about it.  And then there is the inadequacy I feel as I stare down a very stubborn preschooler--battling over nap times and whether he is actually going to sit in his time out or his inability to STOP THROWING THINGS!  I realize I am not trained.  I don't have the answers to 100 million questions a day.  I have no idea how to respond when I tell him "no" and he says "but I like to!"  And I sit with my inadequacy and realize I actually AM inadequate.  Not in a self-pitying way, but in an "I am desperate for help, I don't know how to do this" kind of way.

So I do the only thing I can in this moment on this Sunday morning before we head off to the 11:00 service.  I pop another episode of Thomas onto the TV downstairs.  I crank the baby swing up and let Asher drift off to sleep.  I pour another cup of coffee, shove the crumbs off the table and onto the floor (really, what's a few more on an already crunchy floor?), move the Cheerios box over and I open my bible that has gathered way too much dust in the last couple months.  I don't have a clue where I'm turning to or what I'm looking for, I just know I need help and Jesus promises to be near when we call on him.  I confess my fears and frustrations.  I tell him I'm not sure how to do this, I'm not sure I can do this.  And the whisper comes "you can't.  Not on your own.  Will you stop relying on your own strength and knowledge?  You don't have what it takes.  But I do."  Isn't that the truth?  No matter what our calling or task in life, don't we always think we can do it on our own strength?  When will I learn to turn to Him FIRST instead of to bail me out after I've dug too deep?  He actually is enough, and he actually does know what he's doing.  Jesus calls us to trust Him, to trust that whatever we face in life He is bigger and greater than our troubles.  Whether we run a church, oversee a Fortune 500 company, or change diapers and tie little shoes all day we don't have to go it alone.  May we invite him into our week this week, into the tiny and mundane tasks that are on our to do list, into the meals we prepare and the conversations we have and the time outs we administer.  Jesus is calling us to walk with Him, are we willing to make the space to listen?

The Voices of Facebook

When we were growing up it seemed as if everyone gave up one of two things for Lent: chocolate or soda (or other forms of caffeine, but most middle school students didn't drink coffee in the mid-90s--the frappaccino hadn't been invented yet or something!). Nowadays one of the most common Lenten "sacrifice" among my friends is Facebook (or other social networking platform--I am not a twitter user but I would imagine that is in the same camp).  I have given up Facebook in the past, and some years have found that tougher than others. I do miss out on event invites, viral videos and the occasional big news post. It really has become our culture's primary form of communication in many ways, and for many reasons I really love it. However I always am surprised by how many things about Facebook I don't actually miss each year, and each year something different seems to strike me. One year I noticed I was so much more content with life. I wasn't constantly comparing myself to other's photos or events. I was content to simply live my life in the present with the people around me and wasn't worrying about what anyone else was doing.  There was a lot of freedom in that! Every year I am always struck and embarrassed by how much free time I have without it--especially since we can access it from our phones no matter where we are. I have read 2.5 novels while nursing and rocking Asher since Lent began where I hadn't read even one in the 8 weeks since he was born. For a reader and wanna-be writer like me that is embarrassing! What could I possibly be reading on Facebook that is more enriching than getting lost in a beautiful story??

This year something new is striking me. I am not missing the crowd of voices and opinions we are inundated by every time we log in--giving us constant feedback and commentary on our lives.  Facebook is an incredible tool to connect people and get ideas. I love asking "what new restaurant should we try tonight?" and getting a ton of suggestions. I love asking if anyone has an item I could borrow or if people know the best plumber in the area. I have received amazing ideas and suggestions from my fellow facebookers! However one thing I have noticed a lot this past year is the tendency of some folks to immediately want to offer their advice and opinions with every post that gets put up--even when I haven't asked for anyone's thoughts or feedback. I totally get that if I post a question like "hey I am starting potty training, any advice?" then I am going to get all kinds of opinions, ideas, and even dissension from folks. But opinions and advice, and even criticism especially in the realm of parenting, are given even if no question is asked.  

And I absolutely get it, I do! Once you have survived/mastered/figured something out about parenting it is so easy to want to share that with others--even when they haven't asked for your opinions. I am so guilty of the same thing--freely offering advice of what I think someone should do instead of waiting to be asked. Something that I think is different about being a young mom today than even 15 years ago is that we are absolutely inundated with parenting opinions, suggestions and debates because of the rise of social media. I literally cannot sign into Facebook without a blog post popping up having something to do with motherhood or discipline or school choices or potty or sleep training--it's completely overwhelming to be honest. Whose voice do we listen to? Which "expert" advice should I be following? And that is all before people comment on my individual photos or status updates with advice or opinions!  It is absolutely no wonder to me that my friends and I talk all the time about being constantly confused, doubting all of our choices, living with the knowledge that we are always wrong, no matter what we do because someone in the blogging world or someone on Facebook has felt the need to point out our errors or how their way was better.  

I wonder what would happen if everyone who used social media asked themselves a couple questions before posting or responding to someone.  First, "is what I am about to say encouraging to this person?"  We live in a world FULL of negative commentary, and I wonder how it would change things on line if we intentionally tried to be encouraging of one another instead of critical?  Maybe mom's old saying needs to be brought back to light: "If you can't say something nice, do you need to say anything at all?"  Second, and this one is something that I know for a fact other young moms would appreciate as well because we have talked about it--if we haven't specifically asked for parenting advice or ideas, maybe consider not sharing your opinions right away.  Maybe a conversation about our parenting choices is better had in person, or at the very least in a private message, not necessarily on our public Facebook pages.  I think most of us have been hurt in some way, shape or form in our online conversations, and I just wonder if maybe we were all a bit more intentional about being encouraging, disciplining ourselves to withhold criticism, especially when it comes to something as personal as parenting, and choosing to be a positive voice in the online world, what kind of difference could that make?  It's a challenge I want to accept myself, and pray that maybe others might join me to bring a little bit of light to other's lives (or status updates!).

Just Keep Showing Up

While visiting my parent's church this morning I had taken up my usual post these days--standing in the narthex bouncing a baby while listening to the service on the speakers in the ceiling.  As I stood gently shushing and bouncing my little guy, attempting to convince him to close his eyes, I heard two things that caught my attention.  The first was the unmistakable  hiccuping and shaky breaths of a toddler trying to stop crying.  The second was an angry sounding dad.  I turned to look and saw a little boy of about two being carried down the hallway in his dad's arms while his dad gruffly said "you just blew it in church big time.  You'll be lucky if I ever let you back in church again!"  I have no idea what the little guy did, what drastic offense was committed to warrant such a response, but my heart caught in my throat as I heard these words.  Everything in me wanted to remind this dad that the one place his little guy SHOULD be able to mess up is in church!  Imagine if that were our philosophy.  "You can come in here to worship, but ONLY if you haven't messed up."  I would think there would be an awful lot of empty pews on Sunday mornings.  There is grace.  There is so much grace at the altar of our Lord.  And oh I wanted to tell that little boy it was okay.  He could have another chance.  Jesus wants to see him there next week.  And the next.

Now I understand the desire to train our children to behave properly in worship.  I agree, it's important, and my husband and I are doing our best (and failing fairly miserably most weeks) at helping our 3 year old make it even through the children's message without causing a disruption. I was the kind of kid that quietly sat through a full length live musical at the age of 2.  Sitting through church each week wasn't that difficult for the most part. But my little one...well he's another story.  To be honest, there are some weeks, if I'm solo with the two boys, that it's just easier to take him straight to his Sunday School room rather than deal with a preschooler's antics in a relatively quiet sanctuary.  But week after week we keep trying, knowing that someday he will be able to sit until the children's sermon.  And then someday he'll be able to sit until the sermon.  And then through the sermon.  Because I want my boys to learn proper behavior, I want them to learn to discipline themselves and quiet their bodies, hearts, and minds to enter into worship.  That day will come, I have no doubt.  More than that though, more than I want my child to sit quietly, I want him to know without a shadow of a doubt that when he feels like he has messed up big time in life, the church is the one place he can always go.  I want him to know our Heavenly Father is waiting with open arms for him to show up week after week, wiggles and all, to clap along with his extended family of faith, to loudly shout amen! a half second after everyone else does because that's the only word of the prayer he knows.  I think sometimes adults need to see little ones in worship to remind them of a few things in life.  Worship doesn't always have to be such a solemn and serious occasion.  Laughter, joy, dancing, and loud cries are all found throughout scripture as worship is mentioned.  God has a sense of humor!  He gave us the gift of laughter and I fear that in many communities this gift is often put on the back burner in favor of more "serious" behavior.  I also think we need little ones who misbehave in worship because we need to see that in God's eyes, our own behavior isn't any different.  We all mess up.  We all speak when we should be silent at times.  We all say the wrong thing at the wrong time.  Jesus promises us we won't taste the kingdom of heaven until we adopt the posture of a child--curious, open hearted, exuberant, honest, and trusting.  Those things belong in worship, and I fear many of us have set these things aside as we have aged in effort to be proper and well-behaved.

Last Sunday our little guy bolted down the center aisle in the middle of the service and daddy had to chase him for a full lap around the sanctuary as a song was sung--Aidan laughing gleefully the whole time.  After the service I was so touched when several folks came up to me and said "that was awesome, we need more spontaneous moments like that, that was the best thing! You're doing a good job mom, just keep coming, keep trying."  I hope that little boy from this morning hears that message from somewhere, that he learns Jesus is always saying to us, no matter how old we are, "keep coming my child, keep trying, you're doing great, just keep showing up, wiggles and all."